RoseWater Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Why does it matter to you? Why not just stay single? I've asked this question to a few single people at work. The answers included 'I want regular sex.' 'So I have someone to go to the theatre with and to weddings.' 'I'm lonely.' 'I want to start a family' 'I'm getting older' 'Most of my friends are getting married.' Only one person said they wanted to pair up because they've created a life they love and would like to share it with somebody special. Everything else was about filling some void in their life with no consideration given to how they were going to enhance a partner's life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 People are social creatures so we're instinctively compelled to pair up and form groups. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I want and like companionship...the regular sex is also a nice benefit. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 If not for want of regular sex, I think most single guys wouldn't bother with the frustration of the dating game. I know I wouldn't. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I think having a partner gives you direction in life. Someone to give you support when you need it, someone to bounce ideas off of, have an intellectual conversation with, share passions with, to share dreams with. Going on a trip alone isn't much fun if you don't have someone there to share the experience with. I have been told this by others that did try traveling alone. And I agree we are social creatures (most of us are) and instinctively want to share our lives with a mate....it's in our genetic makeup to carry on our species. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 If not for want of regular sex, I think most single guys wouldn't bother with the frustration of the dating game. I know I wouldn't. I like your honesty. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 I think having a partner gives you direction in life. Someone to give you support when you need it, someone to bounce ideas off of, have an intellectual conversation with, share passions with, to share dreams with. Going on a trip alone isn't much fun if you don't have someone there to share the experience with. I have been told this by others that did try traveling alone. And I agree we are social creatures (most of us are) and instinctively want to share our lives with a mate....it's in our genetic makeup to carry on our species. Travelling alone is the best thing ever, or at least can be. I much prefer it over travelling with a partner or friends. But yes I think the idea of sharing dreams and having an intellectual connection is a very strong one. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 As a guy, I want regular sex and companionship. Hopefully she is my best friend too. Don't they say the best relationships are the ones where you are best friends with your significant other? Link to post Share on other sites
boltam Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 -companionship -activity partner -emotional support when needed -intimacy -someone to spoon at night -someone to be there for me if I have a problem medically or say my car breaks down or something like that -someone to vent to when I'm having a bad day -someone to bounce things off of to give me perspective on my thoughts or actions -someone to care for-caring for someone, doing things for them can give you a sense of self worth -home cooked meals (if this list was in order of importance this would be closer to the top) -BLOWJOBS 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Yeah, mostly just sex, and someone to validate my pitiful existence. Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 rosewater, what's your reason for wanting to be in a relationship or wanting to be single? Link to post Share on other sites
Vintage79 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Realistically, it's an intrinsically selfish motive - always without exception - if being with someone does literally nothing for you (makes you happy, feel better, etc.), you won't do it. Basically, everyone gets something out of it, why they say they do it is just a matter of what kind of lipstick they put on the pig... To that end, if both parties don't benefit, the relationship fails - consequently, an intrinsic part of any relationship is what you offer the other person - as you have to give them something - even if you're not conscience of that something...people always try to dress it up...a lot of people are delusional - if you get literally nothing from it, you walk away... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
seekingluck Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I am looking for companionship, affection and to pair bond! I offer the same things, and I am pretty fun according to most people I know. And cheerful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Without sex what could your boyfriend or girlfriend provide that your best male or female platonic friend couldn't? Well I guess perhaps things like money and security.... Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I don't need anyone to fill any void. Then again, I've spent the last 10+ years working on myself and trying to make peace and unpack as much baggage as I possibly could so that I wouldn't become one of those people. I'm not a woman who feels she needs a man, I want one. There is a BIG difference. I'm quite content being single, or at least my life doesn't stop because I don't have a boyfriend. It remains full of joy and fulfillment without the need for a partner. For me personally, I feel like I'm at my best when I'm in a relationship. I love having a partner and thoroughly enjoy sharing my life with someone special, including all the ups and downs that come with it. Being in a relationship, for me, is a very thoughtful and deliberate choice that I make every day. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 You sound very mature and healthy Michelle. I think you truly will be happy because you've identified the difference between need vs want. So rare, and thus, impressive. Be proud. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 rosewater, what's your reason for wanting to be in a relationship or wanting to be single? I'm as happy single as in a relationship, for different reasons. Things I like about being in a relationship include intellectual connection and great conversation, emotional intimacy, sharing your dreams with someone. Things I like about being single include being completely free to do whatever I want, solitude, spending loads of time with my friends, being free to focus intensely on my career without alienating a partner who wants me to spend less time at work, being able to go through intense positive change if needed without the fear of growing apart from a partner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I feel like I'm at my best when I'm in a relationship. I love having a partner and thoroughly enjoy sharing my life with someone special, including all the ups and downs that come with it.Despite my snark, I'm with you on this. I'm simply more fulfilled when in a good and positive r/s. It gives me a lift in my step and an energy behind my interactions with others that isn't there when single. I love knowing I have a special someone to talk to during and at the end of a day. I enjoy grand romantic gestures, fun surprises, other cheesy sh*t. I'm a great BF and at my best when I am one. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I'm as happy single as in a relationship, for different reasons. Things I like about being in a relationship include intellectual connection and great conversation, emotional intimacy, sharing your dreams with someone. Things I like about being single include being completely free to do whatever I want, solitude, spending loads of time with my friends, being free to focus intensely on my career without alienating a partner who wants me to spend less time at work, being able to go through intense positive change if needed without the fear of growing apart from a partner. This was a good answer. Also seems logical and mature. If you don't mind me asking, around how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 I think the reasons Michelle has given are great. I agree with much of it. I'm not at my best in a relationship though -- I'm equally happy single or paired up. But then I am somebody who loves (I mean seriously LOVES) solitude and freedom 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 This was a good answer. Also seems logical and mature. If you don't mind me asking, around how old are you? in my 30s. Done loads of self development work from therapy through to meditation, healthy eating etc. I've gotten to know myself really well, what makes me tick, quirks, strengths and weaknesses etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 in my 30s. Done loads of self development work from therapy through to meditation, healthy eating etc. I've gotten to know myself really well, what makes me tick, quirks, strengths and weaknesses etc. That's good. You deserve praise for this. Many people never face their true areas that need worked out. They'll look at them in passing and maybe make minimal effort to do anything. So good job. This is always good to see. The USA needs more of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Thomas approves of you, Rose. So, you can go about your day happy now. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 (edited) Well, I am not single and haven't been for a long time. But why do I stay in a relationship? Certainly has a lot more to do than just sex. I remember my dad saying at one point I'm glad you found someone it's a lot easier to get through this world when you have a partner by your side. We support each other, we encourage each other. I have someone to share my joys and my sorrows, victories and defeats. Its not me against the world it's us against the world. Sure a close friend may have your back, but I don't think they are as emotionally and physically vested in someone like a partner is. So sex, while important is only small piece of the puzzle for me. Edited October 16, 2015 by RecentChange 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 Well, I am not single and haven't been for a long time. But why do I stay in a relationship? Certainly has a lot more to do than just sex. I remember my dad saying at one point I'm glad you found someone it's a lot easier to get through this world when you have a partner by your side. We support each other, we encourage each other. I have someone to share my joys and my sorrows, victories and defeats. Its not me against the world it's us against the world. Sure a close friend may have your back, but I don't think they are as emotionally and physically vested in someone like a partner is. So sex, while important is only small piece of the puzzle for me. I like this answer a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
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