Author Samuel_22 Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 Post of the year, and so very, very, true. Most of the folks on these boards are broken hearted and carry a ton of emotional baggage. That's completely normal, and completely understandable. Most who were on these boards who successfully reconcile, are never heard from again. I hope it really works for them, he has made his decision and nothing can stop him from going back, I hope this post of the year really really take shape for my friend, he is a nice person and I don't want him to end up with yet another heartbreak.
Jenmarie Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Thanks for the support, guys. Tonight is a hard night for me. It's nearly 2am and I randomly am thinking about him. I don't plan to talk to him again, I can't forgive him for how our last break up in August went. How he left me like that, and broke up with me then bought me a plane ticket and told me to leave pretty much 2 days later. He acted so cold to me, like a stranger, wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't even look at me. I felt so confused. When he gave me the news, he just sat there, cold. Telling me he wants me to pack my things, take my dog, get on a plane and leave. As I was sobbing, he didn't even look at me. Then just left the room and didn't care. This person was cuddling with me, putting on my tv show for me late at night for me to fall asleep to, kissing me, making love to me then two days later.. He's a cold stranger. That was not my best friend. That was not the person I fell in love with, so that made the impossible possible. I'm sorry for posting in this other thread about myself, I'm just saying. Yes, it's happened to me and I hope sharing my experience with the OP and others will let people know that yes, people do go through it pretty regularly and you are not alone. Overall, I am doing better. I have more friends, my 25th birthday was on Saturday and I had a wonderful time. I have a job, I'm just focusing on myself but I get in these moods, believing I'll never find a connection like that again. Yeah, I'm young yada yada, but finding a connection with someone is very hard. It's hard to find someone on the same page as me.
anonymousbear00101100 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I have gone back to my ex many times actually. Each of the three times she started the break up, I later agreed, and then we split. Each time I went back, twice after just a couple of days, once after a month. We would fight and break up, start to miss each other, get back together, be really sweet for a while, then go back to the fighting. This cycle continued for about 2 years, and we just called it quits for good two days ago. I would tell your friend to really think if it can be better. Whenever I feel like I can't live without her or that I want her back I ask myself "Do I really want to be with her, or do I just want the pain of the break up to end?"
mightycpa Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Einstein theorized that while you can time travel, you can't go back. Most couples prove that whenever they try. The only time I ever went back was for a little nookie and even that wasn't really worth the effort. The world is too interesting a place to not explore new things and new people. 2
itisdanielle Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 The world is too interesting a place to not explore new things and new people. That is going to be my new motto to tell myself whenever I'm looking back! It's hard because after a breakup most are in the mindset that they will never have a better relationship with anyone else/meet a better person than their ex.
Silver_star Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I went back to an ex (dumper) 3 different times (stupid I know). It was my first love. First time it took only 2 weeks and we were back. Second time it took a month. Third time it took almost 2 months. Needless to say it was a toxic relationship, and I just hadn't had enough time to let go each time he broke up with me. I believed he loved me and was going to treat me better, but each time was worse because I resented him for how he treated me in the past and everything was under a microscope. Trust was broken. I was constantly on edge that he was going to break up with me again. 4-5 months is not enough time in my opinion to truly change. She may realize she misses him and that he was good, but her core values/beliefs and needs are likely the same as they were. She just now wants to give it another go because she see's other options are not as good...up to him if he wants to go through the cycle again, but that's what it will be. I believe that people need to let go of the past relationship completely and become NEW people before they could even consider starting fresh. The dumper and the dumpee. If they both are meant to be together again it will be natural as getting a cup of coffee and laughing together again about the past without any lingering hurt. Not sure what the timeline is for that.
anonymousbear00101100 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I believed he loved me and was going to treat me better, but each time was worse because I resented him for how he treated me in the past and everything was under a microscope. Trust was broken. I was constantly on edge that he was going to break up with me again. This is something I found very true as the dumpee who always fought for the dumper back. You may think that you really want them back, you may think that you'll forgive the past and everything will be great, but honestly, once you're past the initial "I'm so happy we're back, I missed you" high, the realization that this person discarded you without much though before, and they can do it again. The first couple of weeks, building that trust back up, is very hard. And even later, those memories don't just fade, and often they bring up arguments. I began questioning her love for me often, which is never healthy in a relationship. A lot of our fights weren't based on present problems, but things that had happened a long time ago, sometimes even prior to our officially dating. As I'm going through this present breakup, the urge to fight for her back is still within me somewhere, but I'm now telling myself if I go back nothing will change. I don't miss the relationship, I miss not being uncomfortable and hurt.
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