jr4298 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 We have been dating for a month. She says she isn't good with relationships, which I believe because she hasn't seen anyone for years. I told her that if she just doesn't like me then telling me now would be better than later. But she says she doesn't know. Is it good that she still wants to hang out, not a group setting by the way, just the two of us. Is that good?
Strength in Healing Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 What would be good is dropping her and finding someone without all these problems and obstacles. You're trying to force a square peg into a circle hole. 1
xcupid Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 It might be good. It might not be. If she's worth it, give it time. But be careful you don't get invested in her and later have things unravel.
Versacehottie Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 We have been dating for a month. She says she isn't good with relationships, which I believe because she hasn't seen anyone for years. I told her that if she just doesn't like me then telling me now would be better than later. But she says she doesn't know. Is it good that she still wants to hang out, not a group setting by the way, just the two of us. Is that good? Yes, it's good on her end. She's giving you a chance as much as she emotionally is capable of. On your end: what I bolded not so good. Don't do that anymore. The impatience, neediness and insecurity of those type of statements coming from a guy in under a month who is not being strung along is lame and not attractive. Saying things like this to people who aren't sure but with their actions giving you a chance tends to push them away. It would be a different story if she was jerking you around and giving you mixed signals, blatantly stringing you along but then I still wouldn't phrase it or characterize it like that (in your head).
Author jr4298 Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 That's fair. I think the reason I'm like that with her is because I've known her for a few years so now that things have finally started happening I'm just way too eager. That's good advice. Thank you. 1
central Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 The danger is that she may come to like you, and you'll check off all the boxes she has for a relationship, but she won't have any passion for you. It's one thing to be unsure of your ability to decide if you're right for her based on past failures in choosing bfs or husbands, but this is only a valid concern IF she also feels great attraction and passion for you. If she's lukewarm, you'll both be making a mistake.
kendahke Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 We have been dating for a month. She says she isn't good with relationships, which I believe because she hasn't seen anyone for years. I told her that if she just doesn't like me then telling me now would be better than later. But she says she doesn't know. Is it good that she still wants to hang out, not a group setting by the way, just the two of us. Is that good? She is marking time with you. Are you cool with that? I don't think it's a matter of liking you: it's a matter of her being too damaged to be of any good to any man in any relationship. She needs a therapist, not a boyfriend if this is her case. Proceed at your own peril.
d0nnivain Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 I used to say stuff like that. I was scared. I hated talking about relationships. I just wanted to spend time with the other person without the labels & formality. If her actions say she's into you, just go with the flow & don't push so much for words. 1
phineas Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 for me, if I feel the need to ask a woman if she's into me or not i just move on. every time a woman "wasn't sure" i hung around hoping and ended up being left in the dust and feeling like I wasted my time. 2
Versacehottie Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 The danger is that she may come to like you, and you'll check off all the boxes she has for a relationship, but she won't have any passion for you. It's one thing to be unsure of your ability to decide if you're right for her based on past failures in choosing bfs or husbands, but this is only a valid concern IF she also feels great attraction and passion for you. If she's lukewarm, you'll both be making a mistake. Saying stuff like OP did is easiest way to kill any potential for passion. It's a desperate and insecure statement.
salparadise Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 She says she isn't good with relationships Think about what that means, and believe it. My guess is that she'd be fine with a one-way deal.
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