thundercatnz Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Ok so I met this girl I tinder and we went matched and hit it off quite well over tinder. We then met in person for a drink and turned out we had heaps in common and were both really attracted to each other. She actually messaged me immediately after saying her flatmates weren't home and said i could have come over to watch movies . I told her not right now because i didn't want to have sex with her straight away... we kept joking about 3 dates. We kept messaging each other every day for about 5 more days then i eventually went over to stay the night. I told her i wasn't going to sleep with her straight away because i was keen to stick to the 3 date rule... but things heated up and we slept together once that night and then once again the next morning. We had a date planned for the next night but she was house sitting and we were both so tired we ended up hanging out watching movies and went to sleep (but didn't have sex at night, only in the morning). We didn't see each other for a week after that but we kept messaging almost every day and then we hung out again at the same house the following weekend, slept in the same bed but i'd had a real tough week and wasn't really in the mood for sex. She asked me some real deep questions like what i thought of her and stuff... it became apparent that she still has feelings for an ex boyfriend but she is trying to move on from him... this kind of put me off a bit and was a bit of a red flag because i'm really looking for a relationship. I have made it clear to her that that is what I am looking for and that i do see potential in her. The next day we went for a walk and hung out some more and it was nice... then we didnt see each other for another week but kept messaging. Then last weekend she asked if she could take me out to dinner, we went out for a really nice meal and she wanted to pay for it all. Then I stayed over, she had her period so we didnt sleep together but we did do stuff... she said she does see this as something worth taking further. But she also asked stuff like do you think we will get past 10 dates and I couldn't sleep, because a) i had a coffee at dinner which i really shouldnt have... and b) since i hadn't been that horny the last weekend i had made a real effort to ensure my libido was thriving for our sunday date and was extremely horny but because she was having her period we couldnt sleep and i find it really hard to fall asleep next to a beautiful girl when we have been doing stuff but not sex. so because i couldn't sleep and she had to work early in the morning and i was being quite restless she said she wouldnt be offended if i went home... it was about 3am. so i went home and made sure to text her the next day. Since then she really hasnt been very chatty at all via text and im a bit unsure as to where to go from here. I like her and would like to keep dating and see where it goes. I'm just not sure how to proceed because she has said she is trying to get over her old boy friend but she has also said she would like to see where this goes, but she does seem quite uncertain. Any suggestions, preferably from females or people who have successful relationships. Thanks :)
TheBathWater Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 I'm male, but for what it's worth, here are my two cents: I think it's great you know what you want and are sticking to it. The sex was a little rushed, but what's done is done. She seems to be feeling caught between unresolved feelings for her ex and her budding feelings for you. I think it is really difficult to form a healthy relationship without having fully grieved the loss of the last relationship. Not impossible, but really difficult. A lot of what this comes down to now is how well the two of you can handle staying connected to each other during an ambiguous stage where it's still early on and there is a love hangover on her end. I stress the point that it is the sitting with the emotional ambiguity for an undetermined amount of time right now that is going to be tough for each of you. You've both expressed interest in keeping things going, so that's a plus. If you can continue to build a connection over time and see things through, it could very well work out. It just might be a bit of an emotional roller coaster. 1
Author thundercatnz Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 Thanks Tuna, appreciate the feedback.
d0nnivain Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 You are already having sex & there are messages. She's treating you to dinner. It all seems good. Stop over thinking it. Call her -- don't message -- & set up a date 6. Somewhere in here do something sweet for her like get her flowers. I'm talking about 1 not red rose or a $10 bunch from the grocery store, not some overpriced florist arrangement.
Miss Peach Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 I agree to just keep seeing each other if you are both enjoying it. You'll see signs pretty soon about whether she can put the past behind her.
RoseWater Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 it doesn't sound like either of you are putting in that much effort
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