TheBathWater Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 (edited) I had a decent first date with a woman from OLD. She is really cute and was friendly with me, but I'm struggling to gauge her interest level. She seems like a people-pleaser and smiles a lot, which for me makes it tough to differentiate friendliness from a sexual interest. She did want to continue talking and have water after our drinks finished, and when I hugged her goodbye, she said "thank you for the wonderful date". Still, her vibe is just so 'sweet' it's hard to tell her interest. She might be the friendliest woman I've ever met; she was that nice. I texted her when I got home and said I enjoyed seeing her, and that I'd like it if she came on a hike with me next week. It has been 24 hours so far and no response, but she's still logging on. Should I follow up one more time? If so, how long should I wait now and what would be the best way to proceed? I think she is a potential match, but I also wonder if I am too 'real' for her. She's just so happy and friendly. lol. Edited October 16, 2015 by TunaInTheBrine
jam.over.jelly Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Mmmmm it does sound like she is just doing the fade. Probably too nice to turn you down. But I could be wrong. You can try and send her another text though, and this time asked her to let you know whether or not she wants to see you again, and tell her that even if she doesn't, it was great meeting her regardless and wish her best luck. I find myself more incline to tell the guy the truth about whether or not I want to see them again if they ask me politely to be honest with them. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 At first I actually think she was digging you man. She made an effort to extend things because she didn't want to leave. Then she called it a "wonderful date". Anytime I've had successful meets w/women using OLD, they always call it our "first date". But read any negative experiences on here that women post and they always say "They met up with" or "first meet", etc.. But I think you scared her off by acting over eager. I mean you sent her a text immediately after the date asking her out again. Seems a bit desperate/needy. With future women, send a simple follow up text the next day "Had fun last night! Let's do it again sometime. :)" If she responds, then you say that you'll call her soon. After that reach out in a few days and plan the next date. Gives her time to think about the date, get excited wondering about the next one, etc.. But asking a woman out that quickly implies that you don't get dates very often and are scared she'll get away..LOL
jam.over.jelly Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 At first I actually think she was digging you man. She made an effort to extend things because she didn't want to leave. Then she called it a "wonderful date". Anytime I've had successful meets w/women using OLD, they always call it our "first date". But read any negative experiences on here that women post and they always say "They met up with" or "first meet", etc.. But I think you scared her off by acting over eager. I mean you sent her a text immediately after the date asking her out again. Seems a bit desperate/needy. With future women, send a simple follow up text the next day "Had fun last night! Let's do it again sometime. :)" If she responds, then you say that you'll call her soon. After that reach out in a few days and plan the next date. Gives her time to think about the date, get excited wondering about the next one, etc.. But asking a woman out that quickly implies that you don't get dates very often and are scared she'll get away..LOL If I like the guy, it doesn't matter if they ask me out again before the date even ends, I'd still like them the same. Actually I find it quite refreshing that some guys text me right away when they get home and tell me they had a great time. But the same doesn't apply to guys I don't fancy as much. If a girl likes you, u don't have to play by any rule and she will still like u. 4
fitnessfan365 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 (edited) If I like the guy, it doesn't matter if they ask me out again before the date even ends, I'd still like them the same. Actually I find it quite refreshing that some guys text me right away when they get home and tell me they had a great time. But the same doesn't apply to guys I don't fancy as much. If a girl likes you, u don't have to play by any rule and she will still like u. Well in this particular case, she liked his on date behavior because she didn't want it to end and even called it a "wonderful date". But then she ghosts after his post date behavior. So the only thing that would make sense IMO is she got turned off by such a quick next date invite. Then again, this is all speculation and no one knows for sure. LOL Edited October 16, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1
jam.over.jelly Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Well in this particular case, she liked his on date behavior because she didn't want it to end and even called it a "wonderful date". But then she ghosts after his post date behavior. So the only thing that would make sense IMO is she got turned off by such a quick next date invite. Then again, this is all speculation and no one knows for sure. LOL I recently did this to a guy. I laughed a lot, smiled a lot, had a good time. He was adorable, but I didn't fancy him. We ordered an extra drink only because he seemed to want to continue the conversation so I went along. When we parted I thanked him for a great night, and that was just common courtesy when he invited me out and paid for drinks. I never intended on seeing him again.
StBreton Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 You had a great first meet/date. You follow up with a casual invitation to go on a hike? Maybe she's turned off by that. If you were really into her and vise versa I would think the first real date would be something special like a nice dinner. It's difficult to switch directions with that now but maybe you could by calling her and saying "I have such and such night free ...can I take you to dinner?" with the day being before the hiking. I wouldn't be worried about when you texts ...JOJ said it right ...if a girl likes you it doesn't matter when you call. 1
marychapman Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 You had a great first meet/date. You follow up with a casual invitation to go on a hike? Maybe she's turned off by that. If you were really into her and vise versa I would think the first real date would be something special like a nice dinner. It's difficult to switch directions with that now but maybe you could by calling her and saying "I have such and such night free ...can I take you to dinner?" with the day being before the hiking. I wouldn't be worried about when you texts ...JOJ said it right ...if a girl likes you it doesn't matter when you call. Hikes are WAAAAYYYY more fun than formal dinners. That`s definitely not the problem here. And if it is, then she`s not the right girl for OP... I mean, if you`re really into outdoorsy stuff and are an active person and she on the other hand wont set foot out the apartment/restaurant then it might not be the perfect match 1
CalvinM Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Close at the end of the first date and call the day of to confirm and you won't need to create threads like this. You sound spineless Op. If you like her, make the effort.
losangelena Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 If I like the guy, it doesn't matter if they ask me out again before the date even ends, I'd still like them the same. Actually I find it quite refreshing that some guys text me right away when they get home and tell me they had a great time. But the same doesn't apply to guys I don't fancy as much. If a girl likes you, u don't have to play by any rule and she will still like u. I agree with this. It does not matter to me if an invitation to a second date comes at the end of the first date or sometime later in the week. I've never been turned off by when a man decides to ask (unless of course it's like day-of). To me it sounds like she is just a nice person but isn't really feeling it. Again, I'm the same way; I can have a great time with a guy but not necessarily want to do it again. She probably is also too nice to be direct with you about her interest level or lack thereof. OP, I don't think your approach was wrong at all. There is a point where niceness is too much and it dips into insincerity. At this point, if you want to, I don't see the harm of following up once. You really do have nothing to lose.
d0nnivain Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 If you talked about hiking on the first date it's a perfectly acceptable activity for a 2nd date. Personally I hate hiking & most outdoorsy stuff. I would express that during a date because I know from experience I don't mix well with guys who love that stuff. Anyway, I digress. Asking for the 2nd date via text only hours after the 1st date concluded is a bit of a faux pas IMO. You should have waited to see if she reached out to thank you for the 1st date. That is a universal signal for "please ask me out on a 2nd date." In the absence of that you didn't know if she was friendly in general or interested in you in particular. If she responded faster than 24 hours previously, I'd take her silence for lack of interest & move on.
Author TheBathWater Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 She said she wanted to hike at a particular spot she'd never been to before it got too cold outside, so that was basically the context for the idea on that front. I did try to phone her today and was forwarded to her voicemail, which was full. But she texted me pretty soon afterward and seemed enthusiastic. She said she is flying out for the weekend but will be in touch when she gets back. So, who knows? Maybe we will meet up again. To the poster who said something about me being spineless, yeah, I agree I could have been more direct with her. Thing is...she is SO nice that I feel almost afraid any boldness is going to break her in half! With other women, I can be quite direct. It depends on the person I'm on a date with, context, etc... My hope is she is just a little shy/nice (a good thing!) and that if I do get her out some more she will be a little more comfortable over time. 2
BlueIris Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 ... but I also wonder if I am too 'real' for her. She's just so happy and friendly. lol. What does it mean to be "too real?" Did she seem unreal in some way? I'm getting the feeling that you don't think you two mesh.
BLND Posted October 17, 2015 Posted October 17, 2015 You had a great first meet/date. You follow up with a casual invitation to go on a hike? Maybe she's turned off by that. If you were really into her and vise versa I would think the first real date would be something special like a nice dinner. It's difficult to switch directions with that now but maybe you could by calling her and saying "I have such and such night free ...can I take you to dinner?" with the day being before the hiking. I wouldn't be worried about when you texts ...JOJ said it right ...if a girl likes you it doesn't matter when you call. Exactly. If someone asked me to go on a hike as a first real date I would run (no pun intended) away. And it doesn't matter if you send a text the minute she leaves you, or 48hrs after, if she likes you she likes you. So ya, you should try again with a better proposition like mentioned above.
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2015 Posted October 17, 2015 I did try to phone her today and was forwarded to her voicemail, which was full. But she texted me pretty soon afterward and seemed enthusiastic. She said she is flying out for the weekend but will be in touch when she gets back. So, who knows? Maybe we will meet up again. Good. Hopefully you were simply worrying for nothing.
katiegrl Posted October 17, 2015 Posted October 17, 2015 (edited) If I like the guy, it doesn't matter if they ask me out again before the date even ends, I'd still like them the same. Actually I find it quite refreshing that some guys text me right away when they get home and tell me they had a great time. But the same doesn't apply to guys I don't fancy as much. If a girl likes you, u don't have to play by any rule and she will still like u. Absolutely! If I am digging you...then PLEASE ask me out before the date's even over or text me when you get home or the next day. I actually LOVE that and it increases my interest in him as it shows he's not into "waiting" games, which I HATE. Now will it cause me to like a guy I never liked in the first place? Hell no. But but if we clicked, there was chemistry and I felt an attraction, then texting immediately after or the next day would NEVER turn me off. Just the opposite in fact. Edited October 17, 2015 by katiegrl
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