this girl is nuts, but i cant get over, NC is very difficult i want her back

[Njames687]

Hello;

My name is Nick I'm 27, I have had a string of really bad relationships for the past few years so I tried online dating. I met a girl on POF, she and I hit it off immediately. We talked everyday and fairly soon it was all day everyday. I mentioned that i had had a string of bad relationships before this, and upon meeting this girl i almost instantly fell for her. not love, but just infatuation i think. I still cant stop thinking about her, every girl i meet i compare to her. its actually kind of crazy, i want to stop thinking about her but i cant. i dont know what to do. okay so heres the story: She lives in my home town, which was 2 hours from where i was living at the time. So our first 4 dates were me coming to see her for the Day and her coming to see me. Now, this was all great for a while. we spent hours on the phone, and for me at least, it was a real emotional connection. i began to think that my terrible luck with women was over but... She got kinda picky really quick. I have a nasal issue, and I snort and clear my throat from time to time which she hated amd was very vocal about. Also she judged my character based on my 1 time only bad table manners. I'm very animated and outgoing which she calls crazy, all over the place, and ADD. now these should all be red flags for me right? Or is this something I need to consider as being legitimate and i should change. I couldnt help but the way i acted around her, i was feeling some type of way. i have never experienced anything like it, it was literally like she had a glow around her, my heart sank every time she spoke, i dunno, it sounds crazier typed out than in my head.. anyway well, we did have a fight about all that i mentioned before, she was saying she didn't know if I was for her and I kinda freaked (I got attached so quickly because I thought my bad streak was over and she was the one...) well, we ended up seeing each other again. And just so you know i did land a really good job back in my home town, which is where she lives and i ended up moving here a few weeks ago. Well, ever since that fight and since I moved closer, I have gotten almost zero affection, which is opposite of what she was like. And i went a few days recently seeing how she acted. We got together last Thursday had a great evening on the town and had really amazing sex. Then the next 3 days following she was super cold. Hot and cold. Saying she was super busy, but just because you're busy doesn't mean you have to be cold about it right? I get busy, I'm freakin busy, but i still have respect an care enough to let her know shes on my mind. I mean what happened to the random affectionate texts... I had had enough so I brought it all up stating all I've wanted was to spend time how can we get to know each other better if you barley talk to me. And that's when she hit me with the I need space...... and the weirdest thing is, since weve had no contact which is about a week now, i was cruising through tinder just as a distraction and i find her on there, which obviously sucked, but the weird thing is is that her name was different on tinder.... i freaked. a quick google search later and i come to find that she has a facebook account under a totally different name, all her friends know her as this pseudonym, but still call her by her real name, its super weird. i have no idea how to feel about it. i know i typed a lot if youve read all this and can help me i seriously need it. because despite all this, dispite all the red flags, and the fake facebook account, and the harshness, i still cant stop thinking about her, i still cant let go of that glimmer of hope that shes going to contact me to work things out. have i completely lost my mind? what do i do

Now she's very blunt and isn't afraid to say how she feels, so I would assume if she was done with me she would say that and she didnt.

I have no idea who to talk to or what to do its all I can think about

Please please help me.

[BattleBee]

Hey mate,

 

It sounds like you had a great relationship with this girl and actually I have been in almost the exact same shoes as you.

 

However, I made the mistake of dating the same picky girl for 1.5 years, and I was dumped about two weeks ago. Now she has a new bf.

 

I will give you my perspective on how to deal with this situation as it is very similar to mine. However, if I can endure it and move on, you can too.

 

From what you have said, this girl is very picky about who you are and what habits you are. But these small quirks should not matter at all if she truly loves you for who you are. It is the bigger qualities that overshadow such nit picky qualities. Do not try to change for her, even if some people tell you otherwise that 'It is worth changing for'.

 

I disagree. Remember, CHANGE for yourself. Become a successful person in life throughout all the aspects of it.

 

My ex also told me she wanted space. Give it to her. Do not try to overwhelm her with messages or calls, because that is what I did. It only pushed my ex away. Gracefully bow out and respect her choice.

 

This girl may love you, but she was never truly in love with you. It's definitely painful, but you need to let go like I have. It's going against your gut and everything, and you're probably going 'I'm never giving up!' or something along those lines. But take my word for it, because I have had first hand experience with this. LET IT GO.

 

I advise you to move on from this girl. Her heart is very similar to my ex: it cannot settle whether she consciously knows it or not. She will always think there are better guys out there and she does not want to settle for the next best thing. However, I cannot say for sure that it is the same for you as every individual is different.

 

Let me know if you let go. I will provide you more with what I have learned if you are strong enough to let go.

 

I look forward to seeing your decision.

 

-Battlebee