Longterm (6years) girlfriend cooks dinner for a guy friend

[soulmate2008]

This post is closed , so please do not post on this further.

Thank you!

[itsallamystery]

I'm gonna keep it 100% real with you:

 

My girlfriend and I have only been with each other. (We did not have prior relationships)

That means absolutely nothing. In fact, she might be getting grass is greener syndrome.

 

Data can be interpreted in different ways,

I wish these were data. Data does not lie. Frequencies, durations, intensities are all things we can take data on. We cant take data on feelings beyond the number of times you feel bad about this situation, which seems to be high.

 

 

now that I think about it, it's totally not romantic with them, even though it sounds like that when I use "a guy" and "my fiancee" kind of terms

.Thats not at all what makes it sound romantic to me.

 

 

To justify it, the guy is really REALLY ugly. And she is totally happy with me. I think she misses me and needs some friends to be around. It's easy for pretty girls to get good guy friends than to get good girl friends.

 

You shouldn't have to justify her actions. plus, even if your a 9, your not there. and this guys a 3 but she can see him 3 night a week well, ain't that the same?

 

I feel for you because i've been in situations that i didn't want to accept were true. Trust me you are only prolonging more BS

[soulmate2008]

This post is closed , so please do not post on this further.

Thank you!

[ExpatInItaly]

I appreciate your interest in this issue, but I honestly do not feel weird about it anymore. I pity the people in the world who cannot trust their loved ones like I can. So as far as I am concerned this post is closed for me. Apparently we cannot delete posts, so that's a problem I had not seen coming.

 

Alright, then.

 

If there's no problem here, you wouldn't have created a thread about it. Blind trust isn't wise when the facts are making you uncomfortable. But in any case, I wish you luck in resolving this problem.

[soulmate2008]

This post is closed , so please do not post on this further.

Thank you!

[Versacehottie]

I totally trust her when she said they are just friends, but I just am unable to trust that guy. And moreover, I felt it to be weird.

One important reason for me being cool with this is that the guy is way out of her league. So it's definitely not romantic attraction. But still, he is a guy, she is an engaged woman, should this be happening? (I want a female opinion if possible, as I know what guys will say)

 

First off, he doesn't have the obligation and commitment to you, she does! If she is committed and you trust her, you should have no problem, right? But I agree this is not good behavior on her part. This guy could have tons of romantic feelings for her and it would make no difference if he even attempted if she is loyal, trustworthy and committed. Your problem is not him but her. And it is weird.

 

What do you mean he's out of her league? You mean he's more than her or less than her. Either way don't discount this. If he's more than her, she can be smitten by the attraction of someone she isn't normally able to get the attention of. If she was loyal and committed this would be momentary in class or work (i forgot how you said they know each other), NOT spending a lot of time (couple-y sounding time) together. If he is less than her, you are underestimating him and taking him at superficial level only--not factoring in his personality and their connection. Also not good. Why is someone who is "beneath" her having making a way into her life?

 

Guys are going to try. You can't control that. You also can't control how she thinks or where she WANTS to spend her time. The real question is WHY does she want to spend her time like that and such a large chunk of it with him? You want a girls opinion: if I had just gotten engaged I would be planning my wedding and making plans to be back in same city with my guy. You kinda rush through the rest of life trying to make that happen when you are in LDR. And out of respect and loyalty to my guy, I wouldn't hang out that much or put myself in alone situations with a guy who might like me or give anyone the impression (him or others) that there was a possibility for him.

[TheBathWater]

My motive is to cope up with my jealousy issue. My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 years, and recently I even proposed to her and now we are engaged. So she is actually my fiancee (Wow:) ). We are on long-distance relationship for the past 2 months when she met this guy at work. She has been teaching him to cook, and she visits him at night on quite a regular basis in-order to cook dinner for him while teaching him. Other than that they have become very close, they went camping together, they have dinner parties and late night drives together. Sometimes there is one more girl or a guy with them, but sometimes its just the two of them. When I visited her last month, I saw some bruises on her shoulder and she told me that that guy held her tightly in one of their friendly fights. That was my jealousy breakdown point. The next day she introduced me to the guy and I tried to get to know him, but till now I am unable to cope up my issues. Am I overreacting? What should I do to make things right? I trust my girlfriend with my life, she is my soulmate, but I keep feeling weird about her and that guy. We even had a discussion about this, and her reasoning was that she want's to make new friends as that is how a relationship is enriched, and I fully agree with that. In-fact, I was the one who had suggested this earlier, but is the line getting crossed here? How to make things right, so that I do not feel weird about them and she also does not feel weird about me being weird about this.

 

I'm sure it has been a wonderful relationship, and she has never given you a reason to doubt her, but I read all of these examples of her and her new friend as clear violations of normal boundaries in a committed relationship - especially one where you are engaged to each other. Even if she is 'just friends' with this man, this is really pushing the envelope and not okay. You have every right to be uncomfortable with this scenario. I am impressed you have not full-on blown up yet, to be honest. Just reading your post and knowing how these things go, I would not be surprised if she was either cheating on you currently, or she was preparing a relationship with him since you're long-distance as a backup plan. While it is completely up to you how you handle this, if it were me, it would not have even gotten this far and us still be together. I would have a serious talk with her (again), and if you're that uncomfortable by it and she is not willing to budge, that should tell you who her allegiance is to.

[Oregon_Dude]

OP, you can't "close" your threads, as much as you dislike the truth being spoken in them.

 

You refuse to face the facts, which is that you are in denial, your "fiance" is cheating on you, and you are a huge sucker for staying with her and believing her BS.

 

Stick your head in the sand all you want. Your pending "marriage" is over.

[Versacehottie]

So if you totally trust her and she wouldn't cheat and you don't find is disrespectful/not cool/dangerous territory that she makes dinner for this guy, why did you make a post at all?

 

I know it would be hard to face and sure it hurts imagining anything wrong or that she wouldn't be considerate at the very least. But you can't keep her on a pedestal forever. And you won't have a healthy marriage if you don't deal with things like this. Stand up for yourself. Find out what's going on before you make a life mistake. Losing a person out of your life is not worse than losing yourself.

[phineas]

If any woman I was dating spent time alone with another guy at his house I'd just end it.

Any woman that doesn't know this is inappropriate behavior is not long term potential.

 

And bruises from play fighting?

Grown men and women do this?

Really?

Edited October 16, 2015 by phineas