rosewood Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 (edited) So I'm almost 20 and have had low self esteem ever since I was about 12. I look absolutely horrid without makeup, my body is gross, and I'm very awkward around people. I ALWAYS compare myself to other girls. I honestly think 80% of women are tenfold more attractive than I am. I do have a lot of positive traits, but nobody cares about them when you're an unattractive woman. That whole "beauty's on the inside" is utter crap--people only want to get to know you as a person if they find you attractive first. I was often told I was chubby by relatives in my youth, suffered from acne throughout my teenage years, and never have had a guy like me. I feel like nobody will ever love me, and if I keep this up I'm going to live the rest of my life alone. I actually met a guy online, and we have a lot in common and he seems like a really sweet guy. We've been hitting it off quite well for some time, and he says I've been on his mind a lot. But now he wants to see more pictures of me and I think I'm just gonna give up. My profile pic is a heavily filtered & angled one in which I got my makeup professionally done. I look NOTHING like that on a daily basis. I'm afraid he'll be disappointed by how homely I really am. All of his girl friends on Facebook are absolutely stunning (like model status), and last night when I saw him liking and commenting on their pictures, it made me so jealous I wanted to cry. I will never measure up to any of them. I think my insecurity is showing and he's already turned off. I don't know what to do. Any help with this situation/my whole jealousy problem is appreciated. Edited October 15, 2015 by rosewood
SwordofFlame Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 First piece of advice is to post accurate pictures of you on online dating sites. Do not try to deceive people online. Then proceed to sort through the messages that YOU WILL STILL get after doing that. 1
Truth34 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Well, first of all get a more attainable profile pic that isn't completely one sided to only show a percentage of yourself that you think looks best. You will be setting yourself up for this in the future once again if you don't portray yourself appropriately. Insecurity is a b*tch sometimes. A lot of times. If you feel chubby, then start an exercise regiment. There are tons of youtube videos that only take 10-20 minutes and you can just follow along. Start doing some of those, work on eating habits if need be, and start embracing you for you. Unfortunately you also may be hung up on people who arent exactly in the same league. Which wont help your self-esteem either. It's all trial and error in terms of other people, except for you. So take control and improve what you can.
menyou Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 You do not love yourself in this present moment. There is no way you could love someone else or genuinely accept the love of someone else until you love you. 1
Qboro90 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 I think you would benefit from counseling because it's clear that you're unable to get past the physical self value side of dating. You're setting yourself up for failure and turmoil by having a profile picture that is highly edited and not accurate to begin with. You're trying to dupe people into thinking you're better looking than you are (and you may be actually good looking however you don't think so because your l definition of pretty is based on models/celebrities etc) and then once someone is interested, you're going to have to be forced to eventually show them a normal photo of you. If you posted normal photos of you to begin with, then you would already know the guys who you talk to or contact find you attractive. Your thought that people only talk to those who they are attracted to is the pessimistic way to view it. Do ugly people get married and have sex? Sure they do. Im also sure you've been out and had the thought "why the heck is that girl with that guy, she's so much better looking" or visa versa. Your pre occupation with looks is deeply rooted and most likely caused by childhood experiences or trauma and a therapist is the only person who can help you overcome that.
Strength in Healing Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Let me ask: What are you doing to fix this insecurity? What are you doing to make positive changes to your appearance, since your appearance is what's bringing you down? 1
fitnessfan365 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Let me ask: What are you doing to fix this insecurity? What are you doing to make positive changes to your appearance, since your appearance is what's bringing you down? Good post. I agree that it's easier to make excuses and complain that it is to actually take action. I mean you constantly hear women complain that they're too over weight to get dates. Yet these are the same women that eat like crap and never get off their couch. In the end, if you're not happy with something about yourself, you have to take action. I was in a 7-11 one time buying water. There were two women in front of me in line going on and on about how they couldn't get dates, etc.. Yet they were dressed in sweat pants, were at least 300lbs and buying Haggan Daaz, Doritos, candy bars, soda, etc... After they left, I looked at the clerk and shook my head which made him laugh and say "Maybe they'd get dates if they worked out and didn't buy out the junk food isle". I laughed so hard I almost lost it. 1
Strength in Healing Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Good post. I agree that it's easier to make excuses and complain that it is to actually take action. I mean you constantly hear women complain that they're too over weight to get dates. Yet these are the same women that eat like crap and never get off their couch. In the end, if you're not happy with something about yourself, you have to take action. I was in a 7-11 one time buying water. There were two women in front of me in line going on and on about how they couldn't get dates, etc.. Yet they were dressed in sweat pants, were at least 300lbs and buying Haggan Daaz, Doritos, candy bars, soda, etc... After they left, I looked at the clerk and shook my head which made him laugh and say "Maybe they'd get dates if they worked out and didn't buy out the junk food isle". I laughed so hard I almost lost it. Exactly. And in this day and age, there's no excuse. Even for lazy people there's easy fitness fixes; SARMS, Anavar, T3, Clenbuterol, Winstrol, you name it. SO easy to get in shape with little work. REALLY no excuse these days.
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