todreaminblue Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 maybe it is a profession...a labor of love....its not all sunshine and joy ...i wish it was....its hard work sleepless nights heartaches laughs as well as the tears and not just one sacrifice is made.......so no it may not be a profession...but it is a labor of love and as another poster said if you dont want to date a single mum..just dont ...thats your right...dont bag or rag on them though....for your own personal preferences or opinions....and yep ...i am a single stay at home mum now....wont be that way forever but the choice to be a stay at home mum was made by my ex actually years ago when we first had kids..........i could have earned more money than him....and one day...i probably will......but at that time we spoke about it and decided with my experiences as a latch key kid and baby sitter hell....safety came from me being the one at home knowing where my kids were and they were with me......money was less important to the both of us....i would consider ....motherhood a full time occupation .and i admire mums who go to work and i know many who sit there worrying about there kids and a thousand other things while doing work or running businesses and then come home to work as well and try to spend precious time they have little of with their families then maybe they might get to sleep soem time too...i feel the same way about working dads...its hard...........and i respect working parents highly....and i am i feel, not to be respected less.......whether you do your labor of love..your occupation of choice....... with joy or with resentment....is the choice you make..........deb 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Anyone who says parenting is the hardest job in the world needs to go work in a coal mine for a couple days. That actually is hilarious. My H's ex-wife is Welsh. Her whole family were from mining stock. Her father once famously said, on Mothering sunday (in a toast to his wife) something along the lines of: "I've worked a coal-face for 35 years, man and boy, and I could never do the job you have done. bringing up our children and running the home, cooking, cleaning washing....It's harder work and a thankless task. To you and all mothers everywhere." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 That actually is hilarious. My H's ex-wife is Welsh. Her whole family were from mining stock. Her father once famously said, on Mothering sunday (in a toast to his wife) something along the lines of: "I've worked a coal-face for 35 years, man and boy, and I could never do the job you have done. bringing up our children and running the home, cooking, cleaning washing....It's harder work and a thankless task. To you and all mothers everywhere." As he coughed up his left lung. Honestly that just sounds very patronizing. Sounds like he was just blindly supporting the narrative that moms have the hardest job in the world. My cousin's husband works as a municipal plumber and she said she would never want to do what he does, even if her nerves get wracked with her three kids. But anecdotal evidence doesn't mean much. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 As he coughed up his left lung. Honestly that just sounds very patronizing. Sounds like he was just blindly supporting the narrative that moms have the hardest job in the world. My cousin's husband works as a municipal plumber and she said she would never want to do what he does, even if her nerves get wracked with her three kids. But anecdotal evidence doesn't mean much. It does when it directly contradicts your hypothesis. And he died of natural causes, aged 97. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 It does when it directly contradicts your hypothesis. And he died of natural causes, aged 97. Pointless unless you provide an exhaustive list of such situations. And that's not happening here. Can you honestly look someone who works in one of the hardest blue collar professions and tell them that their job is hard, but being a mom is harder? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Pointless unless you provide an exhaustive list of such situations. And that's not happening here. Can you honestly look someone who works in one of the hardest blue collar professions and tell them that their job is hard, but being a mom is harder? No, because I didn't say anything of the kind. He did. And by the way, he wasn't being patronising. He absolutely adored his wife and had a great deal of respect for her. Sadly, something missing from a lot of relationship situations nowadays. But that's a whole other topic. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 No, because I didn't say anything of the kind. He did. And by the way, he wasn't being patronising. He absolutely adored his wife and had a great deal of respect for her. Sadly, something missing from a lot of relationship situations nowadays. But that's a whole other topic. The cultural narrative that he bought into was patronizing though. That doesn't mean that he didn't deeply respect and adore his wife as you say, in fact it sounds like she was a great wife to him. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 The cultural narrative that he bought into was patronizing though. That doesn't mean that he didn't deeply respect and adore his wife as you say, in fact it sounds like she was a great wife to him. I'm sure it didn't even enter his head that it WAS patronising. This was when my H's ex-wife was in her early to mid-teens. She's in her 50's now. We're talking 40-odd years ago, so that kind of talk had no patronising overtones. The PC lobby have ensured that's a recent phenomenon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Pointless unless you provide an exhaustive list of such situations. And that's not happening here. Can you honestly look someone who works in one of the hardest blue collar professions and tell them that their job is hard, but being a mom is harder? That is not the point. The point is that different people are better suited to different jobs. Drilling holes all day isn't "hard" work is it? I can tell you now that not many can do it because their brains fry. Each and every person has skills and personality better suited to different roles. Mothers who work on bringing up their children do not deserve to be criticised and ridiculed any more than the coal miner, the CEO of some multi national company or the waiter at the local pub... The "job" of mother is very taxing in very different ways. Some are suited to it some are not. The wife of that coal miner probably stood up and praised him for being so strong and brave, for working so hard to support his family when she toasted him on Fathers day... I feel a lot of people could do with recognising that nothing in life is "easy" that every job has a purpose. Perhaps it would be worth taking a moment (as that couple did) to recognise and appreciate those attributes that make each person unique and good at what they do... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 That is not the point. The point is that different people are better suited to different jobs. Drilling holes all day isn't "hard" work is it? I can tell you now that not many can do it because their brains fry. Each and every person has skills and personality better suited to different roles. Mothers who work on bringing up their children do not deserve to be criticised and ridiculed any more than the coal miner, the CEO of some multi national company or the waiter at the local pub... The "job" of mother is very taxing in very different ways. Some are suited to it some are not. The wife of that coal miner probably stood up and praised him for being so strong and brave, for working so hard to support his family when she toasted him on Fathers day... I feel a lot of people could do with recognising that nothing in life is "easy" that every job has a purpose. Perhaps it would be worth taking a moment (as that couple did) to recognise and appreciate those attributes that make each person unique and good at what they do... So if a man's profession was a stay at home dad that is otherwise unemployed, you would be interested in dating him? Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 So if a man's profession was a stay at home dad that is otherwise unemployed, you would be interested in dating him? Why wouldn't I? I know more stay at home Mums but I also know a few stay at home Dad's. Great guys and bringing up their children brilliantly. I would actually RESPECT a man who was a single father and put "Dad" as his profession. At least it means his priorities are in the right place. And yes I have dated/ lived and nearly married a single Dad. Was very happy with him for a long time actually. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 My dad was a SAHD. He was made redundant and my mother became the chief breadwinner for a period of time. This was long before people had handouts, benefits, tax allowances, and unemployment benefits. Life was quite tough. He coped really well. Nothing wrong with a SAHD. Met plenty, as a School Parent Governor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Why wouldn't I? I know more stay at home Mums but I also know a few stay at home Dad's. Great guys and bringing up their children brilliantly. I would actually RESPECT a man who was a single father and put "Dad" as his profession. At least it means his priorities are in the right place. And yes I have dated/ lived and nearly married a single Dad. Was very happy with him for a long time actually. So are you okay with paying for all of the dates too? And if the relationship gets serious you are willing to financially support him? Other than the welfare benefits he receives. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 So are you okay with paying for all of the dates too? And if the relationship gets serious you are willing to financially support him? Other than the welfare benefits he receives. If that is the way it goes, then that is the way it goes. I have been the main provider in my last 3 relationships... Despite my earning less than 2 of them. The 3rd was unemployed and sat around playing computer games all day... You can argue this all you like but by holding pre-conceived ideas about people you close yourself off to an endless list of possibilities. Your life, your choice... Personally I think you are all stark raving mad to continually turn down potentially fantastic women like this. You say you want someone patient, loving, caring who will make time for you then you batter the bejeazus out of women who would???!!! My only stipulation is that they have some form of "occupation". In my books SAH father is included in this if he is working hard at being a good father to his kids, the same way many SAH mothers are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 If that is the way it goes, then that is the way it goes. I have been the main provider in my last 3 relationships... Despite my earning less than 2 of them. The 3rd was unemployed and sat around playing computer games all day... You can argue this all you like but by holding pre-conceived ideas about people you close yourself off to an endless list of possibilities. Your life, your choice... Personally I think you are all stark raving mad to continually turn down potentially fantastic women like this. You say you want someone patient, loving, caring who will make time for you then you batter the bejeazus out of women who would???!!! My only stipulation is that they have some form of "occupation". In my books SAH father is included in this if he is working hard at being a good father to his kids, the same way many SAH mothers are. Being a stay at home single parent is a luxury that is usually only afforded by having someone else pay for it. I think it's more than understandable why someone looking for a partner would choose not to date an unemployed stay at home parent. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Being a stay at home single parent is a luxury that is usually only afforded by having someone else pay for it. Sadly, for many of those SAH single parents, 'someone else' is the social welfare State system. There are far too many single moms out there because the dads make themselves absent and abdicate all responsibility for the children they help produce. You see how heavily-biased and prejudicial that statement is? I think it's more than understandable why someone looking for a partner would choose not to date an unemployed stay at home parent. Yes. it's called blinkered bias. If you 'lay the ground-rules' down, nothing need arise as problematic. I know many combined families, so it's really neither hard, nor rare. Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Sadly, for many of those SAH single parents, 'someone else' is the social welfare State system. There are far too many single moms out there because the dads make themselves absent and abdicate all responsibility for the children they help produce. You see how heavily-biased and prejudicial that statement is? . I think it's "heavily-biased and prejudicial" to think that a single mom or dad has to be an unemployed stay at home parent on welfare in order to be a good parent to their kids? What does that teach kids? How to use food stamps and get a "free lunch" at school? I'm a divorced single mom that raised two kids by myself and I worked full time, eventually owned my own business and I earned a good living to provide for my kids. They are both awesome young adults that are ambitious and hardworking. Nothing easy about it but it was heckuva lot better than being a stay at home parent that's raising their kids to grow up on welfare. I wanted more than that for my kids. Being a parent does not make someone disabled to work at a job and earn a living. Single parents have all the more reason to get a job and provide for their kids. I agree with you in that there are too many single moms with kids that have dad's that abandoned their responsibilities to their kids. Which is why women should not rely on someone else to provide for them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 That was entirely the point of my post. It was biased, prejudicial and so heavily generalised it defied belief. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Anyone who says parenting is the hardest job in the world needs to go work in a coal mine for a couple days. Oh please.... Men who diss motherhood are not relationship material. They need to pick up the controller and go back to WoW.....and shave the neckbeard.... Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Being a stay at home single parent is a luxury that is usually only afforded by having someone else pay for it. I think it's more than understandable why someone looking for a partner would choose not to date an unemployed stay at home parent. I find this offensive, as if someone who isn't leaving their home to earn money every day isn't contributing anything. And for the record, I almost ALWAYS worked, so I have no personal axe to grind. A man who resents a woman dedicating herself to raising HIS children is not much of a man IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 I was a stay at home dad for a while. I just watched Aussie soap operas all day and fed the kid chips whenever she was hungry. Maybe if she was lucky a trip to the bookies in the afternoon. JOKE! It was almost non-stop. I had no time to follow the form at Chepstow. My fantasy football/Soccer team went out of the window. Mysterious stains began to take over the house. Things went missing. I was punched, kicked, frequently covered in food items. My hands constantly smelled of formula. (No matter how much i washed them) My shirts bore faint traces of old vomit. My shaving went out for a year. I had panic attacks over every rash, or other ailment she would have. I often would turn up breathless to the GP, clutching an overnight bag, expecting her to be admitted. Only to be told....`Nothing to worry about now go home and get some sleep` I slept with one eye open. I became obsessed with baby monitors...I rigged up at least 8 around the house. My childless friends gave up on me for a while as every story i told revolved around `immunisations` `Latest strollers, baby fashion. Mothers became almost saintly for me. They smelled the same as me. They complained about the same things. I was tricked into buying expensive nappies by Johnson and Johnson. I drank out of plastic cups. I sat down to wee. I developed mystery illnesses. I forgot how to talk to adults. I became obsessed with baby TV. Working in a mine? Do me a favour.......... The 2nd child? Piece of cake! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 being a mom is a 24/7 job....for the REST of your life. Working in a coal mine going down down down working in a coal mine oops about to slip down you get to go home after your shift is over....you get paid vacations...and you get retirement. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Your profession would be what you studied so long for. I'm a business owner and hard worker making a good living and have never studied for any it... does that mean I don't have an profession or an occupation ? My wife is a SAHM and I can assure it is an occupation.. they even give it a net worth value each year. In 2013 Salary.com placed the value of their occupation at $113,586 Value Of Stay-At-Home Moms - Business Insider Look at it this way, if you aren't looking for a single Mom then them putting their occupation down as Mom saved you time, you next them and move on. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 So women who's hubby left for a younger woman ...has 3 young kids at home ...hubby has a substantial income ...she was a stay at home mom ...and only sees her kids 1/2 time now ...she should have to go out and work 60 hours a week ...and barely see her kids?? Because hubby goes through midlife crisis? Hmmmm. Do you have kids at home? Have you talked with teachers and asked their opinions about which kids fair better in class /school work/ test scores ...the ones with SAHM or ones who are gone at work a lot? Have you asked the kids how they feel about both parents being substantially absent after this scenario? FYI ...being a parent is the hardest job I've ever had ...albeit it's not my only job. Just sayin ....I don't think anyone's trying to justify anything ...and as long as a woman has an income ...who's business is it from where it comes?? Yeah ex-hubby could go bankrupt and die. Best to be self-sufficient. I disagree. Statistics show that kids living in poverty ( the ones with unemployed or underemployed parents) have all kinds of problems. Including test scores, homework and graduating. Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 I find this offensive, as if someone who isn't leaving their home to earn money every day isn't contributing anything. And for the record, I almost ALWAYS worked, so I have no personal axe to grind. A man who resents a woman dedicating herself to raising HIS children is not much of a man IMO. So have you dated any unemployed, single stay at home dads lately? Link to post Share on other sites
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