Iamjacks Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Interesting story here... So almost five years ago I dated this girl. We always got along great but she was a lot younger than I was. At the time I was 30 and she was 23. We were at different points in our lives and it didn't work out. I moved to California and completely changed my life and became quite successful. After she and I split we had no contact for almost 3.5 years. During that time she met, dated and was with the same guy for almost the entirety. They started dating about 5 months after I left the state. Fast forward to about 7 months ago and I suddenly get a facebook invite from. I accept, we chat, chat turns to texting, texting turns into phone calls, phone calls turn into skyping and that eventually becomes an all day thing. Hours and hours on skype everyday. After about a month of us talking and spending all day together on facetime I flew back home to visit her. We had an amazing 5 days together. We had been talking about her moving her and her two kids to California with me. About two weeks after I visited we decided that she should come out at the end of the schoolyear. When the time came she packed her bags and moved to California to live with me in my apartment. Things were incredible over skype, but after she was there for about a week things started to go south very quickly. We were fighting a lot and she started saying she made a mistake because she wasn't over her Ex. They had only split about 4 months previous at this point. Things didn't get better and after about 5 weeks I came home to a dear john letter. I was offered a job back in our hometown. I took it because my children live there and I wanted to be closer to them. So 6 weeks after she left I was moving back. During the six weeks we had limited communication but once she found out I was coming back we started talking more and more. On my ride back I told her that I was willing to be friends but I didn't want a romantic relationship. If that eventually happened I would be ok but I thought we should have taken things more slowly than we had. Once I was back in town it was the same thing though. As soon as we hung out once we were virtually together everyday after. Within a week of being back I was put in the hospital for shoulder surgery. She was there with me all day everyday for the entire week I was in the hospital. She really showed me how much she cared about me and that she wanted it to work. We got into a fight the night after I got out of the hospital. During the 6 weeks she was back and I was still out west she was seeing a guy. We went out drinking and I had a little to much. I asked her to make a phone call at the end of the night and she handed me her phone and told me too. I opened the phone and it was on her text message and she had been talking to the guy. Nothing terrible, just small talk, but she had told me she wasn't talking to him any longer. I got upset and we got into a huge argument over it. Since that point we have been off and on. She was really mad that I freaked out on her after she had just spent a week in the hospital taking better care of me than the nurses. We go through this cycle where things are amazing for 2 weeks and then suddenly she will freak out, become very hurtful and tell me she wants to break up. Then a few days will go by and we will get back together. We split up again about a week ago. I started to go no contact this time because I'm tired of this cycle. I did the time before (3 weeks ago) but she showed up at my house and I forgave her again. This time I blocked her on my phone and facebook. She sent messages and I didn't respond. She she contacted my brother and then a mutual friend trying to get in contact with me. (Claiming she just wanted to make sure I was ok, and she needed to get my key back to me.) I told them I was fine and had chosen not to respond to her anymore. Keep in mind this is only 3 days after she said she wanted to break up for the 1000th time. That night I went out to my dads to watch Monday night football with him, when I got home she had left two big bags of groceries on my door, and a note saying she just wanted to do something nice and help but didn't want to get back together. This aggravated me so the next morning I left the note, and groceries on her porch. And I made the mistake of sending a response to her email. I said please leave me alone and I am done wasting time on her. We kept going back and forth. She told me she loves and cares about me more than I will ever know. That she knows we could have an amazing future together but she hasn't healed from her ex. That she still hurts over him and her kids still cry and ask for him, and that she isn't healing from him with me. That it upsets her and that's why she gets the way she does. I told her fine, I understand but that I am blocking her because I can't do this back and forth anymore. Am I expecting to much from her this close to a broken engagement? Do you guys think she really just needs time to heal? She said she would like us to be friends in a few months, but we've both shown we're incapable of being around each other without it leading into a romance, we just have to much chemistry. I don't know what to think anymore.
louxor Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I would just let her know that you're not interested in having her in your life until she is completely over her ex. Let her know that when she's over him, she can call you and you can see where you're at when that happens. But until then, you want nothing to do with her. Then you go about your life, date other women and if it happens that you are single if and when she reaches out, you take it from there.
Stage5Clinger Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I think her boyfriend broke up with her and out of desperation reached out to her last known ex, who just happened to be you, and sucked you back in for a while so that she didn't have to be alone. She probably really did want to make it work -- not necessarily because she loves you but because she doesn't want to be alone. If that guy ever came back or did come back she would be right back in his arms.
LoveIsMyReligion Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I'm sure you're hoping for someone to say, "Fight for her, you got this" or something along those lines. However most of us are here to give you solid advice/feedback that will benefit you the most. In most cases it's not what you want to hear. So here it is. Move on. If I've learned anything from my high school and college days it's this. Once I hear, "another guy" I'm gone. Life is too short to worry about whether or not the girl I am dating is cheating or flirting with another guy. If you can't trust her then the only direction your relationship is heading is down. Sure my name isn't Brad Pitt but I'm a pretty damn good catch and I know for a fact that I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who constantly needs attention from other men. Way I see it, you can continue to stay in limbo with this girl or make the decision to pull the plug and move forward in your life. 2
Strength in Healing Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 If you had enough chemistry, then some breaking bad would still be going on. Instead, it just broke. Time to move along. Accept you don't have power. You can't say some magic words, or buy some magic item that will woo her back into a relationship. Stay strong. True strength is feeling the pain but still being able to genuinely smile.
Author Iamjacks Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 Love the breaking bad comment lol I agree with all of what you guys are saying. My real question is should I even bother to try again with her down the road if and when she comes back?
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