Jimmyjackson Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I've been messaging this girl for the last two weeks, we talk a lot and have a lot in common, she's complimented me, I've complimented her etc. The issue I have is that she seems to be a bit hot and cold. Sometimes she speaks to me a lot, as soon as I message her she's already waiting for it as it becomes 'seen' instantly and she replies within a minute or so. Other times however she seems to read them and not reply for a few hours or even a day which bugs me sometimes, especially when she's still online and hasn't replied. She suggested getting together next month when she is back in our town, it was her idea, not mine. I mentioned if it would be a date and she said "you could call it that". I guess my question is, do you guys think she's interested? does she purposely keep me hanging from time to time? maybe she's just busy and I'm over thinking things? How do I get her interest level higher so she constantly wants to speak to me and becomes besotted? It feels like I'm chasing her. I'm currently waiting on a reply from a few hours ago still, I don't want to message again as I think it looks needy. The only time I've had a girl really chase me was my ex, she made the first move and I don't know what I did to cause her to do so really ha, it just happened. It might be worth mentioning that she recently got diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder in the hospital, so unsure whether that plays any part?
Guyouthere Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 The last one I had chase me (the one who wanted me for money and tried having sex) pursued me when I showed no interest in her. I get a call when she is "in the area" and wants to come over,,, not for sex that time, but just too talk. I had to leave her because that is all she wanted, was my money (and I caught onto it). Ignore them, they will seek you out.
TunaCat Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 How do I get her interest level higher so she constantly wants to speak to me and becomes besotted? It feels like I'm chasing her. I'm currently waiting on a reply from a few hours ago still, I don't want to message again as I think it looks needy. The only time I've had a girl really chase me was my ex, she made the first move and I don't know what I did to cause her to do so really ha, it just happened. No quality woman is going to be besotted with you before you've ever been out on a date. It doesn't work like that. You two have to have a real actual date and then if she sees something in you she likes, then you're on the road to her being crazy about you. Most women have lives, jobs, friends, family & hobbies and they aren't going to want to talk to you constantly. I know I am not one who needs constant communication, and I'd guess that most other women feel the same. It's only been a few hours since you messaged her. Give her time. She's got her own life and she's clearly not able to talk right now. There could be many reasons for that. Please do not message her again or else you WILL start to look needy. 4
Author Jimmyjackson Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 No quality woman is going to be besotted with you before you've ever been out on a date. It doesn't work like that. You two have to have a real actual date and then if she sees something in you she likes, then you're on the road to her being crazy about you. Most women have lives, jobs, friends, family & hobbies and they aren't going to want to talk to you constantly. I know I am not one who needs constant communication, and I'd guess that most other women feel the same. It's only been a few hours since you messaged her. Give her time. She's got her own life and she's clearly not able to talk right now. There could be many reasons for that. Please do not message her again or else you WILL start to look needy. I am in the midst of changing my job, I don't start my new one until Monday. Perhaps I've just got too much time on my hands at the minute
losangelena Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Aren't guys supposed to do the chasing? I'm confused. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Are you sure you're not a woman? Seriously, you can't DO anything and even if you could, how long would you keep up appearances? Again, relax for heaven's sake. You're obsessing a bit too much and if you're not careful you'll blow it before it even had a chance to begin. Some women chase while others prefer to be chased. Until you have that first date where you have a chance to get to know each other better and see if there is any real chemistry, it's not worth obsessing over right now. 3
Author Jimmyjackson Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 Are you sure you're not a woman? Seriously, you can't DO anything and even if you could, how long would you keep up appearances? Again, relax for heaven's sake. You're obsessing a bit too much and if you're not careful you'll blow it before it even had a chance to begin. Some women chase while others prefer to be chased. Until you have that first date where you have a chance to get to know each other better and see if there is any real chemistry, it's not worth obsessing over right now. Haha I am sure, I just have a tendency to be the "nice" guy too often I guess. you're right, I'm obsessing, I'm like this with a lot of things, not just dating. 2
Author Jimmyjackson Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 Thanks for the replies everyone, I now see I've been worrying over nothing.
Truth34 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Grab her phone and/or her pumpkin spice latte.
smackie9 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Very interested women chase you. This girl is hot and cold because she is talking to other guys. You are in a sea of many and she has dates lined up. A date next month? Don't waste your time. 1
Truth34 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Aren't guys supposed to do the chasing? I'm confused. Wait, what? I thought we had to initiate and plan dates? Now we have to pursue the whole shabang? I thought that turns girls off lol.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 Very interested women chase you. This girl is hot and cold because she is talking to other guys. You are in a sea of many and she has dates lined up. A date next month? Don't waste your time. Well the reason it is next month is because she's currently in a different country until then, otherwise I'm sure it would've been planned earlier.
sambolini Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I recently became single. I signed up for match.com on a whim, not really expecting much. A decently cute lady liked me, so I messaged her and set up a date. First date was great, we spent seven hours at a sushi bar talking. She said she had a great time. So I messaged her the following week asking if she wanted to get together the following weekend. She seemed a little wishy washy and said she was going to be out of town that weekend. So I replied back with "no worries" and left it at that. I didn't text her again. Fast forward five days, and she messages me very enthusiastically asking if I want to see her this weekend. I said I might have plans, but I'll let her know. She said "OK. I'd really like to hang out again soon. I did have a really great time with you. :)" Awesome. So we're going out again on Sunday. The point is that I didn't push her at all. I asked, she said she was busy, I said no worries, and left it at that. A few days later she was pursuing me. And when I told her I was free the next day, she was very excited. Definitely do not appear clingy. Allow things to happen as they happen. 4
menyou Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Why does anyone have to chase? We are not, I presume, on the playground at recess. If you are interested, you make plans and get to know someone. 1
madjac74 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Aren't guys supposed to do the chasing? I'm confused. Did you forget? Women want equality oooh thats just when it benefits them! My bad 1
Zippy2000 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 "How to get her to chase you"? To answer your question its quite hard. It depends how attracted she is to you. I ve found out the girls who were interested in me where the girls I wasnt really all that fussed about. I look back now with hindsight and figured out that when I wasnt interested in them. I wasnt around that much and was a little unpredictable with my texts or contact. I found the girls liked me more. Whenever I showed interest. Messaged them straight or messaged them quite frequently. They tended to run the other way. So to get them to chase you? Dont always be around. Create a bit of tension. Dont message every day. Message when you can and she MIGHT come to you. I say might as it really depends on how well you click or how much she is attracted to you. You cannot tell how much she likes you. It just takes time.
phineas Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 every woman friend i've had ended up chasing me because when they say they are just looking as friends, I treated them like friends. Never hit on them, never took advantage of them when they were drunk with me, told them they made the decision to date the d-bag they just broke up with, hung out with their BF's, had them hang out with anyone I was dating, ect. eventually they realized they wanted me & started making subtle hints. so did our friends. but I acted like I was clueless until one night they practically raped me. basically a woman has to want you & you have to be clueless about it in order for her to chase you. Unless you are a super hot guy that most women want. 2
Author Jimmyjackson Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 "How to get her to chase you"? To answer your question its quite hard. It depends how attracted she is to you. I ve found out the girls who were interested in me where the girls I wasnt really all that fussed about. I look back now with hindsight and figured out that when I wasnt interested in them. I wasnt around that much and was a little unpredictable with my texts or contact. I found the girls liked me more. Whenever I showed interest. Messaged them straight or messaged them quite frequently. They tended to run the other way. So to get them to chase you? Dont always be around. Create a bit of tension. Dont message every day. Message when you can and she MIGHT come to you. I say might as it really depends on how well you click or how much she is attracted to you. You cannot tell how much she likes you. It just takes time. This always seems to be the case for me also, possibly a result of wanting what you can't have?
Zippy2000 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 This always seems to be the case for me also, possibly a result of wanting what you can't have? I agree with you. There was one girl I met who I liked originally but over time I slowly was losing interest. Over time our texts became less frequent but one day I remembered I hadnt contacted her in while and started to speak to her again. We got pretty close and had a date and then I got hooked on her and messaged her daily. I think that put her off as her messages became shorter and she didnt instigate any further texts. I think people always want something that doenst come to them easily. So for her to chase you. Be unpredicatable.
sambolini Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 This always seems to be the case for me also, possibly a result of wanting what you can't have? This certainly has merit. My ex wife had an affair and I divorced her (this was a few years ago). She's remarried now, and knows I want nothing to do with her, but we co parent well. She has been extremely nice these past few months and has been going out of her way to do favors for me. She even offered to give up having me pay child support. She also reached out to my family about something regarding our daughter, which she has never done since we divorced. That was strange. She was never this nice to me when we were married! I'm very grateful for the peace and wish her well. But I think there's a quality that people have to want what they can't have...or at least what they perceive to be difficult to attain. To quote Spock: "It is not logical. But it is often true."
itsallamystery Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 It might be worth mentioning that she recently got diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder in the hospital, so unsure whether that plays any part? seriously...why has nobody commented on this? I'm not saying don't date this girl because of it (I have a family member dx'ed with bipolar disorder and work in the field of disabilities) but just know that it is going to be an uphill battle. Its quite possible that the "hot" and "cold" are indicative of her disorder. if thats the case, there is NOTHING you can do besides make sure she takes her medications (i'm saying this 100% seriously, not as a joke). 1
Author Jimmyjackson Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 seriously...why has nobody commented on this? I'm not saying don't date this girl because of it (I have a family member dx'ed with bipolar disorder and work in the field of disabilities) but just know that it is going to be an uphill battle. Its quite possible that the "hot" and "cold" are indicative of her disorder. if thats the case, there is NOTHING you can do besides make sure she takes her medications (i'm saying this 100% seriously, not as a joke). Yeah that's why i mentioned it, I didn't wanna seem insensitive or anything but obviously moods can change. I've not yet been around anyone with it so i couldn't comment
BellaLuna73 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 First problem, your texting and trying to read "emotions" behind words. ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. Remember this. You in the cat & mouse phase, she's seeing if you match her effort and visa versa. Keep up with the conversations, try actually talking on the phone or facetime. Make plans to meet and see what her body language says from there.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 First problem, your texting and trying to read "emotions" behind words. ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. Remember this. You in the cat & mouse phase, she's seeing if you match her effort and visa versa. Keep up with the conversations, try actually talking on the phone or facetime. Make plans to meet and see what her body language says from there. I got a reply a few hours ago but I haven't replied yet, I know it's silly to play games but don't want to seem to eager. I guess I will find when I do meet with her next month.
empresario Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 I got a reply a few hours ago but I haven't replied yet, I know it's silly to play games but don't want to seem to eager. I guess I will find when I do meet with her next month. Don't play that game. Just don't. This isn't a competition on who can make the other more anxious. Look. Set a date. Talk to her when she has time. Otherwise don't worry about it. One thing I've learned in my adult life is, it's a race to that first date. If you can't lock that down asap then conversation will eventually fade. There are very few people that can be long-term pen pals. 1
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