shy men

[RoseWater]

I'm curious as to whether any women are attracted to shy men.

 

I thought it might be a sweet, endearing trait. Now I find it a huge turn off and would not date a man who is shy or bashful.

[mikirod]

I just posted thread about shy girl, LOL. Would you marry me RoseWater? hahahahahaha :lmao: :lmao:

[Michelle ma Belle]

I agree RoseWater. I met a great guy on eHarmony who seemed to be quite compatible with me on paper. He had a gentle demeanor, great smile but was a bit too shy and passive for me, and didn't take much initiative. At first it seemed endearing considering the kind of men I was used to but after half a dozen dates, it got old really quick.

 

I don't mind taking the lead sometimes but ALL THE TIME about EVERYTHING including holding up both ends of a conversation is bloody exhausting.

 

I ended it and wished him well.

[RoseWater]

I agree RoseWater. I met a great guy on eHarmony who seemed to be quite compatible with me on paper. He had a gentle demeanor, great smile but was a bit too shy and passive for me, and didn't take much initiative. At first it seemed endearing considering the kind of men I was used to but after half a dozen dates, it got old really quick.

 

I don't mind taking the lead sometimes but ALL THE TIME about EVERYTHING including holding up both ends of a conversation is bloody exhausting.

 

I ended it and wished him well.

 

Did you explain to him why you were ending it?

 

You are right, it does get old really quick.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Did you explain to him why you were ending it?

 

You are right, it does get old really quick.

 

I can't say that I did. I just said we weren't as compatible as I had hoped. He didn't argue (not surprising given how quiet he was). Physically he was definitely my type; tall, dark, and very handsome. If I didn't realize it before that it takes more than just great looks to hold my attention, I realized it with him.

 

Shame.

[RoseWater]

I recall sitting opposite a guy I'd found attractive up until that point. He kept casting his eyes downwards in a shy manner that reminded me of Princess Diana. Then he said, 'there's so many questions I want to ask you but I'm too shy' and he giggled like a schoolgirl.

 

If I had a penis, it would have gone flaccid permanently at that precise moment in time. :mad:

[thefooloftheyear]

Yep, Being an arrogant dick has its privileges!.....

 

 

TFY

[Krieger]

Perhaps the taboo around introverts comes from the mystery of who these people are. Why aren’t their entire lives bared and nakedly on display through the rambled and unfiltered word vomit that seems to be so

 

prevalently coming out of extroverts’ mouths?

 

 

The feeling seems to run something like this, “that guy is too quiet, he must be hiding something.”

 

 

Too much mystery can lead to gossip and too much gossip can lead to speculation.

Introverts are, if nothing else, rife with speculation, especially male introverts.

 

 

After all, what is one to think if a guy doesn’t go to talk to the nice girl by the bar because he’s shy?

Men aren’t shy, if anything, they’re brave, bold, brash and perhaps a bit risqué.

 

 

Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.

 

 

I am silent not because they have nothing to say, but because I don't have to fill up the air with words. I don't need to be looked at to dominate. I already dominate, just by looking at themselves, but they're serene about it. Other people wonder what silent people are thinking and respect their silence.

[BluEyeL]

I am dating a shy man and I'm grateful that they are not very successful because...more chances for me.

 

It's a bit harder with them in the beginning, but once they become comfortable with you they are like any other people. They won't be shy 10 years into the marriage. Of course, personality traits will vary and not everybody who is shy is also a good person, or will be a good match just because they're shy. I was lucky and I am very happy, almost 1 year and a half into the relationship.

[RoseWater]

Perhaps the taboo around introverts comes from the mystery of who these people are. Why aren’t their entire lives bared and nakedly on display through the rambled and unfiltered word vomit that seems to be so

 

prevalently coming out of extroverts’ mouths?

 

 

The feeling seems to run something like this, “that guy is too quiet, he must be hiding something.”

 

 

Too much mystery can lead to gossip and too much gossip can lead to speculation.

Introverts are, if nothing else, rife with speculation, especially male introverts.

 

 

After all, what is one to think if a guy doesn’t go to talk to the nice girl by the bar because he’s shy?

Men aren’t shy, if anything, they’re brave, bold, brash and perhaps a bit risqué.

 

 

Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.

 

 

I am silent not because they have nothing to say, but because I don't have to fill up the air with words. I don't need to be looked at to dominate. I already dominate, just by looking at themselves, but they're serene about it. Other people wonder what silent people are thinking and respect their silence.

 

Why are you talking about introverts? This thread is about shy men

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-introverts-corner/200910/introversion-vs-shyness-the-discussion-continues

[htx]

I love when people immediately assume the only alternative to a painfully shy dude is a cocky, arrogant *******. Sorry, that's not the way it works. I've dated quite a few earnest, self-deprecating men who could actually make eye contact with me, initiate contact, carry a conversation and thrive in social situations.

 

 

And that's what I'm attracted to. Some people like six-pack abs, some people like money...I like dating guys who give off a masculine confidence and who aren't scared to tease me and joke around in a natural, unforced way.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I think there is a difference between being introvert and being shy. My recent lover was a self-proclaimed introvert and proud of it but he was still very engaging. He was happy to let me take the lead but was equally happy to take initiative on many things. He wasn't shy or passive, just a bit more laid back than me. We complimented each other perfectly.

 

I couldn't be with someone who was over the top and on all the time either. That would drive me crazy. As I've said many times on here, balance is the key.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I love when people immediately assume the only alternative to a painfully shy dude is a cocky, arrogant *******. Sorry, that's not the way it works. I've dated quite a few earnest, self-deprecating men who could actually make eye contact with me, initiate contact, carry a conversation and thrive in social situations.

 

 

And that's what I'm attracted to. Some people like six-pack abs, some people like money...I like dating guys who give off a masculine confidence and who aren't scared to tease me and joke around in a natural, unforced way.

 

Couldn't agree more!

[RoseWater]

I love when people immediately assume the only alternative to a painfully shy dude is a cocky, arrogant *******. Sorry, that's not the way it works. I've dated quite a few earnest, self-deprecating men who could actually make eye contact with me, initiate contact, carry a conversation and thrive in social situations.

 

 

And that's what I'm attracted to. Some people like six-pack abs, some people like money...I like dating guys who give off a masculine confidence and who aren't scared to tease me and joke around in a natural, unforced way.

 

This

 

:):):):)

[Krieger]

Why are you talking about introverts? This thread is about shy men

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-introverts-corner/200910/introversion-vs-shyness-the-discussion-continues

 

I know people think I am shy but I am more introvert AKA strong, silent type.

[smackie9]

It's all about preference. I need a man to be able to hold his own in social situations, so I don't have to hold their hand for the whole evening.

 

I have dated shy, and I just end up leaving them in the dust.

[RoseWater]

that sinking feeling when any desire or attraction you felt for the shy, blushing guy shrinks and dies and can never be resurrected.

 

:bunny:

[htx]

that sinking feeling when any desire or attraction you felt for the shy, blushing guy shrinks and dies and can never be resurrected.

 

:bunny:

 

 

 

It really sucks. As much as dudes can bash us for feeling that way, you can't force attraction. And when it's gone, it's gone.

 

 

I'll have that "aww he really likes me" moment around a guy who can't look me in the eye when talking to him, but sexual feelings become nonexistent.

 

 

THAT'S JUST ME. Many, many women like guys who are shy/bashful/introverted.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I agree RoseWater. I met a great guy on eHarmony who seemed to be quite compatible with me on paper. He had a gentle demeanor, great smile but was a bit too shy and passive for me, and didn't take much initiative. At first it seemed endearing considering the kind of men I was used to but after half a dozen dates, it got old really quick.

 

I don't mind taking the lead sometimes but ALL THE TIME about EVERYTHING including holding up both ends of a conversation is bloody exhausting.

 

I ended it and wished him well.

Did you send him the first message online?

[ManyDissapoint]

It's all about preference. I need a man to be able to hold his own in social situations, so I don't have to hold their hand for the whole evening.

 

I have dated shy, and I just end up leaving them in the dust.

 

What do you mean by holding one's own in social situation? Genuinely curious here.

[preraph]

Yeah, I hear ya, OP. Because I'm not afraid to assert myself and meet a guy, I ended up with a couple of shy or quiet or unassertive men. It was never all those at once, but the part that bothered me -- well, on one, it was just very hard to make conversation. He put little effort into it. But another one, it really bothered me he couldn't stand up to his retail boss once in awhile or take the lead. Both okay guys, but not for me.

[StBreton]

I'm curious as to whether any women are attracted to shy men.

 

I thought it might be a sweet, endearing trait. Now I find it a huge turn off and would not date a man who is shy or bashful.

 

Deal breaker for me. They have to initiate and engage and be gregarious ...not the life of the part but delightfully present ...with a well developed sense of facetiousness /playful banter.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Did you send him the first message online?

 

No. Well not really.

 

eHarmony has this whole "process" where you get matched with supposed like-minded prospects. If you're interested in any of them you can start the process by asking for permission to communicate online. Then you send each other a variety of stock questions which you then respond to and back and forth etc., eventually moving to personal email and so on.

 

He shot me the first "Wanna get to know each other?" alert after we were matched.

 

Now that I think about it, I don't think we ever talked on the phone or texted! All of our communications leading up to our first date was through email. He was extremely outgoing and charming and funny in his email communications and we struck up a wicked banter that felt very promising. I couldn't wait to meet him.

 

When we finally went on our date, I realized very quickly that he wasn't nearly as skilled of a communicator in real life as he was in his emails but I gave him the benefit of the doubt...six times

[Disconnect]

I love shy men so long as it's not too extreme, like into avoidance / social anxiety, and not if it still doesn't wear off once we've got to know each other. I just know I'm turned off by loud, obnoxious extroverts. But I also don't like it if the man is too passive or doesn't have opinions, or won't make decisions, that bores me. I guess a quiet gentleman with confidence is my ideal. I knew a gorgeous guy once that used to blush, whenever he blushed it just made me want to kiss his face off.

[Revan32]

Jeez everyone of your threads lately has come across as hugely bitter, and angry at men. Guessing you've been having a bad guy month?

 

This kinda has a lot to do with my "girls liking confidence" thread. But I suppose its natural for girls to like the outgoing and loud type. As long as a guy can look you in the eye and hold a conversation, I don't see why a little shyness is a turn off. As long as she's still engaging, I find it a turn on in girls.