SwordofFlame Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I've been on 3 dates with this woman. She's brand new to online dating and really only had one serious bf in the past. Always texts that she is excited for the dates, but in person her actions always seem to indicate that she wants to keep me at arm's length. Never reciprocates any physical affection I try to give her. Doesn't want me to hold her hand yet, haven't kissed yet. Her excuse is always that she wants to get to know me better first. We have great conversations though, although at this point I've opened up to her more than she has to me. Anyways, so on the last date (the third) she made some references to wanting to see me again and that she had a great time. We always split the cost of the dates. She's definitely not using me in any way, but my gut feeling tells me that she really only sees me as a friend and there's nothing I can do to change that. Ladies and guys that have been in the same situation, any chance that my gut is wrong here? It's usually right....
scooby-philly Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Listen, The question comes down to - do you want to be the person who breaks this person open? If you are not patient enough for that then you need to do both of you a favor and draw a line in the sand. People's actions, not their words, prove what matters most and how they feel. You can get as intellectual as you want and debate this to death. Assuming you are both reasonably sane and both had the initial - why yes I would like to spend time alone with you, it's either **** or get off the pot. Again, it's not a judgement against her. She may be an awesome person. She may just need the right guy to help her open up. But you need to ask yourself are you the right person to do that? Or will you be bitter, or angry, or something because of it.
Vintage79 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Dude - even you think that there's a chance your gut is wrong, when you say, "usually right" - no chance would be always right. If you want to test the waters, just go on another date with her, kiss her (or try to), and see what her response is. If she wants to date you, it will be fine, if she wants you as a friend, it probably won't be too hard to figure that out based on her response.
salparadise Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Her excuse is always that she wants to get to know me better first. ...but my gut feeling tells me that she really only sees me as a friend and there's nothing I can do to change that. Ladies and guys that have been in the same situation, any chance that my gut is wrong here? It's usually right.... I'm with Scooby on this I guess. Sure there's a chance that you can open her up, in fact, I'd say it's probable. But are you really interested in taking her to raise? Or are you looking for a grown up woman who is actually ready to date? When I started dating my gf we discussed some of our answers to the questions on okc. She had one in particular she wanted to discuss but said she'd need a drink or two first. We had not even kissed at that point. Later that night we had drinks and we talked about it. The question was, did you join okc just to find people to have sex with? I answered No, and in the explanation I said this: No, I'm looking for a relationship. But... not interested in demure, reticent types who like to start a guy out in the friend zone and have him try to wine and dine his way out. We're all grown up now, so if we're going to date let's be realistic about what that means. So we talked about it. I explained that I didn't have any set length of time or rigid expectations, but that I was interested in a full relationship- not silly cat and mouse games over physical intimacy. And I said it respectfully. We had another drink, took her home and about two hours later... Date four is definitely enough time. I'd say go for a the kiss in such a way that she has to overtly reject it, not just turn the cheek or whatever... and if she won't then it's at least time to have a conversation. But the bottom line is, you already know that she's the demure, reticent type. Is that really what you're interested in for a girlfriend? If she won't even hold hands or let you touch, I'd think seriously about cutting this one loose.
Recommended Posts