RoseWater Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I've been on 2 dates with a guy who seemed rather dissatisfied with his life and in particular with his job and his home. He has a stable decent job that's probably quite intellectually stimulating and reasonably well paid, but he complained a lot about it. He didn't have one good thing to say about it actually. I asked him if he's planning on pursuing a different job or career since he's not happy in his current one. He then said he would like to become a film producer. So I asked him what plans he has in place to make that happen. He has no plans in place. He said 'I'm hoping you can help me with that' and 'You tell me. What do I need to do to make that happen?' One of his main issues with his home seems to be that he doesn't know any of his neighbours. He asked me if I know any of my neighbours and when I said I do he said, "you are so lucky. I don't have the opportunities you have." He said, "you are so lucky" several times during the dates. On the last date he said "I can see you are going to be a good influence on me." What is going on here? It feels a little odd....
BluEyeL Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 He sounds like a drain if you date him. So negative and he also seems jealous. You are so lucky for this, for that and for the other and help me too. Sounds like my ex-husband. That attitude may be endearing at first, but gets old really fast. 3
smackie9 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 He is a negative nelly. He is one of those who feels he deserves so much more, nothing is good enough or is so hard done by. He is a dreamer and likes to talk about it but will never apply himself to do it. Dump this guy. 4
Author RoseWater Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 He sounds like a drain if you date him. So negative and he also seems jealous. You are so lucky for this, for that and for the other and help me too. Sounds like my ex-husband. That attitude may be endearing at first, but gets old really fast. It's not even endearing now. It feels very victimy Is that the reason you got rid of your ex husband? 1
Author RoseWater Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 He is a negative nelly. He is one of those who feels he deserves so much more, nothing is good enough or is so hard done by. He is a dreamer and likes to talk about it but will never apply himself to do it. Dump this guy. I guess the missing component is motivation/responsibility. There is nothing wrong with a person wanting more from life. But if they have all the drive and motivation of a limp dying goldfish, obviously their vague dreams are unlikely to ever reach fruition 1
katiegrl Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 It's not even endearing now. It feels very victimy He is setting the stage to ask you for money. You know to "help" him make "it" happen. He's a scammer, plenty of em around. It is very obvious to me. If it were me, there would be no third date.
xcupid Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 He has no motivation. He's going to be a drag on you. Next! 1
Jejangles Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Definitely not someone to pursue! I have realised it does not matter what position or things someone has in this life, it`s how they feel about it. If a guy you are dating is dissatisfied in his own life and you are fine with yours, it will almost always cause problems down the road. 2
Author RoseWater Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 He is setting the stage to ask you for money. You know to "help" him make "it" happen. He's a scammer, plenty of em around. It is very obvious to me. If it were me, there would be no third date. I don't think that is the case at all. Just that he is a negative person. He would not have the motivation or charisma to be able to pull off a scam unless the person he was scamming was a corpse or very young child 1
smackie9 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 has anyone gone on a date with a guy that just talks about all the things he is going to do but has nothing to show for it? lol
katiegrl Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 (edited) I don't think that is the case at all. Just that he is a negative person. He would not have the motivation or charisma to be able to pull off a scam unless the person he was scamming was a corpse or very young child It doesn't take *charisma* to ask a chick for money. Just balls. Anyway, when I read your OP, that was my very first thought, especially when he stated he felt you could "help" him. What do you think he meant? Do you have experience in film producing? Tons of contacts in the business you could introduce him to? If not, then he wants money. You act like that shyt doesn't happen. It happens all the time! It's pretty clear to me, but if you don't agree that's fine. Edited October 15, 2015 by katiegrl
Author RoseWater Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 It doesn't take *charisma* to ask a chick for money. Just balls. Anyway, when I read your OP, that was my very first thought, especially when he stated he felt you could "help" him. What do you think he meant? Do you have experiencee in film producing? Tons if contacts in the business you could introduce him to? If not, then he wants money. It's pretty clear to me, but if you don't agree that's fine. He's a lazy pessimist with no game or drive. He sees me as someone he can feed off energetically speaking. Objectively I doubt my life is so much "better" than his life, but I'm happy, motivated etc and he wants to plug into some of that. Unfortunately he is offering nothing in return, nothing about him is exciting or engaging....so he won't have the opportunity to feed off my energy. I've actually experienced this sort of thing before occasionally but with platonic acquaintances, not really on dates. I'm just a reasonably successful individual but because I'm happy and motivated certain types of people will want some of what I've got and become very energy vampire-ish. They never ask me for money but they try to feed off me which is probably even worse.
katiegrl Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 He's a lazy pessimist with no game or drive. He sees me as someone he can feed off energetically speaking. Objectively I doubt my life is so much "better" than his life, but I'm happy, motivated etc and he wants to plug into some of that. Unfortunately he is offering nothing in return, nothing about him is exciting or engaging....so he won't have the opportunity to feed off my energy. I've actually experienced this sort of thing before occasionally but with platonic acquaintances, not really on dates. I'm just a reasonably successful individual but because I'm happy and motivated certain types of people will want some of what I've got and become very energy vampire-ish. They never ask me for money but they try to feed off me which is probably even worse. Well you seem to have it all figured out, don't you. Good for you! Why then did you start this thread asking us what we thought was going on with him? Only to argue with the opinions that don't align with your own particular thought process? Which thought process you obviously possessed before even starting the thread! In any event, you asked what we thought was going on with him, and I gave my opinion. Again, you don't agree that is FINE! Take it or leave it, I don't really care. Good luck!!
Versacehottie Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 He is lost. Sometimes (not even only in romantic situations) people try to latch onto someone else who has focus and/or drive and a career. It doesn't even have to be particularly great career, just better and person more stable or more motivated or more on a trajectory than their own. I think it doesn't have to be particularly negative--however, your guy did sound a little victimy and needy about it. As they say: the proof is in the pudding--lol, I think that's the saying. What really matters is the actions ones takes to get to their goals. Right now it sounds like he is exploring possible goals and possible motivation. So you are not likely to see action related to it because the goals and motivation are not firmed up. To be seen--if he ever gets motivated and focused. It's not a good idea to start a relationship with a person in this stage of life--ESPECIALLY if it is in direct contrast to how you are living, ie if you are focused and motivated. He's lost; you are not. 2
Author RoseWater Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 Well you seem to have it all figured out, don't you. Good for you! Why then did you start this thread asking us what we thought was going on with him? Only to argue with the opinions that don't align with your own particular thought process? Which thought process you obviously possessed before even starting the thread! In any event, you asked what we thought was going on with him, and I gave my opinion. Again, you don't agree that is FINE! Take it or leave it, I don't really care. Good luck!! There is no need to become defensive. You are simply wrong about him being a scammer who is trying to get money.
Strahatmak Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Unless you are an emotionally strong and blunt person who loves to uplift and coach people, you two may make a perfect match LOL You kinda figure it out yourself already, but: watch out for this guy manipulating your empathy. On either the emotional side or financial side or both. 2
Author RoseWater Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 He is lost. Sometimes (not even only in romantic situations) people try to latch onto someone else who has focus and/or drive and a career. It doesn't even have to be particularly great career, just better and person more stable or more motivated or more on a trajectory than their own. I think it doesn't have to be particularly negative--however, your guy did sound a little victimy and needy about it. As they say: the proof is in the pudding--lol, I think that's the saying. What really matters is the actions ones takes to get to their goals. Right now it sounds like he is exploring possible goals and possible motivation. So you are not likely to see action related to it because the goals and motivation are not firmed up. To be seen--if he ever gets motivated and focused. It's not a good idea to start a relationship with a person in this stage of life--ESPECIALLY if it is in direct contrast to how you are living, ie if you are focused and motivated. He's lost; you are not. Great post. You are right, it doesn't mean that he is a bad person. But already the victimy vibe feels annoying and we are not a good match. 1
Author RoseWater Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 Unless you are an emotionally strong and blunt person who loves to uplift and coach people, you two may make a perfect match LOL You kinda figure it out yourself already, but: watch out for this guy manipulating your empathy. On either the emotional side or financial side or both. I seem to fall into this role when it comes to family members. But it's not what you really want with a guy you might date is it LOL
katiegrl Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 (edited) There is no need to become defensive. You are simply wrong about him being a scammer who is trying to get money. Thanks but opinions are never right or wrong hun. Facts can be right or wrong, NOT opinions.... They just *are*. And I agree with Strahatmak, who said -- "watch out for this guy manipulating your empathy. On either the emotional side or *financial* side or both." Which you yourself "liked"! So apparently I am not the only one who believes it's a *possibility*. :bunny: As far as being "defensive," as long as there are people arguing with my personal opinion, I will continue to "defend" my opinion. Again, good luck! Edited October 15, 2015 by katiegrl
Author RoseWater Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 has anyone gone on a date with a guy that just talks about all the things he is going to do but has nothing to show for it? lol more than once I'm sure! :D
Author RoseWater Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 Thanks but opinions are never right or wrong hun. Facts can be right or wrong, NOT opinions.... They just *are*. And I agree with Strahatmak, who said -- "watch out for this guy manipulating your empathy. On either the emotional side or *financial* side or both." Which you yourself "liked"! So apparently I am not the only one who believes it's a *possibility*. :bunny: As far as being "defensive," as long as there are people arguing with my personal opinion, I will continue to "defend" my opinion. Again, good luck! This guy isn't from OLD. He's somebody very well known to a few people in my life. If he had a history of scamming, I'd know about it. I know a heck of a lot about his history. He's a pretty regular guy really. Albeit an unmotivated one.
Guyouthere Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 has anyone gone on a date with a guy that just talks about all the things he is going to do but has nothing to show for it? lol You should look up "narcissism". Thats one of the big red flags of it. I didn't know all of this myself until I researched it, and wish I had, because it would have saved me my last "relationship". 1
katiegrl Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 This guy isn't from OLD. He's somebody very well known to a few people in my life. If he had a history of scamming, I'd know about it. I know a heck of a lot about his history. He's a pretty regular guy really. Albeit an unmotivated one. I never said or suggested he was from OLD....
BluEyeL Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 It's not even endearing now. It feels very victimy Is that the reason you got rid of your ex husband? It's not that I got rid of him for this reason, but yes, this attitude led to other strange behavior, and basically we broke up because of his extreme jealousy, as almost 20 years after we met, my career soared and his didn't (mainly due to his negative attitude and inability to get along with people at work). 1
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