lebowski99 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Ok, so I'm back at my University for my last yr, and I have a job on campus. I generally work at night time, and I've had a lot of girls come onto me since I've started this job. Some are pretty cute, but I haven't really pursued any of them because I have so many obligations currently. Even though some of them have actually been kind of aggressive in their approach.. Anyways, tonight I saw this girl that is ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS. My type to a perfect T. I'm usually very humorous with the customers that come in, and people are very receptive. At the time she came in, though, it was very busy and I couldn't allot any time specifically just to flirt with her. I was really kicking myself because the campus is huge, and odds are I may never see her again. However, she has a very unique name so I think I'm going to add her on Facebook. In the past, I've messaged a handful of girls on Facebook that I hardly knew (like through a mutual friend or I saw them somewhere), and generally I've sent a message that is very thought provoking. The reason being is because I obviously want to set myself apart from all of the other guys who just say generic stuff. And the girls I try to talk to are usually pretty attractive, so they have no shortage of admirers. So usually when I've received responses from one of these girls, they'll respond by saying something like "Wow, that is so thoughtful!". And they'll insinuate or implicitly or indirectly that they want to continue talking to me... I try to follow up with a message that is far lighter and casual, but it seems like they don't know what to say. One girl said she was impressed but that she literally "didn't know what to say"... It just seems like such a difficult balance trying to find a perfect medium that will attract a girl. Because I feel saying too much creates a signal of neediness, and saying too little won't stand out enough. But I'm really trying to make sure I craft the perfect message for this girl because I really want to make a good impression. In person I'm usually pretty suave and charismatic, but it can be hard to really transmit your true essence through a message. Plus small talk can be kind of mechanical through text.. All responses are greatly appreciated
Author lebowski99 Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 I also wanted to add something so that I don't come off as shallow... A quandary I've had over the yrs is over looking a girl for a romantic relationship because I'm not really physically attracted to her. I realize there are great girls out there who aren't necessarily the most attractive, and I've gained some valuable friendships from them. However, I feel it's a requisite for me that I be attracted to the girl physically if I am to pursue something romantically with her. BUT, I don't get involved with females for ONLY their looks. That is just what draws me in initially, and if I don't like their personality, I don't pursue them further. I just don't want to come off as shallow, so I wanted to include this precursor.
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 If she finds you attractive and you mention something personal about her, she will respond. When online dating a long message from a guy wouldn't put me off if I liked the look of him, and no message was too short if I liked the sender too (as long as it was clear he sent it to me and not everyone in a scatter bomb approach). Similarly, a long message wouldn't make me reconsider someone I knew I wasn't into. Don't waste too much time and effort crafting the perfect message. Just send a paragraph mentioning something personal about her so she knows it's not sent to just any girl. Don't waste loads of time and effort when it doesn't have much impact on the likelihood of a reply. A SUPER long message (pages long) would put me off though. It's a bit full on. And unnecessary for a first contact. 1
Miss Peach Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I am turned off by really short messages like Hi or How are you. I never know how to answer them and they NEVER turn into a decent conversation. Also I don't feel special. I feel like someone he did cut/paste with and that I'm one of 100 women he did that to. If it's not something anything like that. you're approach is probably fine if they were interested/available.
phineas Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 "How's it going?" OKcupid did a study and rated it as the highest responded to initial message. So I use it & it works just fine for me. is all I use. they are either interested or not. It's essentially the same thing I say to women I meet in person. my philosphy at 43, if a woman is online it's because she has very few options in real life so if she's going to be so picky as to insist a man write her a crafted personal message on POF then she's not the woman for me.
jam.over.jelly Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 "How's it going?" OKcupid did a study and rated it as the highest responded to initial message. So I use it & it works just fine for me. is all I use. they are either interested or not. It's essentially the same thing I say to women I meet in person. my philosphy at 43, if a woman is online it's because she has very few options in real life so if she's going to be so picky as to insist a man write her a crafted personal message on POF then she's not the woman for me. You're kidding. That in bold. I would not even look at the guy's profile if he sent me that message. Every guy does. It is boring. OP, the first message being too long can be a turn off, at least for me it is, feels like the guy is trying too hard. Send her something funny, compliment something about her that you find stand out, but with a bit of humor. Make a girl laugh and you are GOLDEN! 3
Oregon_Dude Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I would think so. Honestly OP, pick something in their profile and say something silly about it. Ask ridiculous questions that refer to her profile. Have a weird and off the wall sense of humor. Women like guys who treat OLD like the odd thing that it is. Set yourself apart by being a goofball. 2
Qboro90 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 What was the message you sent her, that would help.
fitnessfan365 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 People have really short attention spans. Also think of it this way. If a woman has a ton of emails to go through, she's most likely skimming and deleting. So if she comes across a novella sized email, she'll probably just delete and not even bother. My advice? Save any reference to her looks for in person when you actually see her. The more like you act like you could care less how hot she is in the beginning, the more you'll stand out. Also, what's worked well for me is keeping opening emails to 2-3 sentences max. I pick something from the profile to playfully tease her about and ask a follow up question about something else on her profile. This gives her a reason to respond. 1
Qboro90 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 The "ultra nice guy" approach is something that in my opinion girls can see right though or won't respect. Unless you have come up with the most incredible introductory message of all time I think your better off being more casual. And I agree with the above reply... Leave out any reference to her looks. Even if you word it and dance around saying "she's beautiful". 16th century poets wouldn't be successfull getting dates via Facebook nowadays so you're not going to be the exception
Oregon_Dude Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Also, I don't even message someone who's not "Online Now". Because otherwise, you're just another message in her inbox. When they're online, they see your message come through, click on you, and usually respond. Change all your settings to Online Now and you'll see better results. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Also, I don't even message someone who's not "Online Now". Because otherwise, you're just another message in her inbox. When they're online, they see your message come through, click on you, and usually respond. Change all your settings to Online Now and you'll see better results. I do the same thing. Women get so many messages that by the time she logs on, the message will probably be a few pages deep..LOL I had a really hot FWB awhile back that had just started doing online dating. She had her laptop w/her, so I asked what her inbox looked like. She showed me and there was like 500 messages she hadn't even read yet. According to her all the messages she had read we're either sex related or way too long/boring. Then she said her ideal message would be a bit shorter that makes her laugh and that references the profile in some way. So I took her advice and it served me well once I got into online dating.
Strength in Healing Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 I used to open a conversation with "I think you've got an evil twin......." Probably responded 99% of the time. 1
jam.over.jelly Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 I used to open a conversation with "I think you've got an evil twin......." Probably responded 99% of the time. Good one. I'd probably say something like "Actually...I am the evil twin. Don't let my looks fool you. Muahahaha". I'm gonna steal this one from you .
Author lebowski99 Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 Thanks for all of the input from everyone... Generally I try not to comment on her looks whenever I send a message. I try to avoid making any comments where it may seem like I've put her on any pedestal. When I message a female, I just try to be down to Earth and incorporate some humor like many have suggested. I feel like it is FAR easier to talk to a girl in person, though. It's easier to develop some attraction. Online, I feel like it I have to put in more of an effort because they have so many suitors online and they don't feel obligated to respond since you're not there in person. I try to avoid making my messages TOO long, but I'll usually send about a paragraph, occasionally 2. I'll include 2 examples of the 2 most recent messages I've sent... The first is to a girl that I met downtown the other week. It began when I started talking to someone I have a class with and we were having a humorous conversation, then I noticed her and a friend sitting right next to us. I was with my brother, and I just casually made a comment to her friend. Her friend was from London, and I commented how I liked her accent. We exchanged a few more comments, then I spoke to the girl that I messaged. She said she was from Romania and I said that I like Romanian girls (trying to subtly develop an undertone of sexual attraction). I asked her how she liked it here and we just talked about a few things in regards to our college town... I told her I had to go, but asked for some contact info. She told me I could add her on Facebook, so I handed her my phone and she put in her info and sent a request to herself from my profile. Here is the message I sent, of which she didn't respond to lol. But I rarely send a follow up message if they don't respond to the first one "I almost forgot about meeting you last night, but it's difficult to forget meeting a girl from Romania with such an elegant name as Evelyne. If I'm recalling right, you said you don't typically go down town. But what do you do for fun around (insert college town name here)?" ................... Then the second message I sent today to the girl I encountered at my job last night. She's yet to respond, but this is what I sent. "I sent you a request because I was trying to talk to you last night in (insert job name) but it was busy so I didn't get a chance. Luckily your name is unique and hard to forget. I'm willing to allow you the opportunity to get to know me though lol. Is that cool with you?"
Author lebowski99 Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 Strength in Healing, how would you progress from that opener? You say that you think they have an evil twin, and then what? I'm not sure how to follow up with that.
Strength in Healing Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Strength in Healing, how would you progress from that opener? You say that you think they have an evil twin, and then what? I'm not sure how to follow up with that. Let's find out. Jam, if I had a type, you'd be it. You're beautiful, I'd have kicked myself if I didn't introduce myself. I'm Thomas. 1
jam.over.jelly Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Real smooth Thomas lol His game is strong...Haha! 2
Strength in Healing Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Lol some things you wanna do is try to keep stuff short. You don't want to spend TOO Much time messaging and learning about each other over soulless, toneless text. So do something like I just did there (assuming the girl actually is beautiful like Jam is) and then see how they respond. Usually girls will respond very positively to you saying they're beautiful and you'd have kicked yourself if you passed up introducing yourself. After that, try to be natural. But keep the goal at hanging out or at the minimum, talking over the phone. Texts and what not are really only good for 1). Setting up dates 2). After you've been dating a while, it's more acceptable to text each other throughout the day here and there (still not excessively).
Author lebowski99 Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 Yea, small talk over text is kind of mechanical. Something I mention to girls when messaging them. I try to be swift in getting to the point where we set up a time to hang out and do something. And occasionally I'll make a comment about them being beautiful, but I want to be as non chalant as possible, giving the impression that THEY are lucky that I've contacted them. Although I'm not a pretentious prick about it or anything. I try to be as subtle and tactful as possible in obtaining my objective.
Oregon_Dude Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 NC Thomas, laying down his massive game. Narcissism alert!
jam.over.jelly Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 NC Thomas, laying down his massive game. Narcissism alert! Why so cynical?
phineas Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 You're kidding. That in bold. I would not even look at the guy's profile if he sent me that message. Every guy does. It is boring. OP, the first message being too long can be a turn off, at least for me it is, feels like the guy is trying too hard. Send her something funny, compliment something about her that you find stand out, but with a bit of humor. Make a girl laugh and you are GOLDEN! And how long have you been single?
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