She is giving mixed signals... Is she playing me?

[JohnDellano]

Hello everybody.

 

So I met this girl online a few weeks ago... I'm 33 and she's 27 and she's super hot, I mean... she's at least a solid 9, I'm not kidding. And she's successful professionally speaking, super smart and fun as well. She sounds very confident when she texts and talks. However, I think she's playing me, lemme see if you agree with me and please tell me what u think.

 

We started talking online then I got her number. She NEVER initiated conversation. Our convos were always fun and she seemed 100% interested. But she never texted me first.

She would always answer my texts almost instantly or quickly but never initiated conversation. Also, she ALWAYS ends conversation first.

 

She lives far away and next month she is coming to my hometown because she will be visiting a friend of hers . So 1 week after we started texting she told me that and I was really happy. I even asked her out, and though she's saying she is "hesitant about it" she is giving me hints that she will go out with me.

 

However since she never initiates convo I don't want to seem desperate so I text her every couple days. Our convos are always flirty and extremely fun. She never ever asked me why I don't text her everyday, she doesn't seem the clingy type like most girls.

 

2 days ago she told me out of nowhere that if we are really going to meet, she had to hear my voice first. Note: I wanted to call her before but she told me she wasn't comfortable with it. I thought about not calling her just because she asked me to do it, but instead I called her later that night. I told her "well perhaps I will call you" then she said "listen, do it if you want to. I am not forcing you to do anything. It's up to you now." I got a little pissed but I called her anyway.

 

When I called her she answered right away and our phone call was really fun and flirty as well. I like talking to her, we have the same sense of humor. But then one hour later she told me she had to sleep and she hung up.

 

I didn't text her yesterday, and neither did she.

 

So now I don't know what to do. She is giving me mixed signals and I don't know if she is playing me or not. What should I do?? How can I make her seem more interested? Any help is appreciated.

[phineas]

Don't play games with her.

It's a waste of time and she can probably outgame you.

Do you have her Facebook?

Are you sure she is whom she says she is?

 

I'm thinking catfish or just wants the attention and dangling the carrot of "next month visit" to keep you chasing.

 

I'd stop contacting and move on.

If she is coming to your neck of the woods but isn't 100% down with meeting I got bad news for ya.

 

She just ain't that into you.

[JohnDellano]

Don't play games with her.

It's a waste of time and she can probably outgame you.

Do you have her Facebook?

Are you sure she is whom she says she is?

 

I'm thinking catfish or just wants the attention and dangling the carrot of "next month visit" to keep you chasing.

 

I'd stop contacting and move on.

If she is coming to your neck of the woods but isn't 100% down with meeting I got bad news for ya.

 

She just ain't that into you.

 

 

 

I don't have her Facebook but we have FaceTimed once and I am 100% sure she is who she is.

 

I don't know what to do to make her seem more interested tbh.

 

I tried to build comfort and even showed her one of my writings - I'm a writer - and I sent her a little poem I had written years ago. She said "Hey that's really good" but she didn't seem amazed by it. Then I began a little roleplaying, joking about buying a house in the suburbs and having 3 kids with her, she just sent me "what if I'm a downtown girl?" reply and nothing else.

 

When I called her she answered right away and our phone call was really fun and flirty as well. I joked about marrying her again, even matched our names and she said "please don't say such a thing, you can do better than that."

 

I don't know if she's just a tease, if she's interested or if she's playing me.

 

I admit I'm a player myself so I don't know if she noticed that I'm a player and now decided to play me as well...

[madjac74]

 

I tried to build comfort and even showed her one of my writings - I'm a writer - and I sent her a little poem I had written years ago. She said "Hey that's really good" but she didn't seem amazed by it.

 

Maybe it sucked and she was just being nice

 

I don't know if she's just a tease, if she's interested or if she's playing me.

 

None of the above. You are coming on too strong discussing marriage and kids. Some guys can pull that off after a few good dates but in this case I think you are just freaking her out

 

I admit I'm a player myself so I don't know if she noticed that I'm a player and now decided to play me as well...

 

A player wouldn't be stressing over what one girl, whom he barely knows, thinks of him. Also can she "play" you if you havent met in person?

[JohnDellano]

Maybe it sucked and she was just being nice

 

 

 

None of the above. You are coming on too strong discussing marriage and kids. Some guys can pull that off after a few good dates but in this case I think you are just freaking her out

 

 

 

A player wouldn't be stressing over what one girl, whom he barely knows, thinks of him. Also can she "play" you if you havent met in person?

 

 

 

I was just kidding about getting Married. She knows that

[Maggie4]

How come I read your entire post and I cannot find any signs of her playing you?

 

I do hear you on: 1. she's way hot. 2. you want her. 3. but alas, she's not smitten with you.

 

These don't add up to her playing you. You have not met. Don't anticipate rejection.

[JohnDellano]

How come I read your entire post and I cannot find any signs of her playing you?

 

I do hear you on: 1. she's way hot. 2. you want her. 3. but alas, she's not smitten with you.

 

These don't add up to her playing you. You have not met. Don't anticipate rejection.

 

I think she is playing me because she never initiates conversation and always ends the convo first.

 

Moreover she made me call her so that "she could hear my voice" and then she hung up first and didn't text or say anything later.

 

I haven't texted her for 2 days and she didn't say a thing. I have the impression that if I ever stop texting her she will never text me.

[Versacehottie]

How come I read your entire post and I cannot find any signs of her playing you?

 

I do hear you on: 1. she's way hot. 2. you want her. 3. but alas, she's not smitten with you.

 

These don't add up to her playing you. You have not met. Don't anticipate rejection.

 

Yes OP you are being paranoid and overinvested, a bad combo. You haven't even met yet and don't live close. Why would she be 1000% into you yet?!? She's hesistant, I'm guessing because you are coming on too strong and there's a desperate and insecure vibe from you--not sexy.

[jen1447]

You do sound a little shaky. Regardless, she's holding her cards which is a less than rousing endorsement of you. So I'd put it on the backburner. Trying to dial it up will just make you seem weird(er).

[salparadise]

How come I read your entire post and I cannot find any signs of her playing you?

 

Yup, hot girls have options everywhere they go. They aren't inclined to overreact to a bit of attention. She's just being cool, and she's good at it. That's not the same as leading you on with no intent to follow through or whatever you're imagining.

 

The way to work this is to show interest, initiate, be consistent, but do not appear to be invested in the outcome. If you're texting every other day and she's responding I'd say just keep doing that and be cool until she comes to town. Maybe another phone call in between if the first one went well.

 

Think to yourself, I'll take the lead... but I'm a good catch too.

[Versacehottie]

Yup, hot girls have options everywhere they go. They aren't inclined to overreact to a bit of attention. She's just being cool, and she's good at it. That's not the same as leading you on with no intent to follow through or whatever you're imagining.

 

The way to work this is to show interest, initiate, be consistent, but do not appear to be invested in the outcome. If you're texting every other day and she's responding I'd say just keep doing that and be cool until she comes to town. Maybe another phone call in between if the first one went well.

 

Think to yourself, I'll take the lead... but I'm a good catch too.

 

Agreed. She is not playing you. As a guy, who wants to put his best foot forward and confidently show interest, you should have no problem taking the lead. Since she is hot (and even if she was less so), girls with options and personal preferences for guys who take the lead, know what the want and don't need reassurances along the way is what she is probably looking for. Doesn't mean she's playing you at all though.

[JohnDellano]

You do sound a little shaky. Regardless, she's holding her cards which is a less than rousing endorsement of you. So I'd put it on the backburner. Trying to dial it up will just make you seem weird(er).

 

Yes OP you are being paranoid and overinvested, a bad combo. You haven't even met yet and don't live close. Why would she be 1000% into you yet?!? She's hesistant, I'm guessing because you are coming on too strong and there's a desperate and insecure vibe from you--not sexy.

 

Yup, hot girls have options everywhere they go. They aren't inclined to overreact to a bit of attention. She's just being cool, and she's good at it. That's not the same as leading you on with no intent to follow through or whatever you're imagining.

 

The way to work this is to show interest, initiate, be consistent, but do not appear to be invested in the outcome. If you're texting every other day and she's responding I'd say just keep doing that and be cool until she comes to town. Maybe another phone call in between if the first one went well.

 

Think to yourself, I'll take the lead... but I'm a good catch too.

 

Agreed. She is not playing you. As a guy, who wants to put his best foot forward and confidently show interest, you should have no problem taking the lead. Since she is hot (and even if she was less so), girls with options and personal preferences for guys who take the lead, know what the want and don't need reassurances along the way is what she is probably looking for. Doesn't mean she's playing you at all though.

 

 

The thing is - I am starting to get pissed off.

 

I was mad when she hung up first - why? Because she said

 

"Oh, if we are ever gonna meet, I wanna hear your voice first".

 

I didn't want to behave like a dog so I said "well, perhaps I will call you later".

 

Then she said :

 

"well.. do it if you want to. But I don't like the idea of meeting someone without hearing the person's voice first. It's up to you".

 

I wanted the meeting to happen so I called her a few hours later, after having dinner.

 

Then we had a very fun convo ( 1h and 30 min) and then she said she needed to hang up because she had to get up early the next day to go to work.

 

I was ****ing mad at myself because she must think I'm a fool. She made me call her, I did, and she didn't even had the politeness to let me hang up first, she was the one who hung up first. SHE ALWAYS ends the convos first.

 

Moreover, most girls I call always send me a text right after the call or the next morning saying "oh loved talking to you", etc. She didn't send me a thing. I decided I wouldn't send her anything either.

 

And when I told her I wanted to meet her and that I was very serious about that, I asked her what kind of food or what drink she likes, she told me and then I thought "well she is definitely going out with me" but then she ALWAYS says "oh... IF we ever meet..." or things like "you know I can't be too nice to you."

 

I'm ****ing tired of this.

 

IMO she's a ****ing player.

[GingerVixen]

I don't see her as a player.

 

She must have been hurt before by a player and she knows how men behave.

[Versacehottie]

Why so hostile and angry about someone you have dating feelings about? If she makes you pissed, normal people would just let her go. No big deal. If you want to date her stop thinking she's the enemy or trying to get something over on you.

 

so what if she got off the phone first??? You sound incredibly needy. 1.5 hours is enough to talk on the phone. gotta leave them wanting more (both of you!!) sounds like you are very uncomfortable with uncertainty. Dating is uncertainty so get used to it or you are going to be perpetually unhappy and not successful. Maybe she is just so far out of your league that you are completely insecure with this one.

 

Also whatever you said about ALWAYS receiving a text from other girls after a phone call is stupid. We are not robots we don't all do the same thing and she can't read your mind to know what is reassuring and required behavior for you. Stop being a baby. You ARE probably picking up on "declining" interest from her but that is because she is getting to know you and your insecurity is turning her off. You are the factor!!! Doesn't mean she had bad intentions from the beginning. Please...

[smackie9]

Reality is she owes you nothing, your time invested is YOUR choice. If you have a bad feeling about it, you have the free will to just stop talking to her.

[katiegrl]

I think she is playing me because she never initiates conversation and always ends the convo first.

 

Moreover she made me call her so that "she could hear my voice" and then she hung up first and didn't text or say anything later.

 

I haven't texted her for 2 days and she didn't say a thing. I have the impression that if I ever stop texting her she will never text me.

 

What you wrote above or anywhere in this thread does NOT indicate she is "playing you."

 

What it indicates is that she is "not interested" in you.

 

Big difference!

 

Many women need to hear a guy's voice before meeting. Does not mean that once you talk and she hears your voice, she's "obligated" to meet you, jeez!

 

So you had a nice talk, so what? Friends have nice talks too.

 

She's not feeling it. Again, not feeling it does not equal playing you.

 

The only reason you suspect she's playing you is because that's YOUR game ,(you admitted you're a player), so you're projecting.

 

Stop that she is not you!

 

IMO, the reason she LOST interest is because you are trying too hard to get her interested!

 

You cannot "do" anything to make a girl interested, and the harder you try, the more turned off she will be.

 

That's what happened and there is not a damn thing you can "do" about it.

 

Move on.

[xcupid]

Seems to me that you have to MEET her before anything more is going to happen and if there is in fact a connection. She doesn't know you at all at this stage and you don't know her.

[JohnDellano]

Seems to me that you have to MEET her before anything more is going to happen and if there is in fact a connection. She doesn't know you at all at this stage and you don't know her.

 

What you wrote above or anywhere in this thread does NOT indicate she is "playing you."

 

What it indicates is that she is "not interested" in you.

 

Big difference!

 

Many women need to hear a guy's voice before meeting. Does not mean that once you talk and she hears your voice, she's "obligated" to meet you, jeez!

 

So you had a nice talk, so what? Friends have nice talks too.

 

She's not feeling it. Again, not feeling it does not equal playing you.

 

The only reason you suspect she's playing you is because that's YOUR game ,(you admitted you're a player), so you're projecting.

 

Stop that she is not you!

 

IMO, the reason she LOST interest is because you are trying too hard to get her interested!

 

You cannot "do" anything to make a girl interested, and the harder you try, the more turned off she will be.

 

That's what happened and there is not a damn thing you can "do" about it.

 

Move on.

 

Reality is she owes you nothing, your time invested is YOUR choice. If you have a bad feeling about it, you have the free will to just stop talking to her.

 

Why so hostile and angry about someone you have dating feelings about? If she makes you pissed, normal people would just let her go. No big deal. If you want to date her stop thinking she's the enemy or trying to get something over on you.

 

so what if she got off the phone first??? You sound incredibly needy. 1.5 hours is enough to talk on the phone. gotta leave them wanting more (both of you!!) sounds like you are very uncomfortable with uncertainty. Dating is uncertainty so get used to it or you are going to be perpetually unhappy and not successful. Maybe she is just so far out of your league that you are completely insecure with this one.

 

Also whatever you said about ALWAYS receiving a text from other girls after a phone call is stupid. We are not robots we don't all do the same thing and she can't read your mind to know what is reassuring and required behavior for you. Stop being a baby. You ARE probably picking up on "declining" interest from her but that is because she is getting to know you and your insecurity is turning her off. You are the factor!!! Doesn't mean she had bad intentions from the beginning. Please...

 

I don't see her as a player.

 

She must have been hurt before by a player and she knows how men behave.

 

 

Thank you again for your advice.

 

Now lemme tell you what really happened... I think I screwed it up now...

 

So we talked for the last time on the phone on October 13th. That's when she hung up saying she had to sleep, I got pissed and you know the rest.

 

Then I decided not to initiate contact again. If she were really interested, she would come and message me, right?

 

So 3 days went by, and nothing. She didn't say a thing. I didn't say anything either.

 

Then yesterday, on October 17th - I knew it was her birthday, but I didn't text her or call her. I was pissed and I wanted her to see I was pissed and ignoring her. I thought she would text me the other day, but in the evening I found out she deleted my number - why? We talk in WhatsApp and some people change their settings so that when they delete someone's number the deleted person won't be able to see their userpic or status.

 

I cannot see her userpic or status so that means SHE DELETED MY NUMBER YESTERDAY.

 

Was it because I didn't wish her a happy birthday?

 

Now what do you think? Was she playing me since the beginning?? Was she playing hard to get? Is she spoiled?

 

Should I go and talk to her?

[GemmaUK]

No, don't contact her.

She just got fed up with you

She was already fed up with you before the call.

 

 

She has moved on.

Do the same.

[Lois_Griffin]

Thank you again for your advice.

 

Now lemme tell you what really happened... I think I screwed it up now...

 

So we talked for the last time on the phone on October 13th. That's when she hung up saying she had to sleep, I got pissed and you know the rest.

 

Then I decided not to initiate contact again. If she were really interested, she would come and message me, right?

 

So 3 days went by, and nothing. She didn't say a thing. I didn't say anything either.

 

Then yesterday, on October 17th - I knew it was her birthday, but I didn't text her or call her. I was pissed and I wanted her to see I was pissed and ignoring her. I thought she would text me the other day, but in the evening I found out she deleted my number - why? We talk in WhatsApp and some people change their settings so that when they delete someone's number the deleted person won't be able to see their userpic or status.

 

I cannot see her userpic or status so that means SHE DELETED MY NUMBER YESTERDAY.

 

Was it because I didn't wish her a happy birthday?

 

Now what do you think? Was she playing me since the beginning?? Was she playing hard to get? Is she spoiled?

 

Should I go and talk to her?

She was only MILDLY interested before. It actually sounds like more like she was enjoying toying with you because you fed her ego.

 

You seem to be the one who was keeping the connection going. Since you stopped, she crossed you off her list of admirers, is all.

 

If she's as 'hot' as you claim, she's got more attention than she can handle, and deleting you means nothing to her. She's probably replaced you with 3 more just like you.

[Methodical]

Nothing in your post indicates she played you. She was consistent and not big on initiating contact. Why? If she's a solid 9, I'm gonna speculate and say that she's had BAD experiences with doing so...but who knows, right? However, she always returned your text immediately. I understand her wanting to hear your voice before meeting. But, I don't understand you getting irate bc she ended the call. I mean, honestly, you weren't gonna end the conversation. 1.5 hours and it was obviously late if she said she needed to get some sleep and had an early morning.

 

All this build up with texts, suggestion to meet, 1.5 hours of fun conversation, and then you stop all contact...and purposely didn't touch base on her b-day? In her shoes, I'd have deleted you too. She remained consistent, letting you initiate contact and you dropped the ball.

[kpl]

Realistically, her deleting your number could mean a lot of things and not necessarily her little interest in you. I think it's important to say that b/c sometimes other ppl's interest level can affect someone's self esteem...it shouldn't but it can.

 

Just use whatever excuse you need to use to move on. She could have been dating someone else and things got serious OR you lived too far OR tragedy happened and she isn't interested in dating in general OR she made her info private on WHATSAPP for everyone...who knows? You don't. What you do know is you haven't met her and she isn't contacting you or thinking about you right now so why are you wasting time thinking about her. You really don't know her she could be a serial killer and you dodged a bullet. Tell yourself she's a serial killer if you need to anything you need to say to move on.

[Maggie4]

OP, I think you need to listen to yourself saying you are upset with her for ending the conversation after 1.5 hours. Sorry to be so blunt, but, you kinda scare me. When you believe she cannot end a phone call, and only you can end a call, it's a controlling mindset.

[katiegrl]

Dude, you have never even met this chick!

 

But okay, many people get emotionally involved before meeting, I get that.

 

But I still don't get how you think she was *playing you*? What's your definition of playing you anyway?

 

IMO, it sounds like when you first started texting, she was mildly interested. As she continued texting, then talked on phone, got to know you better. she LOST interest.

 

Is that not allowed in your world? A woman having interest initially and then losing interest?

 

Because that is ALL this is.

 

She deleted you because you were beginning to annoy her, that's not playing games, that's losing interest and becoming annoyed.

 

Why do you insist she was "playing you"? Because that's what YOU do?

 

It sounds like your ego is bruised, maybe cuz you're usually the one to do the rejecting, since you are the self-admitted player here.

 

Not her.

 

She just lost interest.

 

It happens.

 

Move on.

Edited October 18, 2015 by katiegrl

[Versacehottie]

Thank you again for your advice.

 

Now lemme tell you what really happened... I think I screwed it up now...

 

So we talked for the last time on the phone on October 13th. That's when she hung up saying she had to sleep, I got pissed and you know the rest.

 

Then I decided not to initiate contact again. If she were really interested, she would come and message me, right?

 

So 3 days went by, and nothing. She didn't say a thing. I didn't say anything either.

 

Then yesterday, on October 17th - I knew it was her birthday, but I didn't text her or call her. I was pissed and I wanted her to see I was pissed and ignoring her. I thought she would text me the other day, but in the evening I found out she deleted my number - why? We talk in WhatsApp and some people change their settings so that when they delete someone's number the deleted person won't be able to see their userpic or status.

 

I cannot see her userpic or status so that means SHE DELETED MY NUMBER YESTERDAY.

 

Was it because I didn't wish her a happy birthday?

 

Now what do you think? Was she playing me since the beginning?? Was she playing hard to get? Is she spoiled?

 

Should I go and talk to her?

 

OMG! You need a reality check! Like I said, her interest was declining BECAUSE OF YOU! Why you think she is obligated to have it all figured out and want to marry you from the first sight of your pic or something is beyond me. She is figuring it out as she goes--same as anyone, same as you have a right to. She owes you very, very little, especially if you've never even met.

 

You tried to retaliate for some imaginary slight by ignoring her birthday. Well you took a risk, acted like a baby and now you know how pulling a stunt like that will go: not well!! She has healthy self-esteem and not willing to put up with your bullsh*t. You realize what you are doing is supremely UNattractive, right? How is she "spoiled" for being OVER a brat like you? She is fed up and unimpressed. Why would she want to date a guy who knows it's her birthday and purposely ignores her? Get real.

 

She is way too good for you for more reasons than just looks. You need to seek help seriously. And "should you go talk to her"? I'm going to assume you meant that question seriously since I'm bound by LS rules. Um, no you've never met, never been on a first real date--there is nothing to salvage and to think your first meeting would be a "resurrect-the-relationship" meeting is ridiculous. The only person you should go talk to is a qualified therapist.