DoesntGetIt Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I will try to keep this as short as I can while still giving info. I'm dating a woman for the second time, so there is history there. And, because we were friends in between and I sold my house, I live in her extra bedroom. After I broke up with a girl I was dating, and months into living with this one, she had a moment where she opened up to me about a bunch of stuff she was sad about. This was surprising as she is not a girly girl and loves to play the tough person act as if nothing ever gets her sad etc. During that, one of the things she admitted was being envious of the woman I had been with, and said she knew she had no right to be since she is the one who ended out previous thing. I asked if she wanted to try again, she said yes and we agreed to really date, no casual, no other people. It was awkward at first because 1) we were friends 2) we were living together and 3) we had already tried before. So it has been taking a long time to find the right groove. We haven't had sex that much (but this is something I learned the first time around, she is very body conscious and that makes her not horny, not want to be naked, etc.) she isn't an affectionate person so she doesn't typically initiate any kissing (think she has once since we started dating this time), and rarely starts cuddling. She does come to my room some nights to sleep with me. She does sometimes try to be the one to start conversations, and she does tend to lay on me on the couch when watching tv, so there are some good signs. But she is just so reserved, and I think she isn't telling me some stuff. Like tonight she worked late (we work at the same place but in different departments) she needs the money and does this sometimes, so that isn't strange. But a chat program she keeps open while at work logged out 3 hours ago, and she still isn't home and now it is past 1:30 am. There is no way she is at her desk at work, but didn't tell me she was going out to do anything else. But when I ask tomorrow, she'll just say she was working the whole time. I have no reason not to trust her, she's always been honest. She didn't do anything behind my back the last time, and in fact didn't do anything while we were apart either. But yet there are many times I feel she is keeping things from me and I don't know what or why, or what to do about it as I don't want to come off as untrusting. And it is odd because she is always very curious on where I was or what I was doing. She got upset last week when I went out after work and didn't mention it to her first. But she isn't always that forthcoming from her end. She even asked if I was going out tonight at work, since I didn't offer her a ride in. I assumed it was because of when she got mad before, but now I wonder if it was something else. She texts a lot on some nights without ever telling me who it is, and of course keeps her phone locked and facing down between texts so I don't even see the pop up. But she says it is just friends about random things, and I just don't know. I don't know what to do about this doubt, wondering I have since she'll just say there's nothing there, and I do care about her. I should mention that she sleeps here every night. And we spend most nights together, and the ones we don't, I do generally know who she's with. This is one of the rare cases where I just don't know what she's actually doing and the fact that it seems like she is giving me a half truth on what she's doing makes me very uncomfortable.
Author DoesntGetIt Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 Doesn't seem many are interested in this, but here is the follow up. She says she did work that whole time (got home a little after 2am) and explained it all. Again, I have no real reason to not believe her except it seems odd and something feels off. She said she was going to work late again tonight but came home on time and said she felt too tired to put in extra hours. I thought we'd hang out since she is leaving for a week, for work, on Saturday but she immediately hopped on the Playstation to play a game with another guy friend from work (all her friends are guys which is also tricky). I made a quick dinner and felt like a pathetic needy girlfriend (I am a guy and don't mean to suggest anything bad about women, but I think the phrase conjures the right images) as I said "Hey, do you think we could hangout tomorrow night since you're leaving". She said sure, but it still made me feel like a bitch that I'm putting in all this effort and she's not. I don't know why I do it either. I've never let anyone push me around in a relationship (and don't do it to others either). I've never taken **** from people. But here I am like a puppy dog just waiting for time to get attention and for some reason I can't just say **** it and walk away.
loverboy69 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 I can't offer you much help here. But you are living with the person you started dating and also work at the same company. You need some time to yourself. Rent a room elsewhere and/or find a new job if you can. Focus on you. Yeah you can still date her but you are a man and you need your space. Honestly I feel you are more invested in her than the other way around. In this dynamic she'll keep holding back or pulling away and you'll keep clinging. The pattern will continue until one of you makes a break.
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