There is Seemingly Nothing I Can Do To Make Me Feel Positive about Dating

October 16, 2015

That's a fantastic quality to have. You sound great. But I do think dating is different. It can come across as really intense if you are treating it in the same way as your career.

I am not

I'm not trying to date the most beautiful woman on the planet or trying to sleep with 100 females

I just want 1 decent looking girl to be my girlfriend. I'm in the above average to elite range for men my age in almost everything across the board. Why is this so incredibly hard?

Then date someone who isn't as good looking. You can do this if you just want a girlfriend or someone to date. It will give you the experience. Not everything is about looks and you may not find what you are looking for but then you can politely end it and look for someone else.

I'm willing to settle a little but how much can I really settle? I'm not attracted to women who are slobs, who are smokers, who are overweight, etc...

I take excellent care of myself, have good grooming and style, work out with heavy weights 6 times a week, I just want somebody who is close to me.

Have you tried meeting women through friends or in a group or social club? Sometimes that's great as you are getting to know someone with a mutual interest over a longer period where you have plenty of opportunities to impress and to build a bond between you.

I've met a few females through friends

None of them wanted anything to do with me.

October 16, 2015

First off I'll tell you that at 26 years old you're right at the age where girls are going to start looking at the "successfull, driven, stable" guys that the previously would cast aside versus the "popular, jock, handsome player" because it's around this time where women want something serious and to settle down.

This is the part that drives me utterly insane

I'm both

I'm very successful, responsible, perfect credit score, etc... but I'm also the guy who has lots of friends, who can party till 7 AM, who is fun to be around, who is masculine, who dresses very stylish, etc... I do everything that people tell me I need to do to be attractive to women. I've always taken pride in being both the guy who is very responsible but can crush somebody's skull in when the time comes.

Now having said that... I think a mistake you are making is expecting attraction, results, etc around your workplace and career. The woman who was sold on your product likely was not even looking at you or thinking about attraction or romantic possibilities because she's in the middle of a business transaction.

I am not expecting dating anywhere. I would like to have some dating success once every 50 years

My roommate has slept with 4 women he's met at my job that he's been there for less than a year just FYI

If you go to happy hour after work on Fridays or work parties then you can interact more personally and intimately but as far as day to day goes. Forget expecting and progress or attraction from women, clients. If I went to a car dealership to buy a car and the saleswoman was gorgeous.... I'm not even considering her as a dating possibility because I'm too focused on what I'm there for .... To buy a car.... Also if I did try and pick her up, my mind would think that she's just appeasing me in order to close the deal. So that's something your female clients may be thinking despite how genuine you think you're being.

A friend of mine met his wife who was a car saleswoman, she's very pretty just FYI

Anyways you make it seem like the happy hour is any easier. Most women there are taken and just wanting a little attention from drunken and horny guys. If they're single, they have a group of 50032850283502358205583 guys trying to hit on them

Dating overall is a 1,000 times harder for men. It's the truth.

October 16, 2015

This is the part that drives me utterly insane

I'm both

I'm very successful, responsible, perfect credit score, etc... but I'm also the guy who has lots of friends, who can party till 7 AM, who is fun to be around, who is masculine, who dresses very stylish, etc... I do everything that people tell me I need to do to be attractive to women. I've always taken pride in being both the guy who is very responsible but can crush somebody's skull in when the time comes.

I am not expecting dating anywhere. I would like to have some dating success once every 50 years

My roommate has slept with 4 women he's met at my job that he's been there for less than a year just FYI

A friend of mine met his wife who was a car saleswoman, she's very pretty just FYI

Anyways you make it seem like the happy hour is any easier. Most women there are taken and just wanting a little attention from drunken and horny guys. If they're single, they have a group of 50032850283502358205583 guys trying to hit on them

Dating overall is a 1,000 times harder for men. It's the truth.

So then explain your most recent attempt at picking up or engaging with a girl you were attracted to. Might be able to deduce what you're doing portly that way.

Nothing you can do about girls with a BF so that's nothing against you as a person. I was always very successfull getting dates, girls, etc but I also have been rejected more times than I could possibly count.

The biggest key is actually crossing that line between just a conversation with a girl and the act of asking for her number, setting up a date, etc.

Do you go on dates? Or complete novice in that regard too?

October 16, 2015

So then explain your most recent attempt at picking up or engaging with a girl you were attracted to. Might be able to deduce what you're doing portly that way.

The last girl I had a good conversation with was the one who bought a car from me yesterday. We got along very well but there was absolutely no signs of interest on her end (as usual). I can't ask for a date when she wants nothing to do with me and is showing no interest in being asked out.

I have normal conversations - I talk about whatever the other person is interested in. I can hold a conversation on a huge range of topics with a huge range of personality types. I do like people quite a bit.

Do you go on dates?

I don't know what that is, that word doesn't exist in my vocabulary.

October 16, 2015

1) You say that you don't act desperate. But you're looking at clients as potential dates. To me this screams desperation because you don't have enough self control to keep the two separate. It's never a good idea to mix business w/pleasure unless you're an escort mind you.

2) The fact that you're so into self improvement makes you sound a bit narcissistic. This could be coming across in how you handle yourself w/women. Remember, all the self improvement in the world won't automatically entitle to you to success w/women. Chemistry always comes back to personality and your ability to be charming, witty,and push a girl's buttons. I mean how can you be focused on them and picking up on things that will spark their interest, when you're so focused on yourself?

October 16, 2015

1) You say that you don't act desperate. But you're looking at clients as potential dates. To me this screams desperation because you don't have enough self control to keep the two separate. It's never a good idea to mix business w/pleasure unless you're an escort mind you.

My roommate (who is about as handsome as I am but 6 inches shorter) has had 4 women that he's slept with that were clients so it is very much possible.

but keep in mind I'm not asking these women out or acting desperate or trying to hit on them. It would be awesome if they liked me but I don't go into anything expecting any kind of dating success. I just behave like myself and hopefully the women like me but that obviously never happens.

The fact that you're so into self improvement makes you sound a bit narcissistic.

there is no amount of self improvement that makes me happy

I'm on track to make 180K this year at 26 and I won't be happy until I'm making at least 400 or 500K a year.

I started playing in a football league 3 years ago and I'm already a top 3 to top 5 best player in the league

That's what I expect of myself. I expect absolute and utter domination in everything I do. That's how I'm wired. I get an intense joy out of dominating anything I do.

I mean how can you be focused on them and picking up on things that will spark their interest, when you're so focused on yourself?

When i'm talking to people, my focus is all on them - whatever they like and are interested in. My focus is mainly on making them feel very comfortable and warm around me. My obsessive need to be the best has nothing to do with how I talk to people.

For what it's worth, I've had at least 50 people say that "I was the nicest guy in the world". I take pride in excellence in character as well.

Edited October 16, 2015 by AdagioForStrings

October 16, 2015

I agree that your ethnicity make work against you. Btw what ethnicity are you? Also where do you live? If it's a city like NYC, I'm pretty sure the girls you're looking for at your age, are probably still looking for guys with pretty faces.

The number one way people meet by far is through friends. So I have to ask, in your social circle, does it consist of women that are your type? Do your male friends have girlfriends that are of your type? If so, assuming they are good friends, they shouldn't have any problem trying to set you up with one of their friends.

If your social circle doesn't include the women of your type, then you might as well try online dating.

October 16, 2015

I'm 26 years old
football linebacker/full back build - play in a football league, love bodybuilding and fitness
love fashion so I dress extremely trendy/fashionable with very good grooming
extremely successful/hard working/driven
intelligent/educated
both extroverted but have an introverted side
have a great and exciting lifestyle

I would like a woman as close to me as possible

295302850238630262062

none of them want anything to do with me

How do you know they don't want anything to do with you. Do you even talk to them? Most girls like being approached first.

October 16, 2015

My roommate (who is about as handsome as I am but 6 inches shorter) has had 4 women that he's slept with that were clients so it is very much possible.

but keep in mind I'm not asking these women out or acting desperate or trying to hit on them. It would be awesome if they liked me but I don't go into anything expecting any kind of dating success. I just behave like myself and hopefully the women like me but that obviously never happens.

there is no amount of self improvement that makes me happy

I'm on track to make 180K this year at 26 and I won't be happy until I'm making at least 400 or 500K a year.

I started playing in a football league 3 years ago and I'm already a top 3 to top 5 best player in the league

That's what I expect of myself. I expect absolute and utter domination in everything I do. That's how I'm wired. I get an intense joy out of dominating anything I do.

When i'm talking to people, my focus is all on them - whatever they like and are interested in. My focus is mainly on making them feel very comfortable and warm around me. My obsessive need to be the best has nothing to do with how I talk to people.

For what it's worth, I've had at least 50 people say that "I was the nicest guy in the world". I take pride in excellence in character as well.

Maybe your issue is confidence? You writing this post doesn't show confidence. Work on your confidence level then try it. Therapy helps with confidence issues.

October 16, 2015

How do you know they don't want anything to do with you. Do you even talk to them?

of course - We get along well but there's no attraction at all on their end

October 16, 2015

I agree that your ethnicity make work against you.

What baffles me is that white gay men go absolutely berserk over me - they say that I'm gorgeous and beautiful and what not. It baffles me how white women want nothing to do with me - I'm EXTREMELY white washed. I play in a football league and go to country music concerts...speak perfect English. All my friends are white or Hispanic. I basically look Spanish or Middle Eastern.

There are a few good looking younger women in my social circle but they want absolutely nothing to do with me obviously.

October 16, 2015

Your problem is that you have a white fetish and only date white girls (so it seems). You basically narrow down your options because of this. And you go on here and complain that women don't pay attention to you even though you're attractive. Maybe, just maybe you don't consider women of other ethnicity an option.

October 16, 2015

Your problem is that you have a white fetish and only date white girls (so it seems). You basically narrow down your options because of this. And you go on here and complain that women don't pay attention to you even though you're attractive. Maybe, just maybe you don't consider women of other ethnicity an option.

I'm open to whites and latinas - I like both about equally. I would potentially like Asians if they're similar culture to me. The problem is that I live in a very wealthy predominantly white area so white people is what I'm mostly around.

I am generally not attracted to Indians and Black women. Arab women can be very beautiful but I don't care for religion at all.

It's more of a question of culture than race.

Edited October 16, 2015 by AdagioForStrings

October 16, 2015

I'm open to whites and latinas - I like both about equally. I would potentially like Asians if they're similar culture to me. The problem is that I live in a very wealthy predominantly white area so white people is what I'm mostly around.

I am generally not attracted to Indians and Black women. Arab women can be very beautiful but I don't care for religion at all.

I'm not gonna lie. It sucks for you. You might have to move somewhere more diverse. White women living in a predominantly white area tend to only date white men. It's sad, but true. Meanwhile in other cities where there are more people of different backgrounds, they tend to be more open to dating other races. I don't know if being a woman has anything to do with it, but I personally don't find my race to be a problem at all. I have had dated guys who flat out told me they were never attracted to Asian girls, but hey they were attracted to me, and so there's that. I guess my attitude plays a big role. I know I'm not the most attractive girl, but I do believe I have a great personality and I am confident. And when I walk into a room, I tell myself every guy in that room wants to come talk to me, and they usually do, regardless of their race. I do think it's all about the attitude. If you do believe that hot women want you, practice your confidence, own it, and you will see a big difference. Seems to me like you have it all, but your confidence isn't quite up there.

October 16, 2015

I'm not gonna lie. It sucks for you. You might have to move somewhere more diverse. White women living in a predominantly white area tend to only date white men. It's sad, but true. Meanwhile in other cities where there are more people of different backgrounds, they tend to be more open to dating other races. I don't know if being a woman has anything to do with it, but I personally don't find my race to be a problem at all. I have had dated guys who flat out told me they were never attracted to Asian girls, but hey they were attracted to me, and so there's that. I guess my attitude plays a big role. I know I'm not the most attractive girl, but I do believe I have a great personality and I am confident. And when I walk into a room, I tell myself every guy in that room wants to come talk to me, and they usually do, regardless of their race. I do think it's all about the attitude. If you do believe that hot women want you, practice your confidence, own it, and you will see a big difference. Seems to me like you have it all, but your confidence isn't quite up there.

men and women are probably different. White men always went absolutely ape sh*t over my sister, who is just as dark (maybe darker) than me

Hell, gay white women go ape sh*t over me. I had a gay dude at a bar once who wouldn't stop complimenting me for half an hour - kept going on and on about my face, teeth, smile, muscles, etc...

October 16, 2015

I'm not gonna lie. It sucks for you. You might have to move somewhere more diverse. White women living in a predominantly white area tend to only date white men. It's sad, but true. Meanwhile in other cities where there are more people of different backgrounds, they tend to be more open to dating other races. I don't know if being a woman has anything to do with it, but I personally don't find my race to be a problem at all. I have had dated guys who flat out told me they were never attracted to Asian girls, but hey they were attracted to me, and so there's that. I guess my attitude plays a big role. I know I'm not the most attractive girl, but I do believe I have a great personality and I am confident. And when I walk into a room, I tell myself every guy in that room wants to come talk to me, and they usually do, regardless of their race. I do think it's all about the attitude. If you do believe that hot women want you, practice your confidence, own it, and you will see a big difference. Seems to me like you have it all, but your confidence isn't quite up there.

Good post jelly. A good attitude can cut through a lot of barriers/problems

October 16, 2015

Statistically speaking white women prefer to date within their own race the most. Minority women tend to prefer their own race or white men. It looks like you live in a conservative area too, so the odds are even tougher. I'm an Asian guy myself so I understand the disadvantages pretty well. It sucks but sometimes you have to play the hand you're dealt and make the best of it.

October 16, 2015

Statistically speaking white women prefer to date within their own race the most. Minority women tend to prefer their own race or white men. It looks like you live in a conservative area too, so the odds are even tougher. I'm an Asian guy myself so I understand the disadvantages pretty well. It sucks but sometimes you have to play the hand you're dealt and make the best of it.

you're an asian guy, you have a million Asian women in the country you can date. I'm in no man's land - I hate religion so I can't date arabs, white women want nothing to do with me even though I'm 100% Americanized.

Hispanic women might be an option because I could pass for being Spanish but I rarely see any classy Hispanic women around here.

October 16, 2015

Here's a couple pictures of me for those who are curious who I look

http://s22.postimg.org/4exoahe81/20150303_144132.jpg

this is an older picture where I was much heavier than I am now but it's a better quality picture. I look like this but 20-25 lbs lighter in real life.

http://s3.postimg.org/u1i59q7ib/me_2.jpg

October 16, 2015

Here's a couple pictures of me for those who are curious who I look

http://s22.postimg.org/4exoahe81/20150303_144132.jpg

this is an older picture where I was much heavier than I am now but it's a better quality picture. I look like this but 20-25 lbs lighter in real life.

http://s3.postimg.org/u1i59q7ib/me_2.jpg

Would you want me to be honest?

October 16, 2015

Would you want me to be honest?

for sure

keep in mind I'm much better looking in real life than pics but those give you at least an idea. I need to have a professional do it one of these days so it will come across the same way as in real life.

October 16, 2015

I've done everything people have told me - I've raised my self esteem to huge levels, I'm ferociously driven/hard working/successful when it comes to work (I'm somewhere in the top 0.001% of men my age in that category), I work out 6 days a week with the intensity of a demon in hell, I dress very sharp, I do all sorts of fun stuff with a great group of friends and I love my life... I still find dating to be impossible and can't seem to resist having a more and more bleak perspective on dating as time goes on. I'm 26 and I've never had a girlfriend.

I talk to women and it just absolutely does not go anywhere. I had a female client today who I was very nice to, was not desperate at all, was very laid back and friendly around - she bought my product rather easily but she showed zero signs whatsoever that she might potentially be interested in me romantically. I do what people tell me - I'm completely outcome independent, I let it come to me without any signs of desperation and there's just nothing there. I can not find a woman who wants anything to do with me who is halfway decent looking (I'm somewhere around a 7-7.5/10 in real life). My female co workers - we get along very well but again, zero signs of interest whatsoever. I'm seemingly destined to be alone forever.

I just don't get it guys, I try so hard to make myself a decent package - I'm an obsessive perfectionist about everything yet I absolutely just fail horribly in dating. I can't even get myself off the ground. What am I doing wrong? Are there certain men just predetermined to be alone forever? Why do I find dating to be so damn hard?

I bolded what I guess is your problem (the part you can work on). The other part is that you are somewhat young to be thinking serious relationship leading to marriage. And correct me if I'm wrong, but that's the vibe I got from your post. Intense.

Ok, for the obsessive perfectionism. Guess what, perfectionists are not really very fun. You have to be more than what you are on paper, which is very impressive as you've described it. You have to have fun, be playful, let loose. Try to do that, throw caution to the wind a bit more, do something "wrong", see what happens. Perfectionism and obsessive at that can be boring, routine, not accessible. Let your the light of your soul shine through. This may sound crazy but are you funny? If you look at most girls wish lists, funny always seems to be on there. Don't force it (that's the WORST!!) but be your kind of funny. It will appeal to some girl who appreciates or has same humor. I've met people/guys who ARE amazing on paper, yet they are woefully horrible at MAKING A CONNECTION. Stop trying to sell yourself. Try to just make a bond with someone and see if that helps.

And then I need more info about where/what you've done to "look". I'm gonna read the rest of this thread and if I have any more ideas I will post.

October 16, 2015

I bolded what I guess is your problem (the part you can work on). The other part is that you are somewhat young to be thinking serious relationship leading to marriage. And correct me if I'm wrong, but that's the vibe I got from your post. Intense.

Ok, for the obsessive perfectionism. Guess what, perfectionists are not really very fun. You have to be more than what you are on paper, which is very impressive as you've described it. You have to have fun, be playful, let loose. Try to do that, throw caution to the wind a bit more, do something "wrong", see what happens. Perfectionism and obsessive at that can be boring, routine, not accessible. Let your the light of your soul shine through. This may sound crazy but are you funny? If you look at most girls wish lists, funny always seems to be on there. Don't force it (that's the WORST!!) but be your kind of funny. It will appeal to some girl who appreciates or has same humor. I've met people/guys who ARE amazing on paper, yet they are woefully horrible at MAKING A CONNECTION. Stop trying to sell yourself. Try to just make a bond with someone and see if that helps.

And then I need more info about where/what you've done to "look". I'm gonna read the rest of this thread and if I have any more ideas I will post.

I'm not too high strung/too serious. I actually have a lot of fun when I'm with my friends/co workers and what not but I know when to be serious as well

As far as my desire for perfection, I have very very high standards for myself and that's what keeps me going. I want to dominate everything I pursue.

October 16, 2015

for sure

keep in mind I'm much better looking in real life than pics but those give you at least an idea. I need to have a professional do it one of these days so it will come across the same way as in real life.

You claim that you're 7-7.5, but from your pic, I'd say you're 5.5-6. Then again, you could be better looking in person like you said. But it isn't all about looks, I don't think you are at all confident like you said you are.

October 16, 2015

I understand that but I don't expect every woman to like me, i'm okay with 1 in 10 liking me (whatever the number is)

none

I can't remember the last time any decent looking female gave me even the slightest indication that they may be interested in me (in terms of body language and non verbal cues), I think it happened in 1975

I just can't imagine any woman liking me because it never happens.

Well that sounds like you aren't sending out the flirting signal yourself!! Start small. Flirt with no intention other than that. Walk away. Keep doing that throughout your day. You can also somewhat flirt with people that are not dating material for you--it's all practice. You should work on being charming, just for that in and of itself. And then I think your success with girls you would date will go up.

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