Author johnbarnz Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 That's for the best, man. For now atleast. Thanks man, its going to be tough but youre right. Ill keep updating everyone
Author johnbarnz Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 I have told my family that my ex gf wants to be back together with me. They all said whatever you do, don't get back with her. She is not a good person and i can do so much better. None of my family members like her and say do not get back with her.....Talk about a messed up situation.
frigginlost Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I have told my family that my ex gf wants to be back together with me. They all said whatever you do, don't get back with her. She is not a good person and i can do so much better. None of my family members like her and say do not get back with her.....Talk about a messed up situation. Grain of salt. Family and Friends are going say whatever is needed to help you move on... This has nothing to do with them. This has everything to do with you. And right now you totally and completely need to be putting yourself first. 1
Author johnbarnz Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Grain of salt. Family and Friends are going say whatever is needed to help you move on... This has nothing to do with them. This has everything to do with you. And right now you totally and completely need to be putting yourself first. Well they have always told me that i shouldn't be with her. They also said she will do it again just like this time
Simon Phoenix Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 They are probably right, but the thing is, you know it too. That's why you're hesitant. You need to man up, tell her that it's not happening and that the both of you need real time apart and stick to it.
Royals550 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 The advice from family and friends can sometimes be very beneficial because they're not emotionally involved in the situation, usually. However, do what you feel is right. It's your life to live, not theirs. I will say this, having my family's blessing is huge... That's just me though.
Author johnbarnz Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Theyre pleading with me to not go back. They are actually really mad about the entire situation. Theyre saying give it more time. Im not in the right state of mind. I need to date other girls. If i decided to go back my family said they will accept it but told me i wont have a happy life. I deserve someone who actually loves me for who i am
frigginlost Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Theyre pleading with me to not go back. They are actually really mad about the entire situation. Theyre saying give it more time. Im not in the right state of mind. I need to date other girls. If i decided to go back my family said they will accept it but told me i wont have a happy life. I deserve someone who actually loves me for who i am Your family is telling you the same thing we all are... Give yourself time. You need to back away from it all and let time clear your head. If your family had valid issues about her and didn't like her, that is a massive red flag regarding her.
Author johnbarnz Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 I don't know what to do....Im going sit down and talk to my family about it tonight. I want to be with her even though its not right. I know she doesn't deserve me but i can't just let her go. My family wants nothing to do with her and if i go back they going to be so upset with me. I just want to give it a chance and see how it goes and if it doesn't work out then i will leave but my family does not approve of it. My ex is trying hard to get me back but is now getting upset over the entire matter with my family. I told her if she wants to be a part of my life she needs to be on good terms with them. My sister is in tears of the idea of me going back. My brother is so mad and says he will accept it but will lose respect for me. My mom will be good with whatever but she will be very upset over the matter. I don't know what to do. I know the right thing to do would be just let her go but i can't get my self to do it. I want to be with her for some reason! Im so torn on what to do right now. This is almost is just as bad as the initial break up! Someone please give me some good advice soon. I can't even find any answers for myself on what to do!
Royals550 Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 You're just having a really bad day, take a deep breath. Days like today happen, but you need to get some sleep and wake up and think this over once again with a clear mind. If you get back with her now there's a very good chance your pain will be increased even more if she dips on you again. It will hurt even more because you put faith in this girl to come through, and based off your parents reaction she's not to be trusted with your heart. I'll just come out and say it, don't do it. I'm going off everything I've accumulated from this thread, it's a major danger zone. Your heart is winning the race against your intuition. It's most likely going to be a crummy ending. Then again, maybe you need to experience this first hand. I think we're out of ideas for ya' bud, at the end of the day it's your choice. Free will. Look out for johnnyBarnz man.. He's the one you have to look at in the mirror in the mornings...
Author johnbarnz Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 You're just having a really bad day, take a deep breath. Days like today happen, but you need to get some sleep and wake up and think this over once again with a clear mind. If you get back with her now there's a very good chance your pain will be increased even more if she dips on you again. It will hurt even more because you put faith in this girl to come through, and based off your parents reaction she's not to be trusted with your heart. I'll just come out and say it, don't do it. I'm going off everything I've accumulated from this thread, it's a major danger zone. Your heart is winning the race against your intuition. It's most likely going to be a crummy ending. Then again, maybe you need to experience this first hand. I think we're out of ideas for ya' bud, at the end of the day it's your choice. Free will. Look out for johnnyBarnz man.. He's the one you have to look at in the mirror in the mornings... Some of the best advice i have recieved yet! Thank you all, i will update you with what happens.
Author johnbarnz Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 I tried ending, couldn't do it. i asked her one question, did she have sex with anyone.....she didn't want to tell me. She finally said yes. That was enough for me. I told her she does not deserve to ever be in my life again. i will never go back to her. hung up and blocked. I will never go back to her!!!! Fyi we were each other 1st and only. Obviously i mean nothing to her. She now means nothing to me!
Author johnbarnz Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 Thank you all of you for your support though this. I have been so up and down, Almost took back a women that truly did not love me. I will never go back to her. The way she treated me and what she did is completely unforgivable. Yeah don't get me wrong I'm very hurt but Im looking at this now as a chance to find my self and find a women that actually deserves to be with me. I will not ever regret my decision. This is probably the worse thing i have been through so on a good note it can only get better from here! I will update my progress every so often. Thanks again to everyone!
PC96 Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Hey man. I know you need support right now but you seem like a rationally mature guy deep down inside and I'm going to give it to you straight. Your feelings are bringing through an emotional rollercoaster ride. Not to mention the fact that she is still facilitating this rollercoaster ride by staying in your life. The fact that you guys have not had 4 day without contacting each other means that you have not given it nearly enough time to really feel how life is without each other and see it from a hindsight perspective. Right now both of you are only feeling temporary feelings and anguish. If you want to let them control you, then that is your choice. Or you can choose to move past them and try to man up. You guys have already broken up. The trust is broken and it WILL affect you in the future, no matter how much you guys ignore it for the first few weeks/months. Take it a step at a time man. Make it at least one WEEK without contacting her and then go from there. If you can make it another week after then try to do that. Remember that a few months down the road you will look back and realize what a mess you were in and how much you needed to get out of it. You KNOW that is true. Good luck and we are here for you
PC96 Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Also you have posted over and over that you will not contact her and that you are done with her. There is nothing to prove to us in this forum. The only person you can lie to and give up on is yourself. The way you're feeling is normal. All these feelings of guilt, anger, frustration. You will miss her, you will think about her and you will think about your memories. The trick is to accept that and realize that you are a human with emotions. If you start to feel overwhelmed with emotions or feelings just lay down and let them consume you. This sounds stupid but have a conversation with yourself outloud afterward. Deep in side we all have an inner voice of logic that keeps us grounded. Talk to that voice. Keep a list going of things that you know are wrong with this situation. Read that list everytime you feel like you need to. 1
Blanco Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Friends and family being openly opposed to a reunion is a HUGE red flag. I'd say even more so than just about anything else, because most people bite their tongue about their disapproval of a loved one's partner. The people closest to you openly voicing their opposition to you being with this girl means that they've seen or heard enough about her that they're not going to placate you when it comes to you wanting her back. Take it this way: We don't know you or your ex, so we're basing our responses on the little bit you've told us and our general experiences with situations like yours. Your family, however, knows you well, and knows much more about your ex and relationship than we do. You can usually take what strangers on an online forum have to say with a grain of salt. But family and friends? It's highly unlikely they're all mistaken about their feelings here.
frigginlost Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Thank you all of you for your support though this. I have been so up and down, Almost took back a women that truly did not love me. I will never go back to her. The way she treated me and what she did is completely unforgivable. Yeah don't get me wrong I'm very hurt but Im looking at this now as a chance to find my self and find a women that actually deserves to be with me. I will not ever regret my decision. This is probably the worse thing i have been through so on a good note it can only get better from here! I will update my progress every so often. Thanks again to everyone! I'm sure she loved you... don't think she did not as that will play with your self-esteem. If I could offer one piece of advice after walking this planet for 50 years, it is this: You are going to have anger hit you like you would not believe. In addition to that you're going to have hurt hit you hard in the coming weeks and months. Whatever you do, do not try to bury those feelings. Allow them to happen which in turn will allow you to form proper scars and reach indifference. You are going to be fighting yourself for awhile and that is completely normal. Come back to these boards whenever you need to and we can help walk you through it. Chin-up bud, you have your whole future in front of you and you get to make it whatever you want! 2
Author johnbarnz Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 Im feeling better but still confused about my feelings and still hurt. I havent talked to her but she has emailed me about 40 times and messaged each one of my family members. I called her to tell her to stop and she begged me to just hear her out. She said everyday has been hell for her. She has sex with this guy to try to get over me and the pain she was feeling. She said she has no feelings for him and is completly dissapointed with herself and disgusted with herself. She said she stopped during it and left. She said she wants to be with me for the rest of my life and she wishes i would have done stuff with girls so maybe it would help me move past this. She said shes willing to do anything to win be back and wants nothing to do with any other guys besides me. She said she will try as long as it takes to win me back. And she wishes she never left me because it is the biggest mistake she has ever made but she appretiates me so much more and realized how much she truly cares for me. And theres so much more she said. She said she doesnt expect me to forgive her right now but wont give up on me. She is being the girl i wanted her to be before all this happened. I do still love her and want to be with her but i dont want to be with her because of what happened. Maybe i need to sleep with someone else to get past it. Im not sure. Should i move on or give it another chance? I really dont know. I think if this would have never happened i would already be with her. But i also know im to good of a guy and i have no problem getting other girls. Any imput, advice or whatever would be helpful. Thanks
Simon Phoenix Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I wouldn't. Seems like this girl sucks dude. Your friends don't like her, your family doesn't like her, even you think there's something off. If she continues to bombard you, tell her that if she truly cared about you she'd chill out and let you think about it. She's trying the heavy pressure tactic to try to almost bully you into taking her back. I'd tell her to chill. But in general, if it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Don't let her bully you into taking her back.
Author johnbarnz Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 I slept with someone else. It was good. Helped me out a little but i mainly feel like i did it because she did it. I have seen my ex a couple times since. Shes loves me and wants me back. Heres where im at guys..... I want to be with her but i cant see myself getting married to her or having kids with her or anything. I love this girl but shes not the one for me and my family and i know that. What she did to me should help me let go of this girl but i just for some reason cant. Im just so over all this, i want to move on with my life with or without her. Im done talking and thinking about it. Let me know what you guys think thanks
Simon Phoenix Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Why not just try something new? She screwed you over, your friends hate her, your family hates her, you yourself don't see a long-term future with her, what's there to decide? It seems fairly obvious that you should cut the cord with this woman completely. What could possibly be the point of continuing anything with this woman?
mrwigand Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I know I'm late to the game, but I wanted to second what others are saying: you should probably just move on now as opposed to later. And this has nothing to do with my opinion on the matter. My opinion doesn't matter. It has to do with what your feelings are telling you. You said it yourself that something just didn't feel "right". That's because it isn't and all of your instincts are telling you so. I felt the same thing when I got back together with my ex. Something just wasn't right, and unsurprisingly we weren't reunited long. You guys have much more history, and I wish you luck, but it sounds like you know where this is going.
Armageddon Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 John, can I ask if you were the dumper or the dumpee? And after the break-up, did you chase or beg her? How long did you go NC?
Author johnbarnz Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 At this point my plan is just to move on with my life. thank you for your advice!
Author johnbarnz Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 Thanks alot for the advice and good luck. You know exactly how im feeling and at this point i just need to move forward without her. Its just not the same
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