heyitsmike Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 (edited) Hey all, long story short here's me(24) and my ex's(21) backstory http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/535275-she-texted-me-i-miss-you-after-i-went-nc - Dated for 15 months - she dumped me last summer citing other reasons (turns out it was a co-worker 10 years older than her) - I moved to a new city, got a new job with new friends 1 hour and 40 minutes away from where she lives (aka the college we both went to) - 6 months later after inconsistent and "friendly" contact i told her flat out that "i care about you a lot but i cant do this whole friends thing. the only thing I'd be interested in is working on us, and if you cant provide that then i need to cut off communication with you. if you change your mind you can let me know but for now i'm going to continue to move on with my life." - 3 months later after NC, she calls me crying saying she misses me and realizes i was perfect for her (meanwhile she just broke up with that guy a week earlier) - we try and make plans all this summer but something always came up - finally saw each other for first time in over 1 year and hung out for a little bit. okay...now that we're all caught up my roommate (female) still talks with her occasionally and invited her to our place for Halloween. she confirmed she would come but who knows with her. however I'm passing by our college this weekend and I've been thinking about this one question all week: Do i reiterate my feelings about only wanting to hang out if its towards something more than friends? I've already told her once and i assumed her phone call this summer was about wanting me back...which it was....which is why im confused lol my roommate (female) told me she generally wants to bring people back into her life that she neglected while in that abusive relationship and thats what shes trying to do with not only me, but with others as well. my gut has always told me to be upfront and that the strongest negotiating position is the ability to walk way...and thats what I've already done once, but i find myself right back where i was. so do i ask her to meet briefly this weekend (before our party) and tell her again? wait until Halloween to see if she'll actually come and tell her then? or don't reach out to her at all and not tell her anything and if she really wants to do something she'll make an effort some how to tell me officially she wants me back romantically? Edited October 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added link to backstory~T
disbelief Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Do nothing. She knows you want her let her contact you and if she doesn't Keep moving on and find someone better. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 That hardly seems like "coming back" to me... Move on!!
organizedchaos Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 don't reach out to her at all and not tell her anything and if she really wants to do something she'll make an effort some how to tell me officially she wants me back romantically? Do nothing. If she shows up, and you have a conversation, broach the subject then.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 You love being in this cycle don't you? I mean, every post you type is basically a repeat of what you've typed before with absolutely no progress or evolution and you asking the same questions. The answers are the same -- no. Leave it alone. It's up to her to chase you and to be forthcoming to you. Until she does, it's colored bubbles and bulls--t. Aren't you sick of wasting time rehashing this situation over and over and over and over and over?
LoveIsMyReligion Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 You are way too available for this girl. Go look in the mirror, I'll bet you have "Back-up guy" written on your forehead. Be cold. Be distant. Don't make someone a priority when you're not theirs. 3
qubist Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 you are sending the wrong signs. you are basically telling her out loud that you are here still available to her. in order for you to stand a chance at a relationship with her she needs to do the heavy lifting. be cold show no interest at all, do not avail yourself to her. work on moving on and walk the steps toward a new life without her. if she really wants you, you will know then. 1
frigginlost Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Hey all, long story short here's me(24) and my ex's(21) backstory http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/535275-she-texted-me-i-miss-you-after-i-went-nc - Dated for 15 months - she dumped me last summer citing other reasons (turns out it was a co-worker 10 years older than her) - I moved to a new city, got a new job with new friends 1 hour and 40 minutes away from where she lives (aka the college we both went to) - 6 months later after inconsistent and "friendly" contact i told her flat out that "i care about you a lot but i cant do this whole friends thing. the only thing I'd be interested in is working on us, and if you cant provide that then i need to cut off communication with you. if you change your mind you can let me know but for now i'm going to continue to move on with my life." - 3 months later after NC, she calls me crying saying she misses me and realizes i was perfect for her (meanwhile she just broke up with that guy a week earlier) - we try and make plans all this summer but something always came up - finally saw each other for first time in over 1 year and hung out for a little bit. okay...now that we're all caught up my roommate (female) still talks with her occasionally and invited her to our place for Halloween. she confirmed she would come but who knows with her. however I'm passing by our college this weekend and I've been thinking about this one question all week: Do i reiterate my feelings about only wanting to hang out if its towards something more than friends? I've already told her once and i assumed her phone call this summer was about wanting me back...which it was....which is why im confused lol my roommate (female) told me she generally wants to bring people back into her life that she neglected while in that abusive relationship and thats what shes trying to do with not only me, but with others as well. my gut has always told me to be upfront and that the strongest negotiating position is the ability to walk way...and thats what I've already done once, but i find myself right back where i was. so do i ask her to meet briefly this weekend (before our party) and tell her again? wait until Halloween to see if she'll actually come and tell her then? or don't reach out to her at all and not tell her anything and if she really wants to do something she'll make an effort some how to tell me officially she wants me back romantically? I agree with everyone else. Do absolutely nothing. It will be clear as day if she wants to win you back.
mightycpa Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 my roommate (female) told me she generally wants to bring people back into her life that she neglected while in that abusive relationship and thats what shes trying to do with not only me, but with others as well.You are merely part of a self-improvement project she's working on. She's not coming back for your romantic relationship, this is something else entirely. If I were you, I'd have my I've already explained things to you once. Nothing about that has changed. speech ready to go when she greets you with that big smile and a hug.
Recommended Posts