walkingonair Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 It's like you could be the most perfect person and they still will find an excuse to not be with you. Then you end up trying to please them and go out of your way and they still don't want you. Is it really them? Is commitment phobia really a psychiatric problem?..... I spoke to a guy that does have commitment issues and he said he did fall for a girl and that made him break up with her. He didn't want to fall for her. Just doesn't make sense guys, it's so irrational :/
kpl Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 It's like you could be the most perfect person and they still will find an excuse to not be with you. Then you end up trying to please them and go out of your way and they still don't want you. Is it really them? Is commitment phobia really a psychiatric problem?..... I spoke to a guy that does have commitment issues and he said he did fall for a girl and that made him break up with her. He didn't want to fall for her. Just doesn't make sense guys, it's so irrational :/ If you are confused imagine what they are going through. 2
TheBathWater Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 It's like you could be the most perfect person and they still will find an excuse to not be with you. Then you end up trying to please them and go out of your way and they still don't want you. Is it really them? Is commitment phobia really a psychiatric problem?..... I spoke to a guy that does have commitment issues and he said he did fall for a girl and that made him break up with her. He didn't want to fall for her. Just doesn't make sense guys, it's so irrational :/ I think this is total B.S. - not you, but the excuse that the other person is using. People throw the "it's not you, it's me" card around still to this today. Unreal. If someone is into you, they will NOT reject you. It doesn't matter whether you're a "good" fit or a "bad" romantic partner; if someone wants you, they will fight for you. And yes, that CAN be a psychiatric problem lol, but different from the one you were thinking of initially. 2
h0000 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 They are afraid of commitment for all kinds of reasons. Maybe they don't think you are the best because everyone has the good and the bad. Or they are afraid of the vulnerability or heartbreak falling in love brings so they don't commit to anyone. It has nothing to do with how good you are. 4
kpl Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I know a lot of ppl think that sometimes the person just isn't into you so they use commitment phobia as an excuse but some commitment phobes choose partners they know are not good for them b/c they don't want to get close. It can be deep rooted issues from childhood or self esteem. The minute vulnerability hits it will ignite a flight response. The worst part is most ppl who suffer through true commitment phobia have a hard time recognizing and they continue to blame other ppl until they get older and realize they are the common theme in their relationships. 1
neowulf Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 It has nothing to do with how good you are. +1 It's not your issue. It's there's. 2
TunaCat Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I am a commitmentphobe. It's not that I don't want to find that one, I do. I'm just terrified of actually letting my guard down and being vulnerable with someone else. It took a long time for me to get there with my ex, but I did and then I was dumped unexpectedly. So, it's not you. You could be the most amazing person in the world, but they are still afraid to be with you, to be committed to you, to make a life with you. My commitment issues stem from abandonment from my biological father. I did get therapy for it, and that did help me, but not fully. 3
Author walkingonair Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 I am a commitmentphobe. It's not that I don't want to find that one, I do. I'm just terrified of actually letting my guard down and being vulnerable with someone else. It took a long time for me to get there with my ex, but I did and then I was dumped unexpectedly. So, it's not you. You could be the most amazing person in the world, but they are still afraid to be with you, to be committed to you, to make a life with you. My commitment issues stem from abandonment from my biological father. I did get therapy for it, and that did help me, but not fully. Thanks for your answers guys! TunaCat, thanks for being open about your issues. It must be really tough. I'm slowly realizing that this is a big issue and sometimes love isn't enough. Sometimes you may truly love someone but sabotage everything because of your fears. Fears can take over our lives If a person has fears of getting hurt and abandoned they won't take the risk of continuing a committed relationship even though deep down they really want to
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