MarkR19801 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 (edited) So my wife has been on a business trip for several weeks staying with her colleagues from work in a nice hotel. Every night we usually talk on Skype, but the past few weeks she has been coming up with excuses to not talk on skype some nights. Usually we skype later at night, because I get off from work late most nights. Well, I recently caught her a lie about why she couldn't skype with me. I came home from work one night and asked if she wanted to skype. It was about 8:30, I got no response for like 45 minutes. Then she says that her phone is low on battery and can't Skype because skype "drains too much battery" and that all the rooms that have power outlets are occupied and she doesn't want to "disturb her coworkers in the living room" and that her coworker that is staying in her room is asleep so she can't skype me in her room either. She said she really wanted to see my face but couldn't so she offers to talk on the phone instead, but she says she has to go in the bathroom first for us to talk to get not disturb her coworkers (which she forgot, most bathrooms have power outlets, so she could have skyped me from the bathroom if she really wanted to see me). I called her immediately after she sent the text message to me so I know she'd see me calling, but she never answered. So I called her again and she picked up after like 20 seconds of ringing. She picked up and sounded nervous. And we talked for a bit but she was almost dead silent so I had to do all the talking. Well that was 2 nights ago. Tonight, we skyped like normal, but in the background of the video call on Skype, all of her coworkers were there just talking and stuff and they saw me and waved at me, and I asked her why she couldn't skype me the night before because she didn't want to "disturb her coworkers." and she looked like she got caught in a lie. And made up some excuse that they were trying to sleep, but when we skyped tonight and her coworkers were wide awake in the background of the skype call, it was 10pm. I don't know any grown adults who go to sleep at 8:30, and coincidentally, all of them were trying to go to sleep at 8:30 that night? Another reason I think she might be cheating on me is because she just recently made her facebook account private to anyone except mutual friends so that people can't search her or add her. And her facebook profile picture has always been us holding hands at our wedding, she has never changed it for several years. Maybe she is trying to hide the fact that she is married in case the guy she is cheating on me with decides to search her on facebook? Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but she just seems distant lately and I've caught her in lies about where she has been at night when I get off work at night more than once since she's been on this trip. Edited October 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
road Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I think you are right. Do not confront but work quietly to gather evidence. Install a key logger on her PC. Install real time GPS on wife's car. Hide a VAR in wife's car and one in the house where wife takes phone calls. 4
JohnAdams Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 This does sound strange. First, if you suspect she is cheating, ask her. Few people can hide their facial expression which will pretty much instantly tells you if she is lying. The business trip sleeping arrangements sound very strange. I travel extensively for my company. I always have a private room. Even in talking to other travelers, I do not know of any companies that require you to share a room. If this is true, what a cheap company! After all this is not a high school or college field trip. 3
Stage5Clinger Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 In the very least she is being dishonest with you. You should be very worried at this point. Marriage counseling.
Horton Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 (edited) I wouldn't confront her right away, you don't really have any proof just a lot of red flags and if she's having an affair it's pretty unlikely that she's gonna break down and confess without a smoking gun. Have you checked your phone bill yet? Edited October 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Author MarkR19801 Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 (edited) Thank you all for the advice. I don't have any solid proof, so I have to investigate further. I haven't gotten this months phone bill yet so I don't have any evidence on that end either. Edited October 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
TobyBoy Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Any male coworkers on this trip? Have you snooped in her emails, Facebook accounts? Has she cheated before? Can you see her text and call details online? If you suspect something is going on, do not confront without solid evidence. Never reveal your sources!! If she's lying now, do not ask her if she's cheating, because that's what cheaters do.....lie!!
Mrs. John Adams Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 First...my husband travels 50% of the time. He has NEVER been asked to share a room. He has also never been gone for more than two weeks without the company allowing him to come back home.....so i don't quite understand why your wife has been gone several weeks...and is sharing a room. I absolutely do not understand that your wife is on a business trip and "rooming" with other people. I don't believe it. Sometimes I call my husband and he does not answer. Sometimes he calls me and i do not answer. So what? Many times we call and say nothing...dead silence......what's your point? I think you have jumped to a whole bunch of conclusions for no reason.... and quite honestly...i am not buying this whole story. You need to get your facts straight. 1
bubbaganoosh Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 If your gut feeling is telling you that something isn't correct then it's usually right. If she's already lied to you about her whereabouts before then I would keep an eye on things. Maybe you should buy a VAR and install it in her car or install something on her computer to check and see what she's up to and I would also bring up the changes in her Face Book. When you do ask her any questions about your feeling but not tipping your hand, watch her face because when someone lies, it shows up and you can tell. Just don't tip your hand. 1
oldshirt Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 She was BSing you about the outlets and the sleeping coworkers. I'd chew out my 13 year old for coming up with that lame of an excuse to not talk to me. But now whether she was screwing some dude or dropping too many quarters into the slot machine at the casino or drinking it up at the bar is anyone's guess. Nothing you have said points directly to an affair but she is BSing you about something. Is there more to this story??? Has anything happened prior to this trip that raised alarm bells? Does she have any instances of inappropriate behavior in the past? Does she normally travel for work for weeks at a time? Has this ever happened before? Please give us a little more background. 2
TX-SC Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 No red flags here per se, but plenty of yellow ones. I think you need to talk to her. Tell her you are concerned and let her know that if you find out she is cheating you will divorce her, end of story. Tell her that if she feels the need to cheat then just tell you so you can start the process for divorce and have some fun too! 1
qubist Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 MarkR19801: did you notice any other red flags in the past? cheaters signs are rarely missed by a vigilant eye. I wouldn't confront her in an accusing tone because you do not have any evidence. I have been recently on a work trip where I had to share a room with this guy that literally goes to bed at 8:00 pm, I couldn't watch TV in the room to not disturb him. so who knows what happen. you should've mentioned that bathrooms do have electrical plugs when she called you from there. as for right now you should just keep your eyes open and check for any red flags
cgiles Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 what is the name of this coworker she talked a lot about, and suddenly stopped to ?
eric1 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Always trust your gut. Be smart about it of course, but nearly every 'discovery' is the result of a gut feeling that the recipient did not let go of. How far away is she?
m.snow Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 (edited) there are many things in life we can control;what to eat, what movies to watch, when to get married, but of course there also those events of which we have no power over -an accident,death of a love one and/or a cheating spouse. Yet you still have "the choice" of how we deal with and react to these occurrences in our lives. Learn to let go of things your cannot control. Learn to let go of your fears, don't let it control you. Take confidence in your life! Live your Life, be Happy! pursue your happiness. ~ you can ask her when she comes back, why people around where asleep at 8:30. or if you know someone their. you can ask on 8:30 of that day why was everyone fast asleep. Edited October 15, 2015 by m.snow
ShatteredLady Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 When I was very young in business I went on some training courses where we shared rooms etc. On one I was sharing a room with a lady in her 40's so it does happen....not so much 'traveling for work' but definitely 'training courses'.
Mrs. John Adams Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 in the USA? and you shared a room with one woman..... That is not the picture this man is trying to portray.
sandylee1 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Does she regularly travel for weeks at a time? Sharing a room with more than one coworker sounds exceedingly suspect to me? I mean how many would be expected to use one bathroom? Asides from what you've said here, is there anything else that concerns you and causes suspicion? Like: Never leaving her phone alone A change in the frequency of intimacy between you Going out more socially without you Staying up late after you've gone to bed Anything else at all?
Bryanp Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 If the roles were reversed your wife would not believe such a cock and bull story and neither should you. I think it looks pretty bad. How could it not? What will be the consequences of her to her cheating?
Clay Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I would just tell her not to bother coming home and go no contact. I think its clear you already know what she is doing. Start 180 and talk to a lawyer. Take some time out for yourself. Don't let her just sway your decision over this kind of a betrayal. Sorry this is happening to you but if you don't put up serious consequences then your going to just continue to deal with this kind of behavior. Good luck C 2
autumnnight Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I agree with the suggestion to check the phone bill. You can also check other online outlets you have access to (Facebook, Email, etc). I don't know that I would confront while she is gone - it would be too easy to hide "tells" if she is lying. If your gut keeps hounding you, I would consider a keylogger or even a VAR.
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Your story OP didn't send up a red flag for me. I fell asleep at 9 last night. Before the kids in fact. Maybe they had a couple late nights in a row and were just beat. But the last comment you made did make me raise an eyebrow. How and when did you catch her lying about where she has been on certain nights? How many times? Give an example if you can. Also, I know with my wireless provider I can check online calls made and received, as well as text messages sent and received. You can't see the contents, but at least date/time/number which can help you validate some lies, or your own paranoia.
understand50 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Do not think you have enough information to go to she is cheating. Do more digging and see what you may or may not find. Fb account is suggestive and I would ask about that first. Only advice, do not rug sweep, keep your eye open and look into things. Wish you luck, and that you find your was faithfull
m.snow Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 (edited) the red flag for me was the face book. these days social media thing is very telling. even my young cousin gets a heat from his wife for small changes in the fb. young kids in relationship these days get all kinds of trouble for not updating face book to changing profile pictures. take for example going on a date and not uploading pictures of that date will garner some heat. They say if your in a relationship. The profile Pic should always be with your partner. More so if your married. Cause yeah social media acts like a sort of pseudo dating site. has she added anyone suspicious during her weeks training? -You can raise that concern to her, to change the profile pic back because you liked it. (something I believe she cant argue about.) -You can also ask why the sudden change in face book status? -Your status should be visible. ie (Married to MarkR19801) for everyone to see. [try being in boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and your status single or non-existent, see how much heat you'll get] All of that is a given in this generation, failure to comply might as well as "not" be in a relationship and just casual. ---- [This will test your Interrogation & People Skills] Ask wife who her room mate is. Or you can ask people you know from the company who is there. Check room mates face-book, get room mates details. Contact Room mate (most likely room mate is female.) Ask her (roommate) about your wife Where was she on this date on this time (Just say you were concerned & that you believe wife is not feeling well and not telling.) [Worst case scenario, Wife wasn't with room 8:30 that night] -talk to room mate about socket problems why wife wasn't able to charge her phone on 8:30 of that night in her&wifes room. (ask this way as not to be too inquisitive.) [the response your waiting for is if wife was in the room with her(the room mate) that night at 8:30.] -If Wife wasn't with the roommate that night this would be REAL RED FLAG! Edited October 15, 2015 by m.snow
Realist3 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 (edited) So my wife has been on a business trip for several weeks staying with her colleagues from work in a nice hotel. Every night we usually talk on Skype, but the past few weeks she has been coming up with excuses to not talk on skype some nights. Usually we skype later at night, because I get off from work late most nights. Well, I recently caught her a lie about why she couldn't skype with me. I came home from work one night and asked if she wanted to skype. It was about 8:30, I got no response for like 45 minutes. Then she says that her phone is low on battery and can't Skype because skype "drains too much battery" and that all the rooms that have power outlets are occupied and she doesn't want to "disturb her coworkers in the living room" and that her coworker that is staying in her room is asleep so she can't skype me in her room either. She said she really wanted to see my face but couldn't so she offers to talk on the phone instead, but she says she has to go in the bathroom first for us to talk to get not disturb her coworkers (which she forgot, most bathrooms have power outlets, so she could have skyped me from the bathroom if she really wanted to see me). I called her immediately after she sent the text message to me so I know she'd see me calling, but she never answered. So I called her again and she picked up after like 20 seconds of ringing. She picked up and sounded nervous. And we talked for a bit but she was almost dead silent so I had to do all the talking. Well that was 2 nights ago. . This is the only thing in your post that is suspicious. She is staying in a nice hotel. Every hotel I have ever been to has a lobby... with power outlets. Go down to the lobby. Secondly, I have never heard of co-workers sharing rooms. Third, if she is sharing a room, what does it matter if the co-worker is disturbed for a few minutes? They would understand. The FB thing doesn't mean anything. Most prudent people keep their stuff private. You have no actionable evidence of anything sinister at this point. Try not to jump to conclusions as many people here like to do. If she is doing something it will come out eventually. In regards to the phone bill you don't have to wait for the next statement to come out. You can go online and check everything immediately with most carriers. Edited October 15, 2015 by Realist3 2
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