Zevrij Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I started talking to this girl I've know for awhile. ( both in late 20s) Things started off slow, I got her number we texted back and forth and I tried at the time meet up and get to know one another. She told me she was going through some issues with her ex and wasn't ready yet. I dropped it and didn't talk to her as I thought it wouldn't go anywhere. A few days later after no texting, she texts me out of the blue a few weekends ago and we hit it off real well. In fact we haven't clicked with anyone like we have in awhile. She has kids and told me that everything about me feels right and that she wants me to come over and meet her kids and hang out. I went over there Saturday and Sunday and we all had a good time. To me everything went well but on Monday she tells me that she wants to take things slow even though nothing physical has really happened between us. She said she still has some issues with her ex's and that she just doesn't want to rush into things with me and ruin anything between us. We still communicate but it isn't like it was before. Friends tell me to not worry since she's wanting to take it slow that she has feelings for me. What should I do? How do I take it slow? Do you think she is being sincere or do you think she's letting me down easily without trying to hurt me? Any help is appreciated.
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 She isn't over her EX. She met up with you & all that proved to her is she's not ready. 1
oldshirt Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 If she's telling you preemptively to take things slow when you haven't done anything to move things ahead or made any moves to get in her pants or anything, I would take that as a bad sign. If you were talking about marriage and what your kids would look like on th first date, her warning would be legit. Same if you were busting every move you had to bang her in the car on your way home from one of your first dates. But if she's saying this completely out of the blue without you indicating you are wanting to speed things up, I'd say it's a precursor to the ax coming down soon or that you'll try by her house and see another car in her driveway. Rember that realistically she has probably gone home with a someone she met at the bar. She has probably got freaky with someone in a back bedroom at a party, and has probably ended a few first dates in bed. Did she tell any of those guys to take it slow??? "Take it slow" coming from someone who you haven't tried anything "fast" with first, is a euphemism for "don't get your hopes up because this probably isn't going anywhere." 1
Author Zevrij Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 I stayed over at her house and things could've proceeded to sex but her "visitor" was in and she didn't want to do anything. We didn't talk about marriage or anything of that nature. Just hung out at her house as she doesn't have a sitter for her kids. She put the kids to bed and we had alone time to get to know each other and I don't know if she told anyone else to take it slow. I know her ex (not the father) promised her to be there for her and her kids and he just up and left them high and dry.
oldshirt Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 "Take it slow" coming from someone who you haven't tried anything "fast" with first, is a euphemism for "don't get your hopes up because this probably isn't going anywhere." I also think that any mentions of ex's and using trouble with ex's is also a euphemism for the same thing. Unless they have actual restraining orders in place to keep their ex's outside of 500 feet, saying they aren't over their ex is also a disclaimer and and a big red sign that says, "stay back 500 feet." Again remember that millions of people have fallen in love with someone and dumped their ex and were completely over them in a matter of days while they were still married to them and were living as a traditional couple. Any time someone uses an ex as an excuse to keep your distance, that also means they're not feeling it with you at the moment as well.
oldshirt Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 If she's telling you preemptively to take things slow when you haven't done anything to move things ahead or made any moves to get in her pants or anything, I would take that as a bad sign. If you were talking about marriage and what your kids would look like on th first date, her warning would be legit. Same if you were busting every move you had to bang her in the car on your way home from one of your first dates. But if she's saying this completely out of the blue without you indicating you are wanting to speed things up, I'd say it's a precursor to the ax coming down soon or that you'll try by her house and see another car in her driveway. Rember that realistically she has probably gone home with a someone she met at the bar. She has probably got freaky with someone in a back bedroom at a party, and has probably ended a few first dates in bed. Did she tell any of those guys to take it slow??? "Take it slow" coming from someone who you haven't tried anything "fast" with first, is a euphemism for "don't get your hopes up because this probably isn't going anywhere." I stayed over at her house and things could've proceeded to sex but her "visitor" was in and she didn't want to do anything. We didn't talk about marriage or anything of that nature. Just hung out at her house as she doesn't have a sitter for her kids. She put the kids to bed and we had alone time to get to know each other and I don't know if she told anyone else to take it slow. I know her ex (not the father) promised her to be there for her and her kid. Did you see any tampon wrappers in the trash? Any Midol bottles on the counter? Any stained undies soaking in the sink (ok that one's a little over the top and probably wouldn't occur with company in the house, but you get my point)
Author Zevrij Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 I have a feeling she isn't over her ex and if not it's fine. I just want her to tell me straight up if she wants to try something with me or if she's just stringing me along. Don't tell me to take things slow when things haven't even really begun to take off. It doesn't make sense to me at all. No I didn't look in the trash or any of that nature lol. I just assumed she was on it as it's a naturally thing for a woman.
oldshirt Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I started talking to this girl I've know for awhile. ( both in late 20s) Things started off slow, I got her number we texted back and forth and I tried at the time meet up and get to know one another. She told me she was going through some issues with her ex and wasn't ready yet. I dropped it and didn't talk to her as I thought it wouldn't go anywhere. A few days later after no texting, she texts me out of the blue a few weekends ago and we hit it off real well. In fact we haven't clicked with anyone like we have in awhile. She has kids and told me that everything about me feels right and that she wants me to come over and meet her kids and hang out. I went back and reread your post and missed this part the first time - you two had just started seeing each other! Honestly Zev, YOU are the one that should be slamming on the brakes and yelling ' slow slow slow!!!!' She was auditioning you to be a surrogate daddy on one of your first dates. You shoulda been the one to put the brakes to that! I don't think these two things are unrelated. I think something in your interaction with the kids has dampened her spirits about you.... .....and that is a good thing!!!!!! You have dodged a bullet here. Take your cue from her "ex" and exit stage left as well. I'd bet my last dollar she was grooming him to be the daddy stand-in and paycheck to feed her brood too and he caught on to it and bid her farewell. I think you need to do the same. She is looking for a meal ticket and childcare services and not some hunka-burnin-love to keep her warm at night. She's not into you and you failed the babysitter test as well. Move along folks, nothing to see here. Be glad you dodged that bullet.
Author Zevrij Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 I guess I never really viewed it in that aspect although I'm not sure what would've dampened her spirits for me with her kids. I'm at the point now where I'm just going to carry on and do my thing. If she comes around and is legit with everything and doesn't just want me for my money than maybe I'll see where it goes. But for now I think I'll just exit and move on. Thanks for the advice with everything.
oldshirt Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I guess I never really viewed it in that aspect although I'm not sure what would've dampened her spirits for me with her kids. I'm at the point now where I'm just going to carry on and do my thing. If she comes around and is legit with everything and doesn't just want me for my money than maybe I'll see where it goes. But for now I think I'll just exit and move on. Thanks for the advice with everything. I think that is a reasonable plan. There's no need for you to hate on her or call her out on anything or be douche or anything, but I'd just sit back and see what she does. My guess is she is just going to fade away like a fart in the wind but you may get a few 'how-are-ya?" txts from her. It's also possibly that you may get a late night booty call from her. that is up to you and your own personal moral code and your own values on how you want to handle that. The great big huge caveat here though is don't cum inside her!!!! Do not get her pregnant!! I know that sounds insane at this point but chicks be crazy and the crazy ones are capable of anything and some will do anything to get their kids fed.
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