Revolver Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 As much as men? I was having this discussion with my younger sister and older brother. I'm not saying women don't think guys are hot, sexy, handsome etc but for the most part the keep it to themselves. Im talking about direct compliments for the purpose of this thread. For example my brother by any definition is a really attractive guy but even he said it's rare to hear compliments on his looks(from women he isn't directly dating or our mom for example;)) on the flip side my sister has had guys raining compliments on her since she's been 12. Even online, a girl will post a picture and get dozens of "OMG you're so beautiful, you're really pretty". A guy will do the same thing and it won't be the same. He may get the same likes but not the same amount of direct compliments. So my question is why is this? Is it because there isn't as many attractive men as women? Are women socially conditioned to just keep it to themselves and their girlfriends? Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 My first thought was: I give out encouragement and compliments liberally My second thought: I wonder how many women who DO give a stranger compliments on his picture end up with a penis shot in their inbox... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I think part of it has to do with the fact men are expected to "chase".... Not that it's right or wrong, but it tends to be that way. I usually compliment only after I have received one... And it's usually thought of being really forward for a female to compliment.... I think it's often taken as "she wants to F me!" But if I have a repertoire with someone - I compliment freely. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I don't see most women looking to openly compliment guys they're actually attracted to. It's a form of aggression and in general they want to be pursued. Not be the pursuer. The guys who do seem to elict the most compliments are usually the loserish, unattractive type. When a guy's a wreck female mothering instinct often kicks in and they try and prop them up with platonic affection. It's no compliment at all if you get a lot of compliments since you're giving off a vibe that you're weak and need them, as weird as that sounds. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I'm not sure I've ever noticed that to be true. I find most women are very complimentary about things... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 This hasn't been my experience. Women give me plenty of compliments and I rarely compliment them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I think women do give out compliments, but maybe not as randomly as men do. When men compliment women, is there an agenda behind it? Are they essentially communicating, "I'm interested"? Because women may find a man hot and not be interested, thus not want to send the message. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
craw Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I compliment on guy's photos that I'm not into, but rarely. More like my buddies of 15+ years. They know I'm not providing a chubby, but a genuine compliment. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 At the beginning of the interaction, women directly complimenting a man is too much of a confirmation - especially if we're talking attraction. Some men crave mystery and challenge. A woman complimenting them on their beautiful eyes might be less of a turn on for a guy who loves to wonder about a woman's interest in him. After the chase is more or less done and we step onto the seduction territory, when the 2 are already dating / having sex, I feel women give a lot more compliments. As for giving random compliments to my male acquaintances - they may think I'm making a pass at them. I do compliment my male friends, but only when we're having more serious conversations and they say smth that moves me - I do have great male friends. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Well, you said "give out compliments" and then you immediately limited it to telling you you're hot and sexy. I find it uncomfortable if some guy I'm not sleeping with says I'm hot or sexy. It just sounds inappropriate. Now, in bed, then fine, say whatever you want, but for most people, doing it instead of talking about it is preferable. I give men compliments, but it's never about their looks (unless they're feeling less than for some reason) and it's always about their creativity or craft or maybe if they have dressed up a notch or got a new jacket or something. But even then, if I'm saying it to a casual acquaintance, that signals nothing more than friendly interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I give a guy I'm into compliments all the time... I think women in general - especially now a days - take men for granted. And, when I give compliments, I'm genuine about it. I enjoy telling him he's handsome, like his this or that... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Gloria, you are a saint. I'm with the OP. I'm a good-looking dude and never get compliments from women on dates, even when I'm like, "you look nice" - they just say "thanks" and say nothing in return - even though I know I look nice as well. I think for the most part women in dating just feel that their showing up is enough. Which it's not. Same attitude in bed. It's a turn off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Gloria, you are a saint. I'm with the OP. I'm a good-looking dude and never get compliments from women on dates, even when I'm like, "you look nice" - they just say "thanks" and say nothing in return - even though I know I look nice as well. I think for the most part women in dating just feel that their showing up is enough. Which it's not. Same attitude in bed. It's a turn off. I think men in general who think poorly of women would have better success if they stopped dissing the gender they want to date. And women dissing women is even worse. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I think men in general who think poorly of women would have better success if they stopped dissing the gender they want to date.Oh, don't worry, I'm nice to them in person. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I question why more guys do not encourage or hand out compliments to the same gender. I recently at work complimented some guys on their choice of ties, and they both immediately went into this "Bustin each others chops' about it. I do not get how suddenly a positive remark can go down hill so quick. It's almost like I insulted their manhood and they now had to find a way to bring their perception of being a man into play. Luckily some gents know to simply say, thank you and smile. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 It is interesting that men don't compliment men, just like women don't compliment men. Women do compliment women, just like men compliment women. Seems like both genders are socialized to compliment women. I've never even really thought about showering my husband with compliments on his appearance. I do compliment him and speak highly of him, but not generally about his appearance (my attraction to him is quite obvious, nonetheless). Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 They totally do. You just can't read it. I get vocal compliments from time to time, but communication has a lot to do with body-language as well. Wandering eyes, stuttering, lots of other ways someone can say, "You're hot." As for online pics, I can't comment because that's not my thing. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Why don't women give out compliments? As much as men? IMO, part socialization and part efficiency. The socialization part has been covered prior, where men are the social pursuers and women the recipients of that pursuit, and the language of social lubricity, compliments, follows that. It starts at a young age, with their parents. The efficiency part is IMO less discussed but also important. The whole process of complimenting takes time, energy and thought and this is where women shine. They are very efficient with this process and focus those valuable resources on a selected few in life, augmenting with their superior communication skills. Men, OTOH, are comparatively inefficient, launching a barrage of social missiles with the hope that one hits a target. They craft, process, analyze, perfect their style and delivery and work out targeting to achieve their goal, which is mating. Anytime a man thinks about what he's going to say to a woman to present himself in a favorable light, whether that statement (compliment here) is true or not, his efficiency takes a hit. The woman he's directing towards, OTOH, can be totally focused on herself, her loved ones, her job, etc, etc, and not spend one iota of time, thought or energy on some stranger whom she doesn't know or even care to know at that point. Advantage, her. If she can get what she wants out of life with that style of living, there ya go. It works. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I don't think it has to do with pursuit... I think that women don't get that men, while outwardly may not look like they need "priming", they do live and breath off of what their woman thinks of them. Hence, why men complimenting men is ridiculous. Men aren't about impressing their BFF, they want to be a "Knight" in their woman's eyes. And, to me, it's just simple bonding/connecting with your mate. I was watching the TV Monday and the sheriff's wife, put her arm around him, leaned her head on him, and kissed his shoulder. It was Fargo, a show that was supposed to be "back in the day". So, I guess "back in the day" women expressed those little "niceties" to their men. Now, they are "roommates". I mean, as the sheriff's wife was putting that little peck of a kiss on his shoulder (and they were just in the kitchen chatting as he came back from work) I could just feel the electricity through the TV, cuz touching, complimenting, caressing, kissing, you SO is what builds each other up...if you're not doing that for each other, you are roommates, not husband/wife, gf/bf, lovers. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 i think compliments about guys sometimes - he looks nice in that suit, that shirt looks good on that guy, etc. but unless i am dating the guy i will never randomly compliment a guy. men, ime, have a hard time deciphering a compliment from a come-on; they think every time you smile you're into them, so imagine if you complimented them... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Because you can't hand out a compliment without the dude assuming you want to marry him and have his babies afterwards. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Revolver Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 I question why more guys do not encourage or hand out compliments to the same gender. I recently at work complimented some guys on their choice of ties, and they both immediately went into this "Bustin each others chops' about it. I do not get how suddenly a positive remark can go down hill so quick. It's almost like I insulted their manhood and they now had to find a way to bring their perception of being a man into play. Luckily some gents know to simply say, thank you and smile. IME, aside from height men don't really make fun of other men about their appearance. If they want to "but their chops" it will be about athletics, economics, and success with women(or lack there of) Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Because it's all part of the dance... Personally, I'm extremely complimentary to all the men in my life, romantic or otherwise. It never occurred to me that it may be a rare thing. I am who I am and have a deep appreciation for a great many things and I'm not afraid to acknowledge it. Paying compliments included. Having said that, if we're talking specifically about posting comments on pics of men I notice on OLD, I will admit to NOT being one of those who partakes in such a ritual. Why not? I know this is going to sound quite old fashioned but I think it just looks a bit crass for a woman to tag some random pics of a stranger with "OMG you're so HOT!" I mean, I'm not in high school any more Besides, from what I can see, this seems more like the norm, not the exception. I guess I'm one of those who prefers to reserve such pageantry for real life and for men with whom I have the opportunity to engage. For me, one's attractiveness is much more than just skin deep. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 It is interesting that men don't compliment men, just like women don't compliment men. Women do compliment women, just like men compliment women. Seems like both genders are socialized to compliment women. I've never even really thought about showering my husband with compliments on his appearance. I do compliment him and speak highly of him, but not generally about his appearance (my attraction to him is quite obvious, nonetheless). There's actually a few videos out there "what if men complimented each other, and they really highlight how awkward/weird it is. I get compliments from women such as 'nice shirt', a fair amount, but rarely anything about me physically. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 If I'm complimenting someone, it's probably my boyfriend. I'll admit they I find very few men hubba hubba burning love attractive. I'm a girl, and I am not showered with random compliments. Do guys even like that? lol I wouldn't want a guy to think I want sex. It's really easy to give the wrong impression. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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