chapter44 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I would take your Fiance to the pound and let her wait for another man to adopt her! 6
katiegrl Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Like I've said, even when I was single I thought about re-homing him. Cause I did feel bad but its hard to give him away. He's only 3 years old. I've had him for 2 years. And a dog can be taught to be crated, just takes time a patience. But the issue about the dog is another problem, I need to deal with her. :/ How you deal with her is you recognize after a year of dating, you had an "aha" moment and realize she is not a kind, compassionate person...and you move on. THAT is precisely why we date BEFORE marriage....to give us time to get to know someone and what their true colors are. You found out what HER true colors are....and it's not pretty.... Let her go dude.... seriously. Choose to love your dog.... 3
Timshel Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 He's a pomeranian. And to the above poster, I know I'm not the best dog owner. But I do my best. She cleans after him cause she's home. If she's not there, I clean when I get home. I don't mind. He uses the puppy pads. I didin't buy him or want a dog at the time. He was my mothers dog, and when she passed away I took him. I fell in love with the little guy and has always been there for me. And he reminds me of my mother. And I know its not fair to the dog, but it will get better. I don't plan to be in an apartment forever. For this reason, I think you should keep the dog. If you get rid of him, you won't forget it. As for your fiance', you two want to get married, think of this as part of the package. Hard lines can rarely be drawn in a good marriage. Welcome to it......start compromising and work it out. 1
StBreton Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 OP ...do we assume your fiancé knows the dog is your late mom's? And she delivers an ultimatum of "me or the dog?" Hmmm ...really might want to think about the cold hearted nature of the 2 legged animal in your home. For me it's "love me love me dogs" and I give my pups a forever home. And I agree with others ...get the dog bathed every month and get a dog walker. A neighbor kid would be inexpensive and thrilled I'm sure. Maybe have the neighbor do cleaning once a day along with walking. 3
clia Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 It sounds like her issue is that she doesn't like having to take care of YOUR dog. Hire a dog walker to stop by once in the middle of the day to walk the dog and clean up the puppy pad if the dog can't wait for you to get home from work. (I know tons of people with dogs who work and the dogs all survive the day without going to the bathroom in the house. So I don't really understand the need for the puppy pad on a daily basis.). I love dogs, but I don't blame her for not wanting to clean the puppy pad. Those are pretty disgusting. Why does the dog smell if you are getting him groomed regularly? Does the apartment smell like dog? Is there dog hair all over? Maybe that is bothering her also. You could hire a cleaning lady to help with that. 4
Art_Critic Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 She should move out and later on if the dog becomes an issue then you keep the dog unless you feel the dog doesn't truly belong in the apartment then you re-home the dog but not for the girl.. do it for the dog... I have never met a person that didn't have the stance.. "it's me AND my pets.. not just me.." 1
Author blackout02 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 It sounds like her issue is that she doesn't like having to take care of YOUR dog. Hire a dog walker to stop by once in the middle of the day to walk the dog and clean up the puppy pad if the dog can't wait for you to get home from work. (I know tons of people with dogs who work and the dogs all survive the day without going to the bathroom in the house. So I don't really understand the need for the puppy pad on a daily basis.). I love dogs, but I don't blame her for not wanting to clean the puppy pad. Those are pretty disgusting. Why does the dog smell if you are getting him groomed regularly? Does the apartment smell like dog? Is there dog hair all over? Maybe that is bothering her also. You could hire a cleaning lady to help with that. He doesn't smell, and he gets groomed on a regular. She's never complained about him, until now is my point. I open to make changes and do things different with him if they are valid points. Had I known she wasn't a dog person in the beginning, I probably wouldn't have dated her. And I will look into a dog sitter, that never even crossed my mind until this post. 3
candie13 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I love clia's post, really insightful. Maybe indeed, your fiance was doing your job on caring for the doggy... and she isn't that thrilled about it. Which is sort of normal, as it's not her dog. Try a middle ground, spend a few $$ and see if that makes her happier. I am sure it will. Things are never fully white or fully black. 1
CarrieT Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Had I known she wasn't a dog person in the beginning, I probably wouldn't have dated her. Does this mean it precludes you from ever having another dog in your life while you are married to her? And I will look into a dog sitter, that never even crossed my mind until this post. Does she give any indication of being willing to compromise on the dog issue or does she really not want it in her life? 1
introverted1 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I work a lot so I don't have a lot of time to take care of him. But he's my best friend. She gets mad that since I'm not home, she has to take care of him. Clean his messes, feed him, etc. So I understand her point. We have made countless attempts to fix this, we put him in a crate, we fenced him in an area of the apartment. But she's had enough and doesn't know what to do. There are two issues here, and they are possibly related. The first is that, as the dog owner, it's your responsibility to care for the dog. Most dogs can be left alone accident-free for a workday but it sounds as though you have opted to forego this training in favor of puppy pads which literally train the dog to pee in the house (albeit on the pads). There is no reason you can't walk the dog before you go to work and again when you get home and, if need be, hire someone to walk the dog at midday. This should resolve the need for puppy pads and the ensuing mess. You can also make regular appointments to have the dog groomed. And you should ensure that the dog gets regular and adequate exercise which, given that this is a small dog, is not that difficult to do. Once you've done this, then you can assess your fiance's position. As things stand now, it's hard to know whether she is legitimately frustrated with your lackadaisical attitude toward the dog (and picking up after him) or unreasonably demanding that you pick her or the dog. It's easy to say it's the latter but based on what you've written, it sounds as though it could just be that she has given up on your half-hearted attempts to resolve the situation and this is her (admittedly less than ideal) way of forcing the issue. I've tried EVERYTHING. No, you haven't. I (and many others here I am guessing) have dogs and work. My dog has the run of the house during the day and has never wet the floor. He's 2 1/2. This is a training issue.
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 If you are willing to offer the following compromises: 1. A dog walker 2. All 3 of you -- you, her & the dog -- go for professional obedience training If she is not willing to deal with that At best I would postponne the wedding until after the dog dies. Anybody that asks you to chose them over a dog, especially after they have been living with you for 6 months is not a person worth having in your life. 2
Gaeta Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 He's a pomeranian. And to the above poster, I know I'm not the best dog owner. But I do my best. She cleans after him cause she's home. If she's not there, I clean when I get home. I don't mind. He uses the puppy pads. I didin't buy him or want a dog at the time. He was my mothers dog, and when she passed away I took him. I fell in love with the little guy and has always been there for me. And he reminds me of my mother. And I know its not fair to the dog, but it will get better. I don't plan to be in an apartment forever. I read this thread too quickly and missed the important information. I am very sorry for your loss, the dog is young so you must have lost your mom recently. Which makes the idea of her demanding the dog goes even more cruel. For those who suggest a dog walker it's a very good idea but it won't change the fact that this dog will live in a house where one of the member dislikes the dog. Eventually, if not already, the dog will start misbehaving. Pomenarians are small dogs, the pee pad is nothing! It doesn't pee more than a guinea pig. My goodness she just needs to fold the pad in 2 and put it in the trash. It's not like cleaning up after a 40lbs dog. These little dogs also live very long 14-15 years. When you are married how will this woman react when it's time to dig in your pocket for medical care? kennel fees? My dog is 8 yo and he's healthy but this year I spent at least $1,500 in medical care since beginning of the year to get him back on track. Is this dog going to be a long term source of disagreements? 3
Maggie4 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I think you've said that she has complained about the dog, but she has not asked you to get rid of him. If she was fine with the dog before, and cleaning after him, and only now started to complain about him, then I'd say she's having second thoughts about marrying you. She is really complaining about YOU. No need to get rid of the dog. He is not the problem. 1
Gaeta Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 She must not think this relationship is all that important or she wouldn't have issued the ultimatum. Or she is certain she has him eating in her hand. Who in their right mind ask a man to get rid of dog that belong to his deceased mother. 6
Author blackout02 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 Or she is certain she has him eating in her hand. Who in their right mind ask a man to get rid of dog that belong to his deceased mother. Well she's been blowing up my phone all day, I haven't gotten anything done at work. :/ She said she can't do it. And I told her fine she should go then. She then said, "I knew you would pick the dog over me". I don't know if that's her way of testing me. Either way, I guess its over just like that. Its our 2nd big fight over him in the last 2 weeks. And I'm not getting rid of him. I guess she's hated him all along and now that we engaged she thought she could convince him to give him up. Everyone here had valid points, I do need to do more for my little guy. And it was wrong of her to put me in this spot. I'm glad I saw this side now and not after I married her. I do love her but I just need to move on. Take of me and take care of my dog. Thank you so much guys. 7
lollipopspot Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I feel that you should be there to protect the dog as she's leaving. And change the locks right away. She might have so much anger she would do something - some people are horrible like that. 4
Author blackout02 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 I feel that you should be there to protect the dog as she's leaving. And change the locks right away. She might have so much anger she would do something - some people are horrible like that. Dont tell me that!! SHe's home alone with him!
lollipopspot Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Dont tell me that!! SHe's home alone with him! Can you take a break and go home - and then maybe leave the dog with a friend until she's gone?
Maggie4 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 He never told me to get rid of him. I think the OP said "she *pretty much* said 'me or the dog'" so she didn't say it, but the OP believes that's what it comes down to. My take: that is NOT what it comes down to. Dog probably saying, "hey you two work it out, or not. Just leave me out of it. Don't either of you use me to back out of an engagement."
lollipopspot Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 And especially if you are going to leave the dog with someone...make sure that the dog has a tag/collar and is microchipped. Little dogs often don't make it back home if they get out, without ID.
StBreton Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Sorry OP. Maybe she will come to a rational compassionate understanding after she's had time to process. 1
MovingOnIsHard Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Firstly, i will say that your fiance is a b*tch for making you choose between you and your dog... OP, how long do you walk your dog per day? Dogs require a lot of exercise.. If you dont exercise them enough they become overweight and could develop behavioural problems in the long run. To have to resort to using puppy pads doesnt seem right..it would stink up the apt!! And your teaching the dog bad house manners. Esp at a young age, when the dog isnt yet good with holding its pee, you need to take it out even more often... at least 3 times a day. I have a 6yr old german shepherd mix. I let him out 3 times a day and walk him 20min minimum evry time he goes out. My workplace is 5min away so i can drive home to let my dog out. However, i held back from owning a dog until i figured out how to take care of him. As much as you are fond of this dog, it doesnt sound like you have enough time to care for him. Dogs require a lot of work -- you might need to look into other supports eg. Dog walker, relatives. Dogs deserve a home that can provide for them
Gaeta Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Well she's been blowing up my phone all day, I haven't gotten anything done at work. :/ She said she can't do it. And I told her fine she should go then. She then said, "I knew you would pick the dog over me". I don't know if that's her way of testing me. Either way, I guess its over just like that. Its our 2nd big fight over him in the last 2 weeks. And I'm not getting rid of him. I guess she's hated him all along and now that we engaged she thought she could convince him to give him up. Everyone here had valid points, I do need to do more for my little guy. And it was wrong of her to put me in this spot. I'm glad I saw this side now and not after I married her. I do love her but I just need to move on. Take of me and take care of my dog. Thank you so much guys. She can't do it ?? we're still talking about a pee pad here for an 8-lbs dog. I don't know, this seems so overblown! Could this be about control more than the dog? Blackout: In the long run it's better this way. I assure you, you will never regret keeping your dog over her. A lot of women will be thrilled over your little guy and will love him to bits! I have ex-boyfriends who miss my dog more than they miss me!! 3
Ryan_XD Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Tell your fiance to do one! Your dog will always love you no matter what and will stay with you until his death - the same cannot be said about a human being. 2
preraph Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 The answer to this is always, without reservation, keep the dog. If someone cares so little that they are willing to ask you to get rid of a pet you love and have nurtured and have a moral obligation to continue to care for, they do not have enough empathy to fit on the head of a pin and they do not know what love is. People who love you don't ask you to give up the things you love. She's not good. She's a rotten apple. Get rid of her. 3
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