blackout02 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 So I'm in a tough situation. And I need help ASAP. As the title says I've been put in a hard spot. A little background. I've been with my girl for a year now. Everything has been super good until now. We've been engaged for about 2 weeks now and things have gone down since I proposed. The plan is to get married next year. So she's been living with me for about 6 months, due to some circumstances she moved in with me fairly quickly. But that's another story. And throughout the six months she's never had a problem with my dog, until now. All of a sudden she hates my dog. She say's it annoys her, he stinks, he's annoying, blah blah blah. But she's lived with him fine for 6 months. I work a lot so I don't have a lot of time to take care of him. But he's my best friend. She gets mad that since I'm not home, she has to take care of him. Clean his messes, feed him, etc. So I understand her point. We have made countless attempts to fix this, we put him in a crate, we fenced him in an area of the apartment. But she's had enough and doesn't know what to do. And I do feel bad for my dog, living in a small apartment with a person who hates him. And even when I was single I thought about giving him up since I was never home. But he means so much to me. So today she pretty much told me, "its me or the dog. I've tried and tried but I can't do it. I don't like him, and I can't deal with him" So even though I truly do love her, who do I pick? Or what do I do? I've tried EVERYTHING. Seems since we got engaged she thought it was ok to complain about him. If I keep him, she will ALWAYS B**** and complain about him. And I really don't know if I can give him up. And I do, I'm scared I'll resent her for it. And break up anyways. Help.
central Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Your dog will always love you. Your fiancé, maybe not so much. I'm sure you can find her a good home. 26
htx Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Um yeah, sounds like you should be getting rid of someone, and it's not the dog. 8
Imajerk17 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I am a guy, but I never would make my partner choose between me and an animal that has given nothing but love. In fact, it would be a deal breaker for me if she DID get rid of the animal. Keep the dog. 11
BluEyeL Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 My boyfriend also has dogs and they smell and all, but although there are some issues (I don't like the dogs sleeping on the bed), I won't ever make him get rid of the dogs. They're like his family. While I understand her discomfort, if she loves you, she should just try to love or at least tolerate your dog.
GemmaUK Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 So all was fine and now she has switched when you got engaged. Er..something else will change when you get married...you can bet on it. Run!!! Keep your dog, ditch the inconsistent one. 7
Author blackout02 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 My boyfriend also has dogs and they smell and all, but although there are some issues (I don't like the dogs sleeping on the bed), I won't ever make him get rid of the dogs. They're like his family. While I understand her discomfort, if she loves you, she should just try to love or at least tolerate your dog. He never told me to get rid of him but that's what it comes down too. She knows how much he means to me. And she's told me she's tried, but she's just had enough.
rester Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Tough decision, but I would take something like this popping up after six months as a sign that you don't know her well enough to marry. There may also be something going on from your fiance's position that has nothing to do with the dog at all, but that's what you are seeing as a result of whatever her issue(s) may be. I would talk to her about it and make it clear that you're not about to get rid of the dog and that you need to work together to make sure the dog can stay. If you have the money, there are people that go house-to-house taking care of pets. Is this the same woman that you broke up with in July? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/539250-did-i-do-right-thing 5
Shining One Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I predict that if you give up the dog, there will be a series of future threads from you that all begin with: Fiancé or my... 5
sportygirl89 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Once you adopt or buy a dog. You took on responsibilities at the time to keep the dog for life. Don't let some significant other say otherwise. I could never give up my dog or cats. I had an ex try to tell me to give up cats because he was allergic and just didn't like them. I chose the cats over him 5
RecentChange Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Here is my take as an "animal person" (been a professional horse trainer, I have cats - and now dogs thanks to the BF). You aren't being a very good dog owner. Dogs take HUGE commitment - and yes, if a pet isn't "yours" and you aren't into it, being burdened with its care, and literally picking up its shiiiiit can get really old, really fast. You mention that she says he is smelly and annoying. How often do you wash him? What is his level of training? How much EXERCISE (this is KEY!) does he get? So before your girlfriend was feeding him, and picking up after him, who was taking care of these things as you left him alone for long periods? My recommendation? Get a dog walker, or invest in doggy "day care". The dog deserves not to be cooped up in a apartment all day with someone that doesn't enjoy him. Even if you got rid of the girl - instead of the dog, the dog would be getting the short end of the stick here. Look I have animals, I KNOW not everyone is into animals, and I have always made it a very specific point that my animals would NEVER be a burden to my boy friend. He isn't expected to help me out at the stables, and I insist on doing all of the litter box cleaning, cat feeding etc. Its MY cat (which has been around for 18 years... longer than the BF ), not his cat. And I do "help" with his dog, I feed it, and I walk him when I go on jogs (things I do not mind doing). But the nasty stuff? Poop picking etc? Nope, I didn't get a dog, he got a dog, he can be RESPONSIBLE for his dog. This is YOUR DOG, not her dog... why is she being burdened with its care? His care is your responsibility. Either step up and care for it properly yourself, or hire someone to help you do that.... or re-home the dog. In the end, this situation isn't fair for the dog... 16
lchf Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 (edited) Nobody put a gun to her head and told her to move in with you OP. I don't know the details but your dog is a part of your life and if she can't handle him then she should find another place to stay. Dogs are freaking awesome anyway and much more loyal than any human I've ever met. I would never give up my dog for anyone. How does this bode for your marriage if she can't stand your animals? Is she going to have a change of heart when you get married and are living together then? I think not Btw what breed is he? Edited October 14, 2015 by lchf 4
katiegrl Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Being that she's the one taking care of the dog, hates him and wants him gone, I am worried about your dog! There was a very sick story about a woman who felt this same way and she ended up giving the dog poison and he died. Her boyfriend thought the dog died of a heart attack until a few months later when she confessed to giving him poison.. I would hate to see that happen! If it were me, I would NOT allow her to "care" for him anymore. Have a friend care for him UNTIL you dump her. Seriously, she is not a nice person! 2
Author blackout02 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 Nobody put a gun to her head and told her to move in with you OP. I don't know the details but your dog is a part of your life and if she can't handle him then she should find another place to stay. Dogs are freaking awesome anyway and much more loyal than any human I've ever met. I would never give up my dog for anyone. How does this bode for your marriage if she can't stand your animals? Is she going to have a change of heart when you get married and are living together then? I think not Btw what breed is he? He's a pomeranian. And to the above poster, I know I'm not the best dog owner. But I do my best. She cleans after him cause she's home. If she's not there, I clean when I get home. I don't mind. He uses the puppy pads. I didin't buy him or want a dog at the time. He was my mothers dog, and when she passed away I took him. I fell in love with the little guy and has always been there for me. And he reminds me of my mother. And I know its not fair to the dog, but it will get better. I don't plan to be in an apartment forever.
GemmaUK Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Here is my take as an "animal person" (been a professional horse trainer, I have cats - and now dogs thanks to the BF). You aren't being a very good dog owner. Dogs take HUGE commitment - and yes, if a pet isn't "yours" and you aren't into it, being burdened with its care, and literally picking up its shiiiiit can get really old, really fast. You mention that she says he is smelly and annoying. How often do you wash him? What is his level of training? How much EXERCISE (this is KEY!) does he get? So before your girlfriend was feeding him, and picking up after him, who was taking care of these things as you left him alone for long periods? My recommendation? Get a dog walker, or invest in doggy "day care". The dog deserves not to be cooped up in a apartment all day with someone that doesn't enjoy him. Even if you got rid of the girl - instead of the dog, the dog would be getting the short end of the stick here. Look I have animals, I KNOW not everyone is into animals, and I have always made it a very specific point that my animals would NEVER be a burden to my boy friend. He isn't expected to help me out at the stables, and I insist on doing all of the litter box cleaning, cat feeding etc. Its MY cat (which has been around for 18 years... longer than the BF ), not his cat. And I do "help" with his dog, I feed it, and I walk him when I go on jogs (things I do not mind doing). But the nasty stuff? Poop picking etc? Nope, I didn't get a dog, he got a dog, he can be RESPONSIBLE for his dog. This is YOUR DOG, not her dog... why is she being burdened with its care? His care is your responsibility. Either step up and care for it properly yourself, or hire someone to help you do that.... or re-home the dog. In the end, this situation isn't fair for the dog... I made an assumption that OP was taking care of the dog. Dang me!! OP, if you are not...please read the above.
xcupid Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 First she wanted you to get rid of your dog. What will it be next? 1
Author blackout02 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 I made an assumption that OP was taking care of the dog. Dang me!! OP, if you are not...please read the above. I do take responsibility. I do everything, he goes the groomers, always has food, I take him out at night. But he does pee inside on the puppy pads, cause he has no where else to go. And that's what she is forced to clean.
GemmaUK Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I misread... This dog is yours and your responsibility. Puppy pads? Are you kidding?!! A dog only needs 3 walks a day for the toilet. Is that too much? And yes it is your job. Too much? I think it would be kinder to rehome. 1
Author blackout02 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 I misread... This dog is yours and your responsibility. Puppy pads? Are you kidding?!! A dog only needs 3 walks a day for the toilet. Is that too much? And yes it is your job. Too much? I think it would be kinder to rehome. Yeah because people don't work. Get out of here. He walks twice a day, morning and at night. Yeah thanks for your input though. 1
Gaeta Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Keep the dog and ask for your ring back and l'm not even joking. I would never ask a boyfriend/fiancé/husband to get rid of an animal he is emotionally attached to. The dog was there before the girlfriend. She pretended all was dandy for 6 months till she got a ring around her finger. Now she is using emotional blackmail to get what she wants. What does that say about her ... On another note if you don't have time to give this dog proper time attention and exercise maybe it is better to re-home him. How old is the dog? You can't take an old dog who"s been free home and then suddenly crate him. I'm pretty sure the dog is already exibiting negative effects from your girlfriend hating him. 2
ScienceGal Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Pets are part of the family, you do not just give them away. If someone doesn't share this viewpoint, it's a deal breaker. 3
Author blackout02 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 Keep the dog and ask for your ring back and l'm not even joking. I would never ask a boyfriend/fiancé/husband to get rid of an animal he is emotionally attached to. The dog was there before the girlfriend. She pretended all was dandy for 6 months till she got a ring around her finger. Now she is using emotional blackmail to get what she wants. What does that say about her ... On another note if you don't have time to give this dog proper time attention and exercise maybe it is better to re-home him. How old is the dog? You can't take an old dog who"s been free home and then suddenly crate him. I'm pretty sure the dog is already exibiting negative effects from your girlfriend hating him. Like I've said, even when I was single I thought about re-homing him. Cause I did feel bad but its hard to give him away. He's only 3 years old. I've had him for 2 years. And a dog can be taught to be crated, just takes time a patience. But the issue about the dog is another problem, I need to deal with her. :/
candie13 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 your mom's dog ? And she wants you to get rid of it? What sort of person does this, OP ? I completely understand about the smell and the efforts... but you don't just get rid of a pet because he's all of a sudden inconvenient. Do you plan to move in a bigger place where he can have more space? Poor thing... I do feel for you, OP. It's a really tough one. 3
GemmaUK Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Yeah because people don't work. Get out of here. He walks twice a day, morning and at night. Yeah thanks for your input though. I worked 9 to 5.30 or later, took my dogs out 3 times a day and also walked as it happened 40 mins there and back twice a day to sort out breakfast and dinner for my poorly Dad. Where did I say anyone wasn't working?
Gaeta Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Like I've said, even when I was single I thought about re-homing him. Cause I did feel bad but its hard to give him away. He's only 3 years old. I've had him for 2 years. And a dog can be taught to be crated, just takes time a patience. But the issue about the dog is another problem, I need to deal with her. :/ The dog is young. Re-home him with a family with kids or an older person who has time to spoil him. I beleive you that you provide for your dog but l don't think you give your dog a dog's life. Spending a lofe time in a crate and having a walk a night is sh$tty life for a dog. 2
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