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Ex left me for ex and now wants me back - but can this be consider GIGS UPDATED!


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Posted
I fully get what your saying. Thats my thinking if she has seen things finally and realized i am the right one, i wouldnt mind taking her back. But how can i test her.

 

I dont know if i made a mistake, if i have i dont mind im not down about it, i actually feel good. I replied and basically told her im moving on unless she makes the decision to leave the ex. she begged me to wait or at least be friends in the mean time, i said im sorry but im moving on and told her ive got my eye on someone else. I was being quite cold. Ive been waiting for about a month now since she first told me she sorting things out so we can be together, it ended with her ignoring my last text. She was pissed off. But i rejected her advances and told her we cant be friends, she even suggested that i come with her on holiday, all the meanwhile she still wouldnt have broken up with the boyfriend. Talk about confused, she dont want to let him go but she wants me. Shellfish cunt

 

You need to take emotion out of everything regarding her.

 

I gave you my example of what is happening with my ex earlier in the thread. In the last 24 hours she has absolutely started ramping up the chase. Wanting to now get together, now wanting to fix me dinner, etc. I in return have given her nothing about what is going on in my life. I'm just being myself with her.

 

She left me for another guy. She dumped him 2 months later and came running back. I told her to pound sound. She ran right back to him (which I new she would, but I knew it would not last). I let her live in a false sense of love with the dude for a year. You know what I did? I friggin' healed. Mass tears, mass anger, mass sorrow. Then I woke up and started chasing tail again.

 

Now she was dumped (just like I knew she would be, because the dude is polar opposite of her) and she is absolutely driving hard to the net with me.

 

Will I take her back? I have no idea. Does it bug me she left me for another dude? Not really as there has been plenty of time since then, and I went out and had some fun. Anything regarding her and I is a new relationship. Do I think she learned a lesson? Oh hell yes.

 

If I was in my mid 20's or early 30's would I be considering getting back with her. Probably not...

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Posted
What you are suggesting is a dangerous thing to do and it definitely isn't exactly the way to go. You notice you are only suggesting this because you're in the same position as OP and you guys have similar mindsets and hope of a possible reconciliation. When you were the backup which I believe you were Samuel and she left you for her ex, that in itself should tell you that you should forget about this girl and that you were being used. She doesn't deserve to have you in her life in any way shape or form. Your argument about we're all humans and we all make mistakes, that is true but mistakes and choices have it's consequences. If you allow yourself to be used and you're not treating yourself with self-respect then others will do so as well.

 

 

In that regard that's your consequence, making mistakes is one thing but allowing them to make the same mistakes or making even further mistakes is another, you only have yourself to blame if that's the case.

 

 

Forgiving someone is something we should all learn to do but that does not mean you need or should to let those who hurt you and mistreated you into your lives again.

 

Thats bullcrap people make mistakes, costly ones at that. Relationships is not about pride and ego. It dont mean your plan B, well in a way it does. But what if she REALIZED SHE HAS MADE A MISTAKE. What if it took her going back to the ex to figure this out. Dont that count for something.

 

People who advocate no second chances are just bruised and hurt and unwilling to forgive and move past it. ive notice alot of people on this board, if your left by someone the advice is never get back with them or your worthless or a doormat. Maybe so but is it not dangerous to suggest never giving a loved one the benefit of the doubt that they have truly made a mistake

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Posted
Thats bullcrap people make mistakes, costly ones at that. Relationships is not about pride and ego. It dont mean your plan B, well in a way it does. But what if she REALIZED SHE HAS MADE A MISTAKE. What if it took her going back to the ex to figure this out. Dont that count for something.

 

People who advocate no second chancesare just bruised and hurt and unwilling to forgive and move past it. ive notice alot of people on this board, if your left by someone the advice is never get back with them or your worthless or a doormat. Maybe so but is it not dangerous to suggest never giving a loved one the benefit of the doubt that they have truly made a mistake

 

*Or* they have found someone better. Always remember that.

 

Stay strong, buddy. Just remember, you want to get to a place that where she stands should mean nothing to you. When you get there, you will be able to see the big picture.

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Posted

Validating someone's wrong actions is one thing, analyzing the situation, using your brain to put things under scrutiny to see if the person really regrets her/his wrongdoings is another one. It seems all the tactic we have at the moment is saying ''no''. Hypothetically speaking, this is the best thing anyone in a situation like that needs to do, but here is the place where the big ''BUT'' rears its ugly head. Those people who practice the ''no-no'' strategy, can you guarantee, I will fall in love with another person in the future? Sure I will meet 100 more girls, and I will mingle, flirt and have sex with even more...but can you guarantee I will fall in love with any of them again?

The truth is, the first time I fell in love I was 22, after 6 years when I am 28, I fell in love again. how many girlfriends did I have between the first time I fell in love and my most recent amorous failure ? 7... And I did not love any of them! Liked them, did not love them...

This is ''love'' we are talking about, if it were any of those 7 girls that I just liked... NO NO...you see it is very easy.

But this one is different, and saying... NO NO...ain't that easy! if you really love someone, you should give that person a second chance after analyzing things well though, I don't believe in a third or fourth chance! 2nd chance for the one you love? absolutely even if it is going to be dangerous, even if your pride will be shattered! this is ''love'' we are talking about god damn it, and please don't pretend it is easy!

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Posted

Seriously with my RS with those 7 girls, I dumped, they dumped, I never even bothered to come to Loveshack.org, I thought I was a thick skinned bastard, I thought nothing would ever make me grieve like I grieved when I was 22... But here I am, please people understand, that some people are different for you. The toughest guy I saw on LS that I had ever seen, confessed during a private conversation that he wanted his ex back, so drop the act and get real! if you love someone you can't employ the no...no strategy easily... on the other hand you can't employ yes...yes strategy either, because that might hurt you again, use your logic, evaluate the situation, consider pros and cons, and make a decision, you might get hurt again, but you have decided based on your logic and circumstances... this time may be different, may not... but you have given the one you love another chance at least.

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Posted
Thats bullcrap people make mistakes, costly ones at that. Relationships is not about pride and ego. It dont mean your plan B, well in a way it does. But what if she REALIZED SHE HAS MADE A MISTAKE. What if it took her going back to the ex to figure this out. Dont that count for something.

 

People who advocate no second chances are just bruised and hurt and unwilling to forgive and move past it. ive notice alot of people on this board, if your left by someone the advice is never get back with them or your worthless or a doormat. Maybe so but is it not dangerous to suggest never giving a loved one the benefit of the doubt that they have truly made a mistake

 

I think you misinterpret about what I was saying. Second chances can happen but based on what you said about what's going on, you should rethink the way you think about your situation, the fact you are hanging on to hope with this girl who obviously is just using you as a backup plan speaks more about you than her. You can keep hoping that she'll leave her ex-bf for you one day and you can keep waiting.

 

 

When someone really truly loves you, they wouldn't waste time doing what she's doing. That isn't love, she's just being selfish and thinking about herself. You'll know love when you won't need to come on LS to post a story/situation like yours because you won't need to question it. Seems like you're trying to make excuses and reasons for her and your hope.

 

 

And if you're implying that I advocate no second chances because I'm bruised or hurt and unwilling to forgive, you are sorely wrong. If you actually read my previous post, I did say we should all learn to forgive but that doesn't mean we need to keep them in our lives. Second chances can happen and can be given but your situation doesn't warrant it, that's the way I see it and I'm sure you see it as well.

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Posted
I think you misinterpret about what I was saying. Second chances can happen but based on what you said about what's going on, you should rethink the way you think about your situation, the fact you are hanging on to hope with this girl who obviously is just using you as a backup plan speaks more about you than her. You can keep hoping that she'll leave her ex-bf for you one day and you can keep waiting.

 

 

When someone really truly loves you, they wouldn't waste time doing what she's doing. That isn't love, she's just being selfish and thinking about herself. You'll know love when you won't need to come on LS to post a story/situation like yours because you won't need to question it. Seems like you're trying to make excuses and reasons for her and your hope.

 

 

And if you're implying that I advocate no second chances because I'm bruised or hurt and unwilling to forgive, you are sorely wrong. If you actually read my previous post, I did say we should all learn to forgive but that doesn't mean we need to keep them in our lives. Second chances can happen and can be given but your situation doesn't warrant it, that's the way I see it and I'm sure you see it as well.

What love are you talking about Hollywood? Love is always one-sided. Get real, I have had 14 girlfriends until now and I confirm, the situation has always been either they are in love, you are not or vice a versa... bilateral love is too good to be true, I have not seen it yet. In real world, you are lucky to be with the one you love, and I wager the other guy does not love you at all. It's bitter but it's true. If you saw bilateral love anywhere in your country or town, would you say hello to it from me?

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Posted

When someone really truly loves you, they wouldn't waste time doing what she's doing. That isn't love, she's just being selfish and thinking about herself. You'll know love when you won't need to come on LS to post a story/situation like yours because you won't need to question it. Seems like you're trying to make excuses and reasons for her and your hope.

 

 

I agree with you on this part, and i basically said that to her. If im honest i know it over and its a matter of moving on with my life now. If she approached me and the ex was not in the picture i would have taken her back, regardless if he left her or vice versa.

 

Like samuel22 said true love is hard to find. I know i will find other girls but will they capture my heart idk. But with this one, ive gone through alot first break up. I had a read of my previous threads and boy did nerves run through my body. Cant believe ive nearly got through this awful experience, wiser and stronger. I must say being in contact with her a few days ago did put that gut wrenching feeling in my stomach waiting for her replies. But today i feel in control of the situation. I was a bit down earlier but i feel good now. N from this day onwards no more looking at her social media, i been saying that for ages but i really have no interest anymore, as i know its over. Life suck without me :D

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Posted

True love is and should be hard to find. If it were that easy then would you really treasure and value it? But that's not the point, point is we should not settle for someone that doesn't treat us right and doesn't appreciate us the way we deserve. You can settle with a girl that doesn't really love you or that you don't really love but in the end is that really happiness? Sometimes it takes patience from us and perhaps us not evening thinking about relationships at all for us to meet the right person.

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Posted
I agree with you on this part, and i basically said that to her. If im honest i know it over and its a matter of moving on with my life now. If she approached me and the ex was not in the picture i would have taken her back, regardless if he left her or vice versa.

 

Like samuel22 said true love is hard to find. I know i will find other girls but will they capture my heart idk. But with this one, ive gone through alot first break up. I had a read of my previous threads and boy did nerves run through my body. Cant believe ive nearly got through this awful experience, wiser and stronger. I must say being in contact with her a few days ago did put that gut wrenching feeling in my stomach waiting for her replies. But today i feel in control of the situation. I was a bit down earlier but i feel good now. N from this day onwards no more looking at her social media, i been saying that for ages but i really have no interest anymore, as i know its over. Life suck without me :D

A female friend of mine told me the other day, that even if she came back (my ex), I would either say ''no'' or the duration of the RS would be something around 1 week to 3 months. She promised I would be the one who would dump her this time, she was insisting on saying that I just wanted her, since my ego had been hit, and nothing more than that. I think now that the opportunity has arisen for you, and the ego hit has gone away, supposedly by your ex herself, you don't want her back... If that's the case, I have to say that female friend of mine is a real something :laugh:

Keep us posted mindshift, This is getting interesting.

Good luck mate

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Posted

Well here it goes. So today i decided to text her asking if she was ok. She replied and we texted each other for hours, telling jokes, remembering the past blah blah blah very nice convo.

 

During the convo i asked her straight up what is the situation, let me know so i can move on and stop all the bullcrap. She then preceeded to tell me that she on ond off with the current boyfriend. She does not want to be with him and she wants me. She then went on to say she needs time to end things decently i.e. in a way that he will not know she left him for another guy. She assured numerous time she going to break up with. She went on to say she was gonna break up with him before she even started talking with me. She seemed genuine we talked more about starting a family, hoildays and all sorts of future commitments.

 

I personally dont mind starting again with her, my hopes are not high on a reconciliation either. I keeping a level head we been talking about getting together for nearly a month now. im going to continue NC improve and build myself and if she comes to her senses i will take her back.

 

I do get annoyed that she seems to be caring about the current boyfriends feelings. Me she left me in a sec, the next day she was with him. But then again i dont want my pride and ego to ruin things. So im just letting things take it course, im not snooping on her no more, im acyually indifferent believe it or not. if she comes back great if not oh well.

 

What pushes me to believe she genuine is that her mind has not changed for weeks now (nearly a month). but i dont know, i keeping my feelings out of it so if she dont come back oh well!!

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Posted

We all wish you well on your new life as The Other Man.

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Posted

Well, she's got you so hooked and you are making it sooooo easy for her. She knows that she can now take her time and see how things go with her boyfriend and if she gets board and needs attention, she knows where to go. She's been feeding you this crap for a while now. What do her actions tell? Not her words....her actions?

 

By the way, you are not anywhere close to being indifferent. What you are in is total denial because everyone on the outside can clearly see what you don't and there is so much denial in what you just wrote. Just accept where you are at and start dealing with things. Don't put up a false front. You're not ok and you can't keep your feelings out of this, you're human.

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Posted

Also, you said in your first post on this that she hooked up with her ex within 24 hours of you two having an argument. What's changed where she wouldn't do this again?

 

She hasn't been single in all this time, so there's no way she's had time to process why things went badly in your relationship and why it wouldn't be more of the same if you two got back together. She's just swinging back and forth between you two. If you get back together (and you will if she actually breaks up with this guy, because you're not indifferent, no matter how much you claim to be), then it's just a matter of time before she tries to go back this guy's way when you two have another argument. That is, assuming this guy would be pathetic enough to take her back.

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Posted
Well here it goes. So today i decided to text her asking if she was ok. She replied and we texted each other for hours, telling jokes, remembering the past blah blah blah very nice convo.

 

During the convo i asked her straight up what is the situation, let me know so i can move on and stop all the bullcrap. She then preceeded to tell me that she on ond off with the current boyfriend. She does not want to be with him and she wants me. She then went on to say she needs time to end things decently i.e. in a way that he will not know she left him for another guy. She assured numerous time she going to break up with. She went on to say she was gonna break up with him before she even started talking with me. She seemed genuine we talked more about starting a family, hoildays and all sorts of future commitments.

 

I personally dont mind starting again with her, my hopes are not high on a reconciliation either. I keeping a level head we been talking about getting together for nearly a month now. im going to continue NC improve and build myself and if she comes to her senses i will take her back.

 

I do get annoyed that she seems to be caring about the current boyfriends feelings. Me she left me in a sec, the next day she was with him. But then again i dont want my pride and ego to ruin things. So im just letting things take it course, im not snooping on her no more, im acyually indifferent believe it or not. if she comes back great if not oh well.

 

What pushes me to believe she genuine is that her mind has not changed for weeks now (nearly a month). but i dont know, i keeping my feelings out of it so if she dont come back oh well!!

I wager she does not care about his feelings, to me she is really selfish, so what is going on here? I think problems are going from bad to worse, and the more serious the problems become, the more you are going to hear from her. The counter theory has its own weight. Unlike what others think, I think this has got nothing to do with her character, it is normal, the RS is going to the dogs, and she, perhaps, has understood her fault in this. That does not necessarily mean she will do the same to you, if she comes back. If things go the way you want them to go, then you have to take it slow, and keep an eye on red flags, you know how they look like this time. don't you? :p

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Posted

Im not the other man. And you are wrong she does not feel she can pick me up when she wants and she also knows i wont be there waiting, she knows im growing impatient. a few days ago i told her I have my eye on somebody else. She went on to say ask am i having unprotected sex, i shouldnt have kids or i will regret it. She know i won’t be around forever. i am fully in control guys, im not in denial and i am certainly not the same weak guy as before. Im toying with her as well. Before it was painful talking to her. Now if and when we text, yh we talk for ages but I actually have no feeling, numb. I dont care if she leaves the guy or not lool tbh, call it a Loveshack experiement.

 

And the only actions she has shown me was going from emailing to texts. And every now and again whilst texting she snaps a picture of her to secretly demonstrate she on her own. But you guys are right her relationship with the ex is probably crumbling. Bare in mind i am what referred to as the rebound guy. She actually left this ex for me, then she left me for him. I believe he has probably developed deep resentment for her for leaving him.

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Posted

"And you are wrong she does not feel she can pick me up when she wants"

 

So in a thread started by someone else you posted this, "But my ex during the relationship told me she could have her ex back in heartbeat if she wanted to. She said this about all her exs and of course she was the dumper."

Of course she feels she can have you back any time she wants, you already told her you want back. That was her job to say that.

Ok, if this is an experiment and you are in total control and don't want her back and have no feelings for her, then ignore. Go NC for good this time and see what she does. You know how much that's gonna kill her? Just give it a solid 30 days to see what she does. Do not respond to a single thing she sends and see if she changes up her approach with you. Maybe it will make her cut it off with her man and come crawling back to you begging and pleading. Let's see what would happen, that is if you are in control like you say you are.

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Posted
"And you are wrong she does not feel she can pick me up when she wants"

 

So in a thread started by someone else you posted this, "But my ex during the relationship told me she could have her ex back in heartbeat if she wanted to. She said this about all her exs and of course she was the dumper."

Of course she feels she can have you back any time she wants, you already told her you want back. That was her job to say that.

Ok, if this is an experiment and you are in total control and don't want her back and have no feelings for her, then ignore. Go NC for good this time and see what she does. You know how much that's gonna kill her? Just give it a solid 30 days to see what she does. Do not respond to a single thing she sends and see if she changes up her approach with you. Maybe it will make her cut it off with her man and come crawling back to you begging and pleading. Let's see what would happen, that is if you are in control like you say you are.

 

Fair enough. I will go NC for 30 days, I am the one who initiated the convo today. ive reached a stage where i actually dont care about whats she doing. i also have no desire to persuade her to come back to me by replying. She sent me a video recording and i heard her voice for the first time in months. And it sent shivers down my spine and not good ones. cant actually imagine getting back with her.

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Posted

I, too, often initiate conversations with people I'm indifferent to.

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Posted (edited)
I, too, often initiate conversations with people I'm indifferent to.

 

 

Your sarcasm irritating, i know you find it hard to believe. Maybe im not indifferent but is there even such a thing when it comes to exes you once loved. All i know is im in control and thats what make me sleep well, and heal from what was a devasting break up. These communications are helping me move forward, her life is a mess without me. Mine was not i was depressed yes but that gone or going now. She done no growing done no self searching. Ive got wiser smarter, i feel almost reborn

Edited by MINDSHIFT
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Posted
I, too, often initiate conversations with people I'm indifferent to.

Blanco, Blanco, Blanco...

Your sarcasm really cuts like a razor...

I really think you do not do that intentionally, but whatever man, you always used to say, women never go back to their rebound guys, well I guess you were mistaken, my female friend has even married her rebound, after she once dumped him for her ex, well you see...

Mindshift I think you are on the right path with the right frame of mind...keep at it mate, going on a 30 day NC also looks like an appealing idea. If you don't have any feelings for her, at least taking revenge on her might look like a desirable thing to do...hum? I would do that! if I got another opportunity with my ex, and if I had no feelings for her, I would seriously consider taking revenge on her! sweet! If you ever had the opportunity, would you do that for me bro? ;)

Good luck and just keep us posted!

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Posted
Blanco, Blanco, Blanco...

Your sarcasm really cuts like a razor...

I really think you do not do that intentionally, but whatever man, you always used to say, women never go back to their rebound guys, well I guess you were mistaken, my female friend has even married her rebound, after she once dumped him for her ex, well you see...

Mindshift I think you are on the right path with the right frame of mind...keep at it mate, going on a 30 day NC also looks like an appealing idea. If you don't have any feelings for her, at least taking revenge on her might look like a desirable thing to do...hum? I would do that! if I got another opportunity with my ex, and if I had no feelings for her, I would seriously consider taking revenge on her! sweet! If you ever had the opportunity, would you do that for me bro? ;)

Good luck and just keep us posted!

 

If he's indifferent, or doesn't really care what she's doing, or whatever, then there's no reason to talk to her or think about "revenge." He makes it sound like he's been using the time since the breakup to grow as a person. Great. If that's the case, then there's no need to go down the path of revenge or keeping this girl in his life in ANY capacity. If you had cancer and got it removed, would you willingly invite it back into your life once you were recovering and doing well?

 

Frankly, his ex sounds immature and incapable of being alone. She's got her own stuff to work on and figure out. Toying with someone like this or engaging them as an experiment is classic cutting off your nose to spite your face behavior.

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Posted
If he's indifferent, or doesn't really care what she's doing, or whatever, then there's no reason to talk to her or think about "revenge." He makes it sound like he's been using the time since the breakup to grow as a person. Great. If that's the case, then there's no need to go down the path of revenge or keeping this girl in his life in ANY capacity. If you had cancer and got it removed, would you willingly invite it back into your life once you were recovering and doing well?

 

Frankly, his ex sounds immature and incapable of being alone. She's got her own stuff to work on and figure out. Toying with someone like this or engaging them as an experiment is classic cutting off your nose to spite your face behavior.

 

 

Disagree Blanco its fun to see where it heading, hey maybe i have a personality disorder who knows. I knew samuel22 would get it :D we seem like we have the same mind frame.

 

Im gonna follow the hodgetwins advice (they a comedy advice act on youtube), they were a tremendous help during the first month of the break up. Im gonna **** her like a pornstar if she decides to come back, look out for warning signs and just not care. This time she will be an addition to my life not the be all and end all. Ive grown sooo much and i was tooo available during the relationship i put her first i did soooo much for the ungrateful bitch.

 

its more about getting her back from the ex i think now. I really cant picture having a family with a girl like this.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)
If he's indifferent, or doesn't really care what she's doing, or whatever, then there's no reason to talk to her or think about "revenge." He makes it sound like he's been using the time since the breakup to grow as a person. Great. If that's the case, then there's no need to go down the path of revenge or keeping this girl in his life in ANY capacity. If you had cancer and got it removed, would you willingly invite it back into your life once you were recovering and doing well?

 

Frankly, his ex sounds immature and incapable of being alone. She's got her own stuff to work on and figure out. Toying with someone like this or engaging them as an experiment is classic cutting off your nose to spite your face behavior.

I fell in love with someone some about 8 years ago, when I was just 20, well things did not work out and she dumped me for another guy, and married him, after 6 years I got the messages from mutual friends that they ended up with divorce, and she was devastated, and I couldn't be any happier, I had no feelings for her, nor did I care, I mean 6 years had passed, but it was sweet as sugar itself.

It is always sweet to see the misery of those whom you loved with everything you had, and they rejected you, rejected your soul and left you empty handed with everything you had! This has got nothing to do with having feelings for someone! how could I have any feelings for that girl after 6 solid years? nothing, zilch, nada... it made me feel good since she got what she deserved...

It is his life and he decides for it, yes you get rid of cancerous cells, but you have every right to go back to the hospital and burn those cancerous cells, you can spit on those cancerous cells, you can do whatever you want to do with them, after all they were the ones who had plagued your life...

Edited by Samuel_22
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Posted
Disagree Blanco its fun to see where it heading, hey maybe i have a personality disorder who knows. I knew samuel22 would get it :D we seem like we have the same mind frame.

 

Im gonna follow the hodgetwins advice (they a comedy advice act on youtube), they were a tremendous help during the first month of the break up. Im gonna **** her like a pornstar if she decides to come back, look out for warning signs and just not care. This time she will be an addition to my life not the be all and end all. Ive grown sooo much and i was tooo available during the relationship i put her first i did soooo much for the ungrateful bitch.

 

its more about getting her back from the ex i think now. I really cant picture having a family with a girl like this.

JUST DO IT!!! No ifs and buts about it... You have to give her a taste of her own medicine. I can't wait for that to happen Mindshift!

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