Ex left me for ex and now wants me back - but can this be consider GIGS UPDATED!

October 14, 2015

haven’t posted in a while

My break up was messy as you guys all know. Girlfriend left me for ex. Coping with the breakup was traumatic to say the least, take a look at my previous threads to familiarise yourself with my story.

I been reading a lot about GIGS and it nearly always relates to a partner wanting to the test the waters in a new relationship. However I think my ex had or has GIGS with the ex-boyfriend if that’s possible.

Here the latest. She broke NC about 3 weeks ago via email. Emailing is a sure way of her boyfriend not catching her in the act. We exchanged love letters. Her declaring her love saying she wants a family blah blah. I have to admit I entertained it half heartily ofcourse, she finishes telling me she need to sort out her life first before we get in to a relationship. By sort out her life I believe it means dumping the ex who she left me for. She claims it means getting a job, being independent. We left it at that, a week goes by she emails me she can’t wait to see me, and I reply me too. Fast forward another week I give her an ultimatum that she hurry up sorting her life out or I am going to find someone else I cant just wait around for her. Her response is she goes from emailing to texting which is a very good sign to me. We text and catch up on things. I leave it a week and my impatience reaches boiling point I text her what’s going on, what is the hold up. She acts very cold and tells me that she thought our relationship was good enough for me to wait. She then acts warmly towards the night after I tell her im moving on with my life as she taking to long and it feels like she taking the piss. She then suggest to meet in person at a later date, date was not actually confirmed.

Its been a roller-coaster, I am under no illusion that she will leave her ex for me. My hopes are not high. I sense she had GIGS towards her ex. Left me for him and has now realised how she ****ed up.

But why is she finding it so hard to leave him. She a headcase she keep updating her whatsapp pictures to things we did together. She did also in one text yday state firmly she shouldn’t have told me how she felt, she just didn’t not want me to start a family with anyone else. She very shellfish and as the dumpee I can honestly say funny enough I don’t actually want her back.

I gone back to NC. Any thoughts

October 14, 2015

haven’t posted in a while

My break up was messy as you guys all know. Girlfriend left me for ex. Coping with the breakup was traumatic to say the least, take a look at my previous threads to familiarise yourself with my story.

I been reading a lot about GIGS and it nearly always relates to a partner wanting to the test the waters in a new relationship. However I think my ex had or has GIGS with the ex-boyfriend if that’s possible.

Here the latest. She broke NC about 3 weeks ago via email. Emailing is a sure way of her boyfriend not catching her in the act. We exchanged love letters. Her declaring her love saying she wants a family blah blah. I have to admit I entertained it half heartily ofcourse, she finishes telling me she need to sort out her life first before we get in to a relationship. By sort out her life I believe it means dumping the ex who she left me for. She claims it means getting a job, being independent. We left it at that, a week goes by she emails me she can’t wait to see me, and I reply me too. Fast forward another week I give her an ultimatum that she hurry up sorting her life out or I am going to find someone else I cant just wait around for her. Her response is she goes from emailing to texting which is a very good sign to me. We text and catch up on things. I leave it a week and my impatience reaches boiling point I text her what’s going on, what is the hold up. She acts very cold and tells me that she thought our relationship was good enough for me to wait. She then acts warmly towards the night after I tell her im moving on with my life as she taking to long and it feels like she taking the piss. She then suggest to meet in person at a later date, date was not actually confirmed.

Its been a roller-coaster, I am under no illusion that she will leave her ex for me. My hopes are not high. I sense she had GIGS towards her ex. Left me for him and has now realised how she ****ed up.

But why is she finding it so hard to leave him. She a headcase she keep updating her whatsapp pictures to things we did together. She did also in one text yday state firmly she shouldn’t have told me how she felt, she just didn’t not want me to start a family with anyone else. She very shellfish and as the dumpee I can honestly say funny enough I don’t actually want her back.
I gone back to NC. Any thoughts

That right there tells you everything you need to know.

She is playing you. Hard.

If she wanted anything more than friendship from you, she would have absolutely no qualms with getting together. She is saying "all the right things" but not doing them.

Actions speak way louder than words.

I'll give you an example: I have an ex that is trying to build a bridge with me after her recent relationship went into the toilet. I rarely initiate contact with her. If we go 24 hours without contact, she will initiate. On the rare instances I do initiate, she will respond pretty much instantly. We have been doing this for roughly a month. Out of the blue, I asked her if she wanted to go to a friends house party (these are all my friends, not hers) with me. She snapped a response in about a minute "YES!!".

Always, always, look for actions.

NC her and move forward in your life. If she tries to catch-up with solid actions, make your decision then.

Edited October 14, 2015 by frigginlost

October 14, 2015

If you keep being needy and pushy, she's going to come up with

Option #3: Get rid of the both of you.

October 14, 2015

Look at this from a third person-perspective.

If you had a brother who was in your shoes and asked for your advice what would you tell him?

Pretty sure you would say, "Listen here boy, you need to ditch this drama queen and move on with your life."

If she really loved you and cared for you she never would have left in the first place. Right now she is doing all of this 100% for her own benefit. Your feelings/emotions have nothing to do with it. Ask yourself if you want to be with someone like that.

October 14, 2015

She is emotionally cheating on her BF, with you, her ex. You are allowing it. You are second, third, fourth, one hundredth best.

Get a backbone, please. You should have never even indulged her with your time/words.

October 14, 2015

She is emotionally cheating on her BF, with you, her ex. You are allowing it. You are second, third, fourth, one hundredth best.

Get a backbone, please. You should have never even indulged her with your time/words.

I know I know. It easier said then done. At first these messages made my day but after yesterday events I really anit feeling her anymore. These were so much stronger then bread cumbs and we been interacting on and off for 3 weeks plus, talking about getting together having a family more her than me. She still adamant she wants to be with me but wants me to me wait for her to get sorted. I dont know what the hell that means, its actually quite insulting. actually in my hearts of hearts I dont want to get her back. But there is the other side of me that wants my ego repaired. Its such a confusing situation.

And then there the fear she is not n genuine and i am her second, third choice.

October 14, 2015

Just forget about her. You're being played like a fiddle. Don't keep falling for it.

October 14, 2015

her relationship with her Ex now BF is not perfect she doesn't feel secure in it so she wants her back up guy (that's you BTW) to be on stand by. if she knew for sure that her BF is good she would've never talked to you. she only does enough to keep around in her back burner.

you want her to make a decision? it is actually easy, call her or email her and let her know today that you are out and refuse to be a back up guy. go NC and start looking out for yourself. once you do that she will make a decision

October 14, 2015

her relationship with her Ex now BF is not perfect she doesn't feel secure in it so she wants her back up guy (that's you BTW) to be on stand by. if she knew for sure that her BF is good she would've never talked to you. she only does enough to keep around in her back burner.
you want her to make a decision? it is actually easy, call her or email her and let her know today that you are out and refuse to be a back up guy. go NC and start looking out for yourself. once you do that she will make a decision

Absolutely right. I told her yesterday and she decided to say i think we should at least talk in person. She even made a suggestion that we could "chill" for the meantime while she sorts out things. i definitely going NC hardcore this time. no stalking nothing im actually finding it easy. Yesterday was torture waiting for her replies my stomach was in knots. but i dont like her ways and i not as in love with her anymore. And i actually progressed in life since the breakup feel better doing better financially. She on the other hand is a mess and seem to have deteriorated.

October 14, 2015

You'll find someone dude, just go for it... it's exciting when you start dating, October payday I'm getting back out there - female of the species beware, I'm relentless, 2 dates a night at times, it's just a numbers game.

Every time I've met someone who lit me up and me them, the drama ex situation just disappeared in a puff of smoke

October 15, 2015

Absolutely right. I told her yesterday and she decided to say i think we should at least talk in person. She even made a suggestion that we could "chill" for the meantime while she sorts out things. i definitely going NC hardcore this time. no stalking nothing im actually finding it easy. Yesterday was torture waiting for her replies my stomach was in knots. but i dont like her ways and i not as in love with her anymore. And i actually progressed in life since the breakup feel better doing better financially. She on the other hand is a mess and seem to have deteriorated.

Trust me I know exactly what you mean, her behavior is typical we have seen it here multiple time. Expect an aggressive push from her she won't just let her back up plan go away easily specially if the other guy does seem to be securing her. You said that you don't look at her the same way so I'm assuming that you don't want her back in your life anymore, if that's the case you are in the right path go strict NC and block her from reaching you. I would really recommend that you do that since you are not tigh to her financially and no kids involved. Just go find another romance somewhere else.

But if, for whatever reason, you are still hoping for another chance at her, boy the challenges will be huge. But you will still have to maintain NC until the other guy is out of her life.

October 15, 2015

I know I know. It easier said then done. At first these messages made my day but after yesterday events I really anit feeling her anymore. These were so much stronger then bread cumbs and we been interacting on and off for 3 weeks plus, talking about getting together having a family more her than me. She still adamant she wants to be with me but wants me to me wait for her to get sorted. I dont know what the hell that means, its actually quite insulting. actually in my hearts of hearts I dont want to get her back. But there is the other side of me that wants my ego repaired. Its such a confusing situation.

And then there the fear she is not n genuine and i am her second, third choice.

Rather than let her do this to you, you should take control and do what you know is best for you. You know deep down you don't want her back and you know she is using you as a backup plan. When she tells you to wait for things to get sorted out, it just means she's trying to see if her relationship with her current boyfriend or ex-bf can be fixed and if not, hello Mindshift welcome her back. You're being played like a toy.

Remember you have control over what happens, forget this girl and move on with your life. You only have yourself to blame if you let yourself buy into her words.

October 15, 2015

Stories like this are why NC is preached so heavily on this forum.

You could've been working out, exercising, moving on, and becoming a better person for a better girl...

... instead, you've been clinging on every little breadcrumb she sends as she's keeping a "Plan-B" seat warm just for you.

Move on from this one man.

October 15, 2015

If I'm not mistaken, she dumped you right? She's going to regard and treat you like a back up option if you keep allowing her to do so. You're enabling her behaviour, hence why she deems it okay to keep going round and round in circles and playing games with your heart . Short of ignoring her completely (NC), the only other emotion you should exhibit towards her is indifference at the very best.

She shouldn't feel like she has the luxury of keeping you on the burner whilst she "sorts out her life" ie continues dating her BF or breaks up with him or whatever selfish thing she's doing. She hurt you, she should be working her ass off to reconcile with you. She's an extremely self-centred person and on NO account should you trust her motives or intentions. You can't afford to entrust her with your emotions which she clearly has no regard for.

Do not mention anything about the relationship anymore, just start ignoring her. Do not respond to bread crumbs. If she is genuinely sincere and truly desires reconciliation, she'll do everything within her power to make it or clear to you that she does, and even in that case, I'd still advise that you proceed with extreme caution.

Best wishes.

Edited October 15, 2015 by Hope87

October 15, 2015

You don't analyze your situation correctly. You should be happy because You got a gift - the chance to see who she really is.

She is satisfied with her life now because she found gold - you - a doormat, who agrees to bear her dishonesty. Your existance as a backup plan gives her confidence and helps her in her life. The fact that she hurts you doesn't mean anything to her.

Your feelings is the last thing she cares about. She doesn't have minimum of respect, or human compassion to any other person, but herself. She uses you, and him. If she breaks up with him (or better chances to my guess - he dumps her), She will continue using you. It will never stop because that's who she is at that stage of her life.

Can people change? Yes, but it doesn't happen much. Why should you sacrifice years of your life for that lame gamble?

If i were you, i'd tell her she can go to hell, never agree to meet her, and send her current Bf a screenshot of her texts to you.

She is a cheater, and a liar. Seh will do to you the same things she's doing to her current Bf.

October 15, 2015

woke up today she sent me one of thoses funny images from instagram. i mmade the mistake and sent her a funny image back now reading all this she can go **** her self tbh. im going to ignore the cunt big time

October 15, 2015

woke up today she sent me one of thoses funny images from instagram. i mmade the mistake and sent her a funny image back now reading all this she can go **** her self tbh. im going to ignore the cunt big time

this was a slip, do not worry too much about it. she will send more stuff the more you ignore the more aggressive she gets. but you have to stick to a strict NC. in your case is the only way. there are tens of reason why NC is a must for you at this moment and you probably know them but let me emphasize just 2

1- if the other guy dumped her today and she came back to you, do you really think you would be satisfied? hell no you will always have the feeling of betrayal knowing that you were plan B, and you will struggle with insecurities.

2- your happiness depend on you, you do not need her or anybody else specifically, like what SoThatHappened said:

You could've been working out, exercising, moving on, and becoming a better person for a better girl...

... instead, you've been clinging on every little breadcrumb she sends as she's keeping a "Plan-B" seat warm just for you

October 15, 2015

Well, Look what we have got here ...LOL

I am so happy mindshift that you are getting this ego boost from your ex, just be very careful here, even if she wanted to come back, you should not accept her easily, even if she dumped her ex today, and declared you were the one, that would be a lie, You don't want to get hurt again, so even if she sent you a message today and said she wanted to come back, you should tell her to take some time off, maybe 3 months, if she really wants you, she will wait for another 3 months, if not, you'd better move on with your life bro... Again whatever the decision will be, these messages are a blessing, the least they can do is to boost your ego! even if you say ''no''. That is a very nice situation to be at!

One more question, how long has it been since BU?

October 15, 2015

Well, Look what we have got here ...LOL
I am so happy mindshift that you are getting this ego boost from your ex, just be very careful here, even if she wanted to come back, you should not accept her easily, even if she dumped her ex today, and declared you were the one, that would be a lie, You don't want to get hurt again, so even if she sent you a message today and said she wanted to come back, you should tell her to take some time off, maybe 3 months, if she really wants you, she will wait for another 3 months, if not, you'd better move on with your life bro... Again whatever the decision will be, these messages are a blessing, the least they can do is to boost your ego! even if you say ''no''. That is a very nice situation to be at!

One more question, how long has it been since BU?

Good to hear from you Samuel22 - i know where in the same situation. Its been 3 months since break up. it didnt take her long to clock she made a mistake. Monkey syndrome but i dont want no part of it. **** her!!!. ill let karma deal with her accordingly. all i know is there are problems with the ex pmsl. Dont know why people dont understand never get back with exes. Once you move on you lost that special bond. I couldn't actually imagine getting back with her. if i thought she left the ex for me then maybe. but im a million percent sure it because their drama and didnt work out as she planned. and im her second option at best. she can go to the hot parts of hell. im moving onwards and up and feel damm good.

Edited October 15, 2015 by MINDSHIFT

October 15, 2015

Good to hear from you Samuel22 - i know where in the same situation. Its been 3 months since break up. it didnt take her long to clock she made a mistake. Monkey syndrome but i dont want no part of it. **** her!!!. ill let karma deal with her accordingly. all i know is there are problems with the ex pmsl. Dont know why people dont understand never get back with exes. Once you move on you lost that special bond. I couldn't actually imagine getting back with her. if i thought she left the ex for me then maybe. but im a million percent sure it because their drama and didnt work out as she planned. and im her second option at best. she can go to the hot parts of hell. im moving onwards and up and feel damm good.

Because some people believe in forgiveness? Because some people believe that people make mistakes? Because some people get back together with ex's and have wonderful relationships? Because some people don't carry bitterness? Because some people believe people *can and do* change*? Because some people are able to look at a rebuild of a relationship as a brand new relationship?

Honestly, that blank statement you make is nothing more than emotion and bitterness coming out.

Let go of it. It will do more damage to you than your ex could ever do...

October 15, 2015

Because some people believe in forgiveness? Because some people believe that people make mistakes? Because some people get back together with ex's and have wonderful relationships? Because some people don't carry bitterness? Because some people believe people *can and do* change*? Because some people are able to look at a rebuild of a relationship as a brand new relationship?

Honestly, that blank statement you make is nothing more than emotion and bitterness coming out.

Let go of it. It will do more damage to you than your ex could ever do...

Im not being bitter i was being sarcastic. of course you can get back with an ex and make it work for the right reasons. When i believed a week ago we would get back together i googled second chances. and wow what did i see no good outcomes, well a few.

My point was if you have something good why leave it for your ex. Especially when the relationship was and is evidently so poor. im not bitter just dont understand it. bet the bitch wish she had hindsight. and that exactly what i would of been saying to myself in a few months if i decided to get back with her. Once trust is gone and the other party has grieved the loss, i believe the relationship is over. A month ago she would had me eating from her palms with this communication but i finally see her for what she is. It still hard im sad but i know it will pass, ill give it a week. This breakup nearly broke me but im much stronger now.

Edited October 15, 2015 by MINDSHIFT

October 15, 2015

Im not being bitter i was being sarcastic. of course you can get back with an ex and make it work for the right reasons. When i believed a week ago we would get back together i googled second chances. and wow what did i see no good outcomes, well a few.

My point was if you have something good why leave it for your ex. Especially when the relationship was an is evidently so poor. im not bitter just dont understand it.

Completely understandable.

The simple and most basic reasons second chances usually fail is because a) not enough time has passed, and b) no change in either person has taken place.

Me being born happens to be the result of two people that got back together after a break-up. My mother left my father for a different guy. He dumped her, and my mother went back to my father. They married and spent 35 years together.

Every person that walks this earth has a right to live their life however they choose. Some folks make decisions based on impulse and some make them having thought them through. In my 50 years walking this planet, I have seen plenty of reconciliations fail, and some work out for the better. As with everything in life, it's all a crap-shoot. There are no guarantees with anything.

There is an extreme amount of truth behind the saying "Never say never".

Mindshift, you are handling everything just right, from what I can see. I don't think this is the end of you hearing from her. The important thing for you to do, is keep moving forward. The more she thinks that you have and are moving forward, the more *she* is going to realize what is being lost.

Never put a time limit on healing. Allow yourself to feel every emotion your brain throws at you. Extreme mood changes are completely normal as it is an indication that you are healing and allowing indifference to grow.

Edited October 15, 2015 by frigginlost

October 15, 2015

Good to hear from you Samuel22 - i know where in the same situation. Its been 3 months since break up. it didnt take her long to clock she made a mistake. Monkey syndrome but i dont want no part of it. **** her!!!. ill let karma deal with her accordingly. all i know is there are problems with the ex pmsl. Dont know why people dont understand never get back with exes. Once you move on you lost that special bond. I couldn't actually imagine getting back with her. if i thought she left the ex for me then maybe. but im a million percent sure it because their drama and didnt work out as she planned. and im her second option at best. she can go to the hot parts of hell. im moving onwards and up and feel damm good.

I don't know what to say, I mean it is too complicated, everyone keeps telling you, ''why do you wanna be the second best?'' or ''Do you realize you are her back plan? if you do shame on you because you want to get back.'' I would say, people change, emotions change, they get back to their exes, and things will go smoothly for a while, then things start to go awry, only then will they understand, only then will they get what monumental mistake they have made, I mean you don't get something, until it punches you in the mouth... Being plan B means her ex dumps her, and she comes back to you, but as soon as the ex shows up, she will forget you... This is called plan B.... But what if she is the one dumping the ex this time? what if she has thoroughly regretted what he had done, what if the ex is dumping her, and she knows this time that she does not want to be with him anymore, because she has known the guy's real color? then this is not called being plan B, you are the original choice time... I would say, you have to makes sure, you are the original choice this time, by putting her under severe tests... and if that's the case! Give it another try man!

October 15, 2015

I don't know what to say, I mean it is too complicated, everyone keeps telling you, ''why do you wanna be the second best?'' or ''Do you realize you are her back plan? if you do shame on you because you want to get back.'' I would say, people change, emotions change, they get back to their exes, and things will go smoothly for a while, then things start to go awry, only then will they understand, only then will they get what monumental mistake they have made, I mean you don't get something, until it punches you in the mouth... Being plan B means her ex dumps her, and she comes back to you, but as soon as the ex shows up, she will forget you... This is called plan B.... But what if she is the one dumping the ex this time? what if she has thoroughly regretted what he had done, what if the ex is dumping her, and she knows this time that she does not want to be with him anymore, because she has known the guy's real color? then this is not called being plan B, you are the original choice time... I would say, you have to makes sure, you are the original choice this time, by putting her under severe tests... and if that's the case! Give it another try man!

What you are suggesting is a dangerous thing to do and it definitely isn't exactly the way to go. You notice you are only suggesting this because you're in the same position as OP and you guys have similar mindsets and hope of a possible reconciliation. When you were the backup which I believe you were Samuel and she left you for her ex, that in itself should tell you that you should forget about this girl and that you were being used. She doesn't deserve to have you in her life in any way shape or form. Your argument about we're all humans and we all make mistakes, that is true but mistakes and choices have it's consequences. If you allow yourself to be used and you're not treating yourself with self-respect then others will do so as well.

In that regard that's your consequence, making mistakes is one thing but allowing them to make the same mistakes or making even further mistakes is another, you only have yourself to blame if that's the case.

Forgiving someone is something we should all learn to do but that does not mean you need or should to let those who hurt you and mistreated you into your lives again.

October 15, 2015

I don't know what to say, I mean it is too complicated, everyone keeps telling you, ''why do you wanna be the second best?'' or ''Do you realize you are her back plan? if you do shame on you because you want to get back.'' I would say, people change, emotions change, they get back to their exes, and things will go smoothly for a while, then things start to go awry, only then will they understand, only then will they get what monumental mistake they have made, I mean you don't get something, until it punches you in the mouth... Being plan B means her ex dumps her, and she comes back to you, but as soon as the ex shows up, she will forget you... This is called plan B.... But what if she is the one dumping the ex this time? what if she has thoroughly regretted what he had done, what if the ex is dumping her, and she knows this time that she does not want to be with him anymore, because she has known the guy's real color? then this is not called being plan B, you are the original choice time... I would say, you have to makes sure, you are the original choice this time, by putting her under severe tests... and if that's the case! Give it another try man!

I fully get what your saying. Thats my thinking if she has seen things finally and realized i am the right one, i wouldnt mind taking her back. But how can i test her.

I dont know if i made a mistake, if i have i dont mind im not down about it, i actually feel good. I replied and basically told her im moving on unless she makes the decision to leave the ex. she begged me to wait or at least be friends in the mean time, i said im sorry but im moving on and told her ive got my eye on someone else. I was being quite cold. Ive been waiting for about a month now since she first told me she sorting things out so we can be together, it ended with her ignoring my last text. She was pissed off. But i rejected her advances and told her we cant be friends, she even suggested that i come with her on holiday, all the meanwhile she still wouldnt have broken up with the boyfriend. Talk about confused, she dont want to let him go but she wants me. Shellfish cunt

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Ex left me for ex and now wants me back - but can this be consider GIGS UPDATED!

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