Dela Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I really think it depends on the people who are in the relationship and wether they are commited or not. I have a friend who had 2 relationship of 5 years each and they didn t propose. So she ended them. Then she met a guy and firstly they just met for sex and 4 years later they r married and happy. I ve been to their wedding this year she s 36, he s 27 I m 26 but i have to be honest, i m single at the moment but i always wanted to be a young mom. I think that s the issue with women, the longer u wait, the older u ll be wheb u have kids, and we all know that after 35 it s harder to concieve... That s why i m worried because i always wanted a family and kids and it makes me sad seeing time go by... I know, i m still young, but i d like to wait and be in a relationship for 2-3 years before i say YES! So, i will probably be 30+ when i do get married. If i ever do, lol
2.50 a gallon Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I dated my ex for over a year, then she moved in with me. About two years later we got married and it lasted a whole six months. I was age 35 I swore that I would never marry again, and it has been 30 plus years. Today is my GF and my 20th anniversary. No we are not married, and I actually think that is part of our success. Either one of us can walk away without having to go thru the expense of the court system at any time. It keeps us on our toes. 2
RedRobin Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I think that we live in a time where parents no longer have the guts to pick a mate and/or speak frankly to their kids about their opinions about who they wanna marry. Probably true. Too many parents try to be a 'friend' rather than a parent. I TRY to give my opinion here to help out younger folks, but just like their parents... They don't listen. They prefer to learn the hard way, I guess.
craw Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I agree - my folks are still married, as well! To me, it's not just about the parents, it's also his RS with his parents / family. That's a good tell-tale sign ! You also live in Europe, so I already have a girlcrush on you. LOL Ok I met this foreign guy in Budapest - I think we went on a date [??]. I don't even know how, I say yeah my parents are still married and he says yeah mine too. He also mentioned his mother is the dominant one. I was so taken aback, I changed the subject. Ofc, I wanted to throw the table and pounce... I was also pretty drunk, not super wasted, but had over 3 beers and a g&t. Anyway, that had nothing to do with anything. lol
ShatteredLady Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 My parents married when she was at university. Still married & loving eachother well in their 70's. My husbands parents married later but were together until she died. I never looked on them as a loving couple who would of always chosen eachother given all the options. We met just after my 21 birthday. Pretty much moved in together right from the start. Waited 6 years to marry. It's our 25 anniversary next August. That has more to do with how hard I'm willing to fight for us than I would of liked. Will we make it? Will we be like his parents or my parents? Still don't know. My Dad has made my Mum promise not to die before him because he couldn't bare to exist in this world for one moment without her. sometimes I think my expectations are too high because of my parents relationship. I remember hearing the distant sounds of them talking for at least an hour every night in bed before they went to sleep. I choose not to remember the 'other' sounds. Hahaha! I put the strength of their relationship down to the fact that they are ALWAYS talking, communicating. No-one likes to think of their parents doing the 'other things' that I think kept them strong! My Mum went away for a girls weekend when she was 70. Lots of alcohol flowed & she confessed she was shocked how few couples still had sex. She sincerely asked me if I thought they were 'weird' because they still liked making love. I think it's lovely & cute that she had concerns that she was some kind of pervert for jumping my Dad at 70! The only thing that seemed 'weird' was my MUM having that conversation with me!!
GunslingerRoland Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I find for my generation (X) so many of saw our parents divorced that we tended to be much more careful and at least so far are having more successful relationships than our parents did. I think the statistics show similarly that divorce rates are going way down, as although people are getting married later and less frequently those who do get married are getting married smarter/for better reasons than ever before. 1
basil67 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 First time around, I was 17 when we met and we waited 4 years. Second time around, I didn't get married - just celebrated 23 years defacto.
MissBee Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 (edited) how long was your courtship prior to the marriage? what do you think is the ideal amount of time to wait until you get married? i noticed a lot of couples fall into the "next step" marriage when the courtship is too long - many, many years. but again, is it wise to marry someone with only a year or two of dating and knowing them... is that maybe too little time to really make a huge decision like that? thanks. I don't think there is a set time. It all depends on life stage and the particularities of your situation. I think as a broad rule of thumb though, marrying anyone you haven't known for a year (at MINIMUM) is probably not a good plan. Of course, some folks might do this and have it work but I think in general since it's such a big decision, give yourself time for the honeymoon to wear off and such and for things to be really solid, have many talks about it etc. before going all in. I can't see myself dating anyone for less than 2 years before marrying them. I want a SOLID relationship foremost, the marriage is just taking it to the next step so I'm not in a rush to go down the aisle so if after a year I feel sure, I want another year to be double sure or more. I don't think that's too much to ask for "forever." In dating for me, at this stage in life, I am clear that I'm dating to eventually find a life partner, so with any guy I'm seriously with it's because we're vetting each other for that next step. That said, any relationship is either moving toward marriage or breaking up. So I wouldn't be in the cliched situation of waiting years and years for a magical proposal, moving in and doing all this with no clear plan or mutual conversations about our goals going in. The people in those situations most often never clearly discuss this as a goal and tend to "go with the flow" and think they'll just one day wake up and see the guy on his knee...but to me that's silly, marriage is a mutual decision, the day of the proposal might be a surprise, but the actual decision to be married should have been one you've discussed more than once and had established some kind of agreement before as a couple, not just aimlessly being together and waiting to be surprised. Edited October 15, 2015 by MissBee 1
Got it Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 what made you decide to marry after that amount of time? what changed at the 6th year (or 3year) mark? if anything did change? In the first we were 17 so spent a lot of the time in school. It isn't common in our area to marry early so until we were graduated and financially good there was no push. In the second, we didn't rush into it after our divorces because we didn't want to rush us or others. While marrying is important to me, I also don't see the need to rush into it. I think it takes a few years at least to get to know the person. So I don't know if I would marry in less than 4 years in any situation. I like to wait until the emotions settle and you really get to know the person and see if you actually do really like them as much as your loins first told you they did. I agree with Gunslinger - I am Gen X as well. And I think that is a big piece. My parents didn't divorce until we were adults but their very unhappy marriage had a major impact.
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