minimariah Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 how long was your courtship prior to the marriage? what do you think is the ideal amount of time to wait until you get married? i noticed a lot of couples fall into the "next step" marriage when the courtship is too long - many, many years. but again, is it wise to marry someone with only a year or two of dating and knowing them... is that maybe too little time to really make a huge decision like that? thanks.
JohnAdams Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 We married approximately 8 months after we met. 1
Art_Critic Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 About 11 months after we met.... Nothing wrong with waiting longer however... whatever you feel comfortable with.
Got it Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I am a waiter. I don't like rushing into things. My first marriage we dated 8 years before we married, granted we started at 17. My second marriage we dated almost 6 years before marrying.
Mrs. John Adams Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 We married approximately 8 months after we met. 8 months to the day.....and john was gone to boot camp three of those months...so we "dated" 5 months.
deadelvis Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Had a 7 year GF and a 4 year GF. Never married either. Thank god.
Author minimariah Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 I am a waiter. I don't like rushing into things. My first marriage we dated 8 years before we married, granted we started at 17. My second marriage we dated almost 6 years before marrying. 3 years and 8 months before marriage. what made you decide to marry after that amount of time? what changed at the 6th year (or 3year) mark? if anything did change?
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 The younger you are the longer you should wait. Depending on what kind of wedding you want you may need a lot of lead time to book a Church & a hall. Many bridal gowns are custom made & take about 9 months to create. I'd say at least a year Ideally you will have gone through 1 full year of holidays, vacations, other weddings, births & deaths with your intended. DH proposed about the 18 month mark & we married about 2 years & 2 months after meeting. the length of time you date doesn't guarantee success but the shorter the time from meeting to marriage the more likely the marriage will fail.
Mrs. John Adams Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 oops...i guess we did it all wrong... I was 17 he was 19 when we married 1
central Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 IMO, be slow to marry. I suggest dating for at least a year, then live together for at least a year, then consider getting engaged with the marriage at least a year later. That should be enough to get past the initial hormonal attraction that distorts judgment, and provides time to actually see the issues and personality traits that may make marriage a challenge. If there are ANY significant compatibility issues in those 3 years, move on ASAP - otherwise, I think you're good to go! 1
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 oops...i guess we did it all wrong... I was 17 he was 19 when we married You are apparently the exception that proves the rule.
blackcat777 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I'll be coming up on two years with my boyfriend around the holidays. He wants to take things to the next level after he graduates (two more years). We're not cohabitating until then. I AM grateful for the fact we have to take it slow. We've had some interesting challenges in this past year, between both of us going to school, and third parties starting trouble in his life... I'm glad we're getting to experience so many different dimensions of each other BEFORE moving in, and that we can learn to solve problems together. Things are going really great! But if he was the kind of guy who would bail when the going got tough, I would have wanted to experience some kind of life challenges with him before tying the knot... so I could make a more informed decision (e.g., run the other way, if he was a jerk).
Mrs. John Adams Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 You are apparently the exception that proves the rule. my parents were 14 and 17 and have been married 61 years his parents were 18 and 19 and were married for 60 years.
Shining One Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Many bridal gowns are custom made & take about 9 months to create.Off topic, but I never understood why bridal gowns take so long and cost so much. My mother is a seamstress by trade and she handled a lot of weddings. I don't recall it ever taking her long to make a wedding dress. When we moved to the US, she enjoyed making western wedding dresses (as opposed to Indian ones) because they were less complex and she made more money. Back on topic, I was only close to marriage once. We had been dating for two years and I was shopping for the ring. She broke things off before I bought it. I've had a few lengthy relationships since then, but I haven't felt the urge to propose. I have some pretty strict (very likely unreasonable) requirements before I propose, so it will likely be a while for me.
candie13 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 my parents were 14 and 17 and have been married 61 years his parents were 18 and 19 and were married for 60 years. I think it influences children a lot to see their parents married for so long and having solid marriages. Goes the same way for grand children. Something Eric Berne called pattern - children that seem to reproduce the same lifestyle that their parents led. I was in a 7 years RS, realized he wasn't really keen on marriage, so I've left. He did come with the ring, though, but I was smart enough to realize that a ring couldn't make up for his lack of desire to marry me. This decision haunted me for years, as his parents made sure I was aware and feeling a lot of guilt for this. Looking back, it was the best decision I ever made, I doubt he would have been able to make me really happy. I mean... he wasn't making me happy then - and Lord knows that I've evolved a lot since that time. 1
autumnnight Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 my parents were 14 and 17 and have been married 61 years his parents were 18 and 19 and were married for 60 years. I think a lot of that is the attitude our parents and grandparents had about marriage. My mom was 19 when she married my dad and they are still blissful I was quite a few years older than mom, and my husband older than me....and that didn't work out so well. I think it's about the people and not the age a lot of times. Mom always said you should experience all four seasons with a man before marrying him. I have no idea why, but that was her thing lol 1
Mrs. John Adams Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I agree...we had great role models.... My husband....is extremely committed....it is in his DNA this is not to say marriage is easy...we both saw our parents fight...and we have had our troubles as well But my honey does not give up.....he keeps on keepin on...and thank God for that! 2
Gloria25 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Mom always said you should experience all four seasons with a man before marrying him. I have no idea why, but that was her thing lol I think that was your mum's way of saying, to take 1 1/2 years to get to know him (aka four seasons). I mean, you can't get to know people if you don't spend time with them. I think back in the day, when parents set up their kids it lasted longer cuz the parents knew what was right for their kids. And, there was a different mentality back in the day - couples made it work cuz they weren't as selfish and/or didn't have many options. Getting married and kids was just what people did. We live in a time where parents no longer have the guts to pick a mate and/or speak frankly to their kids about their opinions about who they wanna marry. So, us people, with the little knowledge we have about marriage/life/etc. go out there in the dating world and marry for reasons that have barely anything to do with making it last (i.e. marrying cuz we like the same popcorn, been dating for a while, cuz it's the "next step"). Also, since we have options other than just getting married and having kids and dying, people are more picky in who they are gonna spend their next few years with. They are looking for someone that has things in common with them, and when you think about it, that's what's gonna make a marriage last longer - what glue you two have, cuz again, we're not back in the day, where people are gonna stay just cuz there's kids. I've never been married, but almost got married. I believe people should take 1 1/2 to 2 years of actual "dating" (no friends, shacking up, LDRs, co-workers) before they put on engagement rings. Then, once engagement rings are on, go to premarital counseling.
ghsmith71 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Dated three years and she just want back to her ex.
craw Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I find it super attractive when I meet a guy whose parents are still married. *swoon*. My parents are still married. 1
jh21 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Met. Casual for 1 month. Broke up. Back together casual for 1 month. Broke up. Started seeing each other. Engaged 6 months later. Yikes
candie13 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I agree...we had great role models.... My husband....is extremely committed....it is in his DNA this is not to say marriage is easy...we both saw our parents fight...and we have had our troubles as well But my honey does not give up.....he keeps on keepin on...and thank God for that! Funny you should say that, there was a Talk about a specific gene responsible for monogamy, haha!
candie13 Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I find it super attractive when I meet a guy whose parents are still married. *swoon*. My parents are still married. I agree - my folks are still married, as well! To me, it's not just about the parents, it's also his RS with his parents / family. That's a good tell-tale sign ! 1
Cymbeline Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 what made you decide to marry after that amount of time? what changed at the 6th year (or 3year) mark? if anything did change? We dated at University, spent most of our time together, then, after 2.5 years became engaged and officially lived together while he continued studying. We planned the wedding for a year after that. We were 25 when we married and due to student lifestyle and holidays had spent an unusually large amount of time in each other's company and with each other's families and friends. I think this helped in knowing each other thoroughly. We also grew up together. This has advantages and disadvantages but mostly the former, I think.
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