kadmoore Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I've been in contact and dating this guy for about 5-6 weeks. We both come from the same city but he studies at a university 2 hours away and only comes back on the weekends if possible. Within these weeks we've managed to go on 4 dates that lasted around 5 hours each. We talked , had a great time together and he was always very respectful. In between dates, we've talked once a week ,no more than that. We've talked about doing things together when he comes back home in 4 months for an internship and we've talked about if we would like to keep dating each other. But nothing official. We are both very busy people with school and individual projects so I didn't mind the frequency of our dates. On our last date, date #4, we had sex. It was a bit akward but it was not bad overall. We spent a long time cuddling after. It was really nice. Now, a few days later, I am not sure if things went too fast. I've had experiences of having sex too soon and the guy disappearing afterwards. But I thought since we can't see each other that often and it has been over a month that it woukd be ok. But now I'm left thinking what does he really want. Just sex, something casual, a relationship? . Maybe I should have waited to know that first. Now I'm afraid that maybe that's all he wanted and I won't hear from him again. Any advice or past experiences or thoughts would be helpful. Thank you. 1
xcupid Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Did I sleep with him too soon ? Yes. But now I'm left thinking what does he really want. Just sex, something casual, a relationship? Time will tell. Maybe I should have waited to know that first.Yep! 2
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Everyone is different. But since he only contacts you once a week, that wouldn't be grounds for an interest in a romantic relationship. That being said, he's probably thinking the same thing of you, that this is casual and the fact you both are in uni/busy/live apart. The only way to figure it out is to communicate your expectations. It doesn't have to be blunt, but you can tell him that you really like him and would like to see where this goes.
imtheone Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 maybe it was too soon if your having regrets, but have no regrets cause you did what you felt you wanted in the moment 1
Redhead14 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I've been in contact and dating this guy for about 5-6 weeks. We both come from the same city but he studies at a university 2 hours away and only comes back on the weekends if possible. Within these weeks we've managed to go on 4 dates that lasted around 5 hours each. We talked , had a great time together and he was always very respectful. In between dates, we've talked once a week ,no more than that. We've talked about doing things together when he comes back home in 4 months for an internship and we've talked about if we would like to keep dating each other. But nothing official. We are both very busy people with school and individual projects so I didn't mind the frequency of our dates. On our last date, date #4, we had sex. It was a bit akward but it was not bad overall. We spent a long time cuddling after. It was really nice. Now, a few days later, I am not sure if things went too fast. I've had experiences of having sex too soon and the guy disappearing afterwards. But I thought since we can't see each other that often and it has been over a month that it woukd be ok. But now I'm left thinking what does he really want. Just sex, something casual, a relationship? . Maybe I should have waited to know that first. Now I'm afraid that maybe that's all he wanted and I won't hear from him again. Any advice or past experiences or thoughts would be helpful. Thank you. But now I'm left thinking what does he really want. Just sex, something casual, a relationship? . Maybe I should have waited to know that first. -- Yeah, it's a good idea to make sure that you're on the same page in terms of overall dating goals before you sleep with a man. But, as a rule of thumb, whenever you sleep with a man you should assume it will be a one-night stand until he shows you otherwise by staying in contact and continuing to see you fairly soon after. 3
newmoon Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 maybe it was too soon if your having regrets, but have no regrets cause you did what you felt you wanted in the moment what kind of bizarre advice is this? if we all wanted to do what we wanted 'in the moment' i would have robbed a lot of stores for a candy bar i felt like immediately. as a young adult she is/was capable of controlling herself. at least she waited until date #4.. some girls wait a few hours. you should have waited until some guideline was there about what you were both aiming for relationship-wise, but what's done is done. guys run away when you wait to have sex, and they also run away when you sleep with them asap, so it's about the guy more than the timing, really. time will tell... 3
Disconnect Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Too soon? Who knows, how long is a piece of string? Sex on the 4th date sounds alright / pretty standard to me.
Emma Olivia Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 believeness is most important so just believe himseslf and continue your sweet moment.
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 If sex was all he was after, he'd have disappeared whenever you had sex. If a guy truly likes you, it won't matter whether he sleeps with you on date one or after a few months. Don't sweat it. You went with the flow. 3
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 From what you wrote it's impossible to answer that Q. However, as somebody else pointed out if he was that much of a cad he would have disappeared whether you had sex on date 1, 4, or 15.
RoseWater Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I've been in contact and dating this guy for about 5-6 weeks. We both come from the same city but he studies at a university 2 hours away and only comes back on the weekends if possible. Within these weeks we've managed to go on 4 dates that lasted around 5 hours each. We talked , had a great time together and he was always very respectful. In between dates, we've talked once a week ,no more than that. We've talked about doing things together when he comes back home in 4 months for an internship and we've talked about if we would like to keep dating each other. But nothing official. We are both very busy people with school and individual projects so I didn't mind the frequency of our dates. On our last date, date #4, we had sex. It was a bit akward but it was not bad overall. We spent a long time cuddling after. It was really nice. Now, a few days later, I am not sure if things went too fast. I've had experiences of having sex too soon and the guy disappearing afterwards. But I thought since we can't see each other that often and it has been over a month that it woukd be ok. But now I'm left thinking what does he really want. Just sex, something casual, a relationship? . Maybe I should have waited to know that first. Now I'm afraid that maybe that's all he wanted and I won't hear from him again. Any advice or past experiences or thoughts would be helpful. Thank you. Why do women do this over and over again? Why not have the conversation about what you guys both want from the relationship before you get naked and have sex? I just don't understand why so many women have sex and then get rather stressed afterwards about whether the man wants a relationship with them or not.
RightThere Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Did I sleep with him too soon ? Yes. Disagree. 4 dates is perfectly normal to have sex on. But now I'm left thinking what does he really want. Just sex, something casual, a relationship? Time will tell. Sounds like you haven't talked to him really after it happened. I think you're getting way ahead of yourself with mind movies and imagining the worst case scenario.
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Why do women do this over and over again? Why not have the conversation about what you guys both want from the relationship before you get naked and have sex? I just don't understand why so many women have sex and then get rather stressed afterwards about whether the man wants a relationship with them or not. I've been promiscuous in the past, but I learned a few years ago that although I can have casual sex with someone I don't have deep feelings for, if I really like someone it's not healthy for me to sleep with them before knowing where we're going. Since then I don't have sex until we've agreed on being exclusive or began a relationship. I don't even get naked, or sleep over at the guy's house. It's a lot easier to get over someone it didn't work out with, if you haven't been that close and intimate with them. For me anyway. But I know I'd be gutted if I slept with a guy, then he said he didn't want anything further. 2
JasmineJones Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 believeness is most important so just believe himseslf and continue your sweet moment. anyone have any idea what this means?
Eighty_nine Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I would've waited a bit longer. It's true that men can experience a change of heart after sex comes too early (I think it's instinctual, as they're hunters and their interest level changes when the 'hunt' is over too quickly). Still though, 4 dates is a lot better than sex on the first or second date.
Eighty_nine Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Why do women do this over and over again? Why not have the conversation about what you guys both want from the relationship before you get naked and have sex? I just don't understand why so many women have sex and then get rather stressed afterwards about whether the man wants a relationship with them or not. I think bringing this up early can really kill the romance and all of the mystery and excitement that comes along with dating. For that reason I just don't have sex for quite a few dates. It's almost always true that if they stick around in the beginning while they're not getting laid, they're looking for something at least a bit serious. Of course this isn't a strict 'rule.'
marychapman Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 what kind of bizarre advice is this? if we all wanted to do what we wanted 'in the moment' i would have robbed a lot of stores for a candy bar i felt like immediately. as a young adult she is/was capable of controlling herself. at least she waited until date #4.. some girls wait a few hours. you should have waited until some guideline was there about what you were both aiming for relationship-wise, but what's done is done. guys run away when you wait to have sex, and they also run away when you sleep with them asap, so it's about the guy more than the timing, really. time will tell... Oh wow. Hello 19th century. Um, sex is .. not equal to robbery. It`s actually something good and valuable and if nobody gets hurt/is cheated then I don`t see why is it wrong to express your passion... sorry for my wording, English is not my native language. Stop sex-shaming women. Women have libidos too and it`s perfectly NORMAL and OKAY to show that you want someone and have fun making love (without waiting for the 604584th date). Sex is an expression of love and love can also happen without knowing each-other for 15 years. OP don`t regret it. You did what you wanted to do, it`s perfectly healthy and normal. You two had fun Time will tell what are his plans regarding your relationship. 1
No_Go Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Did you have sex too early? No, not at all. It was with your and his consent, over a month (!) after the beginning of dating, and you are both mature adults...so I don't see a problem here. Frequency of dates though... I think is WAY too low to form a relationship. With or without the sex, you need to spend time together to be able to evaluate him as a relationship partner and vice versa. I've been in contact and dating this guy for about 5-6 weeks. We both come from the same city but he studies at a university 2 hours away and only comes back on the weekends if possible. Within these weeks we've managed to go on 4 dates that lasted around 5 hours each. We talked , had a great time together and he was always very respectful. In between dates, we've talked once a week ,no more than that. We've talked about doing things together when he comes back home in 4 months for an internship and we've talked about if we would like to keep dating each other. But nothing official. We are both very busy people with school and individual projects so I didn't mind the frequency of our dates. On our last date, date #4, we had sex. It was a bit akward but it was not bad overall. We spent a long time cuddling after. It was really nice. Now, a few days later, I am not sure if things went too fast. I've had experiences of having sex too soon and the guy disappearing afterwards. But I thought since we can't see each other that often and it has been over a month that it woukd be ok. But now I'm left thinking what does he really want. Just sex, something casual, a relationship? . Maybe I should have waited to know that first. Now I'm afraid that maybe that's all he wanted and I won't hear from him again. Any advice or past experiences or thoughts would be helpful. Thank you. 1
RoseWater Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Oh wow. Hello 19th century. Um, sex is .. not equal to robbery. It`s actually something good and valuable and if nobody gets hurt/is cheated then I don`t see why is it wrong to express your passion... sorry for my wording, English is not my native language. Stop sex-shaming women. Women have libidos too and it`s perfectly NORMAL and OKAY to show that you want someone and have fun making love (without waiting for the 604584th date). Sex is an expression of love and love can also happen without knowing each-other for 15 years. OP don`t regret it. You did what you wanted to do, it`s perfectly healthy and normal. You two had fun Time will tell what are his plans regarding your relationship. For many people sex is something you do with a person you actually know and are in an exclusive relationship with. That's not about "sex shaming". It's about knowing what you want and having self respect.
craw Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Can someone for the love of God talk about how one should "communicate". You should " have the talk". Really? And say what?
RoseWater Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Can someone for the love of God talk about how one should "communicate". You should " have the talk". Really? And say what? Unless the person is drugged immediately prior to sex I'm presuming they are conscious and awake? Why would somebody strip naked and get a bloke to penetrate them without having a talk about what they want in general, contraception, whether they are seeing anybody else, whether they have any diseases etc? How can somebody feel able to get naked and shag but not able to have a talk? So odd. 1
marychapman Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 For many people sex is something you do with a person you actually know and are in an exclusive relationship with. That's not about "sex shaming". It's about knowing what you want and having self respect. And for others knowing each other for long periods of time is not a prerequisite. But I see that only your way of seeing things is right, "self-respect". SEX IS NOT A SIN 1
marychapman Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Im sorry (not really..) but how come you are not sex-shaming? "Self-respect". So people who act on their feelings (while nobody gets hurt) don`t have "self-respect" ? ps sorry for double post.
smackie9 Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 sex is not love and love is not sex.....sex is sex. Yes you can use sex as an expression of love but it is not love. You can enjoy sex just for the pleasure of it, and own it. Sex should never be used as an expectation of exclusivity. Exclusivity is a discussed, mutual agreement. Like I said everyone is different. I have had a one night stand turn into a relationship, so having sex "too soon" can vary from situation to situation. Now yes we have standards, values, morals, or whatever when it comes to sex and that is fine BUT there is no right or wrong, just personal preference. 1
katiegrl Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 sex is not love and love is not sex.....sex is sex. Yes you can use sex as an expression of love but it is not love. **you can enjoy sex just for the pleasure of it, and own it. Sex should never be used as an expectation of exclusivity. Exclusivity is a discussed, mutual agreement. ** ***like i said everyone is different. I have had a one night stand turn into a relationship, so having sex "too soon" can vary from situation to situation. *** now yes we have standards, values, morals, or whatever when it comes to sex and that is fine but there is no right or wrong, just personal preference. Amen......
Recommended Posts