Husband having sex with wife while she sleeps

[d0nnivain]

I admit I skipped from the 1st post to the last page.

 

 

Did he apologize? If so, you can continue as you are with 2 caveats. You keep the comfy room. You invest in a more comfy mattress for the guest room & he stays there, or vice versa. Both rooms get locks. (just make sure your kids' can accidently lock themselves in)

 

 

If he didn't apologize, this living situation has to change immediately.

 

 

Tell him in no uncertain terms if there is ever a point when you would like to have sex with him again, you will verbal such a desire & that he is never to make assumptions based on you moaning.

 

 

Good luck. This sounds like it will remain difficult while you continue to cohabitate.

[jphcbpa]

IMO, you should file now (if that is really, 100% the route you want to take). Stringing this out and waiting on the law to be more in your favor (that seems to be the only reason for waiting) is unfair to all involved. Or let him file and get the kids along with alimony.

[BetrayedH]

Hi Betrayed. Thank you for taking the time to explain what you meant.

I initially did feel like you had attacked me, so when I replied back I was on the defensive, but I can see now that your intention was not to make me feel guilty but to try to advise me, so I am sorry for the miscommunication. I think it's one of the challenges of communicating via writing versus the spoken word.

 

I appreciate your guidance, especially knowing that you have personally experienced the divorce process. I have been and continue to think through everything from multiple angles, discussions with others, thespy, I've been reading a lot too. I have never felt as much guilt about anything in my entire life, but at the same time the thought of not having at least joint custody of my kids makes me feel sick. That is what I am struggling with the most right now.

Thank you for your understanding of how difficult this all is.

 

Hey, no worries. I'm sure I could have phrased my post better. You're right that it's hard to hear tone in the written word.

 

I'll read up on your backstory and see if I've got thoughts worth sharing.

 

Good luck.

[sandylee1]

IMO, you should file now (if that is really, 100% the route you want to take). Stringing this out and waiting on the law to be more in your favor (that seems to be the only reason for waiting) is unfair to all involved. Or let him file and get the kids along with alimony.

 

I don't think she's being unfair at all.

 

She has a plan and plans take time to put in place and see through.

 

If he gets alimony what incentive will he have to work? He choose not to work, which is very different from women giving birth and raising kids and doing all the chores around the house. Even then I think they should return to work at a point when the kids are older.

 

He refused to work and turned himself into a SAHD. Let him do what most other men do, which is to work and contribute to providing for his children.

 

I don't know if him not working has anything to do with loosing the attraction for him, but I personally would loose respect and build resentment for a man who refused to work. I would also be looking to leave the marriage.

[Popsicle]

 

I started to offer to open up our marriage so that my husband could get his sexual needs met elsewhere about a year and a half ago, and he is the one who has continued to refuse--claims he will not have sex with anyone else until after we divorce.

 

Try stating that again. He Probably believed he still had a chance with you then.

[stillafool]

I would be interested to know what the bolded means.

 

It is fair to lock her bedroom door and tell her STBXH again that he is free to go out and have sex with other women. Just don't come knocking at her locked bedroom door again. It would be fair to give him an option to get his sexual needs met because it won't be happening there.

Edited October 18, 2015 by stillafool

[Try]

My husband has just started a new job (had been out of workforce for 9 years while being a homemaker) so I am patiently waiting for him to get into a good routine at work, and steady income coming in, before I file.

As I stated earlier, I have stopped discussing a divorce with him for the time being as this is how I was counseled by my divorce attorney--but he does know that I am unhappy and seriously considering eventually leaving the marriage

Well there seems to be a solid plan in place to insure that your stay at home husband gets as little alimony as possible, and does not get custody of the children. The fact that you got him to relocate for your job will isolate him from people that might have tipped him off as to what you are doing, which only adds to your advantage. Edited October 19, 2015 by Try

[jwhale]

Well there seems to be a solid plan in place to insure that your stay at home husband gets as little alimony as possible, and does not get custody of the children. The fact that you got him to relocate for your job will isolate him from people that might have tipped him off as to what you are doing, which only adds to your advantage.

 

We relocated to HIS hometown, so that we could live near all of HIS family and several of HIS friends, and because he's been dying to move back for years. So, he will have more than enough support when we divorce. My family and supports are actually far away and I am the isolated one. And I do not see why I should be criticized for trying to get joint physical custody of my kids...

Edited October 19, 2015 by jwhale

[jwhale]

I am going go exit this thread and will post under the separation and divorce as time passes, as I feel that I received more than enough guidance as to how to proceed with my situation (ie putting a lock on my door, making it abundantly clear to my husband that I will not tolerate to behavior again, etc). I thank all you who took the time to help me.

 

I also learned, from Try's post, to never assume anything about other posters on here, because I can now see how easy it is to try to size up another's situation but actually be totally wrong.

[Try]

We relocated to HIS hometown, so that we could live near all of HIS family and several of HIS friends, and because he's been dying to move back for years. So, he will have more than enough support when we divorce. My family and supports are actually far away and I am the isolated one.

I stand corrected on this point.

[OldRover]

I am going go exit this thread and will post under the separation and divorce as time passes, as I feel that I received more than enough guidance as to how to proceed with my situation (ie putting a lock on my door, making it abundantly clear to my husband that I will not tolerate to behavior again, etc). I thank all you who took the time to help me.

 

I also learned, from Try's post, to never assume anything about other posters on here, because I can now see how easy it is to try to size up another's situation but actually be totally wrong.

 

I think you did a good job of analyzing the situation and how to put it behind you. You were fair to your H and he apologized. I see no harm in the situation and it has been solved.

 

FWIW, I was in the SAME situation, almost identical (except no kids) and would not have thought anything of it if my STBX would have initiated sex with me while I slept in the other room. We never hated each other and were always friends and cared about each other... just didn't want to live together any more.

 

Best to you.