Mixed signals and more

[itsallamystery]

Hi everyone,

 

New to posting but I've been perusing the forums for quite some time now. Here is the situation I am in:

 

I'm in graduate school and met a girl last semester in one of my classes. Now mind you, I had a girlfriend, and was not actively trying to date her, so we never spoke for more than a few conversations about what the program was about (she was new, im finishing up) and things never went anywhere. Sent her a fb msg to see what she got in the class...never got a response.

 

Sent her another fb msg because our professor wanted us to exchange numbers with other people in case we needed to call about assignments. Being that I'm single now I sent her another msg giving her my phone number. Spoke on fb for a bit...mainly about school stuff then it got into what we do on the weekends type of convo, restaurants, clubs, that sorta thing.

 

Few days later she sends me a text asking about a library code. cool. we start talking about what each of us does in the field, then she tells me i have to tell her more about what i do in person. I ask her if she wants to get coffee sometime after class to which she tells me her schedule is insane during the week but we can grab a drink after class.

 

Class gets rescheduled to a jewish holiday so she never makes it, and the class after that when I subtly inquire that she owes me a drink, she says her friends ask her to celebrate a last minute bday. Ok, so at that point in my mind im getting blown off so my interest wanes...but we still continue to talk, again, mainly about class, since at this point, it doesnt look like anything is panning out.

 

convo continues back and forth for a few days...then she asked if i wanted to study this past sunday and get a drink after. I told her i'd skip the studying and we could just get drinks later which she was cool with.

 

The date (if you call it a date or not) went great and everything pointed in the direction that she was feeling me. All the subtle things...the eye contact, the touching, proximity...and i kept her smiling/laughing good portion of the time. we ended up staying until it was just the two of us. when we left she offered to drive me to my car since hers was closer. long story short...got in...talked some more...went to kiss her...got the cheek.

 

next day (tonight) in class she made a point to get up and sit next to me to do work we exchange some texts during class and she makes a comment about what im saying to her keeps making her laugh...i tell her she has a gorgeous smile so its hard for me to not want to make her laugh..she said "so now i look like a blushing laughing fool thanks lol" i told her not to worry because i couldnt see her face anyway she said I’m no worried so much about you.. you know the reasons for my smiles .its the rest of the class that I’m concerned with. (everybody else was quiet taking notes)

 

 

so after class tonight i offered her a ride to her car since mine was closer this time...we talked for an hour in the car...with a good vibe again....went for kiss and got cheek AGAIN. now she is somewhat of an observant jew and im not sure if that matters or not...but im lost as to where to take this...

[mystikmind2005]

Hi everyone,

 

New to posting but I've been perusing the forums for quite some time now. Here is the situation I am in:

 

I'm in graduate school and met a girl last semester in one of my classes. Now mind you, I had a girlfriend, and was not actively trying to date her, so we never spoke for more than a few conversations about what the program was about (she was new, im finishing up) and things never went anywhere. Sent her a fb msg to see what she got in the class...never got a response.

 

Sent her another fb msg because our professor wanted us to exchange numbers with other people in case we needed to call about assignments. Being that I'm single now I sent her another msg giving her my phone number. Spoke on fb for a bit...mainly about school stuff then it got into what we do on the weekends type of convo, restaurants, clubs, that sorta thing.

 

Few days later she sends me a text asking about a library code. cool. we start talking about what each of us does in the field, then she tells me i have to tell her more about what i do in person. I ask her if she wants to get coffee sometime after class to which she tells me her schedule is insane during the week but we can grab a drink after class.

 

Class gets rescheduled to a jewish holiday so she never makes it, and the class after that when I subtly inquire that she owes me a drink, she says her friends ask her to celebrate a last minute bday. Ok, so at that point in my mind im getting blown off so my interest wanes...but we still continue to talk, again, mainly about class, since at this point, it doesnt look like anything is panning out.

 

convo continues back and forth for a few days...then she asked if i wanted to study this past sunday and get a drink after. I told her i'd skip the studying and we could just get drinks later which she was cool with.

 

The date (if you call it a date or not) went great and everything pointed in the direction that she was feeling me. All the subtle things...the eye contact, the touching, proximity...and i kept her smiling/laughing good portion of the time. we ended up staying until it was just the two of us. when we left she offered to drive me to my car since hers was closer. long story short...got in...talked some more...went to kiss her...got the cheek.

 

next day (tonight) in class she made a point to get up and sit next to me to do work we exchange some texts during class and she makes a comment about what im saying to her keeps making her laugh...i tell her she has a gorgeous smile so its hard for me to not want to make her laugh..she said "so now i look like a blushing laughing fool thanks lol" i told her not to worry because i couldnt see her face anyway she said I’m no worried so much about you.. you know the reasons for my smiles .its the rest of the class that I’m concerned with. (everybody else was quiet taking notes)

 

 

so after class tonight i offered her a ride to her car since mine was closer this time...we talked for an hour in the car...with a good vibe again....went for kiss and got cheek AGAIN. now she is somewhat of an observant jew and im not sure if that matters or not...but im lost as to where to take this...

 

Seems like you have a very respectable girl that likes you, congratulations. Better brush up on ye old fashioned chivalry skills because i think your going to need them for this one!

[itsallamystery]

Seems like you have a very respectable girl that likes you, congratulations. Better brush up on ye old fashioned chivalry skills because i think your going to need them for this one!

 

 

I'm totally cool with that and I typically don't treat women poorly just to sleep with them. At this point in my life (29) the need for casual meaningless sex has more or less been satisfied for me.

 

Being that we are in the same program, and I think I've come across as being very knowledgeable in the field, my initial thought was this was mainly to pick my brain...though I think the amount of conversing we've done has proven otherwise....

 

So I guess the question is...if she is more of a traditional type of girl, how does one not be overly aggressive yet not get friendzoned for not making that more aggressive move...I assumed a quick kiss on the lips was not aggressive at all which is why when I got the cheek I assumed friendzone immediately.

[xcupid]

So far it sounds like drinks and school. Nothing very special there. You'll have to romance and woo this woman if you want to get anywhere and avoid being friendzoned, IMO. In other words, ask her out on a date.

[mystikmind2005]

I'm totally cool with that and I typically don't treat women poorly just to sleep with them. At this point in my life (29) the need for casual meaningless sex has more or less been satisfied for me.

 

Being that we are in the same program, and I think I've come across as being very knowledgeable in the field, my initial thought was this was mainly to pick my brain...though I think the amount of conversing we've done has proven otherwise....

 

So I guess the question is...if she is more of a traditional type of girl, how does one not be overly aggressive yet not get friendzoned for not making that more aggressive move...I assumed a quick kiss on the lips was not aggressive at all which is why when I got the cheek I assumed friendzone immediately.

 

There was one woman i dated who would 'turn to the cheek'. It was not because she did not want me, it was because she did not trust her own self control..... you know, kissing, then having to start ripping clothes off! lol (that did happen in due course).

 

The main thing for women is they want to try to develop a bit of trust first i think.

[itsallamystery]

So far it sounds like drinks and school. Nothing very special there. You'll have to romance and woo this woman if you want to get anywhere and avoid being friendzoned, IMO. In other words, ask her out on a date.

 

Completely agree...But the vibes are undoubtedly there...I would just hate to ruin it because im coming on too strong, but obviously waiting too long gets you friendzoned. Having said that, I'm definitely planning on taking her out but I just don't know if I want it to be a dinner-->bar/lounge or a daytime activity...the more im thinking, the more im thinking dinner and a night out.

 

 

 

There was one woman i dated who would 'turn to the cheek'. It was not because she did not want me, it was because she did not trust her own self control..... you know, kissing, then having to start ripping clothes off! lol (that did happen in due course).

 

The main thing for women is they want to try to develop a bit of trust first i think.

 

Makes sense...she exudes more of a shyness than anything else.

 

 

Historically I move too slow with women so I've been working on improving that but I feel like this one might have to move slow...or at least slower

[itsallamystery]

bumpin this. could use some more opinions...

[Maggie4]

Next time, aim for the cheek and see if you get the lips. You may both be surprised

[itsallamystery]

Next time, aim for the cheek and see if you get the lips. You may both be surprised

 

but then it appears that the situation is the same with the roles reversed.

[itsallamystery]

so im still lost here...

 

I made a point to not ask her if she'd like a ride to my car this past week when we had class...and she inquired about where I was parked and just started walking with me so we wound up in my car again talking...was thinking about asking her if she wanted to grab a drink...but before I asked, she asked me....I even remarked how I was thinking just that...she wanted to know why I didnt just ask her...figures lol

 

Get to the place, and it mimics the first time we went out for drinks with the conversation being even more intimate (meaning about life, not sexual)and at one point she blurts out of nowhere..."so why are you single...are you single?"

 

it occurs to me maybe she thinks I still have a girlfriend since my fb would make it seem that way ( i never took pictures unless I was with my ex & her friends)

 

I asked her the same thing and she said yes, and that her last relationship ended in Aug after a year. And she said at this point she didnt want to date casually...but there was more said that I just cant remember but it kinda told me "wants to date, but only if there's long term potential." At this point I'm trying to be observant and not ideal.

 

 

The conversations before and after were about our families currently and ideal situations for the future (not in as heavy of a sense)

 

Again, same body language just exaggerated more so that gave the impression she likes me. Got another goddamn kiss on the cheek but when I said goodnight to her she sounded like a 6th grade girl that just got asked to her first dance. I mean smitten to the 10th power.

 

That was two days ago...so today after talking about the good grades she got I asked her if she wanted to do something to celebrate them this weekend and got a full schedule of stuff she planned already and that maybe friday after Shabbat we could do something and we'll play it by ear.

 

I'm now less inclined to play it by ear, and more inclined to ask her directly what her intentions are. Not out of needing to be with her, but more so I dont waste time in pursuing somebody who isnt interested.

[itsallamystery]

bumpin this...again