Dulcette Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 (edited) Hi, everyone. So...I am in a newly-open marriage...making this an appropriate place to post because I am sort of dating again. I think. I started exploring openness by hooking up with guys I didn't know very well. This proved not to be too exciting for me because I am attracted to personality and not physical characteristics in men. I am generally outright repulsed by guys. Now I've moved on to someone I still don't know well, but whom I know enough about that I am actually attracted to him. This man is a total player, has many partners, has dated many gorgeous women, etc. He is always cool as a cucumber and not very responsive to my texts, even though he had explicitly said in the past that he wanted to have sex with me. I figured he had the perfect disposition to be a casual sex partner. But it is extremely difficult for me to be the aggressive one and the one who is always contacting me first. I finally got him to agree to meet with me. I ended up giving him oral. He came quickly. He was very respectful and kind. He complimented my body. But it's been a couple of weeks since then and he keeps saying he's busy. I really, really want to have sex with him and don't know what to do (except be VERY forward with nudes or super dirty texts). I know he is at least a little put-off by the fact that I'm married...but is that it? Was he just not feeling me? Did he not find me attractive? What should I do from here? Send very dirty texts? (How do I muster the courage to do this?) Send absolutely nothing for a while and hope he'll contact me? Any advice would be great. Thanks! Edited October 14, 2015 by Dulcette
GooseChaser Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 (edited) It's hard to say if he'll come back around. When he says he's busy, is that all he says, or does he ever give any kind of explanation? In my opinion if he goes weeks and weeks just saying he's busy, he likely has low interest and may be signaling that things are over. What I'm seeing here is that he was just sitting back while you did all of the chasing. I'm also not seeing much of a "relationship" here, which means he never really promised anything and can do what he wants. If he doesn't feel like staying he's free to go. If he wants to vanish for weeks he will. It's the nature of no strings attached. In turn, if you ever don't like how they treat you, you're free to go as well! He's an aloof one, for sure. You can try what you want. Dirty texts may or may not get his attention. You were the one initiating all of the messaging, so if you just stop the messages, there's a good chance he won't do anything about it and will let you go... he just doesn't care enough to do otherwise. In addition, he might not respond well to you not "getting the message" if he's trying to fade. You could try leaving it alone for a few weeks and then sending a quick message to see if he's still "busy." There might not be much you can do. It's okay, though, if he doesn't come back around just brush yourself off and find someone new. Lots of other great guys out there! Edited October 14, 2015 by GooseChaser
Author Dulcette Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 Thanks for the reply, GooseChaser! He says he is working nights this week. I would definitely not call this any sort of relationship, either. Your "If you just stop the messages, there's a good chance he won't do anything about it and will let you go... he just doesn't care enough to do otherwise" comment makes me sad, but it rings very true. I am not used to flirting with low-interest guys at. all. It doesn't seem great for my self-esteem. But I wouldn't want to pursue a guy who's really into me right now and have him develop feelings for me when I'm trying to keep it casual. I also will probably not find another guy to whom I am attracted for a looooong time (we're talking years), so I have to ride it out with the current Mr. Aloof. I will try leaving it alone for a couple of weeks. Not sure if I should proceed with the very dirty text idea as soon as I resume contact...
GunslingerRoland Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 It sounds like he's not that into you... It sounds like you have very picky standards, and that you need a model looking guy more or less. Even with that though, you should be able to find someone willing to take you up on free sex... you sound like a lot of fun!
ManyDissapoint Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Hi, everyone. So...I am in a newly-open marriage...making this an appropriate place to post because I am sort of dating again. I think. I started exploring openness by hooking up with guys I didn't know very well. This proved not to be too exciting for me because I am attracted to personality and not physical characteristics in men. I am generally outright repulsed by guys. Now I've moved on to someone I still don't know well, but whom I know enough about that I am actually attracted to him. This man is a total player, has many partners, has dated many gorgeous women, etc. He is always cool as a cucumber and not very responsive to my texts, even though he had explicitly said in the past that he wanted to have sex with me. I figured he had the perfect disposition to be a casual sex partner. But it is extremely difficult for me to be the aggressive one and the one who is always contacting me first. I finally got him to agree to meet with me. I ended up giving him oral. He came quickly. He was very respectful and kind. He complimented my body. But it's been a couple of weeks since then and he keeps saying he's busy. I really, really want to have sex with him and don't know what to do (except be VERY forward with nudes or super dirty texts). I know he is at least a little put-off by the fact that I'm married...but is that it? Was he just not feeling me? Did he not find me attractive? What should I do from here? Send very dirty texts? (How do I muster the courage to do this?) Send absolutely nothing for a while and hope he'll contact me? Any advice would be great. Thanks! I find it hilarious that you say you are attracted to personality not looks, but you are completely enamored with this guy who you don't know anything about.
Author Dulcette Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 I don't care what a guy looks like at all. I know a lot about him (without personally knowing him) because a friend of mine dated him for a long time and didn't think they were compatible with each other...but she thought he was just my type and has gone into hours of detail about why.
jam.over.jelly Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I don't get it. If you're just looking for casual sex with him, why do you have to stress over this? Why don't just flat out ask him? It's not like you want to date him and are trying to gauge his interest, or trying not to be too eager, etc. Just ask him if he's interested in having some occasional NSA sex for a while.
Author Dulcette Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 Good question, jam.over.jelly. I've never really done it before (the other times it's happened as of late, the guy asked). I guess I need my hand held as I take the plunge. I thought it was clear to him that I was just looking for sex, and so it feels weird to text it outright. I already said I was down for whatever and that I wanted to keep things casual. That's what led to our first encounter. Seems like I've said enough (and he's just not that into me, as others have said).
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