Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 What I am wondering is ...why the hell is some guy (a virtual stranger) you just met, whom you have never even had ONE date with, giving you his schedule???? Maybe it's me, but I find that really strange! And I agree with Lois Griffin. Common sense + intuition = smart dating! He asked me what my schedule was like and he told me his so we could figure out a time for our date that would work for both of us. He seems great on the book so far in terms of looks, what he does for a living, his personality...but just that one issue I'm feeling a bit uneasy about. I could be wrong, or I could be right. There's no black and white at this point.
katiegrl Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Texting doesn't do squat to get to know anyone And, they haven't spoken directly on the phone. They had some conversation at the coffee shop. Right, now, it's none of her business what he does after 7 or has a girlfriend. They haven't even been on a date. Until they actually start dating, then she can start wondering. Why weed out guys on such a cursory level? She doesn't have anything to lose if he asks her for a date if she can learn how to manage her emotions. He may do better with communication after they go on a date, which will show her he's a little more interested. If they go out and that doesn't change, then she can start making those assumptions if she wants. My real point is she shouldn't even be thinking about this guy to this extent yet. She's getting her panties in a wad over nothing. Right now they are texting buddies and nothing more. Maybe you're right, only speaking for myself when I was dating. I have a super strong intuition and perceptive abilities, and was able to *sense* a whole lot from a guy before actually having a date..... and risking really liking him and getting emotionally involved. Sure it is easy to say "manage your emotions" but we all know how difficult that is to do in reality ...when we REALLY like someone. For me, reading what's been posted, his constant texting, giving her his schedule, etc = red flag IMO. I would be turned off anyway (from the constant texting alone), so the decision to pass on the date would be easy. Which begs the question, jams has he asked you out on a date yet? As I said, it's possible he seeks a (or another), female daytime texting buddy, and this is all moot anyway.
losangelena Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Maybe you're right, only speaking for myself when I was dating. I have a super strong intuition and perceptive abilities, and was able to *sense* a whole lot from a guy before actually having a date..... and risking really liking him and getting emotionally involved. Sure it is easy to say "manage your emotions" but we all know how difficult that is to do in reality ...when we REALLY like someone. For me, reading what's been posted, his constant texting, giving her his schedule, etc = red flag IMO. I would be turned off anyway (from the constant texting alone), so the decision to pass on the date would be easy. Which begs the question, jams has he asked you out on a date yet? As I said, it's possible he seeks a (or another), female daytime texting buddy, and this is all moot anyway. Katie, they're going out Sunday! 1
katiegrl Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Ladies, time for a close read. She says he asked her out in the OP. I think they're texting too much, considering they haven't even had a proper date yet. Thanks LA. That's reassuring. And yeah agree with second paragraph. For me, that would be a turn off. I would not be responding every time... Sets up a false intimacy before even having a date...
Redhead14 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 He asked me what my schedule was like and he told me his so we could figure out a time for our date that would work for both of us. He seems great on the book so far in terms of looks, what he does for a living, his personality...but just that one issue I'm feeling a bit uneasy about. I could be wrong, or I could be right. There's no black and white at this point. It's only black or white right now. Either he asks you or he doesn't. The rest is all gray area. There's only one way to find out if you're right or wrong -- go out and find out. That's the purpose of dating. People need to stop being so into trying to crystal ball every new person before they've even really talked to them for crying out loud. People do this all the time -- and then they wonder why they don't have dates. 1
katiegrl Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Katie, they're going out Sunday! LOL ... yeah got that. These posts are coming in so fast, I can't keep up with them all before posting! Sorry for missing it in her OP!!
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Jam.Over.Jelly Google him. See what info that turns up. You can also try reverse looking up the # you have been using to see what town that comes back to. Also before you bail, why not just ask him about the fact that he doesn't text after a certain time at night. How he answers that Q should tell you a great deal. Right now all you are doing is speculating & making yourself crazy in the process without any actual facts.
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I'm a huge believer in listening to your gut because it is rarely wrong BUT I think in this particular case you might need that first date experience to see how you really feel. And don't be shy about asking hard questions like "Are you married or living with someone?" Why the hell not? Good luck. 2
katiegrl Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 (edited) jams, I think the real question is ......are you attracted to him? If, let's say, he ,*was* texting you back after 7:00 pm, would you be excited about the date on Sunday? If yes then okay go on the date and ask questions. You could say "it's been fun texting, but notice you don't text or respond to texts after 7:00." Then gauge his response!!! His body language, and eye contact alone will tell you what you need to know! OR, he might have a perfectly plausible explanation, which he is comfortable sharing with you, with no twitching, looking down, diverted eyes, etc. (which would indicate deception) Don't be afraid to ask questions. You need to take care of YOU, and guard your heart. If he's honest and for real, then he will be happy to answer them.... Edited October 14, 2015 by katiegrl
Versacehottie Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Ladies, time for a close read. She says he asked her out in the OP. I think they're texting too much, considering they haven't even had a proper date yet. Thank YOU, voice of reason. 2
Lovelorn00 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I must say I never thought people could draw such conclusions from initial texting patterns. Yes, I'm one of those people. Reading this thread, I'm glad I'm not the only one. Texting is the devil.
Lovelorn00 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I'm a huge believer in listening to your gut because it is rarely wrong BUT I think in this particular case you might need that first date experience to see how you really feel. And don't be shy about asking hard questions like "Are you married or living with someone?" Why the hell not? Good luck. I agree. The “are you married” question is something I would flat-out ask someone if a) it was the first date AND b) I was getting a feeling that something was up. At the beginning of dating, I tend to be pretty forward that way. Then again, maybe that’s why I’m still single
GemmaUK Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Whoa! There's a lot of catastrophizing going on in here! Sorry to talk third person about you OP but... They only met on Sunday. The conversation started out due to she was there with her lappy working - so he already knows she works in her own time. That is likely where the scheduled hours came up from and it could even be that the OP was working to a deadline and had mentioned she had to work evenings this week (?) Forgive me if I am wrong in that assumption OP. I don't like to just make 'assumptions'. He might just be being considerate. He might be busy himself. Just go on the date, enjoy yourself!! Keep an eye out for traits and behaviours just as you would with ANY man you date. At this stage it's a tiny little bell, see if more begin to ring - if they do then that's different but at this point in time you have no idea so go with the flow whilst keeping your eyes open. For the record, why is it that you go out make-up less and dressed way down and that is when someone approaches you??!! It's always the way!
joseb Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 For the record, why is it that you go out make-up less and dressed way down and that is when someone approaches you??!! It's always the way! Yeah think about this one..... I for one much prefer girls with little/no makeup and casually dressed...
joseb Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Red I don't agree. They've been texting and chatting, it's the perfect opportunity for her to learn about him, BEFORE she meets him in person, and potentially gets emotionally involved. Because, let's get real, once women (and men) get emotionally involved, often times common sense flies right out the window. Katie, have you not read the 100s of threads on here with people getting into virtual relationships over text and expectations going through the roof (and already emotionally involved)? Texting is just a big phoney (pun intended!) waste of time until you have been on a few dates. It causes more angst, confusion and misunderstanding than anything else in dating. And if someone can't meet someone for a date without immediately getting emotionally involved, then maybe they need to work on themselves a bit first. Specifically in OPS case, I agree that it's slightly odd he never texts after 7 or whenever, but people are jumping to too many conclusions. Just for the record, my ex that cheated on me had no issues texting in the evenings! 1
katiegrl Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Katie, have you not read the 100s of threads on here with people getting into virtual relationships over text and expectations going through the roof (and already emotionally involved)? Texting is just a big phoney (pun intended!) waste of time until you have been on a few dates. It causes more angst, confusion and misunderstanding than anything else in dating. And if someone can't meet someone for a date without immediately getting emotionally involved, then maybe they need to work on themselves a bit first. Specifically in OPS case, I agree that it's slightly odd he never texts after 7 or whenever, but people are jumping to too many conclusions. Just for the record, my ex that cheated on me had no issues texting in the evenings! Yes I've read, and I 100% agree that if someone can't meet someone for a date without immediately getting emotionally involved, then maybe they need to work on themselves a bit first.... But as you also know from reading this board, most people DON'T work on themselves first and DO become emotionally invested early on. Anyhoo, I posted later to say that for ME, I was always able to find out a great deal about a guy from texting. I dunno, when I did OLD, I was able to draw men out and open up to me (via text)....BEFORE meeting. And believe you me, I weeded out quite a few guys that way, so didn't have to waste my time and energy (or theirs!) meeting them. And also as I posted later, I advised the OP if she was attracted to him, then she should go! I don't get the sense she is all that attracted to him though...and is looking for an excuse NOT to go. Of course she doesn't need an excuse, but many people believe they need to have one otherwise they feel guilty or something..... That's what I'm sensing anyway from all this.
MidwestUSA Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 What kind of job does this guy have that he can text all day? These are the people I call time wasters, and that would worry me more than him NOT texting on his OWN time. Does anyone have a job where they are not even allowed to keep a phone on them? I did for twelve years, and my social life didn't suffer from it. I'd be more worried about his work ethic at this point, honestly. He's just killing time with you, OP.
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 Jam.Over.Jelly Google him. See what info that turns up. You can also try reverse looking up the # you have been using to see what town that comes back to. I tried to look him up on facebook but nothing came up. jams, I think the real question is ......are you attracted to him? If, let's say, he ,*was* texting you back after 7:00 pm, would you be excited about the date on Sunday? If yes then okay go on the date and ask questions. You could say "it's been fun texting, but notice you don't text or respond to texts after 7:00." Then gauge his response!!! His body language, and eye contact alone will tell you what you need to know! OR, he might have a perfectly plausible explanation, which he is comfortable sharing with you, with no twitching, looking down, diverted eyes, etc. (which would indicate deception) Don't be afraid to ask questions. You need to take care of YOU, and guard your heart. If he's honest and for real, then he will be happy to answer them.... I'm very attracted to him. He's exactly my type, dark hair, blue eyes, tall and athletic, basically very easy on the eyes. Plus he's funny and easy to talk to (what I can tell from our short face to face conversation and our texts). I was excited when he asked me to meet Sunday. So besides the odd texting behavior, he's pretty good in my book.
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 What kind of job does this guy have that he can text all day? These are the people I call time wasters, and that would worry me more than him NOT texting on his OWN time. Does anyone have a job where they are not even allowed to keep a phone on them? I did for twelve years, and my social life didn't suffer from it. I'd be more worried about his work ethic at this point, honestly. He's just killing time with you, OP. He's a copywriter.
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 I don't get the sense she is all that attracted to him though...and is looking for an excuse NOT to go. Of course she doesn't need an excuse, but many people believe they need to have one otherwise they feel guilty or something..... That's what I'm sensing anyway from all this. Katiegrl, I would never go out on a date with someone I'm not attracted to. Although I have gone on some OLD dates where the guys don't necessarily look as good as their pics. But I have seen this guy in person and he is HOT!
JasmineJones Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I'm not invested at all. That's why I'm considering whether or not to even go on this date. I never text him first, except for after he gave me his number, I texted him so he could have mine as well. When he texts me, I simply just reply, and the conversation just flows naturally during the day. I have talked to him in person and over the short conversation I felt like I would be able to enjoy a date with him without much awkwardness of it being first date. You're texting him every day, become confused when he doesn't text you back quickly enough, curious about who he lives with plus you've started this thread. But you're not invested in him at all. ;-) 1
JasmineJones Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Go out with him on Sunday but please do not have intercourse with him.
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 You're texting him every day, become confused when he doesn't text you back quickly enough, curious about who he lives with plus you've started this thread. But you're not invested in him at all. ;-) FOr the love of God, I do NOT care if he texts me back or not. However I am wondering what his deal is since he ONLY stops talking to me after certain time. And I have to be honest I only think this because like I mentioned in one of my posts earlier, I did something similar, because my ex was a super jealous person, and I happened to have a lot of guy friends that would text me random things at midnight or 1am, I would mute their conversations ON PURPOSE to avoid drama with my ex. And I would resume to their texts the next morning when my ex wasn't around. So I'm wondering if he is indeed doing what I used to do. Again, if he disappeared tomorrow and I would never hear from him again, I would NOT be upset.
katiegrl Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Katiegrl, I would never go out on a date with someone I'm not attracted to. Although I have gone on some OLD dates where the guys don't necessarily look as good as their pics. But I have seen this guy in person and he is HOT! I don't mean whether or not you think he's hot (i.e. find him attractive physically). I mean do you feel a certain chemistry with him (i.e. "attracted to" him). It's just a "feeling" you get when you're talking with someone... for ME, it was either there or not. I even felt it just from texting sometimes!! If you don't know yet, then just go... Feel him out, ask questions like I suggested before.. Have fun and keep us posted!!
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 I don't mean whether or not you think he's hot (i.e. find him attractive physically). I mean do you feel a certain chemistry with him (i.e. "attracted to" him). It's just a "feeling" you get when you're talking with someone... for ME, it was either there or not. I even felt it just from texting sometimes!! If you don't know yet, then just go... Feel him out, ask questions like I suggested before.. Have fun and keep us posted!! I do! The chemistry is definitely there and I can only imagine how much fun we would have when we get to spend more time with each other on Sunday. He texted me today saying that Sunday seemed so far away, and that he was looking forward to seeing me again, and it's been very fun chatting with me. I made up my mind, I will go on this date, no expectations, but I will address my concern and see what he has to say about this. 2
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