Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 Stop overthinking. Just go on the date. And what is it with people getting into texting marathons before they have even gone on a proper date? I didn't intend to. I don't know if you remember but I made a thread about how I often find it quite annoying when guys text before I even meet them and it's all small talk. But with this guy, I don't even realize the conversations start from 11am til about 5-6pm. We just joke around and it's never boring. Guess we both go with the flow of the conversation.
losangelena Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 And in regard to that text message I just got from him, I won't reply. I normally would be sleeping by now so his text would have to wait, either way. But silly me, I had coffee at 530pm and now I cant sleep @__@. But i never respond to guys' texts after 11pm. And maybe he never replies after 6:00 pm. I'm kidding, kinda. But wait, this whole thread is predicated on the notion that this guy won't text you 'til morning, but it's 1:30 and you're hearing from him? My head hurts. Girl, I say this gently—go on the date and try to enjoy yourself. In the meantime, just keep the texting to a minimum. 1
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 And maybe he never replies after 6:00 pm. I'm kidding, kinda. But wait, this whole thread is predicated on the notion that this guy won't text you 'til morning, but it's 1:30 and you're hearing from him? My head hurts. Girl, I say this gently—go on the date and try to enjoy yourself. In the meantime, just keep the texting to a minimum. :lmao:I was surprised myself to see his text, but it's odd he texted back at this hour. Kinda late. He usually just texts me back around 11am, noonish. OK, all bets are off. I'm going on this date. Whatever his deal is, I ll figure it out soon enough. 2
joseb Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I didn't intend to. I don't know if you remember but I made a thread about how I often find it quite annoying when guys text before I even meet them and it's all small talk. But with this guy, I don't even realize the conversations start from 11am til about 5-6pm. We just joke around and it's never boring. Guess we both go with the flow of the conversation. I had forgotten but yeah I remember that thread now. Funnily enough I'm in a similar situation a little. I hate boring texting but the girl I'm seeing currently and I text quite a bit, as she's funny and I actuall enjoyi it despite myself! But I don't think anything of if if she doesn't reply for half a day and I often dont either.
Qboro90 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Why do you keep thinking that if he would have taken his time to reply to me, i'd think he's flaky or not interested? Again I have to say it is not the fact that he doesnt reply to me that I find alarming, the fact that he just disappears IN THE EVENING, and only IN THE EVENING is alarming to me. Not what i was saying. I was expressing that if this guy thought the way you are thinking... Then he would have concerns as well surrounding your texting replies and time.
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 I had forgotten but yeah I remember that thread now. Funnily enough I'm in a similar situation a little. I hate boring texting but the girl I'm seeing currently and I text quite a bit, as she's funny and I actuall enjoyi it despite myself! But I don't think anything of if if she doesn't reply for half a day and I often dont either. Right? Occasionally we d come across some people that actually share the same kind of humor that we have. I'm the same way. When he texts me, I have no problem engaging in the conversation because it goes back and forth, never dull. I find texting with him quite entertaining. And like you I don't think anything of it when he doesn't reply for hours. Until I realize...that he only doesn't reply in the evening .
Lois_Griffin Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 To my surprise, a really cute guy sat down next to me: "You seem so tense. Deadline coming up soon?" And that was how we started talking. He was there to pick up his quick latte, but he left his number, and told me to text him. LOL. The minute I read that, my eyes rolled up to the sky. This wasn't some twist of fate; he's probably done that COUNTLESS times to women sitting there with their laptops at the café. Trust your gut. There's a reason Mr. Lothario goes radio silent after 5 pm, and it ain't because he's leading a prayer group. I had the same thing happen to me many years ago. The guy was gung-ho about contacting me every day during business hours but always disappeared after 6 or 7 pm every night. Same on the weekends. It wasn't rocket science figuring out he was married. Your guy may not be married, but he's involved with someone. 2
Lois_Griffin Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Not to mention that this guy met you once, briefly at a coffee shop and probably has no desire to treat you like his girlfriend after less than a week. The fact that he's not constantly available and texting you is actually a good sign. The fact that you are even thinking about this... Is a bad sign. LOL. He's the one keeping up the daily texting then doing a sudden disappearing act after 5pm. She has no 'boyfriend' expectations from him, but no one likes to be conned by a player, either. You don't have to be a brain surgeon to see a huge red flag when it's flapping in your face. You're definitely being way to critical and pessimistic about this. I can only imagine what you worry/over analyze when you're actually in a relationship. Go on the date with him. Texting reply times aren't real life. I think your intuition is right on cue, OP. I see people constantly messing with their phones while they're out. They're texting and talking while food shopping, I see them doing it in their cars, I see them doing it while having a drink or while out eating, I see them doing it while getting gas, I see them doing it while we're standing in line at the convenience store, I see them doing it EVERYWHERE. Would he really have you believe he's just SO busy after 6pm that he simply can't send a 2 minute reply to your last text? Please. 1
lino Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 From what you've said I would assume he's involved with someone as he never responds after 7pm. I don't know anyone who does that unless they go to sleep real early. Can't hurt to go out with the guy once though while it's all just speculation. If the pattern continues afterwards ask him why he does it.
Versacehottie Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 LOL. He's the one keeping up the daily texting then doing a sudden disappearing act after 5pm. She has no 'boyfriend' expectations from him, but no one likes to be conned by a player, either. You don't have to be a brain surgeon to see a huge red flag when it's flapping in your face. I think your intuition is right on cue, OP. I see people constantly messing with their phones while they're out. They're texting and talking while food shopping, I see them doing it in their cars, I see them doing it while having a drink or while out eating, I see them doing it while getting gas, I see them doing it while we're standing in line at the convenience store, I see them doing it EVERYWHERE. Would he really have you believe he's just SO busy after 6pm that he simply can't send a 2 minute reply to your last text? Please. well i think you are being pessimistic. I can give you my own personal example. I don't text work back even if it only takes a minute or two because I don't know what I'm getting into and if it will continue and take over my evening. I don't text work acquaintances and work friends back because more than likely they want to talk about work related things and I want off from that even among friends when I'm not working. I think it's far ruder to take the 30 secs or 2 minutes to reply only to get sucked into a long back and forth that you didn't know was gonna go there. My experience is that it often goes there. I feel worse disappearing mid-conversation or telling them I need to go. To take it a step further, with friends or even guys (especially ones I'd never even gone on first date with), I don't do for similar reasons. I feel obligated to keep the texting going much like it is let's saying during the day for these two--so here's the best way to avoid that. Don't start replying. Just saying. It has no bearing on whether or not I like the person. Just how I like to spend and focus in my free time. And certainly doesn't mean I'm doing something dishonest.
katiegrl Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 (edited) His schedule is so very simple: M, T, Thu 8-5pm, WF 8am-12am. That's it. Plain and simple. I wouldn't even be upset if he stopped talking to me tomorrow. I met and talked to him for a total of about 10 mins, probably less. He's merely a stranger to me. What I am wondering is ...why the hell is some guy (a virtual stranger) you just met, whom you have never even had ONE date with, giving you his schedule???? Maybe it's me, but I find that really strange! And I agree with Lois Griffin. Common sense + intuition = smart dating! Edited October 14, 2015 by katiegrl
martaldn Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 go and meet him. what you have to lose? a couple of hours on a Sunday? maybe he is the man of your life!!
katiegrl Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 **what you have to lose? ** ***maybe he is the man of your life!! ^^If he's married, in a relationship, a player or scammer, she has a lot to lose! THAT is why it is so important to follow our gut instincts at the beginning. To avoid such men and unhealthy situations *before* we get involved... 1
Redhead14 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Last Sunday morning I decided to go to this coffee shop near my house to do some work on my laptop. Wasn't expecting to run into anyone there so I had bare minimum make up on, and I was wearing the first thing I saw in my closet: just ripped jeans and a tshirt. I was feeling kind of blahhhh and just didn't feel like getting dressed. I just wanted to get some work done. To my surprise, a really cute guy sat down next to me: "You seem so tense. Deadline coming up soon?". And that was how we started talking. He was there to pick up his quick latte, but he left his number, and told me to text him. I texted him the next day. We've been texting since and he asked me out this Sunday. The thing is I notice that we usually text during the day, he'd text me around 11am, then we keep texting til about 4 or 5pm. But he rarely replies to my text after like 7pm. In the AM he's pretty responsive. He told me his work schedule is Mon, Tue, Thurs 8am-5pm, WF 8am-12am. So i can understand he might be busy at work on WF. But yesterday and today he rarely replied in the evening either. And by that I mean, my text went unresponded until the next morning. I start thinking: maybe he has a gf that lives with him that he doesn't tell me about?! Should I go on this date with this guy? Or should I listen to my gut feelings. Am i crazy? Paranoid/Listen to gut? Jam, there's nothing to even be thinking about. You two met at a coffee shop and exchanged a few texts. If he asks you for a date, go with him and find out more about him. Ask him what his dating goals are and tell him what yours are at some point, like two dates in maybe. Don't start doing a whole bunch of mental gymnastics at this point. Just because he doesn't answer quickly is no big deal yet. Once you've gone on a date or two, then I might start thinking like that. 5
SwordofFlame Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I must say I never thought people could draw such conclusions from initial texting patterns. 3
losangelena Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Paranoid/Listen to gut? Jam, there's nothing to even be thinking about. You two met at a coffee shop and exchanged a few texts. If he asks you for a date, go with him and find out more about him. Ask him what his dating goals are and tell him what yours are at some point, like two dates in maybe. Don't start doing a whole bunch of mental gymnastics at this point. Just because he doesn't answer quickly is no big deal yet. Once you've gone on a date or two, then I might start thinking like that. Thank you, voice of reason! 1
katiegrl Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Paranoid/Listen to gut? Jam, there's nothing to even be thinking about. You two met at a coffee shop and exchanged a few texts. If he asks you for a date, go with him and find out more about him. Ask him what his dating goals are and tell him what yours are at some point, like two dates in maybe. Don't start doing a whole bunch of mental gymnastics at this point. Just because he doesn't answer quickly is no big deal yet. Once you've gone on a date or two, then I might start thinking like that. Red I don't agree. They've been texting and chatting, it's the perfect opportunity for her to learn about him, BEFORE she meets him in person, and potentially gets emotionally involved. Because, let's get real, once women (and men) get emotionally involved, often times common sense flies right out the window. And lest you say a woman should not allow herself to become emotionally invested after only a couple dates, the reality is, many do. As do men. It would be the same had she met him on line. You text a bit, learn about each other a bit, paying attention to any pink or red flags, follow your gut, and then decide whether or not you wish to meet in person. Frankly, I find it highly suspect that he texts all throughout the day, and then suddenly stops texting and responding to her texts after 7:00 pm. Heelloooo????
losangelena Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I must say I never thought people could draw such conclusions from initial texting patterns. Exactly, If he had accidentally sent her a text about picking up milk, OK yes then it's time to have second thoughts. But just the fact that he doesn't answer texts after a certain time? I could barely get a peep out of my ex in the evening times—he was at the gym, he was making dinner, he was playing video games. All many more normal reasons than he was seeing someone else. OP, is it the way he asked you (while you were maybe feeling less-than in the looks department that day) or maybe the kinds of things he's texting you that are setting things off inside you, or is it just the fact that it cuts out in the evenings? 2
martaldn Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 ^^If he's married, in a relationship, a player or scammer, she has a lot to lose! THAT is why it is so important to follow our gut instincts at the beginning. To avoid such men and unhealthy situations *before* we get involved... so.... if he would text her at any time of the day would be a sure guarantee that he would be single? honestly? people has life you know. I barely text in the evening because I have the gym i have a house to look after a dinner to cook and other things i can not do during the day because I am at work. 1
katiegrl Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 All of this sounds really strange to me, quite frankly. Him texting her constantly all throughout the day (in and of itself) sounds stange to me. Not to mention suddenly stopping in the early evening, only to start the whole process over again the following day. Him giving her his schedule???? They have not had one date yet!! OP, has he even asked you out? I dunno, perhaps he wants a daytime texting buddy. If it were me, I would take a pass on this one.
Redhead14 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Red I don't agree. They've been texting and chatting, it's the perfect opportunity for her to learn about him, BEFORE she meets him in person, and potentially gets emotionally involved. Because, let's get real, once women (and men) get emotionally involved, often times common sense flies right out the window. And lest you say a woman should not allow herself to become emotionally invested after only a couple dates, the reality is, many do. As do men. It would be the same had she met him on line. You text a bit, learn about each other a bit, paying attention to any pink or red flags, follow your gut, and then decide whether or not you wish to meet in person. Frankly, I find it highly suspect that he texts all throughout the day, and then suddenly stops texting and responding to her texts after 7:00 pm. Heelloooo???? Texting doesn't do squat to get to know anyone And, they haven't spoken directly on the phone. They had some conversation at the coffee shop. Right, now, it's none of her business what he does after 7 or has a girlfriend. They haven't even been on a date. Until they actually start dating, then she can start wondering. Why weed out guys on such a cursory level? She doesn't have anything to lose if he asks her for a date if she can learn how to manage her emotions. He may do better with communication after they go on a date, which will show her he's a little more interested. If they go out and that doesn't change, then she can start making those assumptions if she wants. My real point is she shouldn't even be thinking about this guy to this extent yet. She's getting her panties in a wad over nothing. Right now they are texting buddies and nothing more. 4
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 All of this sounds really strange to me, quite frankly. Him texting her constantly all throughout the day (in and of itself) sounds stange to me. Not to mention suddenly stopping in the early evening, only to start the whole process over again the following day. Him giving her his schedule???? They have not had one date yet!! OP, has he even asked you out? I dunno, perhaps he wants a daytime texting buddy. If it were me, I would take a pass on this one. He did ask me out on a date this coming Sunday. And as of now I'm still hesitant about going on it.
losangelena Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Last Sunday morning I decided to go to this coffee shop near my house to do some work on my laptop. Wasn't expecting to run into anyone there so I had bare minimum make up on, and I was wearing the first thing I saw in my closet: just ripped jeans and a tshirt. I was feeling kind of blahhhh and just didn't feel like getting dressed. I just wanted to get some work done. To my surprise, a really cute guy sat down next to me: "You seem so tense. Deadline coming up soon?". And that was how we started talking. He was there to pick up his quick latte, but he left his number, and told me to text him. I texted him the next day. We've been texting since and he asked me out this Sunday. The thing is I notice that we usually text during the day, he'd text me around 11am, then we keep texting til about 4 or 5pm. But he rarely replies to my text after like 7pm. In the AM he's pretty responsive. He told me his work schedule is Mon, Tue, Thurs 8am-5pm, WF 8am-12am. So i can understand he might be busy at work on WF. But yesterday and today he rarely replied in the evening either. And by that I mean, my text went unresponded until the next morning. I start thinking: maybe he has a gf that lives with him that he doesn't tell me about?! Should I go on this date with this guy? Or should I listen to my gut feelings. Am i crazy? Ladies, time for a close read. She says he asked her out in the OP. I think they're texting too much, considering they haven't even had a proper date yet. 4
Redhead14 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 He did ask me out on a date this coming Sunday. And as of now I'm still hesitant about going on it. Go on the date. Find out what his dating goals are and tell him what your's are. It's an opportunity, don't close the door on it because of speculation at this point. So what if you go out for dinner one night and have a nice time talking with someone new. If you aren't on the same page in terms of dating goals, oh well. And, don't sleep with him. At some point during the night, you can say something like "it's been nice text chatting with you over the past Xtime, is there a reason we kinda stop after 7? 1
Recommended Posts