mbee Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Hi there, I met one guy from the Internet a couple of weeks ago. I actually don't use online dating much these days but still keep a profile since I have a pretty active social life and don't have time to really respond to guys. I logged in one day and filtered through my messages and responded to a few guys who seemed decent. Anyway this guy seemed nice, so I responded. He wrote me pretty long messages, but being a dating site, I didn't find it intrusive and felt it was okay since I only saw them when I logged on. We met up and exchanged numbers. This was simply a meeting, not a date. I am on a different continent for 6 weeks on holiday. We talked for 3 hours and I could tell he really enjoyed my company, but I had to get going to pack and prepare for my holiday (we met 3 days before my flight) and I viewed this as something that could continue if we both felt interested after my holiday. I told him yeah let's keep in touch and told him via text that I would be pretty busy but would respond when I could. This guy has now gotten into the habit of sending 2 screens worth of texts for each text. I got a massive text after my flight landed and everyday afterwards. He tells me every detail of his day and asks me questions like "what is the weather like there?" It honestly feels like he just wants someone to talk to about his life. I always reply with 1-2 paragraphs out of politeness and take a day to respond, but after I send my text, he responds with this outrageously long text of 2 screens with pointless details about his day a few minutes later. It is really turning me off to him and makes me feel like he doesn't have much of a life and isn't respecting that I need space to enjoy my holiday. I genuinely would enjoy keeping in touch with him, but certainly not everyday, and I don't care to know every detail about his day. I also hate feeling guilty for not responding to a text adequately or in enough time, which is silly since I don't even know this guy. Any thoughts on the best way to tell this guy to stop sending so many texts so I can enjoy my holiday without having to reply to all these super long messages? 1
Author mbee Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 Well if it was a matter of blocking, I would have done so already. I have no issue with staying in touch with him. He's just basically a stranger and I don't feel the need to send all these text messages. It kills the attraction entirely. I'd prefer to find a way to politely tell him to stop than cutting off someone I might get along well with in person.
J21 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I'm sure he had thoughts of whether to text you multiple short texts or write you a long one. He probably concluded multiple short ones would come off crazier hence his decision to go with the longer one. Little does he know, both come off crazy. Just stop responding, maybe you can reconnect with him once you are back. Doesn't make sense to keep in touch especially since it's turning you off. 2
Jejangles Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 You told him you would reply when you could, so I would start taking longer than 1 day to respond. Then when you do just say "I'm not going to be on my phone much over the next little while, have a good rest of your week / week-end / whatever's suitable". Basically close the conversation. And if he texts during the time that you said "have a good", don't reply. He should mirror your actions / words. He's probably worried you two will lose touch during the time you're away so he's over doing it. Show him you're still interested but your focus is on his holiday and hopefully he'll get the hint. 2
GemmaUK Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Try cutting your responses much shorter and don't answer all his questions. End your text with a 'right, we're off to do X now, catch you in a few days'. If that doesn't work then you'll need to be much more blunt. 1
Zippy2000 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I agree with Mbee. Whats with all the long messages? Thats a lot of hard work and a huge turn off. The best way is what Gemma as said "Try cutting your responses much shorter and don't answer all his questions. End your text with a 'right, we're off to do X now, catch you in a few days'." This gives him the notion you dont have time to reply with huge replies and you need to be elsewhere, The question is......Do you like him? 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Sounds like you're too busy to even online date, as you seem to already have a lot going on socially, as you mentioned in your first post. 2
Art_Critic Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I would stop replying and pick it up when you have more time... I would also think a guy showing interest is what you would want, granted you think he texts a bit much but at least he is showing interest and not blowing you off. just don't reply, don't feel guilted into it since you are on vacation and go from there. 1
PogoStick Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 (edited) I know this will sound crazy but: you can CALL him and have a conversation to explain what you like and don't like in a relationship. My new girlfriend likes that I've discussed communication with her because it's been a problem in her past. Now she chirps a little joke about her past relationships, "I have expectations about keeping in touch but I'm not going to tell you what they are. I expect you to read my mind and then I'm going to get upset when you don't do it right". Edited October 14, 2015 by PogoStick 2
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Just tell him you hate long texts. Never respond in kind but call if you have a lot to say. Hopefully he'll learn by example. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Respond once a day with "k". I've been here myself and the only thing that stopped it cold was when I stopped responding at length and starting the one word responses. Message received loud and clear. 1
Disconnect Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Way too much drama for something that could easily be solved - keep the replies to a minimum, or don't reply, and he will get the message. Or say you're doing a lot of activities / enjoying time out, and checking your phone all the time is a low priority right now. A lot of people like to disengage from ordinary daily communication whilst on holiday, it's part of the R&R of taking a vacation. 1
Gaeta Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 FIRST: You met him, you liked him because there was nothing to dislike about him BUT you're not really into him. It's gonna drag 6 weeks, you'll have one or two more dates and it will die there. SECOND: No need to be inconsiderate by not replying or by sending short answers or just Ok answers. Just tell the man you will be really busy from today and you will text him next Wednesday and wish him a good week. 3
kendahke Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 (edited) Any thoughts on the best way to tell this guy to stop sending so many texts so I can enjoy my holiday without having to reply to all these super long messages? Any reason why you can't tell him what you just wrote here in a phone conversation? You dont' sound interested in him anyway, so why are you so concerned about telling him to ease up? You can always block him. Edited October 14, 2015 by kendahke 1
Author mbee Posted October 17, 2015 Author Posted October 17, 2015 I know this will sound crazy but: you can CALL him and have a conversation to explain what you like and don't like in a relationship. My new girlfriend likes that I've discussed communication with her because it's been a problem in her past. Now she chirps a little joke about her past relationships, "I have expectations about keeping in touch but I'm not going to tell you what they are. I expect you to read my mind and then I'm going to get upset when you don't do it right". I'm on a different continent so with the time difference that's not possible. Theres a 17 hour time difference! I'm also traveling with friends and will be in rainforests and places where a call isn't possible. He's not a guy I'm dating currently, so having conversations on my holiday would be even more of a turnoff. I once hit it off with a guy before I went away for a month. This was several year ago. He didn't call me or send huge texts everyday. He checked in twice a week with long messages and that was perfect. We arranged to Skype once for 10 minutes as the Internet was very spotty and we couldn't even see each other but this was a guy I was really hitting it off with and had been on several dates, and we had already kissed and fooled around. I've had conversations about communication habits with guys I'm dating and have at least kissed. But one meeting (not even a date) feels way too early to start talking to a guy about communication preferences. I would imagine for him that would even be a turnoff at this stage. Thanks for your feedback though!
Author mbee Posted October 17, 2015 Author Posted October 17, 2015 Any reason why you can't tell him what you just wrote here in a phone conversation? You dont' sound interested in him anyway, so why are you so concerned about telling him to ease up? You can always block him. I met him once for 3 hours. It takes me time to build a connection with a guy. He's pretty cute so physically I'm attracted to him but we met at a bad time. I was busy preparing for an exciting holiday and am enjoying every minute of it currently (hence my late reply to this post). Again, I don't want to burn bridges. He's cute and nice. I certainly don't like him as I can't feel romantically attached to a guy until I've been on at least a couple of proper dates. At the same time, I'm not going to get to know a guy during my holiday via text. It just makes me glued to my phone when I need to be enjoying my holiday with my friends, relaxing or socializing with the new and different people I'm meeting every day. I don't see why I need to spend so much time talking to a guy I've met once and who I may not even be interested in after 2-3 dates. I see people here advising to not spend so much time chatting with someone online before they meet. To me this is the same thing. I met him once. He's cute, he thinks I'm cute, but I don't know if I like him (which is normal) so why invest so much time writing long messages, especially on my holiday, when we both live in the same area and can get to know each other properly once I return. 1
Author mbee Posted October 17, 2015 Author Posted October 17, 2015 Way too much drama for something that could easily be solved - keep the replies to a minimum, or don't reply, and he will get the message. Or say you're doing a lot of activities / enjoying time out, and checking your phone all the time is a low priority right now. A lot of people like to disengage from ordinary daily communication whilst on holiday, it's part of the R&R of taking a vacation. This is perfect and exactly why I don't want to be on my phone or online. I'll write this to him once I hear back from him. Thanks for this!!
Recommended Posts