PC96 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Hey everyone. I went through a breakup about a month and a half ago. I realized that I was a love/romance addict. I have had 2 relationships in my life. Both serious relationships. I had an epiphany a few weeks ago when I realized that I never loved the person that they were. I could sit down and list a thousand things I didn't like about them, but I couldn't come up with more than 2 or 3 things that I did. Usually these characteristics such as open-minded, passive could pertain to almost any girl. So I realized that I have been forcing myself to love these girls even though deep inside, I never saw a future in them. I was always searching for something better. Whenever I was with them, if we weren't doing something amazing, cuddling or looking into each other eyes with a burning passion, I felt strangely..bored. I always found ways to sabotage the relationship by making the girl cry or breakup so that we could have the post-makeup intensity of love. I know that this is terrible. I really want to change this. My first girlfriend broke up me a few weeks after she asked me what I loved about her and I responded with"I loved the moments and the experiences that we've been through" we had dated for 2 years. She loved me so much and even told me a few years later that she still loved me but knew we couldn't be together because I was in love with the idea of being in love. This became even more blatantly obvious after this recent breakup, especially because I knew so strongly that I did not want to be with her and that I was not attracted to any quality she had. But I still tried so hard to deny incompatibility and force myself to love her. Which lead to SO many issues. After both these breakups, my mind had a lot of difficulty letting go of the emotion and the memories. I don't know what to do about this. I don't remember a point in my life where I wasn't pursuing someone to love. I'm considering taking 6 months to a year off from any flirtatious contact or pursuing of any girls so that I can focus on my own life. So my questions to you guys are: I'm I overreacting/overthinking? What does it feel like when you love a person for who they are? Will you know? Is it okay to love someone because you love the idea of being in love? Please help me. I've never felt so strongly about something. I really think this is a pressing issue
RightThere Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I'm I overreacting/overthinking? No. I actually think you are trying to learn something very important about real relationships versus the junk you think love is from the movies. What does it feel like when you love a person for who they are? Will you know? You should. It does take a while for the initial stages of lust to wear off, but you need to make sure you love the person for what they are and not spend all your time trying to change them. Is it okay to love someone because you love the idea of being in love? No. If you're hung up on the idea of being in love, you will be with just about anyone. You need to want to be with that person, not be seen with that person.
Zippy2000 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 What is love. Lady dont hurt me. Dont hurt me......no more! 5
Author PC96 Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 So I don't know what to do about this? I feel like my standards could be too high sometimes. I feel like the proper way to go about loving someone is to be friends with them first for a long period of time so that you can get a holistic idea of who she is and accept/love her for that. I'm just afraid that that person will never come): Is it worth it just to keep trying with as many different people to try to find one that is a good fit? or just wait it out?
Ami1uwant Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 So I don't know what to do about this? I feel like my standards could be too high sometimes. I feel like the proper way to go about loving someone is to be friends with them first for a long period of time so that you can get a holistic idea of who she is and accept/love her for that. I'm just afraid that that person will never come): Is it worth it just to keep trying with as many different people to try to find one that is a good fit? or just wait it out? As you said you have had two serious relationships. I'm sure there were good things about these people. What are the qualities you want in a person? What are things you think are a priority?
Maxtor Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 What is love. Lady dont hurt me. Dont hurt me......no more! DAMN i was too late.... and by the way its "Baby dont hurt me." 1
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