Jejangles Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 In the past, I have pretty much always done the drink (or very occasionally coffee) first date when I meet a guy online. I figure the first date is really a "meet" for us to lay eyes on each other and see if we want to move forward. But the thing is, drinks almost always take at least an hour to an hour and a half, so if you're investing that sort of time, doesn't it make sense to do something more fun and exciting than meeting in a bar? Last week I had a first date / meet with a guy at a local gallery event with music, drinks and food. And it was a really good time! We had lots to talk about, lots to look at if we were running out of things to talk about, and generally the date was fun, regardless of outcome. So, do other online daters think it's better to stick with the first drink / coffee routine or are there any other suggestions for out of the norm first dates that are worth trying? I still think the first date / meet shouldn't be too lengthy of a time commitment, in case it's not a match, but now I'm wondering if I have been approaching online all wrong with boring first meets that don't allow us to really connect...
Oregon_Dude Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 For me, coffee is perfect, as it's no/low commitment, doesn't cost me a bundle, is casual, fun and easy to escape from.
SwordofFlame Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I always do drinks and used to occasionally coffee. I've stopped with coffee dates though because they have never ever gone anywhere. I tend to drink a lot (though not an alcoholic...) so if my date doesn't like to drink, it probably won't work anyway. I'm open to other ideas as long as it's a good setting to be able to talk and get to know your date.
EricaH329 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Personally, I prefer going for drinks. It helps with the nervousness that comes with being on a first date, and it gives us time to talk. Anything after the first date is where I like to get really creative!
perol Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 But the thing is, drinks almost always take at least an hour to an hour and a half I don't know about you but when I was online dating, if she wasn't as advertised or just not a match I was out of there in 20. Why sit with a person for any longer than that if you know that you'll never see them again or worse, they've deceived you as to their age, appearance, or weight?
Vintage79 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 More than drinks or coffee is great if you like the person - if you don't like them, you can get out of drinks or coffee in about 5 minutes...and I've bailed pretty quick on several occasions. Next time I see them it's always something more interesting. If you want to do more, try inviting the guy out, planning the date, and paying...
MuffMan6969 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I prefere drinks. You usually get to know someone rather quick. I recentely had a first date, not from OLD, and we met at a local brewery. She didnt drink beer, but liked a concoctian of alcohol, that I dont think even had a name, and they were $9 a drink. After 1 hour and 5 drinks she said she didnt want the night to end and sugested we go to a certain steakhouse for dinner that happened to be the most expensive in town. Needless to say, I got off easy with only $45:)
shet Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Uh well, it's a sore point with me - I have without exception, ALWAYS been the one arranging what we do. Not a single woman has ever offered a "hey there's this thing we could go to". In times past, I'd always have cool interesting first dates planned. And second third and fourth. Here's the thing; it gets ****ing old. Eventually the staff at the authentic country pub recognise you and wink about your dates; riding the seafront mini railway is like a low level nightmare you endlessly repeat; you grow tired of the skating rink, or the arboretum, or the pier... even things you love get stale when you keep taking dates to them. You burn out. These days, I want it simple. A drink, some food. I can always eat and drink, indeed, I have to to stay alive. Somewhere cheap. A mexican, an italian, a sandwich bar. It's still formulaic and routine but at least it isn't a long way, or expensive, and you're doing something you'd have to do anyway instead of slowly ruining your favourite events/places. If there's an event coincidentally on at the same time somewhere accessible - open gallery, a dance, music - by all means I want to take her there because it's a one off. Those usually aren't happening though.
Author Jejangles Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 In times past, I'd always have cool interesting first dates planned. And second third and fourth. Here's the thing; it gets ****ing old. Eventually the staff at the authentic country pub recognise you and wink about your dates; riding the seafront mini railway is like a low level nightmare you endlessly repeat; you grow tired of the skating rink, or the arboretum, or the pier... even things you love get stale when you keep taking dates to them. You burn out. This is how I feel about drinks (I am a woman btw, in case I didn't make that clear earlier!) I have been on a lot, like a lot, of first dates, mostly drinks, and sometimes I think if I have to sit across from another guy in a bar and make small talk for an hour to two hours again I'm going to lose it. It's not about who pays, it's about how repetitive it gets. Plus sometimes it feels like an interview. "where did you grow up, what do you like to do for fun" blah, blah, blah. Some people just don't shine in that environment and you could end up walking away from someone who actually may be a great fit. And apparently I suck at cutting them short compared to lots of people here, the shortest first date I have ever had is 45 minutes. Like I said, even when it's clear we're not hitting it off, they seem to go at least an hour. I guess it's that line between how do you not waste either of your time if it's an absolute no but also have fun so dating doesn't feel like a chore!
fitnessfan365 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I never do sit down coffee or drinks on a first meet. A few I like are - an outdoor shopping venue near me that has free live music, and meeting for a scoop of ice cream and checking out Barnes and Noble afterward in the same shopping center. In B&N there are a lot of sections useful in getting to know someone. So it comes off as more creative than just sitting at a table. 1
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