elephantrider Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Hi everyone, I've been together with a girl for over five years. We got to know each other very slowly, but that made it all the more profound for the both of us. We really connected from the start and knew that what we had was somehow different from other people. We had a good, strong and healthy relationship. After high school, we both went to university in the same city (which was fantastic, because we live pretty far apart and now we could spend more days together!). And even though many people said it was a bad thing to have relationship during those student-years, I rarely felt that I was missing out on things because I had a girlfriend. Moreover, it made me feel better about myself because we were such a great time. This lasted for a very long time and admittedly, we had our ups and downs, but real anger-infused fights were pretty uncommon. Important to know is that, while she mostly stayed at her place to work for school, I enjoyed going out with friends when I wasn't staying with her or going out with her. A year ago, she befriended a girl who was very loose in her relations with guys, and I actually didn't really like her. All the stories of her that got to me were about how her circle of friends were constantly gossiping, telling bad stuff behind each other's back and so on. This January, we had an amazing time. During New Year and New Year's Eve we were crazely in love with each other again, like in the beginning. We simply craved for each other and the sex was amazing. One month later, I took up all my courage and on the day we celebrated our 5th anniversary, I gave her a lot of presents (amongst which was a hand-written book in which I explained in short chapters, taken out of our lives, why I loved her so much). Even more important, was a little casket I gave her. In the casket was a ring-box, in which I had put a key. I bent down on my knees and asked her if she was willing to move in together. Her answer was 'yes', and we never felt happier. And then... A month later, it all started going downwards all the sudden. You have to know that I was in my last year and I had a lot of internships, which meant I mostly stayed at home, while she remained at the university. I missed my friends, I missed her, and I got a little depressed. Normally, like always, she would stand by me, say sweet things and do the usual to make me feel better (Lord knows that I did the same so many times for her!). And yet, it didn't happen. When I went back to the university (once a week), our spent time was very limited and there was something off. Things escalated and I must admit, I was mad at her for not saying those lovely things I needed to make me feel better. And in a long nightly telephone call which had to sort all things out, out of the blue, she dropped the phrase: "If you're going to continue like this, I don't know if I can take this much longer". It hit me like a bomb: our relationship had an expiration date. After that call, things started to get a little better. Only for a short while. I noticed that she treated me unfair. When I went out with her, she wanted to be back at home at 12 o' clock, but when she went out with that girlfriend of hers and met some guys along the way, suddenly she didn't mind staying up for two more hours... We got in fights more and more. And in April, she just said she was fed up with all this. And in a foolish attempt to make her say that things weren't that bad as I thought, I asked her if she wanted to break up with me, knowing that the answer would be 'no'. The answer was, on the other hand, 'I don't know'. She asked time. We wouldn't see, nor text each other, so she could make up her mind. I could've killed myself that very night. I cried, and cried and cried. The world shook beneath me. Everything was lost. Each day, I counted every second, thinking every text message was hers, feeling miserable. It kept on going. Until after a week, I got a text message. It was her: she said she needed to prolong my torture because she still hadn't got an answer. Her parents actually called me that week, saying that they couldn't believe what was happening and why this what happening (we also were to go to the U.S. on holiday). So they asked me to meet up, to hear my part of the story. When we did so, my girlfriend's stepmother suddenly gave her phone to me and said: 'It's ringing'. She was calling her. I took the phone and went to the toilets. We sorted things out. We would meet up the next day and then she would make her final decision. That next day I was trembling. Afraid. What if things go wrong? But... Things went absolutely fantastic. Just like the old days. She decided to give it another try. And things resumed their old pace, but somehow, something was still different, somewhere beneath it all. I did my best to ignore it. In June, a friend of mine and me went on a two-week holiday to Asia. I said to my girlfriend I would not be able to text her, but she could always contact me if she needed me. It was an amazing vacation. When I got back, I immediately texted here. Normally, in the old days, she would have been ecstatic. Now, it appeared that she couldn't be bothered. I felt awful. A month later, I went to the States with her and her family. It was a beautiful trip, but strange. The very first night we arrived, she started crying as soon as we arrived in our hotel room. I tried to comfort her and asked her what was going on, but I only got a cold 'nothing'. I could write an entire thread just about that vacation. But let me just summarize it quickly: I got annoyed that every time we were together (alone in the hotel room), which would be the ideal moment to cuddle and make love, she would grab her phone and start texting, it didn't matter whether it was morning or evening... And on the day before the last one, I took her phone (I know it is so wrong), and read the first message to a random guy: 'I miss you. I can't wait to be in your arms again.' Even through all the **** she has put me through, I still loved her with all of my heart. This came crushing in to me like a giant maul. I was awe-struck, couldn't hear, felt dizzy, like the world started turning and shaking. I couldn't believe it. Everyone but her. First I tried to ignore it, but that was impossible. So I confronted her while she was brushing her teeth, and I don't even remember what she replied. Some lame bull****, I guess. I went back. Grabbed my phone, called my sister to hear a familiar voice and then I broke down. Started crying. She tried to comfort me, I think. I was furious and depressed. Never felt like that before. That day was full of activities which me and my girlfriend had to do together. I first just wanted to stay at home, but eventually came along. Long story short: I said I couldn't do this anymore. She asked me what that meant: 'I'm breaking up with you'. She was still cold like a stone. When we came back, the plan was to go to a restaurant, but clearly we were not such a good company to the rest anymore, so they asked us if we would stay at home. I complied of course and immediately started to pack my things, I wanted to get home as soon as possible. Meanwhile I ignored my girlfriend completely. I was ready. She had been mistreating me so long. I was finally fed up with it, and knew that things were bad for me. Even though I tried so hard, I was the sucker who always felt bad in the end, giving up everything. Knowing what she had done to me, how she acted, cold-hearted and mean, I was ready, really ready, I couldn't believe myself. I turned my own heart into a stone. And then I found her, crying on the bed. Crying. For the first time, she resembled the girl I loved so much again. This was so heartbreaking that I did something that I shouldn't have done: I went to lie down next to her, and started comforting her. She was hysterical. And even though I kept my cool at first, I joined her crying after a couple of minutes. For the first time in months she told me she loved me. That that thing I read meant nothing, that no one is comparable with me, ... She was again her old self. I comforted her. I helped her shower (because she was too shaky), I consoled her, ... The next day we flew back. On the plane we watched a movie together, and it was just like the old days... In between transfers, she was crying and I was comforting her. It was really amazing. And I wanted to kiss her so badly again... But we broke up. Now, two months later. She apparently moved on with her life. Going out with that friend of hers again. I, on the other hand, can't live a day without thinking about her, thinking how great things were. I just started working and every girl around me has got a boyfriend, while I remain single. It's depressing, really. I really want to get back together. This Friday, we are meeting up. And I'm thinking about saying that I forgive her completely, that I still love her, that I want to be back together, ... But I fear she doesn't feel the same way. Please, I need guidance on this one. I'm sorry for the long text, but I really do need help.
Christina2021 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I can feel your pain. I have been in a similar situation with my ex, the father of my children. We went through a very time and when he finally called it quits, I was shattered. I felt like I wanted to die too. The only thing that kept me going were my children. I am not sure why you keep seeing each other. It will only serve to freshen the pain instead of healing. I guess you have nothing to lose by telling her you still want to be with her. But keep in mind that if she says no, you are going to be crushed all over again. If you do decide to tell her you want to be with her, and she says no, then I think you should pick up the pieces and move on. In the beginning it always feels like your entire world is falling apart, because it is. People always say this " it will get easier in time ", I have heard it many times. But the reality is, it really does. You deserve to be with someone who will love you back the way you love them. If you keep holding on to this girl, you will never be free to move forward to allow yourself to meet and possibly fall in love with anyone else. Those are my thoughts. Be strong. Think of you, and whats best for you.
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