xing11 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Caught my boyfriend of over 10 year cheating on me the other weekend. Not in the action but with the walk of shame. I ask him were he was and he would not answer me. She would not look at me. I went home. W had broke up last year and got back after 3 months and I thought everything was going well even thought we didn't go back to living with each other. I thought it was best to wait. He was calling me telling me how much he loved me. I called him and ask him again. He said yes it is what I think. I had nothing to say and hung up and not called him up. The girl happens to be a mutual friend daughter. I feel really stupid and very angry. His mail is still coming to the house. I have some important papers that I've been working on for him. I ask a couple of people if I could drop them off at there house so they can give it to him. There answer was they didn't want nothing to do with him. I cannot drop it off his parents house because he lives with them. Mail I started to return to sender Since he will not change his address. But every time I go in the mailbox I see his name it bring ups emotions I'm getting tired dealing with. My biggest problem is I would like to go see him in some way. Than this bell rings and says why. My emotion is all over the place.
dumbass2 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 It should stop after a bit if you are putting "wrong address return to sender" and giving it back to the PO. Once the sender gets it back, they should not send you anything else. Also, maybe talk with your local post office or mailman and let them know not to deliver any mail with that name on it. I know it's hard, but really think about it. You gave it a second chance and this is what you get? There are no third chances. It obviously just doesn't work between you two and you wont be able to trust him again. You take him back and life is wonderful for a short time, but the trust issues will make you crazy and miserable and he doesn't deserve another chance. I can't believe he cheated with the daughter of a mutual friend. That's sucks. 1
Author xing11 Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 When I told him he hurt my feelings all he could say was sorry. I just need this to go away. It make it hard because his daughter still calls me to babysit. Not knowing what is going on. She considers me her mother. Right now I just find excuses not to. I figure in time I can resume my relationship with her when I start to feel better. What sucks he knows I will be there for his kids. They are adults.
Author xing11 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 I just got his credit card bill. Right now I really just want to foward all the mail to her house. I really need a good reason Why I should not drive over there and hand it to her mother.
chapter44 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Don't use his mail or the project you are working on for him as an excuse to go see him or his family. I think you are at the stage where you want answers and believe me when I tell you even if he does give answers they will probably be untruthful. Most everyone who is betrayed wants answers and foolishly thinks that will bring closure. The truth of the matter is that you will never find what you are seeking because you're seeking answers from someone who wasn't even considerate enough of you to end the relationship before he strayed. Throw the mail away or write "no longer at this address" and put it back in the mailbox. The sooner you distance yourself from him the sooner the healing will come. I know because I've been there. 1
Author xing11 Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 You are correct. My dog was very happy since we did take a longer walk to Post office and drop it in the mail box. The project is is books for his company. I'm stuck with them for the time being. I ask his children if they could take them and none of them want them. They don't want anything to do with him. I can't leave them outside because of the payroll infomation on the men that work for him.
Author xing11 Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 After the other day having a melt time. I took the time to get my thoughts togather. I tell you there was things I wrote down that amaze me. One was I was wondering what he was doing with her. My answer the same thing he was with me. The funny thing I didn't enjoy myself most time. When I realize that it made me feel better about myself. Now I have the freedom to do things I enjoy. So I book a flight to Las Vegas and will be meeting my youngest daughter there. It was great that she could get a leave in such short time. Its been awhile since I seen her. Yes it's hard being a military MOM. But I will be spending a great week with her. Give my heart a much needed break. Will I still thing of him? I'm sure I will our lives are too intwine with each other. One thing though I don't need to be uncomfortable When i do see him. They will. I didn't anything wrong which he did. Good luck to her!! Yes I'm still hurt but I figured it was mostly the one thing he would never do to me and he has done much is not hurt me on purpose.
Author xing11 Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 I got a call from one of ex friend this morning. One way to get someone to change address. I guess he told him I posted all his credit card information on the internet. Something I would not do. But this morning he book it to go change all the cards. I hope he is smart enough to change is address. So his friends did me a huge favor. Got to love it.
Author xing11 Posted October 17, 2015 Author Posted October 17, 2015 I babysit 2 nights a week for his daughter so she can go to college. He knows this. Which I'm very proud of since she is like one of my children. Single mother who has I help raise for many years. Even when he and I were not togather and only friend. She had lived with me even as a trouble teenager. I figured he would stay away those 2 days since he really have not gone and see her and the children for 3 month. IThere was a knock on the door and I went to go answer it. No peep hole and the little girl ask who it is. I caught the landlord. I though maybe he ws coming to check on something in the apartment. Well it was him and the girl behind him. I'm thinking are you kidding me. I didn't say anything and started to close the door. I don't want anything to do with him. But boy that my made me hyper and jumpy. He did try to pull the door back but I had a chance to lock it. I could hear him say something but I my head was reeling. I did hear her say unbelieveable becasue I shut the door on them. I don't want to play that type of game. As far as I'm concern they have each other and leave me alone. Heard him laugh. Well when she came home after school all happy because she is enjouing school now kids sleeping and a clean house. I told her about it and said that she will have to start looking for another babysitter. She was not happy with him because he was told not to come over while I was there and didn't want me to stop babysitting since she trust me with the kids. Also told me that he sent a message the week before to call him. She didn't think I needed to hear that. Am I wrong not to want to do it anymore? I do enjoy doing. It piss me off that I get the feeling he is trying to control me. Don't that girl have any self respect? Was i wong to shut the door on his face? I really didn't want to see him and her.
dumbass2 Posted October 17, 2015 Posted October 17, 2015 You need to remove yourself entirely from his life and that includes his daughter. Explain to her and let her know that you just can't do it any more. You have to think of yourself. I know you think a lot of her, but she is not your daughter and you need to help yourself here. It is your choice. If you choose to continue doing it, then you will have to face the consequences of dealing with him and he obviously does not care about you or your feelings. Don't do this to yourself.
Author xing11 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 Well time has been helping along with family and friends. It does help that I took a vacation. Will be heading home in the morning. Yes his family still call but I decided I was not answering his parents call to see how I'm doing. I've been calling them every week for over 15 yrs. Before I started seeing him. In time I will resume my relationship with them. They have no idea we are not with each other and it's not up to me. Right now I'm at peace with myself. That's all that matters for today
Author xing11 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 Today I'm at work and he call me. Say hello what's you doing. My answer was to hang up. I know he drove by my house the other day because he left something stupid in my yard. He know I would know it's him. I do know she is still with him. You would think he got the message when I slam the door in is face that I no longer want anything to do with him. I have delete his phone# the other week so when the call came in I had no idea who it was. Is there a way to block his number without having his phone number program in my phone. I've finally started to have peace with the whole thing and moving on with my life.
Author xing11 Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 Well that phone call was a bit of a setback yesterday. I do have to say. I was starting to feel better. I hope it's not a long setback. Feeling sad today even if I know he is not worth me feeling sad. At least I can type how I'm feeling a little bit on here.
Author xing11 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 I guess that call really did a setback. It angers me that he would even contact me. I didn't even talk to him. He acted like nothing is wrong. One of his workers stop by to pay me back some money he owed me yesterday. Someone I like and respect. He is working up the street on his own job. He understood why I have not talk to or seen any of our mutual friends. Him and hi wife miss me. That everyone is thinking he is a idiot. I guess the call he gave me is that wanted me to drive the crew. What would make him think I would do it? I know the guys would be happy the guy told me he would have loved me starting to drive again on the weekend. Why would I be the first one? I know he has been driving by my house he has left signs and someone saw them. I'm assuming she don't know were I live. I gave him want he wanted without a fight. He wanted her and that is what he got. That relationship is already started in a bad spot. I'm to old to play teenage games. It is killing me not to give him a piece of my mind. Grrrr
Author xing11 Posted November 13, 2015 Author Posted November 13, 2015 It's been almost 7 weeks now. That I've not talk to him even though he has tried. I'm feeling better about myself. Yesterday I contacted him so I can give him his books for his company which he is a painter. Told him I need to give them back to him. Well he thought I was going to still take care of the. My answer was "are you kidding me". He than went into don't you need the money. I said no. Than I told him I would drop it in front of his shop this weekend. Than he went on and got a little excite and telling me to call him so he can meet me. I don't want to see him in her. I'm feeling better and don't want to subject myself to that. I told him no. Instead of letting me finish what I was going to say he got mad and said to do whatever I want. Said my name with FU and slammed the phone. What I was going to say if he gave me the time. I would call him up after I drop it off to let him know it's there. Did I do it wrong? Could there have been a better way of handling it? I'm really trying to forgive him and move on. I also don't want to be his friend any longer and his stepping stool. When it comes down to it I want to get rid of our friendship and him. Maybe someday I will talk to him but right now is not the time. Trying to bring her around me is not helping him. I don't know how to handle it now. I've already ask people if they would take it even his children. They want no part in it. I don't blame anybody because he is the type to accuse them of things. I'm afraid he will be there now knowing I will be dropping it off.Mailing it is not a option because I really don't have the funds to ship that much stuff. Any ideas..
Author xing11 Posted November 13, 2015 Author Posted November 13, 2015 Maybe I should let him see me tell him I forgive him. But at this point of time I'm not able to help him or be his friend. Hope that he would leave it alone. If he lets me say that. He is kind of a bully. Have one of our friend go with me. He is built like a bull and I know he would not let him bully me around. I know he would help me. Thoughts on it.
Author xing11 Posted November 17, 2015 Author Posted November 17, 2015 Well it's been 7.5 weeks since the breakup. Starting to feel better about everything. I did break the NC last week. I wanted to get rid of his company books. What came down to he wanted me to still do them and was making it seem he was helping me because I was going to get paid. I told him he had already hurt me and I was not going to let him do that. Than he started to blame me for how I felt. Boy that really open my eyes on how selfish he really was. I told him in a nice voice that not to put the blame on me. First you betrayed me. I don't trust you and I don't like you. I ended the call. It was the first time in weeks that I really felt good. Yes I still think about him. But now it is not as much during the day. I'm sure that would fade. I broke a over a 25 yr friendship with that call and it really did feel good. I also talk to his children and told them that I'm still around but it was time for me. they agreed I deserve better. I was also ask on a date for Friday. I said yes. So now i'm nervous about it and hope I have a good time.
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