Her Bridges Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 So I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half (I am monogamous & he says he is as well)... He's 27 & I am 26. I asked him to help me with the cost of birth control due to the cost increasing because I plan to change from pill to shot.. He said he doesn't mind helping but didn't want to get into a habit of taking on another person's financial burdens... He also said he wasn't looking to sponsor anyone... I think the last paragraph is very important. Not only is that incredibly rude off him, but if you two are considering yourselves serious then guess what? Eventually you'll be sharing expenses. That's not "sponsoring" that's just being in a relationship. That statement tells me that he does not consider you two to be on level ground. He says he loves me but sometimes he seems reluctant in helping me with simple things... Such as handy things around my apartment, he even through a fit about getting a grocery item out of my car I asked to get because I forgot it.... He comes over and doesn't mind eating my food, using my shower, utilities, etc. (he spends the night maybe about twice a week)... Sure we go out here and there and he pays but he does expect me to go dutch too... I'm in a hard spot because I do care for him but I don't want to feel like I am wasting my time.. I would NEVER not help him if I could and I would never throw it in his face... I would think after a year and a half I should be able to ask him for anything if I needed help without feeling berated... I hardly ever ask him for him anything BUT to not think he has to help with birth control cost is absurd. What do you think? This depends on a lot oh things that you haven't told us, which we can only guess. However I'll speak from my experience - if you're giving constantly, and he is not just not giving back but refusing to, it's time to reevaluate this relationship. Has nothing to do with finances or assistance or whatever specific scenario, the issue is the lack of interest on his part. You might like to read an interesting article about a study done by the Gottman Institute on what keeps happy couples together. They found that the "masters" were charitable to each other and actively constructive in building each other up, while the "disasters" were either lazy about it or actually destructive to each other. My question... Are you happy, or not? Because if you're not happy, then you need to do something so that you have the opportunity to be so. Sure you've invested plenty of time in the guy, but if you know the investment is a bad one for you, then it's time to cut your losses while they're still low.
autumnnight Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 No, if you want to be on the pill or a shot, you pay for it. When did dating become all about math? Calculators to split the cost of the restaurant, who bought the most gas, he's eating my snacks, and now birth control. You medication is not his responsibility. Just like you don;t have to pay for his condoms. Of course, if this man is married, then the only person he should be having sex with is his wife. 2
Toodaloo Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 He says he loves me but sometimes he seems reluctant in helping me with simple things... Such as handy things around my apartment, he even through a fit about getting a grocery item out of my car I asked to get because I forgot it.... What do you think? I think you need to think long and hard about this one... What are you not telling us OP? There is more to this story isn't there...
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I think you need to think long and hard about this one... What are you not telling us OP? There is more to this story isn't there... There is more spoken by what is not said, than by what is. I think that also goes for a vast majority of new threads/posts.....
GunslingerRoland Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 As far as the birth control, I guess I could see asking for help with it, if you were like 16... But as others have said, it's such a small amount of money, it seems really weird to ask your lover to pay half of it. As for the other stuff, some people don't like doing/giving favors as much as other people. Just their personality I guess. But in a relationship there has to be some partnership to things in general...
losangelena Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 The bit in bold would make me celibate overnight.... That jumped right out at me, too. It's been a year and a half, but he only SAYS he's being monogamous. Eesh, there sounds like a lot of distrust and resentment going on in this relationship. OP I would axe it.
xxoo Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 This thread is odd. When I was dating my husband, I often bought and paid for the condoms. It's not like they are only sold to men. If the shot is a big expense, why shouldn't he help her pay? I'm not saying he necessarily should, but I don't see why he shouldn't. Nevertheless, this relationship doesn't seem worth the cost of birth control. 2
Terry8889 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Sorry to say this but you sound stingy/cheap and he sounds like he is a bit of an a.s.s. Sure both benefit from birth control but since he is not your HUSBAND or you FIANCE, you should not expect the guy to pay for it. If you think shots/pills are too expensive for you then you should just use condoms. What is the problem?. It would be nice if we could help around your place when needed but hey! it is not his obligation, some guys are nice/cool and do it for their gf but your guy clearly is not one of those. So do not expect anything from him. You have two choices: You can either suck it up and stay with him OR leave and find someone else. 1
Miss Peach Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I don't expect it but I have had ex BFs offer to help pay my BC costs. Past money I don't think it's too much to ask a year and a half in to do nice, thoughtful things for each other. That is the part that concerns me.
mike_89 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Guys pay the condoms, girls pay the pill or whatever she is on. Believe me, condoms are quite pricey as well. If you're not using condoms though, then maybe he could help paying those costs.
losangelena Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Guys pay the condoms, girls pay the pill or whatever she is on. Believe me, condoms are quite pricey as well. If you're not using condoms though, then maybe he could help paying those costs. This is true. I was surprised the times I went with my ex to get them or picked them up on my own. Not cheap! 1
perol Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 S BUT to not think he has to help with birth control cost is absurd. What do you think? You've already decided that him not sharing the cost of contraceptives is absurd, so why ask the opinions of strangers. You've got a mixed response, are you going to go with what the majority says?
SoftViolin Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 So many replies and it's funny how they are all different - some say it's crazy to expect a man to cover BC pills, shots, etc. and some say why shouldn't he contribute. So everybody has their own (and right for them) view on this and that unfortunately or fortunately means, OP, that you will not get a universal "right" answer from us to the question you seem to be really asking: should you stay with this man. Based on BC/money predicament alone? I guess that depends on whether it's a deal breaker for you. But in my experience, once you move to the point of weighing all the pros against the cons and tallying up score to see if you shouldn't bow out, you left already long ago. Maybe it's best to find someone whose slightly irritating habits are endearing to you and not annoying. Best of luck!
jam.over.jelly Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 (edited) So I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half (I am monogamous & he says he is as well)... He's 27 & I am 26. I asked him to help me with the cost of birth control due to the cost increasing because I plan to change from pill to shot.. He said he doesn't mind helping but didn't want to get into a habit of taking on another person's financial burdens... He also said he wasn't looking to sponsor anyone... He says he loves me but sometimes he seems reluctant in helping me with simple things... Such as handy things around my apartment, he even through a fit about getting a grocery item out of my car I asked to get because I forgot it.... He comes over and doesn't mind eating my food, using my shower, utilities, etc. (he spends the night maybe about twice a week)... Sure we go out here and there and he pays but he does expect me to go dutch too... I'm in a hard spot because I do care for him but I don't want to feel like I am wasting my time.. I would NEVER not help him if I could and I would never throw it in his face... I would think after a year and a half I should be able to ask him for anything if I needed help without feeling berated... I hardly ever ask him for him anything BUT to not think he has to help with birth control cost is absurd. What do you think? Your bf sounds very selfish. Jeeze, I wouldn't be with someone like that. I had an ex that I didn't have to ask to fix anything or carrying anything for me, he always offered, and he always did it for me, because he cared for me, he said helping me made him happy. I always returned the favor in my own way, cooking him dinner, getting him tickets to his favorite games...etc. When I was sick he drove 30 miles to bring me flowers and medicine and food. He took my car out for an oil change and a wash when I said I barely had time to go myself. He changed my brakes for me when he drove my car and noticed the squeaky sound...He would never complain about having to help me with anything. He took the initiative to help me out. Now THAT was love. It's very easy for him to say he loves you, but what does he actually do that shows he cares?! Maybe he's tight on money, hence he doesn't offer to help you out with the cost but really? Not helping you fixing things around your apartment? That doesnt cost a dime. What's his excuse? If I were you, i'd drop him like a bad habit. Or maybe I am just spoiled because I'm used to being in a LTR with guys that treated me like a queen. Edited October 13, 2015 by jam.over.jelly
KatZee Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I think that if he can't go out of his way to even bother to help you carry something from the car, doesn't take you out on real dates by paying to make you feel special, why would he pay for birth control? Seems like everyone has a different cost regarding pills, but when I was on them, it was $25 per month, which comes out to $300 a year, not $50/$100 per year, or free. My boyfriend at the time helped pay for them. If you're BOTH having sex, then both parties should be responsible. He's going to be getting the benefits of the pill, so I don't see it as being unreasonable at all. 1
kendahke Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 The Real Cost of Birth Control - US News The OP mentioned the shot, which I take it is depo-provera, not a monthly pack of pills: Shot (Depo-Provera): Getting a hormone injection every three months prevents women’s ovaries from releasing eggs. It’s also about 99 percent effective, according to the FDA. The Cost: Each shot costs between $35 and $75, and sometimes comes with an additional doctor’s visit fee of $20 to $40. That means each year, users can expect to pay between $220 and $460 How much is OP's out of pocket cost, depending upon her insurance's co-pay? $15-$25 4x/year? $100 max for the year? If OP can't afford $25 every 3 months, then perhaps she's living beyond her means. She needs to cut back elsewhere if she wants to screw this particular man who 1. may or may not be faithful to her; 2. tantrums when asked to do a simple favor; and 3. doesn't want to subsidize her shots--that or stop screwing him until she can afford to do it or, more to the point, it's safe to screw him.
xxoo Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Why is it assumed that women only pay a co-pay for these shots? If the cost is $400 a year, and she is on a high deductible plan, she may pay the full $460. A 36 count box of condoms on Amazon is about $13. $400 will buy about 1100 condoms. That's a lot of condoms. 1
kendahke Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Why is it assumed that women only pay a co-pay for these shots? um, because the ACA in the US says that insurance companies have to cover BC. Are you overseas?
xxoo Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 um, because the ACA in the US says that insurance companies have to cover BC. Are you overseas? There are exemptions.
guest569 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Women buy condoms too. In a relationship isn't it just shared? I dont get this segregated crap. If both people pitch in then there is no problem, but it seems like he is a leech.
sportygirl89 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 So I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half (I am monogamous & he says he is as well)... He's 27 & I am 26. I asked him to help me with the cost of birth control due to the cost increasing because I plan to change from pill to shot.. He said he doesn't mind helping but didn't want to get into a habit of taking on another person's financial burdens... He also said he wasn't looking to sponsor anyone... He says he loves me but sometimes he seems reluctant in helping me with simple things... Such as handy things around my apartment, he even through a fit about getting a grocery item out of my car I asked to get because I forgot it.... He comes over and doesn't mind eating my food, using my shower, utilities, etc. (he spends the night maybe about twice a week)... Sure we go out here and there and he pays but he does expect me to go dutch too... I'm in a hard spot because I do care for him but I don't want to feel like I am wasting my time.. I would NEVER not help him if I could and I would never throw it in his face... I would think after a year and a half I should be able to ask him for anything if I needed help without feeling berated... I hardly ever ask him for him anything BUT to not think he has to help with birth control cost is absurd. What do you think? I've never had to pay for birth control. Because of Obama care you should be able to get it little to no cost.
Shining One Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 I honestly thought birth control was more expensive than the numbers being quoted in this thread. I've never had a girlfriend ask for help on this, but I would be willing to split all shared dating expenses if she asked though. In the end, it means she'll be giving me money though. I spend far more than $500 a year in gas for dating purposes. As for the OP, it does sound like he's not contributing equally based on the limited information provided. Since it bothers you so much, you should look into the details and discuss the imbalance with him.
Els Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 You guys.... I strongly suggest reading this before devoting any more time: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/552492-asking-married-man-borrow-money-ok
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Oh my goodness, there is more going on here than just the issue of who pays for her birth control. That is only the tip of the iceberg with what's wrong with this relationship.
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