lovel Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 (edited) You can read my story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/552615-looking-some-support. Basically, exclusive but noncommital man said and did all the right things to make me fall for him, made me believe we were heading towards a relationship/marriage, then asked me to wait for him. Turned out he was looking for other women online, then lied to me about it and went completely NC. I'm really struggling to cope with this right now. How do you deal with feeling like everything you were told was a lie? I've accepted that he did me wrong, but it's so hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that someone will deliberately tell you one thing when really they're looking for another. That what you felt/had was real, but to the other person it was just a front and a game. I feel so misled and heartbroken. How do I even believe anything another man says ever again?? Edited October 13, 2015 by lovel
EricaH329 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 First, i'm really sorry you are going through this right now. I know how much it hurts, but it will get better. Being lied to sucks. There's no debating that. When you put your trust in someone, and they betray you, it freaking hurts! And you're allowed to be upset about it! Grieve the way you know how. It'll be a rollercoaster of emotions, that's for sure. But know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how far away it may seem. How do I even believe anything another man says ever again?? Simple. Know that everyone is their own person. There are liars out there, and there are good people out there. You never know until you get to know someone. Just to give some perspective - I'm sure women have lied to you before. Friends, family members, strangers. How did you learn to trust in women again? It probably wasn't even a thought in your mind. Granted, those were most likely not romantic, but you can love women just as much (if not more) than a man. Same concept.
BrokenManAgain Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 No! Don't do this to yourself. Everything was real. It was real. For you. You were honest. You felt what you feel. What the other person did changes nothing on how you felt. The fact that you were betrayed changes nothing that you gave your best. The fact that you're heartbroken meant you love. Your love was real. That is nothing to be ashamed off. His lies? That's his problem. My love was also real. Extremely real. It was euphoric. It was intoxicating. The fact that she cheated does not change the fact that I loved her and I loved her hard. The same goes for you. Don't do this to yourself. You need to heal but don't you ever dare to deny your love was a lie. It wasn't. 5
stemac Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Broken is completely right the same has happened to me, this women told me she wanted to be with me always and I believed and like lovel says it's so heartbreaking when you know this isn't true Lovell be proud of yourself you have the ability to love someone with real love, it's rear nowerdays to find genuine honest loving people Your have friends here keep strong I know it's hard going through it right now x 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 No! Don't do this to yourself. Everything was real. It was real. For you. You were honest. You felt what you feel. What the other person did changes nothing on how you felt. The fact that you were betrayed changes nothing that you gave your best. The fact that you're heartbroken meant you love. Your love was real. That is nothing to be ashamed off. His lies? That's his problem. My love was also real. Extremely real. It was euphoric. It was intoxicating. The fact that she cheated does not change the fact that I loved her and I loved her hard. The same goes for you. Don't do this to yourself. You need to heal but don't you ever dare to deny your love was a lie. It wasn't. I was going to say something along these lines as well. We've all been here or have experienced some version of it including me. I've felt exactly as you are feeling and thanks to some great therapy, I've managed to realize that for ME, it was real and nothing should take that away from me. I know it seems difficult to digest this right now because you're eyeball deep in the middle of your pain. That's okay. Give yourself some time to heal and try to look for the great things to come out of that relationship and especially the lessons you can take away with you and use them to become a stronger you. Hugs to you.
HannahLS Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Oh my god, this is literally like reading my life right now. I am In exactly the same situation. I am currently descending into hell because I fell head over heels with a very manipulative man who told me all the same things. I totally understand the NC struggle, I text him to try and find out why, what was real. It's so hard!!
chapter44 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Unfortunately there are some people in this world who simply either aren't evolved enough or have zero concern or empathy for other peoples feelings. After a 5 year relationship with someone who professed her love to me daily, talked about marriage, how wonderful I was, blah blah blah.... All the while had profiles on several dating sites, dating virtually every man she deemed worthy of her, and using her children and her sick and/or dying friends to lie to me - I finally figured it out. I can tell you initially I felt exactly like you did. I felt foolish, disgusted, angry, and swore I would never let someone fool me like this again. Then one day I realized that if I allowed someone to change who I was on a fundamental level then I would be no better than her. Entering into relationships where I wasn't completely invested or open and subsequently causing pain to people who didn't deserve it. Today I look back at that time and feel like the great thing that came out of that relationship is that I truly know how to love someone and be completely open. While I dodged a bullet with her that experience has made me much more aware of what I have to offer when I meet the right person. It takes time but eventually you will come to the realization that another persons actions has no bearing on who you are or your worthiness. Hang in there, I know it sucks but believe me when I tell you it gets much better. 5
Cora Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 I completely understand what you are feeling. I fell in love with a man ten years older than me...very mature, respectful, gentle, kind, witty, handsome...the whole package. We were together for about six months then he totally disappeared on me out of the blue. Told me he was having some health issues and needed some time to himself to get through these issues and that he would be in touch with me once he was better. I never heard from him again and the whole time he was needing that space wasn't due to his health, but because he had found someone new. She is now his girlfriend and they are happy together while I'm left with all the questions, the confusion, the shock, the devastation. I never in a million years ever thought he would do such a thing to me. I guess you really don't know some people. I can't believe he went for six months pretending to like me. I now questions myself if he was just using me for the sex and maybe companionship until his "something better" came along? It makes me feel dirty, ashamed and so damn silly for thinking he really and truly had feelings for me. I can't believe how stupid I was. I bet he had a good laugh. I could never in a million years do that to someone. If I'm not feeling the relationship any longer, lose interest, find someone new etc...then I'm telling you. Not making up lies and then disappearing.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 17, 2015 Posted October 17, 2015 No! Don't do this to yourself. Everything was real. It was real. For you. You were honest. You felt what you feel. What the other person did changes nothing on how you felt. The fact that you were betrayed changes nothing that you gave your best. The fact that you're heartbroken meant you love. Your love was real. That is nothing to be ashamed off. His lies? That's his problem. My love was also real. Extremely real. It was euphoric. It was intoxicating. The fact that she cheated does not change the fact that I loved her and I loved her hard. The same goes for you. Don't do this to yourself. You need to heal but don't you ever dare to deny your love was a lie. It wasn't. Wow. I so needed to read this .... I felt/feel the same way as the OP, and your post made me feel SO much better. It eases (even if only a little bit) the pain of realizing that it was all fake, every moment that you shared together.
BrokenManAgain Posted October 17, 2015 Posted October 17, 2015 Wow. I so needed to read this .... I felt/feel the same way as the OP, and your post made me feel SO much better. It eases (even if only a little bit) the pain of realizing that it was all fake, every moment that you shared together.It wasn't fake! It was us. We loved. Do NOT EVER BE ASHAMED OF THAT! We hurt because we loved. In the end, no matter how much we hurt, we are better because we loved. 3
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