Cammie Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 I've been on and off again with Joe for 2 years. I used to be in love with him but over time he's acted like such an a$$ that I'm turned off and have fallen out of love with him. I lost trust in him a long time ago. I told him I didn't want to get married much less move into his house - nothing ever felt right. I gave him free reign to go find someone else but he hasn't - I guess he thinks I'm a challenge - he keeps coming back. I don't have any desire for him and when he tries to kiss or touch me I'm just repulsed and turned off. We are both single parents and live close by - we're in our 40's and we're both tired of dating so we somehow have managed to reconcile after each breakup. My question is - I can't stand him anymore and other than someone to do things with from time to time - I just no longer am attracted to him. He has to know this. Should I just cut ties all together? I'm just not into him anymore no matter how many promises he makes to me and how many times he apologizes for hurting my feelings or acting like a jerk. I've lost the feeling for him. Should I just tell him or should I try to maintain a friendship. He wants sex all the time when we do see each other and I'm physically turned off by him now - he grosses me out to tell you the truth. And he brags constantly about things that are not true. This is another huge turn off. Our conversations consist of me listening while he goes on and on about himself or his day to day activities - I can never get a word in edgewise. We've had major breakups - I left him and went 4 months then he came back begging me to give him another chance. I'm bored with the relationship - I used to love him but now I'm disgusted with him. He did alot of things that were disrespectful to me and I don't think he'll ever change. Should I just dump him and tell him - "It ain't there anymore" ????
Sparky Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Well! Where do I start...? If this were me, I would tell the guy to go to hell. Trust me, even though I'm a guy, I know what it's like to be around jacka*ses like these. I've been surrounded by them in sports! If "Joe" treats you so badly, why did you give him more chances? You're trusting, I respect that, but no offense, you seem gullable. Everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe more if you notice an improvement, but on and off for 2 years?! That's ridiculous! I know a couple who have been on and off for almost 3 years, and the relationship was a bloody joke. The guy kept cheating on the girl, and everytime he apologized and sucked up, she'd go soft and take him back. This was a repeat, until the girl just had enough, and said no for good. From the way you described it, he's a self-centered, conceited, and... well... a jerk, like you said. If you've fallen out of love for him, and he disgusts you, then why be trapped in a relationship like that? Just end it once and for all, and I wouldn't even have him as a friend. Just save yourself the misery.
Cammie Posted May 21, 2005 Posted May 21, 2005 Sparky - well said and I appreciate the fact you are a guy giving me honest advice. You're absolutely right. I keep him around because I myself have no family (both my parents are dead and I have no relatives left). I have two older brothers but one is an alcoholic and the other is dying of cancer. My brothers have so many problems of their own, etc. This guy is the only person who cares about me and is there for me. Problem is I have zero respect for him and am not in love with him. If he wasn't around I'd have no one (unless I hoped for a miracle and found another guy on down the road who treats me better - and at age 42 the pickin's are slim). I try to remain "friends" but the guy is so self absorbed I'm constantly saying to him "Aren't you going to ask me how my day is going?". It's always all about him and I just zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz when we talk on the phone because he goes on and on an on about himself and mundane crap. I can set the phone down, walk away and come back 5 minutes later an he's yakking and bragging and going on and on. I've even told him how boring he is that it gets old listening to him talk and I can never get a word in edgewise - he will just give me blank stares. I will go ahead and cut the ties - I'm sick of him. Thanks for listening I just needed to vent.
SeaShells Posted May 21, 2005 Posted May 21, 2005 Cammie, being in my late-40's myself, I can understand your not wanting to date, put the energy (that you probably don't have!) into a larger social life, etc. I can see how 'Joe' may fill a need in you, but yes. . . you have accomodated waaay tooooo much, to your expense. Beef up your self-esteem and make some better choices . . . for you. Maybe 'dump' is not the correct term, or action. I think establishing some limits and boundaries, after a very clear discussion about your feelings (or lack of feelings) for him, would be appropriate. This will take a certain level of maturity on both of your parts. He may just blow, but eventually will come around to hear how you would like it to be (for example: go to a movie once in awhile, always be available if either of you need each other for an emergency, you're willing to listen on the phone only a day a week, or something of the such). Nothing has to be black and white ~ either 'no-Joe' or 'all-Joe.' You decide what you want, what fits your needs with respect to your limits and feelings. Present the package to him. When he calms down, he can tweek it, or decide to be mad forever and stay away for good. At least you are doing something for yourself (and will stop the dysfuntional cycle of always getting back together). Just my thoughts.. . . Good luck .. . ..
Sparky Posted May 21, 2005 Posted May 21, 2005 I was going to say you should start dating, but widening your social life is also a good idea. Here's an option: Instead of shutting him up completely, just end the relationship, and tell him that "unless you change, or go back to your sweet self again, we can't even be friends." Your not really giving him a second chance, but just warning him. SeaShells is right. Just tell him, and it's his decision to change. Do you get what I'm saying?
kaylap89 Posted May 21, 2005 Posted May 21, 2005 break it off with him! Im telling you right now, once you break up with a person your feelings towards that person will always be different. My ex and I broke up and all he wanted was sex, it was grossing me out, im like ok you broke up with me and now you want sex......dont think so! Tell him how you feel.
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