Hopeful30 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 I'm not single because I want to be. I'm single because I haven't found someone that I genuinely like, and for both my sake and for the sake of men out there, I'm not going to date "just because". If I know it's not going to happen, why even bother? Someone today asked me if I was a lesbian because I haven't been sleeping with men (or dating anyone) for the past year or so. Seriously?! What's wrong with the world?! 3
Author Hopeful30 Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 Why do people think being single is a choice? Because you are still making the choice to be single. I'm sure there is someone out there that likes you, but you choose not to date them. But that's not because I want to remain single. It's because I don't like them back. Settling for someone is unfair both to yourself and the person you're settling for. Would you want to be settled for? 1
neowulf Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 I'm not single because I want to be. I'm single because I haven't found someone that I genuinely like, and for both my sake and for the sake of men out there, I'm not going to date "just because". If I know it's not going to happen, why even bother? Someone today asked me if I was a lesbian because I haven't been sleeping with men (or dating anyone) for the past year or so. Seriously?! What's wrong with the world?! Don't let it phase you. People say all kinds of garbage. A lot of it isn't worth spit. You know your reasons for being single and frankly, they're good ones. I was lamenting that I wasn't married to a friend the other day. Her response was priceless. "Oh, you could have been married by now if marriage was all you wanted. You could have married some girl who was a poor fit, who you didn't find attractive. You could have forced the issue. But you haven't, because finding the *RIGHT* person to marry is more important to you than *being* married." Good advice no? 1
kendahke Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I'm not single because I want to be. I'm single because I haven't found someone that I genuinely like, and for both my sake and for the sake of men out there, I'm not going to date "just because". If I know it's not going to happen, why even bother? Someone today asked me if I was a lesbian because I haven't been sleeping with men (or dating anyone) for the past year or so. Seriously?! What's wrong with the world?! some people are really shaken when they come across someone who lives their life outside of the expected norm--and they ask stupid, rude and probing questions that aren't any of their business. I don't blame you. Settling for someone just because they like you is a recipe for disaster. You both have to feel it. It is better to be by yourself than to get someone's hopes up about you being "the one". Before I got with my new guy, I refused to date people I felt nothing for--I don't have that kind of time to waste by marking time with someone I don't have a greater consideration for--or letting them mark time with me. What you're doing is fair and ethical. 1
stillafool Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 If you're happy being single who cares what they say or think. People ask me all the time why I don't have kids. Duh, cause I didn't want any.
joseb Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Before I got with my new guy, I refused to date people I felt nothing for--I don't have that kind of time to waste by marking time with someone I don't have a greater consideration for--or letting them mark time with me. What you're doing is fair and ethical. I think the really crazy thing is that so many people do not follow this! 1
bluefeather Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I'm not single because I want to be. I'm single because I haven't found someone that I genuinely like... That sounds like the same thing. You haven't found someone who feels right to you, so you want to be single until then. I don't see a big deal either way you look at it. It's just semantics. I see two sides to what I read in your post, though. One is a high standard for the kind of person you would be with. The other is a negative attitude towards all people who try to court you.
joseb Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 That sounds like the same thing. You haven't found someone who feels right to you, so you want to be single until then. I don't see a big deal either way you look at it. It's just semantics. I'm not sure it is the same thing really OP is trying to be "un-single" she is looking for a ltr. I don't really call that single by choice. I'm single by choice at the moment. I am deliberately not looking for a relationship. If I do meet someone I am clear it is only temporary/casual. I'm enjoying the independence if being single.
xxoo Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 But that's not because I want to remain single. It's because I don't like them back. Settling for someone is unfair both to yourself and the person you're settling for. Would you want to be settled for? You're making the right choice. But it's still a choice. It isn't your first choice, but your first choice isn't available right now. You are making the best choices from your available choices. 1
Vintage79 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 You choose not to like them, you choose not to date them, hence you choose to be single. It sounds like you can get dates, hence it's basically a choice to be single. I'm not saying it's the wrong choice, but saying that your decisions and probable over selectivity has nothing to do with your single status is naive...
Strahatmak Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Stupid people have stupid comments. OP you are still lucky; in some cultures, not being able to date or married means "left behind".
Jkerr3 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I cant get a date to save my life..... every girl I talk to says they have a BF or give me there number and dont text back or answer my calls. Honest question, am I ugly or something? https://www.dropbox.com/sh/zdif2bfokwxt86t/AABLz0qek4MIe4FUrKkpxgwoa?dl=0 I put some PIC's of me in the above link. I dont have a confidence problem, I approach women where ever, at the bar, at the mall, in class "im in college" and almost always get denied...... I dont say anything rude like "nice ass" or something like that. Just a normal friendly conversation, usually if the convo is going well after a few minutes I'll ask the girl to go to lunch with me. Usually I either get denied, or she gives me her number and doesn't return my text. I cant help but think I must be doing something wrong. I dont have any desire to be a player or anything either, do I come off that way by approaching women? I just dont get it..... People say I should focus on the other aspects if my life, well I do. I make six figures, I exercise regularly, I travel often, hang out with friends, ect... But I'm just going crazy, and I'm worried I might be becoming legitimately depressed b/c its like no women like me and I cant figure out why or how to fix it. I really need some advice. I have a lot of friends and a good personality, I'm not weird or anything. And I dont flaunt my money either, I'm not trying to attract gold diggers.
bluefeather Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I'm not sure it is the same thing really OP is trying to be "un-single" she is looking for a ltr. I don't really call that single by choice. I'm single by choice at the moment. I am deliberately not looking for a relationship. If I do meet someone I am clear it is only temporary/casual. I'm enjoying the independence if being single. Hmm. I guess it's possible. But how can one deal with "un-single" while looking for a ltr? I'd think that would require trying to date people. And from what I gathered, it seemed like the OP wasn't giving chances to people by saying If I know it's not going to happen, why even bother? I cant get a date to save my life..... every girl I talk to says they have a BF or give me there number and dont text back or answer my calls. Honest question, am I ugly or something? https://www.dropbox.com/sh/zdif2bfokwxt86t/AABLz0qek4MIe4FUrKkpxgwoa?dl=0 I put some PIC's of me in the above link. I dont have a confidence problem, I approach women where ever, at the bar, at the mall, in class "im in college" and almost always get denied...... I dont say anything rude like "nice ass" or something like that. Just a normal friendly conversation, usually if the convo is going well after a few minutes I'll ask the girl to go to lunch with me. Usually I either get denied, or she gives me her number and doesn't return my text. I cant help but think I must be doing something wrong. I dont have any desire to be a player or anything either, do I come off that way by approaching women? I just dont get it..... People say I should focus on the other aspects if my life, well I do. I make six figures, I exercise regularly, I travel often, hang out with friends, ect... But I'm just going crazy, and I'm worried I might be becoming legitimately depressed b/c its like no women like me and I cant figure out why or how to fix it. I really need some advice. I have a lot of friends and a good personality, I'm not weird or anything. And I dont flaunt my money either, I'm not trying to attract gold diggers. Might want to start a new thread to get more input on your situation.
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