FakeBatman Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Hi all, My ex-girlfriend of 11 months broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. We haven't made any contact to each other since the breakup. The breakup was caused by miscommunications and trust issues on her side. I wanted to make the relationship work and though I had made mistakes in that relationship like saying I was going to go overseas with my friends to celebrate one of their weddings, she felt as if I was going alone and be 'single' without her. I tried to reassure her that I was not, and all my friends and family think I'm the last person on Earth to cheat on my SO. I only wanted to go because I'm proud of my friend. I even offered to pay her to come along, but she didn't want me to do that (she doesn't make much money). She didn't want to me to go alone without her because she didn't want to be stuck at home and feel left behind. That's when she began to doubt the relationship and I got upset and reacted immaturely because I thought our relationship was strong - everything went south until the breakup because I had broken the trust in the relationship. In her words , 'her soul was set on me going overseas being shady'. I tried to give my all to save the relationship but towards the end of it she made me out to be the bad boyfriend that screwed everything up whereas she did nothing wrong. During the breakup she took verbal jabs at my family and exaggerated past events to make it look like I was using her for things when she actually selflessly gave those things to me. I wasn't the perfect boyfriend, but I tried to be. I honestly do miss her being in my life, but the truth is that I have to move on. It's a shame that the relationship ended because I actually wanted to propose to her a couple of years down the line. I know that as much as I do want to be with her again, I can't because of the trust issues, no one in my family likes her and even my friends, some are who are very critical of me and brutally honest don't think it's a good idea to get back together. I want to move on and start online dating, but why do I feel guilty?
Blanco Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Because you just ended a nearly year-long relationship. You played a part in the relationship's end, too, whether you realize it or not. Take this time to reflect on what that role was and what you can do to correct it in your next relationship. Too many people want to move on to the next person after a relationship, failing to realize that by doing so, they are setting themselves up to repeat the same mistakes in the next relationship.
Author FakeBatman Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 Because you just ended a nearly year-long relationship. You played a part in the relationship's end, too, whether you realize it or not. Take this time to reflect on what that role was and what you can do to correct it in your next relationship. Too many people want to move on to the next person after a relationship, failing to realize that by doing so, they are setting themselves up to repeat the same mistakes in the next relationship. I know that, I know where I went wrong and I do not want to repeat those mistakes again. The next relationship I want to avoid making those mistakes again. But what I mean is that part of me feels wrong for moving on? Even though I know it's the right thing to do?
Author FakeBatman Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 Because you just broke up two weeks ago! Hmm. That probably explains it...
Penguins Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 It takes time to move through a break up and process the feelings. You are feeling guilty because it is normal, because there is sadness and there is regret. Allow yourself to heal, to learn from the past and then you can move on!
Strength in Healing Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Yes, it's too soon. Too soon for mere mortals, anyways. You're batman. You're good to go. Eharmony and match are the only two good ones.
Ryan_XD Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 After a relationship, whether you are the dumper or the dumpee you need time for yourself. It'll help you move on, you may even pick up a hobby or two a long the way! It will also give you time to reflect on where things went wrong and how you could improve them in a future relationship? Take some time out for yourself, don't rush things.
dumbass2 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Do what a lot of men and women do. Sign up for one of those free online dating accounts and create a profile and what you are looking for and search around and see what's out there. No harm in looking and that's what a lot of people do coming fresh out of a relationship. You don't have to date right now, but just know that there are other attractive women out there and this might help a bit with helping to get over your ex. 1
louxor Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 I went on a tinder date with some banging Swedish girl like 5 days after my BU even though I thought and felt like I wasn't ready. I went into it with the mindset of "f*** it, I just want to have a fun night" - and that's exactly what happened. It really helped me to reinforce the fact that there are still girls out there willing to throw themselves at me, even if it was just for a standard one-night tinder sham-bam. If you don't feel confident enough in actually meeting up with women for dates yet, I would still suggest talking to them. I've found that rebuilding my confidence after my BU has been extremely useful in aiding my recovery. Whenever I drop into that slump where I miss my ex and feel like I'll never find someone as good as her, I just open tinder and let the flirting begin. 9.5 times out of 10 it doesn't lead anywhere/I don't really want it to, but it always helps my confidence to have other women flirting with me.
Strength in Healing Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Louxor at least you are honest with yourself. But advising that is a double-edged sword; sleeping around can leave one feeling more empty, either in the short or long run.
dyna85 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Whenever I drop into that slump where I miss my ex and feel like I'll never find someone as good as her, I just open tinder and let the flirting begin. 9.5 times out of 10 it doesn't lead anywhere/I don't really want it to, but it always helps my confidence to have other women flirting with me. Doesn't that artificial ego boosting make you feel bad when you really analyze it though?
Betany Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Hi all, My ex-girlfriend of 11 months broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. We haven't made any contact to each other since the breakup. The breakup was caused by miscommunications and trust issues on her side. I wanted to make the relationship work and though I had made mistakes in that relationship like saying I was going to go overseas with my friends to celebrate one of their weddings, she felt as if I was going alone and be 'single' without her. I tried to reassure her that I was not, and all my friends and family think I'm the last person on Earth to cheat on my SO. I only wanted to go because I'm proud of my friend. I even offered to pay her to come along, but she didn't want me to do that (she doesn't make much money). She didn't want to me to go alone without her because she didn't want to be stuck at home and feel left behind. That's when she began to doubt the relationship and I got upset and reacted immaturely because I thought our relationship was strong - everything went south until the breakup because I had broken the trust in the relationship. In her words , 'her soul was set on me going overseas being shady'. I tried to give my all to save the relationship but towards the end of it she made me out to be the bad boyfriend that screwed everything up whereas she did nothing wrong. During the breakup she took verbal jabs at my family and exaggerated past events to make it look like I was using her for things when she actually selflessly gave those things to me. I wasn't the perfect boyfriend, but I tried to be. I honestly do miss her being in my life, but the truth is that I have to move on. It's a shame that the relationship ended because I actually wanted to propose to her a couple of years down the line. I know that as much as I do want to be with her again, I can't because of the trust issues, no one in my family likes her and even my friends, some are who are very critical of me and brutally honest don't think it's a good idea to get back together. I want to move on and start online dating, but why do I feel guilty? Everyone is different. Some people understand themselves well enough to know that they need time before dating again, to regroup and create new circumstances that don't involve their ex (i.e. new hobbies, friends, redecorating, etc.) Others find it hard and exhaust themselves in this type of effort, with little to show for it except they feel exactly as they did right after the break up. I fall into the latter category. Staying busy, going new places, hanging out with friends...all of that is just geography to me because whatever I'm feeling is still running in the background. Like someone said, it can't hurt to create an online profile and just see what's out there. You might actually find someone you like.
louxor Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Louxor at least you are honest with yourself. But advising that is a double-edged sword; sleeping around can leave one feeling more empty, either in the short or long run. Yes that's true, but you won't know how you'll feel after if you don't give it a go. Sure there's the risk that you'll feel no better, but there's also the chance that you'll feel better. If you're already feeling like complete s*** then why not try and see how you feel after? If you still feel bad then just don't do it again, you haven't really lost anything, but if it makes you feel better then you've gained another way of moving on.
louxor Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Doesn't that artificial ego boosting make you feel bad when you really analyze it though? It's not artificial, these girls aren't prostitutes, they genuinely have interest in me, be it purely sexually, looking for relationships, looking for someone to have a pointless chat to, it doesn't really matter. The reason this kind of thing helps me personally is it picks me up out of the self-defeating mindset that "she broke up with me because I wasn't good enough" and places me in the mindset of "These other girls are loving me so she clearly has no idea what she's just thrown away"
Author FakeBatman Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 I think I wanted to jump into online dating as soon as possible to fill with the emotional void and deep down I felt that if my ex has started dating someone without me knowing straight after the breakup, then why can't I? I felt guilty because part of me still thinks it is wrong to start dating right away so soon after the breakup - even though I'm technically not obliged to do anything by her anymore I feel deep down it's an insensitive thing to do when I'm still recovering. I don't know what she's feeling, but I have to focus on healing myself - work needs me. University needs me. My friends and family need me. I need me. I think I've come to terms and realized that right now, the last thing I need in my life is a relationship. And I don't actually feel despair in saying that... ..more of a relief actually...
Author FakeBatman Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 Update: So today my ex deleted me off Facebook, and well, I kind of feel relieved. The way I see it is that the relationship, although broken up about 3 weeks ago is officially over. There's no means of communication between us and I feel that I can move onto the next stage. So I've started up an online dating account and started texting away
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