Is it still wrong to try blocking an exit door during an argument?

[innocentbabe45]

My long-term bf of nearly 2 years and I got into an argument about work and bill issues.

 

It was only within a very short time of the argument that he already wanted to leave. I followed him, blocked the door and kind of firmly (not too hard) grabbed his arm telling him that we needed to speak. After he stated twice that he doesn't want to talk and let him go, I did.

 

But now he's not only upset about the argument but that I didn't allow him to leave. I just wanted to talk things out at the moment. I realized I might have been a kind of upset by then but I hate leaving an argument and unsolved issues pending.

[d0nnivain]

Blocking an exit & keeping somebody against their will is a legal wrong known as false imprisonment.

[innocentbabe45]

Thank you for the reply. Now that I'm calmer, I realized I might have been overbearing at the moment. I just hope he eventually speaks to me. We haven't spoken for more than 5 hours now.

[carhill]

People do stuff in the passion of the moment and no one was physically harmed or threatened so IMO leave him alone to cool off and try some different problem resolution techniques in the future. One way to look at it is how you would feel if you wanted to leave and he physically restrained you. Hard to consider those factors in the heat of the moment though, I get that.

 

My best is he'll cool off and return and, hopefully, you and he can resolve this and move on.

[innocentbabe45]

People do stuff in the passion of the moment and no one was physically harmed or threatened so IMO leave him alone to cool off and try some different problem resolution techniques in the future. One way to look at it is how you would feel if you wanted to leave and he physically restrained you. Hard to consider those factors in the heat of the moment though, I get that.

 

My best is he'll cool off and return and, hopefully, you and he can resolve this and move on.

Thank you. I'll give him time to cool off. You're right when you flipped the tables around. I wouldn't feel like talking either and probably a kind of alarmed, him as a 6'1 and more stronger would be more scary.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Actually it's a misdemeanor crime, PC 236-237 in Cali.

[innocentbabe45]

I'll keep that in mind Clarence. It was at the heat of the moment that I wasn't thinking of anything than solving the argument right away.

 

I'm realizing he's a bit slower in processing things and needs time.

[GorillaTheater]

I'm realizing he's a bit slower in processing things and needs time.

 

That's true for me, and from what I understand a lot of other men. It's not unusual for me to want to step away from an argument for two reasons:

 

1) to calm down so I can talk about the issue rationally.

 

2) to process the information so I can figure out what I think about it.

 

My need to step away from an argument drives my wife crazy, too.

[newmoon]

oh no no no. you do not block people in against their will no matter what the circumstances. big oops.

[MightyPen]

I'll keep that in mind Clarence. It was at the heat of the moment that I wasn't thinking of anything than solving the argument right away.

 

I'm realizing he's a bit slower in processing things and needs time.

 

 

Was the "bills" issue one you had been considering and stewing over before the actual argument? I was just wondering if you came into the argument "ready to go" and perhaps he was caught off guard and needed more time to consider the issues?

 

But in any case, I think blocking a doorway is unacceptable. It could escalate tensions if the other person feels trapped. Everyone has probably reached out for someone's arm before, but once they say "let go," you definitely need to let go immediately, regardless of gender.

[ManyDissapoint]

Oh please. Blocking a doorway for a minute or two is not a crime. This is a crazy society.

[autumnnight]

Oh please. Blocking a doorway for a minute or two is not a crime. This is a crazy society.

 

I would venture that if a man blocked a woman's exit we would not take it so lightly.

 

Blocking someone's way and grabbing them IS tantamount to assault.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Oh please. Blocking a doorway for a minute or two is not a crime. This is a crazy society.

 

Yes it can be. Read the Penal Code. Didja know that her grabbing his arm could be considered the misdemeanor crime of battery? Cali PC 240-248

[dragon_fly_7]

I would venture that if a man blocked a woman's exit we would not take it so lightly.

 

Blocking someone's way and grabbing them IS tantamount to assault.

Indeed would there would a reaction if it was a man blocking the woman's exit and I'm guessing others might even advising the woman to reconsider the relationship.

[Frank2thepoint]

But now he's not only upset about the argument but that I didn't allow him to leave. I just wanted to talk things out at the moment. I realized I might have been a kind of upset by then but I hate leaving an argument and unsolved issues pending.

 

My second girlfriend did this to me during an argument we were having. It got so heated I wanted leave to cool off. She did the same exact thing to me as you did to your boyfriend. I kept repeating to her to please get out of the way. Her doing that just made me even more angrier at her.

 

Use your words only. If he wants to leave to cool off, let him. I'm sure you would want him to afford you the same courtesy if you wanted to leave and cool off.

 

 

Indeed would there would a reaction if it was a man blocking the woman's exit and I'm guessing others might even advising the woman to reconsider the relationship.

 

Much bigger reaction where people would advise her to break up with him immediately and run away. Gotta love double standards.

[buck3200]

Forget blocking, what about following someone who has eluded the confinement....even if they try to totally leave the location.

[autumnnight]

Forget blocking, what about following someone who has eluded the confinement....even if they try to totally leave the location.

 

I am of the opinion that the longer and farther a person travels to find someone that have no business finding, the more imbalanced that person is.

[jen1447]

Forget blocking, what about following someone who has eluded the confinement....even if they try to totally leave the location.

 

If you're asking in terms of the law, it's a matter of degree. If you peaceably walk after someone who's leaving and ask them to please come back and talk etc., fine, but if you literally chase them like at a run or in a car, you're most likely gonna find trouble.

[whichwayisup]

My long-term bf of nearly 2 years and I got into an argument about work and bill issues.

 

It was only within a very short time of the argument that he already wanted to leave. I followed him, blocked the door and kind of firmly (not too hard) grabbed his arm telling him that we needed to speak. After he stated twice that he doesn't want to talk and let him go, I did.

 

But now he's not only upset about the argument but that I didn't allow him to leave. I just wanted to talk things out at the moment. I realized I might have been a kind of upset by then but I hate leaving an argument and unsolved issues pending.

 

Yes it's wrong. You can't force someone to listen or communicate just because you want to talk. People need to have space and calm down before they're ready to talk it out.

 

Imagine if you were upset and just wanted space, wanted to leave and he blocked the door not allowing you to leave? I'm sure you'd feel trapped and upset, controlled even.

 

Let him know that you're there when he's ready to talk. In the meantime give him the space he needs.

[carhill]

I'll keep that in mind Clarence. It was at the heat of the moment that I wasn't thinking of anything than solving the argument right away.

 

I'm realizing he's a bit slower in processing things and needs time.

Yep, men process emotions a bit different due to how we're wired as well as our socialization. It varies from man to man but a guy who wants to disengage from an argument and get some 'cave time' isn't uncommon.

 

Another factor is, well, men have the genetics and brain chemistry to be violent and kill, which is why we do a lot of that in the world, for better or worse, and a guy has to process out flash reactions to what otherwise (from a man) is a threat and then work through the emotional and hormonal aftermath of that. He gets that you're a woman and his girlfriend and don't, likely, intend to harm him but his reptile brain can still have the primitive internal violent response which he has to moderate and process out with the big brain.

 

Lastly, in general, men value their relationships with women as a safe haven from the world of other men, competition, threats, and death (reptile brain again) and, when a woman goes sideways on them, it can feel like they're losing control of that safe place. It's unnerving.

 

In nearly all cases, communication and, especially, listening, can resolve the issues. When a guy communicates a need for personal space, either in words or by actions, listen to that. Most of the time he'll agree to revisit the issue later. 'No problem, hon, we can resolve this later'. This communicates the relationship is OK and you'll work things out, together.

[innocentbabe45]

Thank you for the responses. It's been worked out by now.

 

Yes, I did reacted by following him and blocking the door. I know if there were a next time, I'll let him cool down. Interesting how men are differently in processing stuff whearas I like solving it right at the moment.

[innocentbabe45]

If you're asking in terms of the law, it's a matter of degree. If you peaceably walk after someone who's leaving and ask them to please come back and talk etc., fine, but if you literally chase them like at a run or in a car, you're most likely gonna find trouble.

It was more the later. Yes, that was wrong.

[eye of the storm]

...

Yes, I did reacted by following him and blocking the door. I know if there were a next time, I'll let him cool down. Interesting how men are differently in processing stuff whearas I like solving it right at the moment.

 

I don't think it is a man woman thing. It is a you thing. You like solving things right away.

 

And you are lucky that he didn't call the cops. Domestic violence charges can be filed on women too.

 

I hope you can learn to control your temper.

[lollipopspot]

As others have said - yep, it is wrong to block or physically restrain someone.

 

Despite what people say, it's not a parity though when a small woman does something physical vs. a larger man. If someone 6 inches less than me whom I outweighed by 50 pounds and I had more muscle and physical ability than they did blocked my exit - pfft! No fear, just an irritation. The reverse is obviously different.

[eye of the storm]

As others have said - yep, it is wrong to block or physically restrain someone.

 

Despite what people say, it's not a parity though when a small woman does something physical vs. a larger man. If someone 6 inches less than me whom I outweighed by 50 pounds and I had more muscle and physical ability than they did blocked my exit - pfft! No fear, just an irritation. The reverse is obviously different.

 

Lollipopspot, the problem is, if you are a hulking man and a tiny woman is blocking your path and you move them, they now have you for assault for shoving them out of the way so you can leave. Also, I don't see the difference of a tiny woman whaling on a large man. He also feels pain and may feel constrained against defending himself because of her size/sex.

 

Women, like myself, want equal treatment. If we deserve equal treatment, we deserve to be held to the same standards. That means if a 7 ft tall 390 pound man is not allowed to block a door or grab a person then neither is a 5 ft tall 90 pound woman.