Why do I keep falling in love with my ex in my dreams?

[Bdenning88]

I dated a guy for a few months years ago, I met him 10 years ago. We worked together and had mutual friends but we weren't really friends. I had a boyfriend at the time who I ended up marrying and later, divorcing. I thought about him throughout the time that I was with my now ex husband. Not very often but, occasionally I would wonder how he was doing and if he ever thought about me. I did have a bit of a crush on him but since I was in a relationship I never acted on it and just left it at that, a silly crush.

 

After my husband and I divorced I had to get my old job back where the previous guy and I once worked together. He no longer worked there but my boss just so happened to be a good friend of his. Eventually I brought it up to my boss that I always thought this guy was cute and had a bit of a crush on him and that was all it took to get him back into my life.

 

We went on dates, were intimate together, talked almost every day and would see each other often over about a 3 month period. It only took me that long to see his true colors. He wasn't a bad guy but he had a lot of issues that I wasn't willing to deal with. Though I did have feelings for him, I was not in love with him and never told him otherwise. I stopped seeing him and met my current boyfriend a few months later and we'll be celebrating our 4 year anniversary on Wednesday.

 

I hate to admit that I still think about this other guy and still wonder if he thinks about me too. But at the same time I'm very happy with my boyfriend and I'm glad that I got out of the relationship before it was too late and I know that we wouldn't work because of his issues that he's not willing to get help for. I had a dream about him last night that's leaving me with an uneasy feeling. I fell completely in love with him in the dream and can't shake that feeling. I've fallen in love with strangers in dreams before so I know it's not real but I can't stop thinking about him now and I feel guilty about it. He's the only guy that I used to date that I feel this way about.

 

Of course something will trigger a memory of another ex but I'll just smile for a moment and move on. But not this other guy. He gets in my head and stays there for days at a time. Why him? Like I said before I wasn't in love with him when we were together. Why do I fall so hard for him in my dreams and think about him more than anyone else, even more than the man that I married?

 

I don't expect anyone to actually know the answer to that. Just venting a bit I suppose.

Edited October 12, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited out personally identifiable information ~ V

[imtheone]

I dated a guy for a few months years ago, I met him 10 years ago. We worked together and had mutual friends but we weren't really friends. I had a boyfriend at the time who I ended up marrying and later, divorcing. I thought about him throughout the time that I was with my now ex husband. Not very often but, occasionally I would wonder how he was doing and if he ever thought about me. I did have a bit of a crush on him but since I was in a relationship I never acted on it and just left it at that, a silly crush.

 

After my husband and I divorced I had to get my old job back where the previous guy and I once worked together. He no longer worked there but my boss just so happened to be a good friend of his. Eventually I brought it up to my boss that I always thought this guy was cute and had a bit of a crush on him and that was all it took to get him back into my life.

 

We went on dates, were intimate together, talked almost every day and would see each other often over about a 3 month period. It only took me that long to see his true colors. He wasn't a bad guy but he had a lot of issues that I wasn't willing to deal with. Though I did have feelings for him, I was not in love with him and never told him otherwise. I stopped seeing him and met my current boyfriend a few months later and we'll be celebrating our 4 year anniversary on Wednesday.

 

I hate to admit that I still think about this other guy and still wonder if he thinks about me too. But at the same time I'm very happy with my boyfriend and I'm glad that I got out of the relationship before it was too late and I know that we wouldn't work because of his issues that he's not willing to get help for. I had a dream about him last night that's leaving me with an uneasy feeling. I fell completely in love with him in the dream and can't shake that feeling. I've fallen in love with strangers in dreams before so I know it's not real but I can't stop thinking about him now and I feel guilty about it. He's the only guy that I used to date that I feel this way about.

 

Of course something will trigger a memory of another ex but I'll just smile for a moment and move on. But not this other guy. He gets in my head and stays there for days at a time. Why him? Like I said before I wasn't in love with him when we were together. Why do I fall so hard for him in my dreams and think about him more than anyone else, even more than the man that I married?

 

I don't expect anyone to actually know the answer to that. Just venting a bit I suppose.

do what makes you happy whether it be contacting him or not. dont regret things in life. act upon what you feel

[Penguins]

I am not sure "acting on how you feel" is always the right advice. You got out of the relationship for specific reasons, and those reasons have not changed. They were meaningful enough then to do a "hard thing" and break up. Why are those reasons not meaningful now? Our mind does crazy things like make the past look better than it was, and our feelings mostly lead us to do things that logic would argue with. Choose your love and love your choice. Be in control of what you want and be faithful to your choice.

[Bdenning88]

Those reasons are definitely still meaningful. I really think the dreams that I have about him trick my brain into thinking he was the best thing that ever happened to me which I know is not the case. He had many wonderful qualities but his bad overshadowed them in real life. In my dreams only the good qualities are there and the emotion feels so real when I wake up that I find myself thinking about him and looking through old pictures and reminiscing about all the good times and it really kinda messes with me for a few days. It's very aggravating to feel that false sense of love and euphoria.

[Penguins]

I think you are on the right track. This process of realizing why you are doing this and seeing it for what it is is very healthy. I hope you move through this and let go of the past as you move through. Hugs! and keep going!