reuterj15 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Hi. Well this is my first post. Everyone seems to give pretty good advice so I thought I'd try myself. My story: ex and I had been dating for 2.5 years until the beginning of August came and she wanted to end it. It sucked but from past relationships I told myself I would not fight it or argue. Of course at that time I did a little bit. We were in her car talking about it but I didn't yell or get mad at her. My birthday was August 15 and it sucked because I wanted to spend the day with her but I couldn't. My friend phoned me up around 6 pm and asked if I wanted to go on a brewery tour with him and Kelsey (my ex). I was confused because I didn't know about any of it so I called her and asked what this was about. She asked if I wanted to go for my birthday. I agreed. I thought maybe things would get better with us? But they didn't. Things were awkward. We had some fun but her and I didn't do typical couple stuff and it sucked. It ended, I asked for a hug and told her thank you and we went our separate ways. For the next 2 weeks I would periodically ask her if we could get together and talk and she would tell me she has nothing to say. But she would come over after work and talk for a bit but it didn't go anywhere. Just led to her crying and not giving in to me. We also exchanged our things during these 2 weeks. Now at the beginning of September I decided it was best to do NC and see how that goes. It sucked but hours turned into days. And days turned into weeks and before I knew it, I hadn't spoken to her in a month. (Background info on her: caring, nice, puts others forward blablabla...however, she can change her mood on a dime, can be a friend one day, then decide that she doesn't need someone in her life and completely not care about the other person.) I guess it wouldn't be fair without background on me. I'm very sarcastic. Try to just make light of situations. For the most part I will put anybody ahead of me and be there for anyone whenever they need me or my advice. The bad: to myself and won't show emotions such as affection. At the beginning of July I went to the doctor to talk about me getting mad and blowing up. Also about being anxious and worrisome all the time. Also mentioned that I feel depressed about a lot of things that I shouldn't be worrying about. So I got meds and I feel they've helped. A close friend of mine told me I seen a lot better. Now to the story. After 2 weeks I decided to start seeing someone else at my school I met online to help get my mind off things. I would stay over night on weekends or meet between classes. I introduced her to my friends and we would all hangout. Nothing too big. A month goes by from me starting NC and she hasn't contacted me once. I was a little confused and saddened by this. I thought a month would be enough time but I guess not. I sat at work with my close friend (he went through a divorce so him and I have been talking deeper about issues. Which, btw, is something I NEVER do. But I'm trying to reconnect with myself) and I asked him if I should contact her. I told him that I still miss her and I wonder what she's up to and I've taught every urge to contact her but it's not like she consumed my day. I also told him that I hope she isn't with anybody else so quick as that would show shed must not have cared. He told me to walk with him somewhere more quiet (we sell furniture so we can do whatever we want really). He started off my "I can't hide this anymore from you". My heart sank. He went on to tell me that Kelsey had bee seeing another guy for 2 weeks (mid September til that point in time which would be end of September) and that she went up north to his cabin even. This guy is about 30. She is 21. Idk if they went alone or not, but that's kind of sick. My friend going through th divorce; his wife cheated on him with a 31 year old. They were both 21. When he told Kelsey and I about it even she said that was kind of sick. Anyway. I decided to text her but not about what my friend had told me. Just saying I hope she's doing well and asked if she would be available sometime to get together and just catch up She did respond back. She was at work but she said that there's no need to catch up. We continued talking. I didn't pressure her into it but she kept telling me to move on and not ask her. She became very cold while I was being nice. Finally I told her that I knew about this guy and that I'm not trying to come I between anything they might have. Just thought it would be nice to catch up. She immediately texted my friend about this and asked if he had told me about this guy. He never responded back. She asked me and I said it doesn't matter who said. We ended our talk. She said she doesn't want to be with me. She's happy by herself and if I ever needed her she would be there. I said I would be there for her too. This same night I planned on going over to this girls room down at school again. As much as I didn't want to knowing what I knew now, I still went. We payed in bed. Didn't do anything but cuddle I guess and watched tv. I couldn't take it. I had these images playing in my head about Kelsey and this guy. I had my friend call me and fake an emergency so I could go home. It wasn't fair to this girl to string her along and I figured if Kelsey and I would get back together, it'd be best if I was clean during our time apart to show that I really do love her and wouldn't want to hurt her. The next day at work I caved and asked Kelsey if she had slept with this guy. If she had, I would move on right there because that shows she doesn't care. She beat around the bush with my question but did tell me she didn't. I said "thank you Kelsey. I really do appreciate that even though we aren't together." It made me feel better but that was it. If anything I figured this guy would be a rebound or just someone she could go out and have fun with seeing as how I was never one to go out to bars or downtown or drink. Just not me. 2 more weeks go by and this leads to this weekend. I didn't talk to her since that day but I told this other girl that I couldn't date her or do anything with her until I had my mind clear because I am still not past my ex. She completely understood and said she would be waiting for me until I made up my decision. On Friday night I was on my Facebook and I found a picture of her and I at a wedding. I copied it and said "I never told you on that day because I didn't know how. But you looked absolutely beautiful and stunning Kelsey. Just like always" and I sent it to her. Because I was so worried what people would think of me during our time together, I never have anyone many compliments. Of course I thought she was pretty. If I didn't I wouldn't have been with her. But she can't read my mind and I should have told her more. I've been changing this. She didn't respond til Saturday night. 1 am Sunday morning I suppose. She said thanks and that it's too late for compliments and that its weird how it took me til she was gone to tell her. I apologized to her and wrote a long response as to what I've been working on. Mind you keeping my cool and acting mature. This whole time apart I didn't beg her or tell her I couldn't live without her. I told her I loved her and that wasn't something I could just switch off but I didn't beg or act needy. Sunday she got back to me on that. She told me eventually that she misses the good times we had but couldn't go back to me. I asked her why she thought that. She said she is happy by herself. Feels like a newer person and that she is still trying to get past all of this herself. This made me a little happier because this whole time I felt she was over everything and moved on a month ago. I told her that even if by some miracle she asked to get back together, I couldn't because I'm still working on myself and we would end just as quickly. We talked a little longer but eventually said goodbye. This morning I got a message from her. At 2 am. I was asleep so I read it a little while ago. She said simply: just please don't talk to me anymore. I responded "why?" And nothing more. Which is why I'm here Clearly I still want her. I want to show her that I'm not the same person she remembers. Just looking for input and advice in getting her back. I think I've done everything correctly but just not getting the desired results Thanks!!!! Apologies for the length
Truth34 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 My opinion is that there is something that she still has in her heart for you. But it's not enough for her to cave. People come and go, and as much as it hurts each time, hopefully when they do leave it's on decent terms. Good memories are the only things that mean anything after it's gone. So heed her demands, let her go. You will undoubtedly look better in her eyes if you listen, and above all it is about respect. If you loved this girl, respecting her wishes is just what you do. As much as it sucks.
PC96 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Hey. I don't think it was fair for her to tell you those things. Hey man. She was being honest with you. She misses you. Of course she would. Anyone who gets out of a serious relationship would feel that way. But she has made her decision to stay single. If you try to do anything about it, it'll only make things worse. Accept the breakup and be glad you guys had the memories and that you guys did not have a bad breakup. I know you want her back. It sucks it really does. It would be almost impossible to listen to my advice under your circumstances. But you have to. You seem like a genuine, smart guy. She told you not to contact her. Respect her wishes and she will continue to respect you. Unless that's something you want to lose. I told my ex to not contact me either when I made the internal decision to move on because it would be best for the both of us. The most mature thing to do let it go. Trust me. It will make her think VERY highly of you if you do what she asks and not contact her. Work on yourself, be the best you can be and maybe one day you guys might have a future together. After both of you accumulate some experience. But for now, you need to move on. Trust me. I am only looking out for you. I know you don't want to hear that. Good luck dude. I wish you the best
frigginlost Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 The next day at work I caved and asked Kelsey if she had slept with this guy. If she had, I would move on right there because that shows she doesn't care. She beat around the bush with my question but did tell me she didn't. I said "thank you Kelsey. I really do appreciate that even though we aren't together." It made me feel better but that was it. If anything I figured this guy would be a rebound or just someone she could go out and have fun with seeing as how I was never one to go out to bars or downtown or drink. Just not me. Sorry man, but that is a lie. She didn't want to hurt you by telling you the truth. 2 more weeks go by and this leads to this weekend. I didn't talk to her since that day but I told this other girl that I couldn't date her or do anything with her until I had my mind clear because I am still not past my ex. She completely understood and said she would be waiting for me until I made up my decision. On Friday night I was on my Facebook and I found a picture of her and I at a wedding. I copied it and said "I never told you on that day because I didn't know how. But you looked absolutely beautiful and stunning Kelsey. Just like always" and I sent it to her. Because I was so worried what people would think of me during our time together, I never have anyone many compliments. Of course I thought she was pretty. If I didn't I wouldn't have been with her. But she can't read my mind and I should have told her more. I've been changing this. She didn't respond til Saturday night. 1 am Sunday morning I suppose. She said thanks and that it's too late for compliments and that its weird how it took me til she was gone to tell her. I apologized to her and wrote a long response as to what I've been working on. Mind you keeping my cool and acting mature. This whole time apart I didn't beg her or tell her I couldn't live without her. I told her I loved her and that wasn't something I could just switch off but I didn't beg or act needy. Sunday she got back to me on that. She told me eventually that she misses the good times we had but couldn't go back to me. I asked her why she thought that. She said she is happy by herself. Feels like a newer person and that she is still trying to get past all of this herself. This made me a little happier because this whole time I felt she was over everything and moved on a month ago. I told her that even if by some miracle she asked to get back together, I couldn't because I'm still working on myself and we would end just as quickly. We talked a little longer but eventually said goodbye. This morning I got a message from her. At 2 am. I was asleep so I read it a little while ago. She said simply: just please don't talk to me anymore. I responded "why?" And nothing more. Which is why I'm here Clearly I still want her. I want to show her that I'm not the same person she remembers. Just looking for input and advice in getting her back. I think I've done everything correctly but just not getting the desired results Thanks!!!! Apologies for the length She is not beating around the bush on anything, really. Her intentions and where she stands are as clear as day. She is being polite with you, because you are being polite with her. There is nothing there from her end that indicates that she wants anything more than a friendship. In fact, you're making it extremely easy on her to move on. It's time that you start thinking about you and only you. Start moving on in your life with no concern for her (I know it's tough, but you have to for you). It would appear that the ship has sailed (a while ago)...
Author reuterj15 Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 Thanks for the replies guys. I do appreciate it. To clear it up about her beating around the bush the told me it didn't matter. And I told her if she did then I wouldn't talk to her and I would leave her be. She then said "I'll say yes so you will stop talking to me" I said to just answer me honestly. She then replied with a simple "no".
Strength in Healing Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Unless you're trying to achieve stalker status, cut it out. It's done. This isn't unambiguous. It's clearer than 20/20 vision on a sunny day. This horse got beaten to death, resuscitated then beat again and lit on fire. It's painful to see. I empathize with you because I know that pain. And to be honest, with one girl it still hasn't faded. Likely never will. But you have to understand she's made it crystal clear for you to leave her alone. She practically shouted it at you 10 times. Don't. Speak. To. Her. Again.
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