sophia90 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 I was with my ex-boyfriend for just over four years. It was a very intense, passionate relationship with a lot of ups and downs but an extremely close connection that I've just not even been able to come close to with anyone else despite us having broken up two years ago. The main reason it was such a rollercoaster was because we were both using drugs recreationally at the time .. he is ten years older than me so kind of introduced me to all this but inevitably things escalated and we started using them too much. I think he may have even had a bigger problem with it when I first met him in hindsight but I didn't know this at the time. We both kept trying to stop doing drugs but it was impossible to do this together. We broke up for a few months before the final breakup during which time I saved up enough money to get a ticket to Australia and went travelling for 8 months...we saw each other before I left and he said that he wanted to give things another go when I got back. I went travelling..didnt do any drugs while I was there so that I could have a fresh start when I got back. When I got back we met up and at the time I just felt differently, I still loved him and he still wanted the relationship, he'd just been offered a job about 200 miles from where we lived but said if I wanted him he would turn it down, move back in together and that he wanted to get married in the next couple of years. I was only just 24 and didn't feel ready for marriage and he had been continuing to do drugs while i was away so I was terrified of getting pulled back into that lifestyle so I broke up with him so I could have a fresh start...fast forward about a year and I realised I'd made a huge mistake, still couldn't get over him and that I was ready for this commitment....So I contacted him, asked if we could see each other and he was already moved in and serious with another girl, had quit doing drugs and started up his own business which was going well. I hoped this wouldn't last but they are now engaged!!! I've told him how I feel and at first he sent me the message telling me about the engagement and that he still loves me but we were just bad for each other and destructive and that I need to move on. I told him I was devastated but if he's happier with the new girl then I'm happy for him and have to accept it...a few days later he sent me another message saying he can't get me out of his head and doesnt know what to do..I replied and then never heard from him again (this was about 5 months ago). No matter what I do I just can't get over him and have such huge regrets for ending it in the first place when he pretty much put everything on a plate and seems to have moved on so quickly. I would find it easier to accept if he didn't also have doubts but I just keep thinking 'what if' and if there's anything I could do to change his mind. I've dated other people, made new friends even moved to a new city and done everything to try and move on but I still feel a deep yearning for him and he pops into my head at least a little bit every day. I feel like a crazy obsessed psycho or something as I honestly thought it would have gotten better by now! Sorry for the long post I just needed a rant on this really, I know there's not much I can do to change the situation but it would be great to hear from anyone whose also had trouble moving on just so I know I'm not totally mad!
Penguins Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 I know it seems hard, but it is best if you make the choice to put this behind you and make the effort to move past it and heal. You will never find a "better" relationship if you keep comparing them to this one in the past, which has become in your mind "better" than it really was. There were reasons you made the choice to step out of relationship with him. Those reasons were valid. Can you make that choice to truly move on? His words, his doubts do not matter...this is your life...your choice. If you want to get past it, you need to choose to move on.
Strength in Healing Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 No mistake was made. He loved drugs. Unless your idea of the perfect life involves overdoses, strokes and brain damage, I'd say leaving was accurate.
stillafool Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 I know it sucks that now that he is with his fiancee he has got his s-i- together. I know it's hard but even though he misses you it wasn't enough to break off his engagement and explore the opportunity with you. If he really wanted you back he would break it off. You just have to stay strong and keep moving forward. I had something similar to this happen once in my life and I can tell you once they get married and you know he is off the table getting over him gets easier.
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